A Few Questions From A Thai Girl To English Men, Or Any Nationality Really...

[Japhy]

FIrst off, I'm 'suspecting' that cultural differences somehow play a part.. but that may not be the case, it's probably just a dating problem in general, I'll let you be the judge of it.

I'm in England right now. The situation is (and its been like this for 6 months) I get asked out, sometimes I go, some of the dates are nice and some just average, but even on a nicer one, no luck! They all say they like me, oh very much, so why do they always stop at kissing??? After a few dates with different men, this photographer came to my uni to give a talk and I developed a big crush on him the first time we met, I was very happy he asked me out. (I have always dated older men and this guy is also older) Here's when I nearly hit my limit. So, I got a peck on the cheek on our first date, on the second a brief kiss on the mouth and we held hands, and surprise surprise, the same applies to the 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th except the kiss gets a bit longer?! I know from my English girlfriends that this doesn't happen to them (although I have to admit some of them are quite wild), they get to have sex all right. So what is it, please? This guy has been to Thailand before to give lectures and to photograph, so he knows a bit about Thailand. And I'm sure he's been to Nana. It's not just about him I'm asking though.. none of them (my dates) tried anything except kissing?!

Here's a little background, I'm a 23yo Thai woman, but I did my last year of high school and then uni in Australia then NZ, so a bit of a mixed background when it comes to culture. I'm neither an uptight upper class Thai (working part time as a toilet cleaner changed that), or a slutty young asian who jumps at white men but tbh I do prefer farangs I've dated an Aussie (1 year in high school), a Thai who was studying in NZ (1 and a half years) and a Kiwi man (2 and a half years). Now I've moved to England to do my masters, been here 6 months and I'm sexually frustrated! I've come to the point where I don't know how to act on a date anymore. Having always been in a relationship, my 'dating skill' is quite rusty... so I got to thinking I might be mistakenly sending out the 'you better take it slow' vibe, so one time when this guy kissed me I thought I would encourage him a bit , and I basically caressed his back, moved my hand down, grabbed his bum, and plainly grind my body to his. He just smiled, moved his hand lower, but not yet touching my arse, then stopped, held my hand, and kissed my forehead... <deleted>? and I know he's not gay for sure.

Do these English men just want to be my friend? Then why do they take me out, send me flirty messages, kiss, etc.? Do English people tend to go this slow? Is it because I'm Thai? Is it the 'class' thing? (I haven't got my head around how this actually works yet, but most of my dates call themselves middle class) Is it because I'm younger and English people care a lot about what others might think? Or it's time I admit that my sex appeal doesn't work on the English, or better yet, that I have none?! Advice, please!

Edited February 16, 2012 by Japhy

[cardholder]

I think you would have to post a photo for us to be able to answer this question

[Japhy]

I don't think I can do that... what I can say, and I'm sorry if it sounds big headed, but I'm 100% sure I'm not ugly. Men approach me at a cafe/ and on the street... and I train in Jiu Jitsu quite seriously and take care to keep fit.

come to think of it, maybe you've got a point... probably pretty enough to kiss but not sexy enough to root? ( Am I allowed to say that here..? oh the joy of being a newbie ) But, what's wrong with this picture?!

Edited February 16, 2012 by Japhy

[Bangkokhatter]

Probably heard or learnt a bit about Thai culture and go slow in an effort to earn your repect, though 6 or 7 dates is slow, especially if you have given out enough signals.

Maybe the signals you give out are confusing, perhaps taking things in hand so to speak would put a stop to any confusion.

[Japhy]

Sorry, are you English? is grabbing a man's arse and grinding on him not enough signal?

I'm seriously considering 'taking things in hand' though, so thanks for that!

[PlastikbinLina]

I think you would have to post a photo for us to be able to answer this question

I would like to know also if you really are a girl because, I'm sorry to say, your story sounds a bit fishy to me. Any girl of your age would, I'm sure, be able to use her feminine wiles to capture a man's sexual urge if she really wanted to, first date or whenever. May I compliment you on your English language composition by the way. You must have been studying English for many years.

[Bangkokhatter]

Sorry, are you English? is grabbing a man's arse and grinding on him not enough signal?

I'm seriously considering 'taking things in hand' though, so thanks for that!

Yes I am English, and the signals you gave would certainly be enough for me

I could offer more advice but do not want to come across as too crude.

[Japhy]

@ PlastikbinLina

Thanks for the compliment, I did mention that I've done a bit of high school and my degree overseas in the original post.

You might think girls have it easy but we don't! Not all of us anyway...

Oh I AM a girl.... at least I was sure of it until I moved to England

(I can't quote you and im not sure why...)

[beano2274]

Japhy, just go out there and grab 'em by the balls.

You definitely are Thai, still up in the UK at 2am.

[Japhy]

@ Bangkokhatter

Go on please! at this stage I don't think I'm gonna get offended by any 'crude' advice

[Japhy]

@ Beano2274

haha I've got a coffee date with him tomorrow and I just might!

Yep always up at 2am these days ... alone and pissed off at the world but what does that to do with being Thai? My flatmate is English and she is an owl...? Or is it another English joke I don't get...

[beano2274]

Just seems that all the Thai girls I know are always up until 2 or 3 then work the next morning.

You never said whereabouts in the UK you are at....

[samsiam]

She said 'root'..... .....my kinda gal.

You can grab my crotch anytime honey and not be worried about not goin the distance.

Your problem...not your problem...its the Poms, they're a bit strange like that.

.

[Japhy]

@Samsiam

I do not want to scare him off, or to make him think I'm cheap either! (now do I still sound like your kinda girl ), cant deny I'm frustrated with my dry bed tho!

I'll go on and say I like your dark humour

@Beano2274

Brum

[beano2274]

so Aston Uni probably or Warwick.

Normally Brummies are quite straight and direct and if they wanna have you they will tell you, but maybe times have changed. Am a southerner and very direct.

I thought there were no real English guys in Brum anymore!!!!!!!

[Japhy]

@beano2274

depends how you define English..? If you're talking about white skin people.. still lots of them at uni.. but yea, its pretty mixed on the street.. and nope, not aston and not warwick! We're not so high on the rank... now I hope no one I know is reading this!

Night

[Bangkokhatter]

[quote name=Japhy'

timestamp='1329358088' post='5059749]

@ Bangkokhatter

Go on please! at this stage I don't think I'm gonna get offended by any 'crude' advice

Think your gonna have to be upfront about it, you could try

1. ask him if he's gay and if he says no ask him if he fancies you, if he says yes, then tell him to grow a pair of balls and get shagging.

2.Start meeting some proper working class lads around the pubs and clubs in the city centre, you'll certainly get your itch scratched there

[MiG16]

ive edited a couple of posts

Lets not get too explicit

[samsiam]

So shag is a dirty word huh ??

[Berkshire]

I think you would have to post a photo for us to be able to answer this question

I would like to know also if you really are a girl because, I'm sorry to say, your story sounds a bit fishy to me. Any girl of your age would, I'm sure, be able to use her feminine wiles to capture a man's sexual urge if she really wanted to, first date or whenever. May I compliment you on your English language composition by the way. You must have been studying English for many years.

Have to agree that this is all a bit hard to swallow (in a manner of speaking). I'm not English, but in America, if an attractive young girl gave even the most subtle of hints, we'd be in bed in a New York minute. Especially if alcohol was involved. So if this is for reals, get your guy to have a few drinks and you will easily be on your way.

[transam]

All sounds a bit Trollish to me .

[Tywais]

So shag is a dirty word huh ??

v. shagged, shag·ging, shags Chiefly British Vulgar Slang

Unless we are talking about baseball then no.

[transam]

So shag is a dirty word huh ??

v. shagged, shag·ging, shags Chiefly British Vulgar Slang

Unless we are talking about baseball then no.

I thought it was tobacco.

BUT, it is a ladies word for a leg over which sounds much ''nicer'' than the opposite sex <snip> in conversation.

Edited February 16, 2012 by metisdead
Profanity removed.

[wolf5370]

Don't feed the troll. No one in university, unless they are seriously ugly or incapable, are going to find it hard to get laid. The days of what-o-chappie at uni is well dead - they are now full with normal hormone overloaded, perpetually drunk, teenagers and 20 somethings - liklihood of not getting a leg if wanted over is practically nil.

[uranuss]

I dont believe this.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[onnut]

Troll for sure. No way are you not getting any if it's how you describe. All these overweight English girls are getting some so you sure as should be.

[Japhy]

Hmm, ok just to make it clear, just because I want it doesn't mean I would go at it with anyone.

I go out on dates to get to know them because personally I find men more attractive sexually once I get to know them a bit better (hence I find this photographer unbelievably irresistible) If all a girl wants is sex from a drunk stranger then I agree with you we usually have no problem getting it... and I have no problems with girls who do that but that's not me. What I am after is not just someone to go to bed with, but a nice caring relationship where you can be yourself together and sex is also important...

I know I don't come across as easy, but as you can tell from this thread I'm not that difficult either. I'm very polite at first but once I get to know someone I'm quite straightforward and I'm very eccentric and say things that might sound crude or out of place. I guess I'm more used to open, easy going kiwi men, with whom I find quite easy to open up to in general. English men on the other hand seem quite reserve to me, and I admit finding it hard to be anything but polite to them, though I've come out of it. What I am used to is a few dates, sex, then relationship, but 7 seems to me ridiculous, and it gets me questioning myself, whether I've done something wrong on these dates, if there is something I haven't quite understood about these men (hence the thread), or is it just pure bad luck....

after reading all your comments, I agree... this is quite hard to believe.... and I bloody well wish it wasn't true

The first date I had with this guy he actually said, I can't believe a girl like you isnt taken, to which I replied, believe me, I'm as shocked as you are.

So ho hum...

[stoneyboy]

I will be back in the UK mid march,I'm sure we can meet up for a coffee.

Edited February 16, 2012 by stoneyboy

[F1fanatic]

Hmm, ok just to make it clear, just because I want it doesn't mean I would go at it with anyone.

I go out on dates to get to know them because personally I find men more attractive sexually once I get to know them a bit better (hence I find this photographer unbelievably irresistible) If all a girl wants is sex from a drunk stranger then I agree with you we usually have no problem getting it... and I have no problems with girls who do that but that's not me. What I am after is not just someone to go to bed with, but a nice caring relationship where you can be yourself together and sex is also important...

I know I don't come across as easy, but as you can tell from this thread I'm not that difficult either. I'm very polite at first but once I get to know someone I'm quite straightforward and I'm very eccentric and say things that might sound crude or out of place. I guess I'm more used to open, easy going kiwi men, with whom I find quite easy to open up to in general. English men on the other hand seem quite reserve to me, and I admit finding it hard to be anything but polite to them, though I've come out of it. What I am used to is a few dates, sex, then relationship, but 7 seems to me ridiculous, and it gets me questioning myself, whether I've done something wrong on these dates, if there is something I haven't quite understood about these men (hence the thread), or is it just pure bad luck....

after reading all your comments, I agree... this is quite hard to believe.... and I bloody well wish it wasn't true

The first date I had with this guy he actually said, I can't believe a girl like you isnt taken, to which I replied, believe me, I'm as shocked as you are.

So ho hum...

Impressive. A woman who has lived in the Western world for 5/6 (?) years understands all the vernacular well enough to use it in posts ...

[Japhy]

@F1Fanatic

Thanks, I have high hopes for myself as well