Spotted Buffalo.......

[theblether]

News just in that a buffalo has been spotted in Isaan showing no signs of distress or illness. The local press are making their way to the vicinity in vast numbers. Satellite trucks have been mobilized and all Thai soap operas have been cancelled to allow live TV coverage.

An eye witness, Somchai Windyupi, said, " Yes, cannot believe, many year now all buffalo sick, and today, buffalo, no sick".

The buffalo that has been spotted is a 4 year old male, which in itself is a miracle as the average life span of the local buffalo tends to be about 4 months before they get sick and die.

More news as it develops..........

[IanForbes]

As a matter of fact on my last motorbike ride I just happened to see the creature and took its photo.

[MaxwellsDemon]

Silly Platinum, that's just a common botted spuffalo. Nice try, though.

[David48]

the blether and Ian Forbes ... you two make quite a team!

Great lead in blether and Ian, your photo was a coffee spitter!

[473geo]

You guys sure that is 4 year old male

[macksview]

You guys sure that is 4 year old male

i think its a girl, or maybe its a ladybuff.

[macksview]

bargirls put out contract on healthy buffalo.

a spokesman for the Pattaya Bargirls Association Khun Lek Takeitanywhereapon, states in her best tinglish.

"this buffalo is a problem for all of us, so we have all donated some western union money to hire some boys from petchabun to eliminate this threat to our income"

[473geo]

bargirls put out contract on healthy buffalo.

a spokesman for the Pattaya Bargirls Association Khun Lek Takeitanywhereapon, states in her best tinglish.

"this buffalo is a problem for all of us, so we have all donated some western union money to hire some boys from petchabun to eliminate this threat to our income"

Do ask the girls to call off the hit

It is obvious to the trained eye this buffalo is sick......suffering from a bad case of ringworm

[Carib]

You guys sure that is 4 year old male

Cannot be a male, it would have had a spotted dick

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotted_dick

[necronx99]

This could be the end of Issan as the Vetinary Hub of SE Asia.

This will leave the entire region dependant on the vaguaries of the barfine, a disaster of epic proportions.

The mortality rate of Papa's is going to go through the roof!

[theblether]

News Flash!!.....spotted Dick has escaped the flurry of reporters and is on the run!!.......our news reporter on the ground macksview is correct with his exclusive story, the Pattaya Bargirls Association have taken out a contract on Dicks life!!

Lek Takeitanywhereapon has let it be known that the reward for the capture or killing of this rare animal has been raised to a potential 20,000 baht!!.......she told reporters "Buffalo no good, buffalo waste business plan for girl me, I go short time kill Dick 20,000 baht, long time kill Dick 10,000 baht"

Lek went on to say........ " I no like Dick "

( I think she tell lie )

Edited March 22, 2012 by theblether

[macksview]

spotted dick the now famous, but critically endangered buffalo, has been spotted in a farang bar area in far north east city, one bargirl veteran

khun noi havedoneitallsak, "i thought i was seeing things the last spotted dick, i saw was at soi post office, before farangs worried about condom"

[theblether]

spotted dick the now famous, but critically endangered buffalo, has been spotted in a farang bar area in far north east city, one bargirl veteran

khun noi havedoneitallsak, "i thought i was seeing things the last spotted dick, i saw was at soi post office, before farangs worried about condom"

I think we're needing confirmation of this......get yourself along there.....and remember.......wear protection

[macksview]

reporting from far north east city: "spotted dick" was indeed spotted, at the farang bar area known as, morning and afternoon, what a rip roaring complex, it is.

upon speaking to the following eye witnesses.

sven "ting tong" svensen "i thought i saw a spotted buffalo but it was my friend hagar with his 19 year old friend nui"

brian "the whinge" thomson "have you seen what they are doing to my uk pension"

max "i like things different" schmelling "i saw a big spotted dick and ask it to come back to my hotel"

oy "seen better days bargirl" "i am too old for soi 6, but i am a star up here"

so the whereabouts of spotted dick is unknown, but 3 seedy thai men, from another province, are also asking questions.

[Carib]

Thai Katoey United, by word of spokesperson Jicky Lovetakeupbumaphorn have stated: “We will hide dick in favorite spot since it is sacred source of income. We no like Lek, We think Lek bad for Katoey Dick

Public will be made aware that they are dealing with the real dick in a unique and honest katoey effort to save the spotted beast.

Wearers of the supplied button ( can be bought at Mr Meseeprofitasom,s bar) promise not to hide anything else but the spotted dick.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Cool, buffalo porn!!

Let me know when you see a smiling, yellow buffalo.

[theblether]

Three seedy Thai men looking for Dick!!.....this is getting serious!!

Off the press, a secret society has been formed....... the "Spotted Dick" club......see Carib for joining details and your very own " I Spotted Dick" badge with your first months subscription!!

Rumour has it that Dick is heading for Chiang Mai looking for a mate.........Winnie is looking very worried

[IanForbes]

Happy birthday, blether. You've brought a breath of fresh air to the forum.

[theblether]

Happy birthday, blether. You've brought a breath of fresh air to the forum.

Thanks very much Ian........but things are getting serious........apparently the Red Shirts want to put Dick up for an Erection........now Winnie is getting terrified

Oh....oh.....sorry.......election, my mistake

[pattayadingo]

Happy birthday, blether. You've brought a breath of fresh air to the forum.

Thanks very much Ian........but things are getting serious........apparently the Red Shirts want to put Dick up for an Erection........now Winnie is getting terrified

Oh....oh.....sorry.......election, my mistake

Enter him for the 'Primaries' and maybe he could get into a Bush.

[dave2]

w t k

re ... Let me know when you see a smiling, yellow buffalo

bottom left ! or is that a cow ?

dave2 : ).

[dean999]

BREAKING NEWS.

Spotted dick has made Chiang mai and is held up in another falang bar called Morning Glory. He was looking tired on entering the bar but is now back on form, looking relaxed (some have described as flaccid looking) after being rubbed down by the bar girls.

Anyone wanting to visit spotted dick are to approach with caution, as the bar is protected by ex UK and US special forces.

There have also been reports of a suspicious yellow buffalo sniffing around the area.

More to follow on the great dick up north.

[dean999]

Happy birthday theblether.

[IanForbes]

w t k

re ... Let me know when you see a smiling, yellow buffalo

bottom left ! or is that a cow ?

dave2 : ).

Good sighting, Dave. That will set me off on another excursion looking for the rare yellow buffalo. I think I saw one once in an open butcher shop in Kanchanaburi, but maybe it had been sitting in the sun too long with too many flies around. It kind of put me off steak for a few days.

How are you liking your new location. Have you changed your old haunts at all and found new ones?

[HeavyDrinker]

You can tell when it's Friday afternoon on TV....

[Payboy]

Concerned by a sudden drop in commissions & fees, Wetearn Union stepped in to the fray this afternoon announcing a bounty of 1,000,000 Baht on spotted Dick's head.

"We've been flooded with calls claiming the bounty since it was announced", said Senmee Muneenow, Wetearn Union's regional manager. The company has employed freelance inspectors to verify the reward claims. As of press time, hundreds of Dick heads were seen queued up in front of Wetearn's counters nationwide.

[IanForbes]

Just because you are totally bald with a natural pink complextion does NOT automatically make you a Dick Head. You've got to earn the right to be called that.

[KarenBravo]

I think the blether needs to get a real life life instead of cyber life.

Waaaaay too much time on your hands.

[theblether]

I can confirm the sighting of Spotted Dick in Chiang Mai.........our intrepid reporter mackesview sent in this report just before being detained under the Mental Health Act.........

" It started with a kiss, Spotted Dick was on the prowl for some action and he had heard about this special golden babe in Chiang Mai, going by the name of Winnie, Winnie the Khwai. Dick had gone incognito to the bars in Loi Kroh, no one noticed the 500kg in their midst as they are used to the sight of Buffalo on Loi Kroh. Dean999 thought he noticed something a little untoward as the size of the horns were a bit unusual, but his bg wife Licky Longtime said, "you no worry, buffalo Loi Kroh always horny".

Dick left Morning Glory looking for the fabled Winnie, and made his way along the moat, followed discreetly by macksview. In the distance he saw a golden shimmer, a fleeting glance. Dick speeded up, his clip clop of hooves becoming louder as he hunted down his prey, his dream, his Winnie.

At last, that moment came........Dick was transfixed by the vision before him, the gorgeous golden girl of his dreams come true. Winnie looked at this hunk of buffalo manliness, and suddenly went weak at the knees. " Helloooooooo, where you go??" said Winnie.

" I go nowhere, I have arrived.......I have fled the Pattaya BG hit squad, and run over mountains to come here my love, my Winnie, I have come for you"

Winnie looked down, a little coquette, so impressed with this journey of devotion and love. " I no sure you love me true, you must prove to me, you love me"........" anything my love, anything"........." I want you dive bottom moat for me, find ring I lose Songkran, I need this ring so my heart can go on"

Like a gazelle Dick leaped into the air and slid splashily below the filth and sediment of the moat, many minute he below water, but is ok, because he is water buffalo, he can do easy. Triumph, he rise above the waves with gold ring in his teeth. Winnie surrendered, knowing now that resistance was futile. " Oh Dick, you can short time me, long time me, all time me, Dick, take me now!!!"

Dick pulled himself up to his full dripping height, "Winnie, we will make many Spotted Golden Baby, our baby so beautiful, oh Winnie, now i must love make to you"

( What happened next caused macksview to take a nervous breakdown )

Winnie made herself available and Dick got big, very big.......with a lunge he jumped on Winnie........"Ow, ow, ow, move your tail you stupid bitch".........." Oh sorry, I forget" said Winnie..........the rapid rhythm of buffalo baby making began, golden spotted babies flashing through their minds.......faster and faster the rhythm and the more "Ow, ow ow " from Winnie.......then it happened........

" WINNIE!! what you do????.........it was Mrs Winnie, looking as furious as only a Thai buffalo girl can do. Winnie panicked and bucked, throwing Spotted Dick 6 feet in the air........" So sorry Mrs Winnie, so sorry".......

Spotted Dick clambered to his hooves, " Hey, what you do? I no finish yet "............." You no finish yet? who you boom boom my husband!!" ........." You husband? no husband you, dream girl me, I come Isaan look for Golden Beauty, I dive bottom moat Golden Ring for my love!!"

...........Oh Dick you shouldn't have...........

Full fury Mrs Winnie..........." Winnie, why you wear skirt me??? why you wait on moat??? why you wear lipstick me??? "............." Winnie looked down and mumbled, " I so sorry Mrs Winnie, I cannot tell you true, I like girls, and I like boys.........I am bi-sexual buffalo"

macksview collapsed at hearing this, even buffalo have confused sexual identity in Thailand...........Dick looked devastated, his dream of spotted golden babies gone, forever.

" Winnie.......you home now!!.....you buy me much gold, new house, Toyota truck and I you forgive"..........Winnie pulled up his skirt, pouted his lipstick smeared lips, and trotted off home.

Mrs Winnie turned her eyes on the handsome beast Dick, and she could see, Big Dick............" Ok........you do me, you hansum buffalo, I finish you off "

macksview crawled out of the gutter just in time to see Big Dick sort out Mrs Winnie, and that post coital glow was flowing through these two massive beasts..........

Oh no, he spotted the Three Seedy Thai men running towards Big Dick with murderous intent..........." Run Big Dick.......Run.......The Pattaya BG Hit men are here".........

Spotted Dick looked up.........and ran for his life.........Run Dick Run..........

[pattayadingo]

After his problems in Chiang Mai rumour has it that this strange spotted creature was seen looking jealously at some very horny elephants. Shortly afterwards he was seen wrapped around the leg of one extremely horned elephant and mooing crazily about some Bahn for the night.

Tsk Tsk.