Thai Wife Has Thai Boy Friend

[lost in space 2]

Just to add some input rather than questions.

I took my Son to UK last year for holiday. Just him and me, He had British passport and Thai passport. No problem at imigration either end.

Of course to get the Thai passport my wife had to sign.

[Pseudolus]

Might just be her Gik? Gik does not mean sex always. Maybe they are actually friends. Did she admit getting boned by

[harsh4]

Once a cheat always a cheat...her behavior is not going to change... If it (understandably) burns you up to be in the same house as her better consult a lawyer first to get a clear picture of your options... Loks like not much damage has been done as her lover is himself married and known as a regular operator.... so unlikely they might have schemed to throw you out legally from the equation for money... First things first, find a smooth way to remove any money that might be in joint accounts into your own account... The more control you have over the finances the more control you will have over any desired direction you seek... The best might be to let her continue to be a good mother for the sake of the kids and you disengage yourself emotionally from her and keep full and tight control over the money.... If the other guy in it only for the rush and not willing to pay her anything then she'll stick to you.... Hiwever, things are never going to be the same ever again...you will have to find a way to deal with that on your own... Regarding seperation, consult a good lawyer....not just any lawyer... if you havent found one yet and/or still looking for one, I can connect you with a very good and reliable thai lawyer based in Bangkok... Send me an e-mail I'll be happy to be of any help should you need it.... Good luck...

[Sharp]

Thanks guys for all the replies.

We were married before the children were born, my name is on the birth certificates and there is no doubt in my mind that they are mine.

I found out by accident, she told me she was going to get her hair done, by chance I was driving along the road in the opposite direction to were she was meant to be going and spotted here car at a roadside café, when I went in I found her with another man. Not conclusive of course but after confronting her she admitted that she had been “seeing” him for the last four months. Then on asking around where we live it seems everyone knows about it but me. The man is also married and has a reputation of doing this sort of thing.

I had had suspicion before when she started coming home at 4AM, from playing cards, so she told me. At first one or two times a month then up to one or two times a week. I confronted her at the time and she promised that she did not have a boyfriend. And of course I believed her.

After being caught and the admission I told her I was leaving and taking the kids with me. She begged for forgiveness even to the extent of cutting her hair off, it was long before. She asked for a second chance. I, with a lot of uncertainty gave it her on condition she moves down to where I work (other end of Thailand) and has no more contact with him.

So right now she is staying with me where I work. However after some weeks I find out she has been sending SMS messages to this guy just about every day. I have not confronted her with that yet. But have come to the conclusion that I can no longer trust her.

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My wish would be for us all to stay together, kids especially, they love their Mother and me and any break up would be difficult. But at the same time, if she is lying to me then it has to end.

Your done man leave her ......

[Sharp]

Might just be her Gik? Gik does not mean sex always. Maybe they are actually friends. Did she admit getting boned by

U kiddin right

[yummypizza]

Walk away while you can,take what you can,leave everything else behind, when things cool down,you'll see she'll jump at any deal with the children...

[dutchinlondon]

"Might just be her Gik? Gik does not mean sex always. Maybe they are actually friends."

In which country are you? Gik: Boyfriend, girl friend in a non-serious relationship. or lover in a non-serious relationship. seems clear it's not to watch cartoons together.

[Pseudolus]

Might just be her Gik? Gik does not mean sex always. Maybe they are actually friends. Did she admit getting boned by

U kiddin right

"Might just be her Gik? Gik does not mean sex always. Maybe they are actually friends."

In which country are you? Gik: Boyfriend, girl friend in a non-serious relationship. or lover in a non-serious relationship. seems clear it's not to watch cartoons together.

I was just giving a little hope. We all know they most likely have been banging away for years prior to their marriage and that he needs to get the hell out of there before he gets barbecued and fed to the jungle creatures.

See lawyer; get everything lined up, dump her arse and for gods sake avoid motor bikes at night time on empty roads; careful when you go home or goto see her; most guys don't get a warning like this prior to the Isaan Divorce.

Oh, and my assumption has always been the same as yours. Most Thais will tell you different though. Girls like Giks for coffee flirting etc and men put up with that crap in the hope they get their end away. Dutchinlondon, I live in Thailand. Not London.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Pseudolus

[ripstanley]

Thanks guys for all the replies.

We were married before the children were born, my name is on the birth certificates and there is no doubt in my mind that they are mine.

I found out by accident, she told me she was going to get her hair done, by chance I was driving along the road in the opposite direction to were she was meant to be going and spotted here car at a roadside café, when I went in I found her with another man. Not conclusive of course but after confronting her she admitted that she had been “seeing” him for the last four months. Then on asking around where we live it seems everyone knows about it but me. The man is also married and has a reputation of doing this sort of thing.

I had had suspicion before when she started coming home at 4AM, from playing cards, so she told me. At first one or two times a month then up to one or two times a week. I confronted her at the time and she promised that she did not have a boyfriend. And of course I believed her.

After being caught and the admission I told her I was leaving and taking the kids with me. She begged for forgiveness even to the extent of cutting her hair off, it was long before. She asked for a second chance. I, with a lot of uncertainty gave it her on condition she moves down to where I work (other end of Thailand) and has no more contact with him.

So right now she is staying with me where I work. However after some weeks I find out she has been sending SMS messages to this guy just about every day. I have not confronted her with that yet. But have come to the conclusion that I can no longer trust her.

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My wish would be for us all to stay together, kids especially, they love their Mother and me and any break up would be difficult. But at the same time, if she is lying to me then it has to end.

Your done man leave her ......

I agree but the children are a big worry.

[Mario2008]

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

Nonsense. And Thai courts aren't biased to worths foreigners either. Many people have otten sole custody when the situation justifies that, foreigner or not. A Thai judge takes the interest of the children at hearth.

Chill out in my mistake msg i did never mention the father as a foreigner either a thai. Foreigner and thai are on the same level...

I'm chilled out, just short in y replies which might not always come over as intended.

A Thai passport application always requires permisison from both parents, unless 1 parent has sole custody. Officially a person under 16 also requires the permisison of both parents to enter or leave Thailand and if travelling with only one parent the permission of the other parent to leave or enter.

[phl]

Tough and ugly situation.

OP, first you have to determine what is more important to her? kids or money? if its money, i can give you really good advice, i buddy of mine did it and it worked wonders.

This is what he did and little background.

He had a baby girl with an ex bar girl, they split up and he did not want his baby girl to be raised in Isaan to be a bar girl, like her mother, so he offered money in exchange for full custody.

She came back with 1 000 000 baht, this is what she wanted to give up the baby.

He had all the papers drawn up, but even paying did not guarantee full release.

So he went to see her with a large bundle of money, all being US$, all $20 on top and $1, $5 notes inside, the bundle looked pretty big, but it was only about $1200 baht.

The ex saw the bundle of US$, naturally did not count it or i do not think even did the exchange, signed all the papers and gave up all the rights to the kids

Not saying what he did is "good", but when a mother is willing to "sell" her kids, she is not a mother and certainly does not deserve any money.

[SJN]

Sorta agree with the comment saying that once it's cheat, it's cheat. Anyway, i do no think that all thai girls are the same. It can happen to all nation. It depends on the personality and all dark side of each person. I think it's better to sort it out and well if you could sue, do sue. And do that with the solid evidence and i'm sure you would win the case.

Good luck with that!

[Geekfreaklover]

"After being caught and the admission I told her I was leaving and taking the kids with me. She begged for forgiveness even to the extent of cutting her hair off, it was long before. She asked for a second chance. I, with a lot of uncertainty gave it her on condition she moves down to where I work (other end of Thailand) and has no more contact with him."

This. This right here. This is the mistake.

You should have gone back by yourself and left her a warning that had teeth with financial consequences.

I may be wrong. I guess she is romantically attached to her boyfriend and financially attached to you. She is calling the boyfriend and telling him that they just need to wait for things to calm down and then they can be together every week the same as before.

As far as I can see there are two ways to play it. And both of them involve moving your wife out of your current place. Either accept the fact that she has a boyfriend and visit her and family while not working and play the father role. Or get a divorce and aim for custody. Thailand has no real legal consequences for absent fathers not providing child support. This means that the courts usually look towards the main bread winner when considering the custodians in a divorce settlement. Education is very important to Thais. Show that you can furnish the best education. Show that you can provide a better future for the child. If not accept the situation, live apart, and find a gik of your own.

[SJN]

Education is very important to Thais. Show that you can furnish the best education. Show that you can provide a better future for the child. If not accept the situation, live apart, and find a gik of your own.

ONe more thing, i think you should show the court (if you ever sue), that you can provide the best facilities (education and better life) to your kids. That would help too.

[Geekfreaklover]

Education is very important to Thais. Show that you can furnish the best education. Show that you can provide a better future for the child. If not accept the situation, live apart, and find a gik of your own.

ONe more thing, i think you should show the court (if you ever sue), that you can provide the best facilities (education and better life) to your kids. That would help too.

Agreed. In my case, I visited an international school, took the brochures to the pre-trial court hearing. It worked wonders. Showed I was commited. Once I won custody the kids went to a less expensive Thai private school. However, the court saw my intentions were sound.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Geekfreaklover

[Bender]

Well, if you own a car and property in her name, there is a high chance that they will have already worked out how to end the marriage the traditional Thai way. Avoid going on bikes, when you enter your house do so like a cop entering a drugs den (carefully), make her taste your food first.... run is another option.

To be more complete, you should also sleep in another room and dont forget to lock the door. Put also iron shutter on your room window as she can also

break in by the window. Let know everybody around(friend, embassy, police, hospital) that you are not depressive. And you will not attend to commit suicide in a near future in case of...

More seriously dont be this weak stupid farang begging for her pardon. As most of us told you : dump her.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Bender

[jayjayjayjay]

You can take criminal action against the guy. You should do it now.

[KunMatt]

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My gf has a couple of friends who are the type that give Thai girls the bad name they have all over the world. They have a farang husband and a serious boyfriend. When I asked her why do they do that she said "Thai ladies need love AND money. If her true love is rich then it is perfect, if not she will need to find a rich husband too", or words to that effect.

[JUDAS]

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My gf has a couple of friends who are the type that give Thai girls the bad name they have all over the world. They have a farang husband and a serious boyfriend. When I asked her why do they do that she said "Thai ladies need love AND money. If her true love is rich then it is perfect, if not she will need to find a rich husband too", or words to that effect.

One would hope for your sake that you are both lovable and rich

[edwinclapham]

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My gf has a couple of friends who are the type that give Thai girls the bad name they have all over the world. They have a farang husband and a serious boyfriend. When I asked her why do they do that she said "Thai ladies need love AND money. If her true love is rich then it is perfect, if not she will need to find a rich husband too", or words to that effect.

My gorgeous wife must be so disappointed!

[phl]

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My gf has a couple of friends who are the type that give Thai girls the bad name they have all over the world. They have a farang husband and a serious boyfriend. When I asked her why do they do that she said "Thai ladies need love AND money. If her true love is rich then it is perfect, if not she will need to find a rich husband too", or words to that effect.

You know the saying ?" show me your friends and i tell you all about you"

For your sake, i hope you are rich enough or smart enough to do the runner now.

[bangkokheat]

If when you are legally acknowledged as the birth father you don't have the right to remove the children from the country under Thai law without the mother's written permission, and doing so could also expose you to kidnapping charges back home (but not in Thailand) and the children being forcibly repatriated to their mother at your expense.

This is just not true, while married in Thailand, either parent can take the kids and go wherever they like with them.

What the home country will do depends on the home country, UK does nothing, unless Thai parent has right of residence in UK.

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

your probably right, men are just sperm donars

[dmsnsa]

I'm the survivor of 2 divorces, one not messy one very messy. I have custody of my 2 children, I have no alimony payments, and I'm healthy.

I don't know your wife or those around her; you know, and I know that there are elements with in Thailand that treats life very cheaply. You do some evaluation and consider your options. They could be...

(0) Get a Thai Law firm (Don't go cheap, don't go small firm)

(1) Change will

(2) Liquidate & move your assets (HSBC has a great off-shore program, all my Thai accounts are just cash clearing accounts, everything else is off-shore)

(3) Move (The house, it's her's, at best you might get 50%)

(4) Donate to the local Police Chief fund, and political representatives in your area. (Smile, but don't think I'm kidding)

(5) Buy 1 or a few big big Dogs (I have 4 German Shepherds, the Neighbors bring their naughty children to my gate when they want to make parental point)

(6) Surround yourself with people that work for you, hired by you, dependant on you

[SJN]

Just feel like sometimes...no marriage is the best of having no problem about this issue. ..just a thought!

[KeyserSoze01]

I found out by accident, she told me she was going to get her hair done, by chance I was driving along the road in the opposite direction to were she was meant to be going and spotted here car at a roadside café, when I went in I found her with another man.

I had the exact same experience with my first farang wife. I didn't give her a second chance or time to explain. I went home, called a locksmith and had the locks changed on the house, then threw all of her shit out in the driveway. She threatened everything from murder to "ruining" me. After a month she began begging to come back, but I told her she had shit her nest, not bother me again and to go back to her boyfriend.

[KunMatt]

I found out by accident, she told me she was going to get her hair done, by chance I was driving along the road in the opposite direction to were she was meant to be going and spotted here car at a roadside café, when I went in I found her with another man.

I had the exact same experience with my first farang wife. I didn't give her a second chance or time to explain. I went home, called a locksmith and had the locks changed on the house, then threw all of her shit out in the driveway. She threatened everything from murder to "ruining" me. After a month she began begging to come back, but I told her she had shit her nest, not bother me again and to go back to her boyfriend.

Yeah, that's how it should be done but good luck trying that in Thailand!!

[jinjinswing]

Well mr lost in space, you have lost trust so theres only one way to go, the only reason she wanted to stay with you is that she cant live with him as you said hes married.

You dont need to be ruthless, i would plan my exist, time is on your side, stay cool and get advice from the REAL experts before you tell her to go home.

[BWPattaya]

You can take criminal action against the guy. You should do it now.

But keep looking over your shoulder if you do. A bullet here is very cheap.

[lost in space 2]

I thank you for all your replies and advise. Seems to be more options than I thought. Vary from let it be and have some fun my self (maybe...), get rid of her and let her keep the kids and hope when they are older they will come looking for their Dad or to keep the kids myself and take them back to UK. By the way it is not my intension to return to the UK but to stay in Thailand, still have a job here. It is not going to be easy to decide on a course of action. Were it not for the kids there would be no doubt in my mind what to do.

Problems are both emotional and financial further complicated by what is best for the kids One remark that was made which I am going to follow is that time is on my side, so I will site back and wait, weighing up the options, saying nothing until I make a final decision.

Thanks again.