Did you hear about the psychiatrist, who kept his wife under a bed?

He thought she was a little potty.

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"We just need to establish some parameters," said the professor.

To the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

If you found those jokes upsetting, then you may need professional advice. If so, click HERE

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

The Psychotherapist

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him and put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had noticed in particular that the ladies were shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out for himself.

Then he understood why!

The boy had used only a small wooden board for his sign:

Psycho-

the-

rapist.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Patient: Oh Doc. I feel like a bridge.

Psychiatrist: What's come over you?

Patient: Three cars, two buses and a lorry!

Greetings from over the Silver Sea