Control Freak Farangs

[StreetCowboy]

[should've got a pre-nup.

1. I was married before the days of the pre-nup

2. Having children invalidates pre-nups in the UK

Anyway, what would you know, you admit to not having a wife or gf in the last 5 years.

Yeah. I was smart enough to swerve it.

Thank heavens too or I'd have ended up as bitter and jaded about women as you, wouldn't I?

You could have ended up sanguinely sardonic.

[TommoPhysicist]

Yeah. I was smart enough to swerve it.

Thank heavens too or I'd have ended up as bitter and jaded about women as you, wouldn't I?

Some of us prefer having sex with another person in the room.

Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with those who prefer going it alone.

Edited December 23, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[HardenedSoul]

Yeah. I was smart enough to swerve it.

Thank heavens too or I'd have ended up as bitter and jaded about women as you, wouldn't I?

Some of us prefer having sex with another person in the room.

Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with those who prefer going it alone.

I get plenty ta very much.

I just don't feel compelled by some masochistic instinct to buy a ring and engage a vicar in order to secure it.

[chiangmaikelly]

Yeah. I was smart enough to swerve it.

Thank heavens too or I'd have ended up as bitter and jaded about women as you, wouldn't I?

Some of us prefer having sex with another person in the room.

Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with those who prefer going it alone.

I get plenty ta very much.

I just don't feel compelled by some masochistic instinct to buy a ring and engage a vicar in order to secure it.

Seems like a lot of work to watch a video. I agree. How many vicars even like Max Hardcore?

[Dancealot]

Yeah. I was smart enough to swerve it.

Thank heavens too or I'd have ended up as bitter and jaded about women as you, wouldn't I?

Some of us prefer having sex with another person in the room.

Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with those who prefer going it alone.

I get plenty ta very much.

I just don't feel compelled by some masochistic instinct to buy a ring and engage a vicar in order to secure it.

Seems like a lot of work to watch a video. I agree. How many vicars even like Max Hardcore?

I didnt expect this from you CMK

[andrew]

I just don't feel compelled by some masochistic instinct to buy a ring and engage a vicar in order to secure it.

It's usually the girl who brings up the subject of marriage and vicars.

Maybe no girl has deemed you worthy of this topic.

---

One day soon, you may wake up and understand the extent to which life has passed you by.

Then again, you may actually grow up a bit and join the club known as "MEN". If you do, you'll probably look back on your former life and see just how much of a consummate prick you were.

---

I wish you well.

[Halion]

On topic. It has been suggested by Halion Thai woman are paranoid to the extreme and this would in some sick way explain the actions of Farang spouses?

I am speculating here...

Under the circumstances depicted in my post I fail to see the relevance with regard to Falang spouses, however, regardless of education and background it is a natural reaction to try to protect that which you consider at risk.

[belg]

are those problems not normal if :

you and your partner are different in : normale age difference (50-60 old fat farang with a young cute poo prostitute), education, wealth/money, culture ?

in the west, you would not marry to far outside your "comfort" zone ....

i guess i am one of the few exceptions where i have money, but my wife and her family has 10x more than me ...

so i do not have to fear or control her as she works (because she wants to) and buys things she want (even stupid waistes of money) with her own money and goes out if she pleases and have her freedom and her car and her money ...

[transam]

are those problems not normal if :

you and your partner are different in : normale age difference (50-60 old fat farang with a young cute poo prostitute), education, wealth/money, culture ?

in the west, you would not marry to far outside your "comfort" zone ....

i guess i am one of the few exceptions where i have money, but my wife and her family has 10x more than me ...

so i do not have to fear or control her as she works (because she wants to) and buys things she want (even stupid waistes of money) with her own money and goes out if she pleases and have her freedom and her car and her money ...

I know, she told me. ....................................

[endure]

The topic is 'Control Freak Farangs'. Let's keep the Muslims out of it please.

[HardenedSoul]

I just don't feel compelled by some masochistic instinct to buy a ring and engage a vicar in order to secure it.

It's usually the girl who brings up the subject of marriage and vicars.

Maybe no girl has deemed you worthy of this topic.

---

One day soon, you may wake up and understand the extent to which life has passed you by.

Then again, you may actually grow up a bit and join the club known as "MEN". If you do, you'll probably look back on your former life and see just how much of a consummate prick you were.

---

I wish you well.

Oh I'm wiping away the tears. Seriously

Nevertheless, lemme see if I've got this straight. By your puerile and archaic logic, a man can only prove his worth by getting married, right?

Of course I could be wrong but I'm thinking that, at some point, you were in a situation where a woman you married or made a coomitment to had one hand on your shrivelled stones and squeezed. Such was the degree of your emasculation and anguish that you feel the only way to reassert your "manhood" is to convince yourself that because you took the chance, made the commitment, sustained the wounds, lost your shirt and still bear the scars, you're somehow a REAL MAN.

You're not; you're a clown.

I and many other MEN had the wherewithal to learn from the mistakes of others rather than emulate them. My life has not passed me by in any way shape or form. I enjoy the kind of freedom that you evidently find dumb. I do what I like, when I like, with whom I like and I do so with the joie de vivre that comes from having none of the ties, responsibilites, obligations and emotional baggage that "real" men just like you have spent a significant slice of your adult lives accumulating.

The beauty of this is that I am still young enough to take a wife and I'm still young enough to have a kid and be able to run around a football pitch with him

Who is really the prick here? He who spends his younger years enjoying life and what it has to offer or he who throws his lot in with a woman at an age at which he often hasn't gained sufficient life experience to appreciate the enormity of the commitment he's making only to suffer the consequences later and rock up in Thailand to shag hippos in stilettos?

Frankly, you can keep your wishes. I'm quite happy with the path through life I've chosen.

[endure]

Can you all stop the bickering and name calling - that is if you want the thread to remain open.

[harry025]

Anyone who behaves as in the OP is a nut job pure and simple and has no trust in their wife.

Could happen anywhere in the world too.

One of my wifes friends here in the village tells of her ex Thai husbands crazy behaviour. He bricked up the bedroom window so she couldn't sneak out at night and also spread talc over the floor near the bedroom door to see if she was on the prowl at night too.......he's nuts!!

[inthepink]

Are you talking about prostitutes or is it just a coincidence that you talk about Pattaya in this post and many of your other posts?

Not that prostitutes deserve abuse more than other women but it is another ingredient in the mix for finding reasons for this.

If some men treat their wives as some kind of property , it could be because they have, in fact, paid for them.

I think there are very few men who do not, one way or another, pay for their wives. That does, however, not give them the right to deny the women their human rights.

Why does somebody always have to make this ridiculous statement when the subject of prostitution arises on this board (which it does with monotonous regularity). I always wonder whether it is because the poster is trying to justify their decision to rent a wife. It's quite possible you don't of course so please don't take offence, but I wonder about the mentality of men who think this way.

Successful career women are far more numerous than they were a few decades ago so I would imagine that a fair proportion of married males don't actually end up paying for their wives nowadays, at least not unless they choose to. But following your logic, you could compare buying your wife a gift or paying for dinner when going on a date with prostitution; it would be a rather sad outlook on life though.

If you cared to read the post I replied to, it might just make things a little clearer to you. Or not. And your imagination does not qualify as facts.

I have re-read the post that you replied to and my opinion remains the same. The only men that I have met that believe every woman has to be paid for are those who have to pay. I am not basing my opinion on my imagination, I am basing it on personal experience and the experiences of my friends. To sell one's body to any taker or to look for financial security in a partner that you love are two completely different things. However, the difference may escape some people. These are the people that end up marrying prostitutes and spend the rest of their lives trying to convince everybody else that all women have to be paid for one way or another.

(At least that's what they end up doing in Thailand. few are so foolish as to choose this path in the West)

Edited December 23, 2012 by inthepink

[endure]

I've asked you to stop bickering and name calling. Any more will cause suspensions.

[paymaster]

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

I say 'living', if you recall my report the woman was spending her days locked in the house, only allowed out with her husband and when she agreed for us to contact a women's support organisation on her behalf, the police and social services were called in, the Thai wife was admitted to hospital suffering malnutrition.

It was for my wife and I a shock to see a woman treated like this by a man ( I use the term loosely) within whom she had presumably placed a great deal of trust.

If that was a one off case it might be considered unusual, it seems it is not.

Since that encounter I have learned of a Thai friend's sister who was rescued by her family from abuse by her British husband, by chance her brother called to visit one evening to discover his sister tied up in the house - not as a result of a break-in but tied up by her husband while he went out in Pattaya (I know in this case justice was sought without the help of the police).

These are, I hope, extreme cases, but I know a number of Thai women who's Farang husbands don't allow them the freedom to go out on girl's nights out, don't allow them to take holidays without their husband, and many more who control the cash and hence their wife's ability to do anything independently of their husbands.

My wife and I yesterday met a Thai woman we've known for over ten years. She was not the well dressed, well presented beauty we know her to be, but wearing no make-up and very plainly dressed. She explained her Nowegian husband doesn't allow her to dress up or wear make-up (This the prompt for my post)

Furthermore, my observations on this are substantiated in frequent reports on the Thai language forum dealing with the 'Thai' side of Thai/Foreign relationships.

It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to.

There are a lot more cases of thai men doing this, especially here in thailand-_-

Perhaps you could focus on that rather than singling out westerners, or perhaps you are racist and expect less from thais?

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App

I thinkGuesthouse has a valid point to make without going international. Seems to me he has simply cited a couple of cases which he and partner are personally aware of. Tags of racism and focussing on the local Thai male do not detract from the valid point being made and are I think a little harsh and dare I say defensive.

[DekDaeng]

I have given this some thought and quite frankly, I see the opposite situation much more frequently. This is based on the upcountry marriages and partnerships. One friend in particular happens to be quite well off and intelligent. He can't/won't make a move unless he asks his wife first.

What surprises me is the number of flungs who come to Thailand escaping from controlling Caucasian women - pick up a Thai GF & immediately set about making her into a controlling Thai woman. Answering to her every whim, asking if every minor detail is ok etc etc. May I do this, may I do that, .......

I am all for reasonable courtesy between partners, but in some cases it is sickening one way.

Perhaps there is a market for Rent-a-BackBone?

[dighambara]

This overall subject is distasteful, because it infers the mistaken idea that Thai women are inferior; subservient, sexual vampires or prostitute and leads to distasteful speculation onthe part of the posters.

Are you talking about prostitutes or is it just a coincidence that you talk about Pattaya in this post and many of your other posts?

Not that prostitutes deserve abuse more than other women but it is another ingredient in the mix for finding reasons for this.

If some men treat their wives as some kind of property , it could be because they have, in fact, paid for them.

JOHNNIET seems to believe that Prostutes are not people or that there might be a reason to treat a former prostitute differently than any other person. Meaning, the 99% of Thai women who have never considered prostitution need to fear such assumptions by foreign men.

There is a good deal of truth to most of the responses here and it is very sad. Being a woman, I've heard all the horror stories and it makes me angry. But, it is believeable for no other reasons than the ones already pointed out by these replies. Unfortunately, I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men, just as all Thai children are taught to believe everything a teacher or superior tells them, even if it is wrong.

The brightest of all the posts. However culturially induced subservience is difficult to overcome, yet is common in Asia, where woman may be assaulted, but cannot report the assault for fear of being thought inferior. Such an idea is second only to the Arab idea that a rape not witnessed by 4 men, was 'infidelity'.

My wife, a former waitress, shopkeeper, and dental assistant, is quite independent; has developed her own business, often travels to nearby villages to purchase from locals and thus occasionally spends nights far from home. IMHO - anyone who considers this unusual had better re-evaluate their feelings regarding personal human freedom.

[GuestHouse]

This overall subject is distasteful, because it infers the mistaken idea that Thai women are inferior; subservient, sexual vampires or prostitute and leads to distasteful speculation onthe part of the posters.

Can you please identify where in my OP I 'infer' this mistaken idea?

[GuestHouse]

Perhaps some time spent considering the mindset of people who abuse their partners might be a more productive step in the diection of understanding this issue.

I personally do not subscribe to the view that Thai women are subservient, personal observation convinces me Thai women are far removed from that.

But, and I believe this is important, the subservience of Thai women is a common enough theme here on TV (often in conjunction with remarks along the lines that western women are dominering).

I'm quite certain that very many Farangs arrive in Thailand carrying this belief that Thai women are subservient, I'm quite sure many Farangs turn up looking for a subservient Thai women.

If they find a woman who is driven by a financial imperrative to be unable to stand up against ill treatment and in the context of a society in which abuse is tollerated then the mindset, condition of relationship imballance and wider tollerance of abuse exist.

[transam]

Perhaps some time spent considering the mindset of people who abuse their partners might be a more productive step in the diection of understanding this issue.

I personally do not subscribe to the view that Thai women are subservient, personal observation convinces me Thai women are far removed from that.

But, and I believe this is important, the subservience of Thai women is a common enough theme here on TV (often in conjunction with remarks along the lines that western women are dominering).

I'm quite certain that very many Farangs arrive in Thailand carrying this belief that Thai women are subservient, I'm quite sure many Farangs turn up looking for a subservient Thai women.

If they find a woman who is driven by a financial imperrative to be unable to stand up against ill treatment and in the context of a society in which abuse is tollerated then the mindset, condition of relationship imballance and wider tollerance of abuse exist.

Sounds one sided to me. So how do you think Thai blokes treat there ladies ?

Why do so many bugger off and leave their kids with the lady.?

My wife was beaten regularly with a beer bottle for being beautiful by her ex, whilst she was caring for two kids. In fact she cut her wrists when enough was enough cos the authorities would do nothing, he was a hi-so .

[GuestHouse]

It is one sided ( did you miss the title/my opening post)?

The thread is discussing the behaviour of some Farang men in Farang/Thai relationships.

As I have explained previously, this thread adresses something which is confirmed by others to be too common in Farang / Thai relationships.

Thai visa is a predominantly Farang male orientated forum, the majority of whom are in relationships with Thai women.

The subject is relevent to the Thaivisa forum.

If you wish to discuss abusive Thai men please feel free to start a new thread.

[chiangmaikelly]

Perhaps some time spent considering the mindset of people who abuse their partners might be a more productive step in the diection of understanding this issue.

I personally do not subscribe to the view that Thai women are subservient, personal observation convinces me Thai women are far removed from that.

But, and I believe this is important, the subservience of Thai women is a common enough theme here on TV (often in conjunction with remarks along the lines that western women are dominering).

I'm quite certain that very many Farangs arrive in Thailand carrying this belief that Thai women are subservient, I'm quite sure many Farangs turn up looking for a subservient Thai women.

If they find a woman who is driven by a financial imperrative to be unable to stand up against ill treatment and in the context of a society in which abuse is tollerated then the mindset, condition of relationship imballance and wider tollerance of abuse exist.

Put away the smokescreen and what is really being said in the above post. 1. Many Farangs are looking for a subservient Thai women. 2. They find a woman who is driven by a financial imperative unable to stand up against ill treatment.

And the consistent theme of many posters who don't have Thai wives, "I am better than you because this will never happen to me. The last sentence is from my reading of Thai Visa and not the above post although I think it applies.

As opposed to most of us who have a Thai wife who is much like a woman from any place else except nicer to look at and be with; why else would we travel half way around the world? The temples?

[GuestHouse]

Put away the smokescreen and what is really being said in the above post. 1. Many Farangs are looking for a subservient Thai women. 2. They find a woman who is driven by a financial imperative unable to stand up against ill treatment.

And the consistent theme of many posters who don't have Thai wives, "I am better than you because this will never happen to me. The last sentence is from my reading of Thai Visa and not the above post although I think it applies.

As opposed to most of us who have a Thai wife who is much like a woman from any place else except nicer to look at and be with; why else would we travel half way around the world? The temples?

There is no smoke screan.

But once again you adotp the assumptions you need and import statements that have not been made inorder to support your previously determined point of view.

[GuestHouse]

I suggest CMK you read again what I have said - Don't miss this bit.....

I personally do not subscribe to the view that Thai women are subservient, personal observation convinces me Thai women are far removed from that.

[TommoPhysicist]

There is a good deal of truth to most of the responses here and it is very sad. Being a woman, I've heard all the horror stories and it makes me angry. But, it is believeable for no other reasons than the ones already pointed out by these replies. Unfortunately, I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men, just as all Thai children are taught to believe everything a teacher or superior tells them, even if it is wrong.

The brightest of all the posts. However culturially induced subservience is difficult to overcome, yet is common in Asia, where woman may be assaulted, but cannot report the assault for fear of being thought inferior. Such an idea is second only to the Arab idea that a rape not witnessed by 4 men, was 'infidelity'.

My wife, a former waitress, shopkeeper, and dental assistant, is quite independent; has developed her own business, often travels to nearby villages to purchase from locals and thus occasionally spends nights far from home. IMHO - anyone who considers this unusual had better re-evaluate their feelings regarding personal human freedom.

So you think the person posting with the least (or no personal) experience of Thai women, and thinks them subservient, is the brightest poster. Then go on to say your girl isn't subservient but independent, and you consider that normal.

Can you see the problem I'm having with your post?

PS

I can't see any posters who actually live in Thailand with Thai women claiming them to be subservient.

My wife would kick my ass in a second ....... should the thought enter her head.

Edited December 24, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[chiangmaikelly]

I suggest CMK you read again what I have said - Don't miss this bit.....

I personally do not subscribe to the view that Thai women are subservient, personal observation convinces me Thai women are far removed from that.

Of course not. I don't think you do. I think what you have posted is a subconscious effort to justify your own behavior which is far outside of the norm in Thailand. You see I could easily say I think the all people in Thailand are Chinese and then post 100 words or 99% of the remaining content of my article saying people who live in Thailand are not Chinese.

You see what I am saying? I don't think you do it intentionally. I don't think you can help yourself. You posted 24 words saying you don't believe it and 136 wirds saying other people do believe it.

Edited December 24, 2012 by chiangmaikelly

[GuestHouse]

PS

I can't see any posters who actually live in Thailand with Thai women claiming them to be subservient.

My wife would kick my ass in a second ....... should the thought enter her head.

You're going to struggle with my point of view then, because I take the view that Thai women are not subservient but that the image/expectation of subsevience is an attraction to many Farang men heading to Thailand.

I'm sure most discover soon after their arrival they've been misinformed.

If they meet a women who is forced by a financial imperative to be subservient to her new found Farang, then maybe they do not believe themselves misinformed.

[GuestHouse]

Of course not. I don't think you do. I think what you have posted is a subconscious effort to justify your own behavior which is far outside of the norm in Thailand.

Can you explain what 'own behaviour wich is far outside the norm in Thailand' refers to?

[chiangmaikelly]

PS

I can't see any posters who actually live in Thailand with Thai women claiming them to be subservient.

My wife would kick my ass in a second ....... should the thought enter her head.

You're going to struggle with my point of view then, because I take the view that Thai women are not subservient but that the image/expectation of subsevience is an attraction to many Farang men heading to Thailand.

I'm sure most discover soon after their arrival they've been misinformed.

If they meet a women who is forced by a financial imperative to be subservient to her new found Farang, then maybe they do not believe themselves misinformed.

It is your last sentence that is wrong. No they don't. It does not make any difference how poor. It does not make any difference if the person is poor and handicapped. It just does not happen with Thai women period.