Son And Further Education What A Laugh

[lovelomsak]

My Gf and future wife has an 18 year old son.He is mattyom 6 at the moment his class number 6/8 which is the class for students that the school has given up hope on.

My Gf brags to me how her children pass all the classes without doing homework or study. Now she feels I will pay for university for her son and ask him what he wanted to be. Well he wanted to be a doctor.After applying at many universities all over Thailand and going to different cities for application tests at great cost to us. The family have found out no university will have him in a program to be a doctor. So he lowered his expectations to be a pharmacist this took the same expensive route with the same results. He wasnot accepted again. So now he wants to go into hotel work in the tourist industry and found a hotel that offers a program to learn and enter the work force, but he must speak english. They even offer to teach him english in a 3 month crash course.I told the GF it is another waste of money. I tried to explain to her he has taken english in school for over 12 years and she paid for extra private lessons also and he cannot even say Hello. The best he can do is repeat what is said to him. But she still feels he will learn english well enough in 3 months to get a job in the tourist hotel industry.

My question is doe anyone else have issues such as this arise in their home life?

I think I may have permanent dependent on my hands.

[HeijoshinCool]

I know of many who have issues like this arise in their home life.

Most say they regret having made the home.

Really, I wish you the best with the difficult decisions you are about to make.

And, for your GF's info (she probably already knows this) NO student fails in a Thai government school.

[SteeleJoe]

I certainly don't have such an issue and doubt I ever will.

Choices. It's all about choices (and a wee bit of luck).

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[Chao Lao Beach]

And, for your GF's info (she probably already knows this) NO student fails in a Thai government school.

I laughed when the English Teacher cant even talk to me at all in English at a Gov school in Chonburi.

[SteeleJoe]

I know of at least one very large group of fairly well regarded (by Thais) and very well known PRIVATE schools where the unofficial policy is that no one fails.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[HeijoshinCool]

I know of at least one very large group of fairly well regarded (by Thais) and very well known PRIVATE schools where the unofficial policy is that no one fails.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Amazing, huh?

Well, you get what you pay for.

[SteeleJoe]

I know of at least one very large group of fairly well regarded (by Thais) and very well known PRIVATE schools where the unofficial policy is that no one fails.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Amazing, huh?

Well, you get what you pay for.

Actually, no. All kidding aside, the parents of students in those schools are NOT getting what they paid for (the schools are marketed toward solidly middle to upper middle class Thais and they aren't cheap by Thai standards -- only in comparison to the extremely expensive International schools that the quite wealthy Thais can afford are they inexpensive).

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[chiangmaikelly]

Thai Special Forces Marine Recon would be my suggestion.

[simple1]

As a teacher in a government school in Australia once said to me when I was despairing that my Thai stepson would not pass his final year English written comprehension test "don't waste your breath, he either does or does does not want to put in the effort". I explained all the reasons why he needed to pass, but he did not obtain the year 12 certificate (18 years old) as English pass was a prerequisite.

[BEVUP]

Well my wifes friends son maybe 15 yrs was kncked back from a Gov school as she said when they change schools they need to be tested

& on the other hand you should of already known the ability of the lad as know doubt he is living under the same roof

Ok yu gave it a chance - But i think we all wanted to be a Doctor or Rocket scientist in our younger days

[SteeleJoe]

Thai Special Forces Marine Recon would be my suggestion.

Having done it myself (no, I'm not one of the legendary TVF ex-SAS/Seal Team 6 operators), I'm a strong believer how enlistment in one of the more demanding type of military units can be rehabilitative and hugely beneficial in many ways. Unfortunately (for the OP, but fortunately for the rest of us) successful completion of selection for special operations units requires a degree of mental fortitude that even exceeds the exceedingly high physical requirements; the young man in question apparently hasn't shown any indications of such inner resources.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[loong]

I suppose that he at least has some sort of ambition.

Seems to me that the Missus' son's only ambition is to lay in bed all day and hold his hand out when he wants money.His mother doesn't like to nag him because she is afraid that he may get violent. He only goes to work because I make him. I must admit that I have lost my temper with him a few times, and it has taken all of my self control to stop me punching his lights out!

The last time the whole neighbourhood heard me shouting at him and thought that I was shouting at the Missus. Understandable as I was calling him a lazy beggar, always cadging and just wants to spend 2 hours a day looking at his reflection in the mirror.

He was lazy at school. I tried to help him with his English, but he wasn't interested to put in any effort, so cannot speak any.

When he went to college, he was taking the money that I gave him each day and gambling in a snooker hall. The college didn't inform us that he wasn't attending. We only found out because he had used his mother's motorbike to go and play snooker and managed to lose 2,000 Baht that he didn't have. They kept hold of the motorbike and we had to go and pay the money to get it back. The Missus begged me to keep calm and he didn't come home for 2 days because he was afraid that I would go ballistic.

I would say that 90% of our problems have stemmed from her narcissistic waste of space offspring.

Be warned, you have to be firm from the start, if he causes problems and your wife to be always jumps to his defense, this will cause a terrific strain on your relationship.

You have to make sure that your wife must understand that as the head of the family, you have the right to chastise her son. You may well find that you need to.

[HeijoshinCool]

I know of at least one very large group of fairly well regarded (by Thais) and very well known PRIVATE schools where the unofficial policy is that no one fails.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Amazing, huh?

Well, you get what you pay for.

Actually, no. All kidding aside, the parents of students in those schools are NOT getting what they paid for (the schools are marketed toward solidly middle to upper middle class Thais and they aren't cheap by Thai standards -- only in comparison to the extremely expensive International schools that the quite wealthy Thais can afford are they inexpensive).

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Uhm, yeah. I was not setting all "kidding aside" when I made the joke. Thought the smiley might have helped you there.

Here's another:

[Hedghog]

Get him in the army.

Quickly.

[SteeleJoe]

Uhm, yeah. I was not setting all "kidding aside" when I made the joke. Thought the smiley might have helped you there.

Here's another:

Uhm, yeah, that's why I said "all kidding aside", because I knew you hadn't and I was acknowledging that humor before I made a serious point.

[TommoPhysicist]

You must choose the validity of this equation

gf + feckless son = happy married life

It's not a path I would choose.

[HeijoshinCool]

Uhm, yeah. I was not setting all "kidding aside" when I made the joke. Thought the smiley might have helped you there.

Here's another:

Uhm, yeah, that's why I said "all kidding aside", because I knew you hadn't and I was acknowledging that humor before I made a serious point.

Ahh, I see said the blind man.

The "actually, no," threw me for a loop.

Cheers!

[hookedondhamma]

I was helping out some students a couple of years ago at a university in Loei. Though it made me want to bash my head against the wall sometimes, I finally realized that Thailand is doing all it can to get that recognition of a leading country. Once I realized that it opened my eyes and actually helped me understand many things I didn't before. Of course there are many things that, by Western standards, would be considered 'off', but I have to hand it to the Thais. They take what little they have and turn it into something useful. The education standards may not be ground-breaking right now, but I do believe that they will hold their place in the world someday - hopefully sooner than expected .

To the OP, just continue to do what you can; there will be a day when he realizes he must take initiative.

Edited January 2, 2013 by hookedondhamma

[SteeleJoe]

I finally realized that Thailand is doing all it can to get that recognition of a leading country...

Really? What was it that led you that realization? Because having studied and observed the country for decades, I don't share that view though I wish I did.

I also have to question this bold assumption:

...there will be a day when he realizes he must take initiative.

Edited January 2, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[giddyup]

I was helping out some students a couple of years ago at a university in Loei. Though it made me want to bash my head against the wall sometimes, I finally realized that Thailand is doing all it can to get that recognition of a leading country. Once I realized that it opened my eyes and actually helped me understand many things I didn't before. Of course there are many things that, by Western standards, would be considered 'off', but I have to hand it to the Thais. They take what little they have and turn it into something useful. The education standards may not be ground-breaking right now, but I do believe that they will hold their place in the world someday - hopefully sooner than expected .

To the OP, just continue to do what you can; there will be a day when he realizes he must take initiative.

Encouraging, but you know the old adage, "you can lead a horse to water etc".

[nattydread]

get him an apprenticeship at a motorcycle shop learning to fix waves and mios then set him up in a little shop...shouldnt be too expensive

[hookedondhamma]

I finally realized that Thailand is doing all it can to get that recognition of a leading country...

Really? What was it that led you that realization? Because having studied and observed the country for decades, I don't share that view though I wish I did.

I also have to question this bold assumption:

...there will be a day when he realizes he must take initiative.

We all think differently, and we all have our own perceptions of this and that. Mine comes from living with Thais 24/7, and my only interaction with those not Thai is through Thair V. The friends I have made are those who I can confide in, and vice versa.

There isn't a doubt in my mind he won't; I just hope he does before he falls too deep in the hole.

Giddyup, I see you lol

Edited January 2, 2013 by hookedondhamma

[SteeleJoe]

I finally realized that Thailand is doing all it can to get that recognition of a leading country...

Really? What was it that led you that realization? Because having studied and observed the country for decades, I don't share that view though I wish I did.

I also have to question this bold assumption:

...there will be a day when he realizes he must take initiative.

We all think differently, and we all have our own perceptions of this and that Mine comes from living with Thais 24/7, and my only interaction with those not Thai is hrough TV. The friends I have made are those who I can confide in, and vice versa.

There isn't a doubt in my mind he won't; I just hope he does before he falls too deep in the hole.

Giddyup, I see you lol

I lived and socialized with Thais almost exclusively for a couple years. Since then I've spent about 25 years living, working ad socializing with Thais on a daily basis (all in the native language). Moreover I've made a serious study of the country's history, language, culture and society. I base a huge amount of what I say on opinions and insight read or heard from Thais themselves (scholars and academics whom I've read or studied with as well as friends ranging from those with a high level of education to more humble backgrounds).

I rarely watch TV.

Now that you've had your (not so) subtle but totally unfounded dig at me, have you got anything other to offer than presumptuousness and an unearned attitude of superiority? Can you answer my perfectly polite and sincere questions?

EDIT: And by the way, I have had many Thais whom I could confide in. Some of whom I'd trust with my life or that of my family.

Edited January 2, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[hookedondhamma]

Calm down Steele, if you read it again (without taking a defensive position) you will see that I 1) edited my post soon after, and 2) it was not a 'dig.' Once again, to the OP, good luck though. It's only you and your wife who can get him on track, possibly not his friends as birds of a feather ...

Oops, not very clear edit. Thai Visa in place of TV from earlier.

Edited January 2, 2013 by hookedondhamma

[krisb]

If your mrs thought her son was smart enough to be a Dr, then a Pharmacist and now he will be lucky to even get into Hotel work, ncant speak English as well as seeing how he is going at school and she isnt wise to this??...Thats a worry.

Sounds like a few wake up calls are in order. Op, time to sort em out.

[Trembly]

It sounds as if the boy doesn't really have any goals at all and just takes the path of least resistance because his mum enables him to, and judging by the way he cycled through those particular degree choices it doesn't seem like he's particularly interested in actually learning anything either. If I read between the lines correctly then I suspect that your GF spoils her children in an effort to compensate for something or other.

With his mother enabling him no matter what he does it is pointless for you to get involved or to try to exert any control. I think that the most constructive thing you can do is to somehow help him to find himself. Until he evolves a bit more, expending effort on the matter will just be like pushing a rope.

Edited January 2, 2013 by Trembly

[geriatrickid]

Why not get a girlfriend who isn't the mother to some other guy's children?

Usually, they aren't interested in most farangs, unless of course its me.

In respect to the kid, I wouldn't despair. At least he wants to do something. I had a guidance counsellor in high school that said I wouldn't do well in the sciences. I sucked in the highschool math and science courses. Once I got to university and made it into advanced courses, I did rather well. It might just be a matter of finding his place. be patient. Some people are late bloomers.

[wildorchid]

Ok 6/8 is the grade for the ones that are still descending from the trees, (Sorry just joking), but this is the lowest class and the teachers do not want to be there even more than the kids, unfortunately he has wasted his best years to learn because he thinks as many, I have falang daddy i have everything, sorry again but that is the truth of it.

you could get him into a private uni and after 1/2 years of taking your money they will say forget it you can not pass!!

or get a normal working job and then study in ramkamhang univercity, (open uni),

[Tolley]

He seems to have all the necessary attributes to make a fine policeman.

Edited January 2, 2013 by Tolley

[edwardandtubs]

Why not get a girlfriend who isn't the mother to some other guy's children?

Usually, they aren't interested in most farangs, unless of course its me.

Too many western guys here set their sights too low. There are enough normal Thai women not carrying the baggage of some other guy's children. No need to settle for the rejects of Thai society.