The thread is about TRUEstories that happened to TV Members. This muslim crap and your redundant sense of humor has the rest of bedlam and the bearpit to play, so please post something DIFFERENT here.

I challenage you to spend a week in which you post nothing about muslims, war, Bush, and left-wing moonbats. You will either broaden your horizons or not be heard from.

Forgive me if I sound mad. I am not as mad as one might think, just annoyed that you, who I know to be smart and funny, insist on posting the same stuff over and over on every thread you visit. Contribute to the thread, don't hijack it.

I have to agree with bops on this one boon. Wrong thread for this stuff. Don't be like my so called mates... ie> don't annoy those that do like you.

Please...

Bops... I'm talking over the email with my boss, who is still in Brazil, and we are looking at finishing up here in about two years, and closing it down.

Then we go to Florianopolis and do it right. Maktub' ar Brazil I like the sound of it. Maktub' ar Florianopolis...(clickthelink)

Great pics, Kayo. I need a beach right now.

TBB,

I endorse this thread of yours. Does that mean my word is law....? Yes. If so Boonie, button it. When this thread was born it was born with the understanding there would be no polotics, humerous or otherwise.

Apologie accepted in advance....

Kayo, do us all a favour and get the <deleted> out of Dodge will ya.

I hope all are well, and I'll be with you all on a more than 20 min basis soon enough.

9 days to go.

redrus

Ps; Kan Win, top man I like your thinkin, keep on drinkin.

good quote by spb bops.

I thought I killed you in another thread, Kayo. Some people just can't say "die."

I never die.... Guns, knives, bombs.... Even pick up trucks recently... Nothing caN TOUCH ME YA HEAR!!! nOTHING!! i am INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I hear ya, Kayo. Reading the stories of your recent escapades does have a few of us worried about you. At least I only use blanks.

<<- Don't let this be you!

Things APPEAR to have calmed down for the moment.

I Salvadorean Pick-up-through.the.door- a$s.hole´s wife airlifted him back to his country of EL Salvador, where he underwent surgery for massive head trauma. Seems he´s recovering from all kinds of brain bleeding.

His wife did come and pay for the damage done to the front door though.

The other guys, I dunno... THey seem to have dissapeared for the moment. Possibly a wee bit afraid, as half the village wants to get back at them for what they tried on me.

I´ve asked people to leave it alone, let it be.... But I´d have no objection if anything happened to them.

Watch out for the "Making of an English Don in Guatemala" Thread.

Things APPEAR to have calmed down for the moment.

I Salvadorean Pick-up-through.the.door- a$s.hole´s wife airlifted him back to his country of EL Salvador, where he underwent surgery for massive head trauma. Seems he´s recovering from all kinds of brain bleeding.

His wife did come and pay for the damage done to the front door though.

The other guys, I dunno... THey seem to have dissapeared for the moment. Possibly a wee bit afraid, as half the village wants to get back at them for what they tried on me.

I´ve asked people to leave it alone, let it be.... But I´d have no objection if anything happened to them.

Watch out for the "Making of an English Don in Guatemala" Thread.

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

Things APPEAR to have calmed down for the moment.

I Salvadorean Pick-up-through.the.door- a$s.hole´s wife airlifted him back to his country of EL Salvador, where he underwent surgery for massive head trauma. Seems he´s recovering from all kinds of brain bleeding.

His wife did come and pay for the damage done to the front door though.

The other guys, I dunno... THey seem to have dissapeared for the moment. Possibly a wee bit afraid, as half the village wants to get back at them for what they tried on me.

I´ve asked people to leave it alone, let it be.... But I´d have no objection if anything happened to them.

Watch out for the "Making of an English Don in Guatemala" Thread.

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

Unless, of course, he's a klown.

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Yeah, it had the circus in it, that traveled by train, hid the bomb in the cannon I think it was.

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Yeah, it had the circus in it, that traveled by train, hid the bomb in the cannon I think it was.

You'll see another dead klown as soon as he tries re-posting in the "Last Word" thread.

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Yeah, it had the circus in it, that traveled by train, hid the bomb in the cannon I think it was.

You'll see another dead klown as soon as he tries re-posting in the "Last Word" thread.

Dead klowns are no fun, all they do is rot. That's like watching paint dry, unless you can fast forward it.

Things APPEAR to have calmed down for the moment.

I Salvadorean Pick-up-through.the.door- a$s.hole´s wife airlifted him back to his country of EL Salvador, where he underwent surgery for massive head trauma. Seems he´s recovering from all kinds of brain bleeding.

His wife did come and pay for the damage done to the front door though.

The other guys, I dunno... THey seem to have dissapeared for the moment. Possibly a wee bit afraid, as half the village wants to get back at them for what they tried on me.

I´ve asked people to leave it alone, let it be.... But I´d have no objection if anything happened to them.

Watch out for the "Making of an English Don in Guatemala" Thread.

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

Unless, of course, he's a klown.

Careful there, laddy... Or a klazy Krown ´ll set ´is dog on ya!

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Yep... Octopussy was the one....

Memorable Quotes from

Octopussy (1983)

Vijay: Is he still there?

Q: You must be joking! Double-0 seven on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him till dawn!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bond and Q are floating in a hot air balloon]

James Bond: I trust you can handle this contraption, Q?

Q: It goes by hot air.

James Bond: Oh, then you can.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[after Bond has escaped]

Kamal Khan: Mr. Bond is indeed of a very rare breed... soon to be made extinct.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Confronting James Bond]

Kamal Khan: You seem to have this nasty habit of surviving.

James Bond: You know what they say about the fittest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kamal Khan: Spend the money quickly, Mister Bond.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Bond: [handing Q his coat] Do you think you can help me? Someone seems to have stuck a knife in my wallet.

Q: Oh, and missed you, did they? What a pity!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: [being kissed by Octopussy's girls after knocking out a bandit] Cut it out! We don't have time for that! Later perhaps.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kamal Kahn: Englishman. Likes eggs, preferably Faberge, and dice, preferably loaded.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magda: He suggests a trade. The egg for your life.

James Bond: Well, I heard the price of eggs was up, but isn't that a little high?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bond is dragged from a river onto a tour boat]

Woman on Tour Boat: Are you with our group?

James Bond: No, ma'am, I'm with the economy tour!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Dissolves all metals.

James Bond: Wonderful for poison pen letters...

Q: Pay attention, 007!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: Remember, 007, you're on your own.

James Bond: Well, thank you, sir. That's a great comfort.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Bond: Double sixes. Fancy that!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orlov: Leave that! Let's go!

James Bond: Let's stay! Sit down, put your hands on that box! Now, why is that bomb on the train?

Orlov: Who are you?

James Bond: I'm British Secret Service.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bond and Vijay are being chased by evil dudes in a car]

James Bond: We've got company.

Vijay: No problem, this is a company car.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Bond: [looking at the tattoo on Magda's back] What is that?

Magda: That's my little octopussy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Vijay has just stopped some bad guys with his tennis racket]

Vijay: Game, set and match!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Front Desk Clerk: I hope you have a pleasant stay.

[bond eyes a beauty nearby who smiles at him]

Bond: I'm, ah, sure I will.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[first lines]

James Bond: You didn't tell me there was going to be this much security.

Bianca: They moved the flight up to this afternoon.

James Bond: Well, we're going to have to go ahead as planned anyway.

[bianca hands an ID badge with the name 'Luis Toro' to Bond]

James Bond: Toro. Sounds like a load of bull.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[last lines]

[bond is in traction]

Octopussy: I wish...

James Bond: What?

Octopussy: I wish you weren't in such a weakened condition.

[bond releases himself from traction]

Octopussy: Oh, James.

[bond kisses Octopussy passionately]

Octopussy: James!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kamal Khan: [preparing to leave the circus, where a bomb is placed] General, excuse me. I have some traveling arrangements to make. Enjoy the show.

US general: Thank you.

US aide: I'm sure the general will get a big blast out of this.

Kamal Khan: I know he won't be disappointed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Bond: [handing a wad of Indian cash to his accomplice] That should keep you in curry for a few weeks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magda: I guess this is good night.

James Bond: I could come in for a nightcap.

[Gobinda puts a hand in front of Magda's door]

James Bond: Some other time perhaps.

James Bond: [Gobinda walks Bond back to his room] I don't suppose you'd care for a nightcap?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Q's mechanized version of the "Indian Rope Trick" malfunctions]

James Bond: Having trouble getting it up, Q?

Clowns and wabbits are invulnerable ! It's true, you see it on televison all the time !

Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit always survive, the bad guys always get the worst of it.

The only time I've seen a clown die was in Octopussy (was it 006 dressed as a clown that died in the opening montage ? Was that even Octopussy ? It was one of the Roger Moore movies).

Yeah, it had the circus in it, that traveled by train, hid the bomb in the cannon I think it was.

You'll see another dead klown as soon as he tries re-posting in the "Last Word" thread.

:D Oh! I will survive, as long as I know how to laugh I know I´m still alive... I´ve got all the last words to give, and all the Klowns noses to sniff... OOH! I will survive....

Dead klowns are no fun, all they do is rot. That's like watching paint dry, unless you can fast forward it.

erm...

I´m not rotting... Or wait - Maybe I am....

I´m not rotting... Or wait - Maybe I am....

We are all dying on the inside.

from the moment we are born.

Speakin' of wabbits..................

EASTER IN RAINBOWLAND

By Kerrie Hall

It was during my typical Aussie childhood that I first developed an affinity with Byron Bay. Every school holiday, Mum and Dad hitched up the ‘ole Millard caravan to the back of the old Ford Falcon, and hit the highway leaving the ‘burbs of Sydney behind for another big life adventure.

Byron was one of my favourite holidays. So casual, so “surfie”… all you did all day was play in the sun and the waves and at night we’d eat seafood and listen to some gee-tar around a camp fire. It was the height of the early seventies and we were just so cool. I remember picking up the most amazing, terribly tacky, plastic flower flip flop sandals. They were the buy of the century, way back in 1971. They must have cost me the extortionate sum of two dollars.

Years later, I was invited for an atypical tour of my Wonderland. I arrived at Easter and was warned that this was the worst time to visit. Things have changed, I was told. It's the Aussie Easter holiday and the masses are out to play. Hordes of merrymakers prance in tinsel streets, delighted by a smorgasboard of local artists, buskers, cuisines, chattels and beautiful people from across the globe. The traffic keeps coming, cars slow to a crawl. City folk squeeze into the surfer's country town. Locals duck for cover and try not to frown.

First stop on the white rabbit's tour: Watego's Beach to swim in Byron’s fresh, crystal waves; what a joy it is “body-bashing” in this surf again like a child drunk on life. The beach is packed. Vans and surfboards line the sand. The air is thick with a distinct aroma of sizzling fat, Aussie sausages. Tourists unpack eskies, deckchairs and, even a lounge. A happy Brazilian dude sells ice cream from a yellow van. He speaks in Portuguese with a blonde, dreadlocked local.

The lighthouse beckons, perched famously atop the most easterly point on the mainland. Dragonflies and bumblebees lead the way as we hop to the top along the bush trail. Dolphins splash and dive in the sapphire ocean below while the distinctive peak of Mt. Warning sleeps to the west in an ethereal glow. A brilliant rainbow forms on the horizon emerging magically over the ocean from a bank of heavy cloud.

The sun sets and the town is overstuffed, bursting its buttons with diners, partiers and shoppers galore. Musicians set up shop outside cafes and stores. Instant street parties erupt in the crisp Easter evening. Rain falls in sheets. The party continues we dance in wet streets. What a feast. There are flautists and pan flutes and funky jazz fusion. Twenty steps on, we enter lambada land. The South Americans weave their spell with a permanent grin. The latino music is infectious. Feet become instant salsa experts, teaching our bodies to go with the flow. Tribal drum beats and soul songs drift in the salty sea air.

Following a hearty brunch of fine Byron Chocolat eggs, the bunny delivers us to the annual Blues & Grassroots Music Festival. A carnival atmosphere charges the scene. Costumed clowns tower on stilts smiling down on thousands of music lovers. The Gyuto Monks of Tibet silently construct an intricate multi-colour sand mandala, which will be swept into a pile on completion to show the impermanence of existence. There is a bazaar with a myriad of wares: Happy High Herbs, leatherware, fez hats, jewellery and souvenirs. A t-shirt for sale proudly proclaims "The liver is evil. It deserves to be punished". The ferris wheel looms high in the sky and, as afternoon turns to dark rainy night, the ride keeps turning lit like a Vegas wagon wheel.

There are so many performance stages, so many great musicians. Irishman Luka Bloom, sings of world compassion and lost love with a great sense of humour. He borrows a quote from Bono:" Us Irish are just like Jamaicans, only without the rhythm". Thank you very mooch! Jack Johnson followed playing his sexy guitar straight from the heart, singing of love, friendship and world affairs: "Slow down everyone you're movin' too fast". LA-based Latino band 'Ozomatli' carried revellers to a Red Bull high. They congoed in the crowd and trumpeted off into the monsoonal night. What a bunch of party animals.

Blues legend Buddy Guy had the audience eating out of his hand in the final major performance of the night. His voice is as smooth as the knob on a favourite liquor cabinet. The man has style. The crowd is ecstatic. He played on. His time was up. He doesn't care. "Would you all mind if I moved here to Byron Bay”? He sang for another half hour. Thousands of people made for the exit in a mighty fine mood.

Easter Monday, the rabbit led us to the infamous Byron Markets. There is something for everyone. It's a treasure trove of goodies and talent. Artisans and importers display their wares amid musical acts and street theatre. Children bang on bongos outside portable cafes and curry houses. An angel with white feathered wings sells cookies from a basket. Only here can one find the worlds only drum carved from the branch of a Mullumbimby jacaranda. The charm of Byron Bay has ballooned to world famous proportions. The genie is out of the bottle. Your wish is his desire. And, still there is no Mc Donalds. Power to the people!

HAPPY WABBITS DAYs ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things APPEAR to have calmed down for the moment.

I Salvadorean Pick-up-through.the.door- a$s.hole´s wife airlifted him back to his country of EL Salvador, where he underwent surgery for massive head trauma. Seems he´s recovering from all kinds of brain bleeding.

His wife did come and pay for the damage done to the front door though.

The other guys, I dunno... THey seem to have dissapeared for the moment. Possibly a wee bit afraid, as half the village wants to get back at them for what they tried on me.

I´ve asked people to leave it alone, let it be.... But I´d have no objection if anything happened to them.

Watch out for the "Making of an English Don in Guatemala" Thread.

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

Unless, of course, he's a klown.

Delayed reaction.... ROTCLMPO

Speakin' of wabbits..................

EASTER IN RAINBOWLAND

By Kerrie Hall

HAPPY WABBITS DAYs ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judge Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?

Eddie Valiant: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.

Judge Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?

Oh me, oh my! Kwazy!!!

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

###### right... And they've not shown their faces none of them, since....

Yeah, the village should back you, you're the man with the booze. Here in the states we have a rule about barfightin', Never hit the bartender.

###### right... And they've not shown their faces none of them, since....

Cheers than and to your continued health!

Cheers to the bartender.... hip hip Kayo! Over and out.....

What over and out? Does that mean I´m done. Finished.... After all these years, and all those words, (breaks down sobbing on his knees) NOOO!!!!! It cannot be the ... is it the end... what light, what tunnell?=???? I , - (sob, Sob) NO!! Mummy!

What over and out? Does that mean I´m done. Finished.... After all these years, and all those words, (breaks down sobbing on his knees) NOOO!!!!! It cannot be the ... is it the end... what light, what tunnell?=???? I , - (sob, Sob) NO!! Mummy!

You haven't gotten high yet, have you?

nope.... i did later though hehehehehe! LIES ALL of it! I nnever said a word, except the last word.

I reckon we should let a woman have the las- wrong thread... I´m confuuussedd.

nope.... i did later though hehehehehe! LIES ALL of it! I nnever said a word, except the last word.

I reckon we should let a woman have the las- wrong thread... I´m confuuussedd.

Half-baked or what, buddy?

having fun is all...

Okay, back on topic. Crazy Stories!

I have one about killing a wabbit, I just gotta buy a plane ticket first.

Yeah! Where´s the plane flying to... Are you gonna try flying a plane into a poor iddy biddy bunny.....???

I´m ready for you....

Oh! And er.....

..... I should perhaps warn you about my last would be assassin: