Attacked by Thai Work colleague

[Tarryn]

Hello all who are reading this.

Well wish this was a more positive post but need some advice on a bit of a messy topic.

Today I was punched in my face and attacked by a thai work colleague in front of my 24 8year old students.

She has a dispute with money she owes me and property of mine she has and refuses to give back. After a calm conversation between the two of us, she lashed out and attacked me.

We used to be good friends for over 18months until I couldn't put up with her philandering ways and generally whore like behaviour ... Using me to get Western men as well as poaching western men on my social networks. I told her we could no longer be friends as we have different morals and ways of living which I don't really respect, sometimes it just gets ridiculous to observe that type of goings on.

After weeks of waiting for my belongings and money to be returned to me , I politely asked her for a date I could expect them to be given. After some sharp tounged words from her , I told her to behave and told her I pity herfor her being a

slut and having serious complextion and moral issues. And the quicker she gives my belongings the easier our lives can be, she then attacked me and punched me in my face in front of my students. After calming them down I reported to my director of my school, I now would like to press charges with alot of encouragement from my other thai co workers who are aware of her psychotic behaviour and issues and dislike her immensely due to her behaviour toward them.

How can I begin this process and what are my chances of a positive outcome.

Messy I know!!! ( thank you for all advice. )

[Spoonman]

You held this sort of a conversation with a disgruntled EX in front of your 24 students ?

[Tarryn]

No not an EX , I am a 28 year old female been teaching at the school for 2 years along side her. She came within the classroom and kicked off. I'm completely professional I assure you.

[Boo]

call the polie, file an assault charge.

[Tarryn]

Thanks Boo.

[Tarryn]

Called the police they said I must come to the station. Not sure how this pans out from here?? Any info about Civil Court? I'm trying to google info to get advice but hitting dead ends.

My school are being supportive bug trying to diffuse and play down the situation, yet my other thai teachers have assured me if I had hit someone the police would have been called within seconds..... Not sure if it's a case of double standards??? See what happens tomorrow.

[saroq]

If the other Thai staff are so keen for you to press charges then they'll probably help you with the process. If they don't want to help you or get involved then proceed with caution.

[Salapoo]

Consider it a lesson learned. Give an inch they'll take a mile. Then when you stop giving you are the scum of the earth.

Move on without mentioning it again, the others there will respect you much more for it.

[joeaverage]

i would also take a minute to get off my high horse and stop bandying words like whore and slut about,

you probably should have considered her reaction to those terms and gotten your stuff back before you called her out.

As for the children, i sincerely hope mine is not at your school.

one would hope that disciplinary action is taken before more kids are exposed to her

[wellred]

i would also take a minute to get off my high horse and stop bandying words like whore and slut about,

you probably should have considered her reaction to those terms and gotten your stuff back before you called her out.

As for the children, i sincerely hope mine is not at your school.

one would hope that disciplinary action is taken before more kids are exposed to her

Those words could well be the nail on the head. How would you know? If anyone's on a high horse it's you. And there's probably stuff going on in your kids school that you don't know anything about anyway so no need to preach.

OP - if you have the backing of your colleagues then proceed to press charges. Humiliate her. She needs to know that every action has a consequence and she cannot behave like a child. Ironic as she a teacher I know but still. Good luck.

[Loptr]

What do you expect? You caused her to lose face by calling her a slut. Then on top of that you said you pity her. That would get you punched in the face pretty much anywhere in the world. In case you haven't figured it out in the 2+ years you have been in Thailand, causing a Thai to lose face is a recipe for trouble.

[I Like Thai]

No not an EX , I am a 28 year old female been teaching at the school for 2 years along side her. She came within the classroom and kicked off. I'm completely professional I assure you.

I politely asked her for a date I could expect them to be given. After some sharp tounged words from her , I told her to behave and told her I pity herfor her being a slut and having serious complextion and moral issues. And the quicker she gives my belongings the easier our lives can be, she then attacked me and punched me in my face in front of my students.

The above is your part in the episode and you call yourself professional

Edited June 12, 2013 by I Like Thai

[cent1]

Heard it all now.. Fantastic. Sorry for your loss

[tolsti]

I'd start polishing up your CV.... the only way this is going to end is with the school getting rid of you.

[Tarryn]

I agree that I shouldn't have said anything. Yet there is a long history behind it.

I am merely asking for advice from people who think this is a worthy case or not.

Everyone is human and has emotions yet she lost control and assaulted me at the wrong place any the wrong time. She is a bit of a troubled soul so it's no surprise.

As for calling her a slut, she's dished out more colourful words I was merely using an adjective to describe her behaviour which has prevent us from being friends I don't think many people would tolerate too much of that.

I'm

Sorry some feel like I'm on my high hourse, I can assure you my steps leading up to this have calm and respectful. I'm

Not a malicious person. Thank you all for your advice I'll see why happens today. Cheers .

[otherstuff1957]

This is a rather difficult situation. Right now your Thai co-workers support you. However, most Thais are very uncomfortable with confrontation and open conflict and you may find that their support is more theoretical than real.

Are you working at a government school? If so, the woman who attacked you is a civil servant and firing her would be very complicated and difficult. In this case it would be easier for the school to get rid of you. If you are working at a private school and she is not related to the school's owners or management, then she is probably already on her way out, though probably not until the end of the semester.

BTW, she doesn't have to be related to someone at school to be untouchable, if one of her parents or an aunt or uncle was a classmate of you school's director she will not be fired. To resolve this conflict, the school would probably get rid of you instead.

Does your director or department head speak English well? If so, I would recommend sitting down with them and CALMLY present the facts and ask for their advice. Just remember, though, that the ultimate resolution may be influenced by factors that you are unaware of.

[scorecard]

This is a rather difficult situation. Right now your Thai co-workers support you. However, most Thais are very uncomfortable with confrontation and open conflict and you may find that their support is more theoretical than real.

Are you working at a government school? If so, the woman who attacked you is a civil servant and firing her would be very complicated and difficult. In this case it would be easier for the school to get rid of you. If you are working at a private school and she is not related to the school's owners or management, then she is probably already on her way out, though probably not until the end of the semester.

BTW, she doesn't have to be related to someone at school to be untouchable, if one of her parents or an aunt or uncle was a classmate of you school's director she will not be fired. To

Good points. Whether you like it or not, whether it's fair or not, in scenarios like this many employers will also see you in a negative light simply because your involved, and possibly because of your words. Like it or not, fair or unfair, there's a chance you will be seen as a troublemaker.

Whether the other person has previously used foul language does not make it OK in the eyes of the law or in the eyes of society at large for you to use foul pretty strong language (and this applies in Thai society as well as many other societies).

Thai's, like anybody, any country, might initially be supportive, but if it comes to a police inquiry or school inquiry then they will not want to be involved - basic human nature and self preservation.

Whether your right or wrong OP, when it all washes up, do you want to be the catalyst who caused the police to arrive at the school, with lots of gossip amongst other staff and students.

If I was a parent of one of the kids who witnessed this I would be less then happy with both teachers and especially if the kids end up being questioned about what happened, and I would quite possibly ask the director what behavior is acceptable from teachers and I might even request that my child be moved to another class.

I expect teachers to be a lot more adult and mature than this, especially in terms of where / when to hold such a discussion. If the other party started the conversation (in front of the kids) I would expect you (OP) to quickly defuse the situation and if really needed continue the discussion later in another scenario.

OP, learn to not lend things unless it's to do with survival. My guess is that the vast majority of adults learned pretty young to not lend money / not lend 'things', Just say NO or make some excuse why not, we've all had this experience, the money or 'things' often don't come back. Learn.

[Tarryn]

Thank you Otherstuff for your advice. I work for a private school which is ran by a mixed head of department. They have been understanding and supportive and will stand by me in my choice.

What I'm really hoping for is for the Teacher to return what is mine and move on, yet she is not co-operating with the school whom are tryin their best to organise the situation with ease... As am I.

Yet I won't stand to be abused any further, this has been going on for 2 months and it's now blown up a bit. I have always been supportive of this person and a confidant. We know eachother very well. Its just unfortunate that it's turned out this way. I don't want to cause anyone any harm or create problematic issues. But I'm not going to be a punchin bag in the process.

My thai peers spoke to me this morning they are surprised I am still being understanding and thunk I should go ahead and push charges.

I have decided to allow her to return my belongings and money, yet with fail to do so I will press charges. I like to live a quiet life but at what expense???

I've made a error in judgement on a persons character, yet I know people are who they are. I'm not here to teach anyone lessons or prove points. I just want what is mine, the money us no big deal it's just money. But she has irreplaceable items of mine which I would like back.

So will await a further discussion with the head and her occur an then take further steps or not... Based on her choice. Sad thing is she has the power to end this mess but just refuses as she knows it's distressing for me as well as her.

Oh well...... Let's see.... Thanks again.

[Tarryn]

Hello Scorecard.

I completely agree with your comments very valid. Yes there are a number of things which looking back I should and should not have done. Yet the situation is present all I would like is to get through it with dignity at a rapid pace.

My main concern is the children too, and that's main reason not to have taken action without the possibility of working things out. I know my school and myself are in coalition to try smooth things, yet it's a case of doin things by the book with a complicated few weeks ahead and let justice run it's course, or take the moral high road and walk away wounded and at loss... Which I'm finding very difficult to do as there is a simpler solution to end this..... Apologise and reinstate me with my belongings.

All I've wanted.

I would too be a concerned parent and there have been inquiries an also have had many parents offering me support. They know me and despite my harsh words they know my character.

Anyway shall see what happens.... Thank you again for your input. It's not a case o who is right and wrong, we are both at fault but it's now taking approach to amend. I don't blame her for who she is. Intact she is still a person who I care about just from a distance. Self destructing.

Cheers

[itchybum]

What do you expect? You caused her to lose face by calling her a slut. Then on top of that you said you pity her. That would get you punched in the face pretty much anywhere in the world. In case you haven't figured it out in the 2+ years you have been in Thailand, causing a Thai to lose face is a recipe for trouble.

Yes, lets not let the sensitive little dears dent their egos.

[Wavefloater]

I'm just wondering if there's any chance that your co-worker will counter your assault charges with slander charges against you. From what I understand slander and libel are taken very seriously in Thailand, and if people heard you call her slut, etc., she may feel there's enough substance to bring charges against you. But as others have warned, don't assume that this will play out in a logical manner and she will be the one heading down the road.

[TomTao]

I am sorry you have ended up in such a messy situation, I suggest you get the police involved, if for no other reason than to get your belongings and money back, plus if the school is looking for an excuse to get rid of the other teacher then police involvement may be what they need.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[pmarlin]

You insulted her and got slapped, so what and get over it as you will never win this one. A couple of people here in Thailand owe me money, one for over three years and don't expect to ever see it. I found out that this is normal over here and will never do it again.

[varun]

Sounds like a build-up of resentment between the two of you, that resulted in a catfight.

What property of your's does this woman have in her posession, that is so dear to you?

If it is something that you can live without, then forget about it, not worth the trouble.

This issue is so petty and childish, I'm quite sure the school will be reluctant to get overly involved.

If I were you, I'd apologize for humiliating her, and politely ask her to return my stuff, end of story.

You could do it the hard way i.e. press charges for assault and get the police involved, but do you have somebody as a witness, who will testify for you?

If so, then go ahead, and at best, you COULD get some monetary compensation.

But, don't expect that to be the end of it, if she's vengeful (sounds like she is), she'll come after you again, on some other pretext.

[HarryMilton]

Why on earth are you asking a question like this on ThaiVisa? You should be talking to a lawyer who can actually give you proper advice.

Maybe you're worried about being told that, by calling a work colleague an immoral slut with complexion problems in front of a class of children you're supposed to be setting a good example to, you were inviting trouble.

In view of the way you presented your post here I sincerely hope that you are not trying to teach English to the children at this school.

Personally, I think that both of you should be ashamed of your behaviour.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Never lend or borrow money.

Give it away, no problem, but lending always causes problems.

Oh, oh, and if you insult a Thai, you are likely to cause a fight, your fault, no sympathy.

(go to court and she will accuse you of defamation, which you have admitted in your OP)

You calling her a slut and a whore should net her in the region of 50k-100kbht.

Edited June 13, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[FritsSikkink]

No not an EX , I am a 28 year old female been teaching at the school for 2 years along side her. She came within the classroom and kicked off. I'm completely professional I assure you.

If you had that conversation in front of the children, you are far from professional.

Edited June 13, 2013 by FritsSikkink

[Tarryn]

Can I please press that our discussion was not had infront of the children!!!! The occurrence happened after. By no means would I even consider airing publicly if that were the case.

NOT HAD IN FRONT OF CHILDREN.

I have since sook legal advice yet before getting wrapped into a legal system which I know nothing about I'm sourcing advice from different avenues to gain as much knowledge before taking action.

I am a reputable teacher who works hard and takes my job seriously, I do understand on posting this story publicly I have opened it up for judgement and it's all fair game.

It was advice from a friend to come here and get views from possibly more knowledgable people about situations like this.

I'm sorry if I have given some a bad impression of who I am and what I stand for, but I'm sure if you met me your opinion would change. Thank you again for your advice and input to this post.

Cheers

[Tarryn]

As for slander, I have piles of email and text messages with her plying me with abuse after I told her I did not want to peruse a friendship with her.

Words are words, which are aired by emotion. I know she was hurt by me stepping away from her but it's the aftermath which I'm most surprised about.

I completely now agree with the whole "scorned female" cliche. Never would have imagined such a simple and silly situation to escalate.

I'm embarrassed to be involved. But I have very little control over others actions.

Cheers.

[Loptr]

Sorry Tarryn, but pushing this any farther is eventually going to hurt you in the long run. When it comes down to where the rubber meets the road, Thais will stick together over farang in a majority of the cases. I was going to say 100% of the time, but there is always that ray of hope for justice. Pressing charges will likely result on nothing being done by the plod and will further exacerbate the tension between you two. Unless the items that this woman has of yours are of great personal value, it is best to put it behind you and banish this person from your life. That, in and of itself is just rewards as Thais hate to be ignored.