Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

[Nautilus05]

You're over thinking this way too much. Simply don't worry about anything, and just be yourself. 98% chance they're simply not going to care, and you'll be left scratching your head that they didn't even acknowledge the effort you put in to be kind and respectful.

[beejoir]

Go to the beach, honestly, you'll have a way better time, it'll be awkward, boring, and time consuming, you'll feel like an animal at a pet store.

Make your excuses now.

[Tiffer]

I think the ink is still wet on this guys arrivals card

[Considered Opinion]

The most important DON'T, is don't meet them.

You will be responsible for them for life. That will cause you to be scarred for life when the relationship becomes a scar on your bed-head in the years to come.

[johnlandy]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you are staying in her parents house you are definitely making the 'promise to marry'.

You asked about 'things to avoid', I have made the correct cultural reply.

In Thailand, you don't take boyfriends home to meet your parents, only husbands (prospective).

Although, there are no hard and fast rules the advice on feet 'pointing at them (how in the name of God anyone from a civilized country is to be expected to know about this rule is beyond me)

remove shoes' etc., is wise.

My advice would be to get a room in a hotel and at least be comfortable.

There is nothing in this world as uncomfortable as one of these squat dunnies and just imagine yourself getting a dose of the shyts (which is on the cards given the food you will likely have to endure)

And when they tell you about all the cheap land going begging for a pittance, fall back on 'I not understand and a vague stupid look on your face'

As for staying in the house and "the promise to marry" there are a few who must have been more than a little disappointed folk when I drove off into the sunset.

Whisky is a good although JW Black is akin to 'casting pearls before swine' They will be familiar with the brand but if you put Mae Khong in a JW bottle they wouldn't know the difference.

Just relax, go with the flow, roll with the punches, and you'll survive with a tale for the folks back home.

[cassde]

I agree with most points people raise. With my first meeting with my gf's family (who are farmers) they organised a major meal, killing 3 suckling pigs and inviting the village. Of course I paid and that went down well.

I could not speak a word of Thai but those in the village who spoke a little English came up to me and introduced themselves and we got by with a little sign language and broken English.

Over the past 8 years we have got to know one another well, and I do support them financially for major things for the farm when I can, but I was careful when I first met the family not to advertise any wealth.

My gf was not a 'prostitute' but came to Bangkok to stay with family. I met her at a restaurant and our relationship went on from there.

[jackr]

My wife bought the Parents a western loo,and a water pump last year,I guess squat toilets lose their appeal when you get over 60! My wife tells me it's the only western toilet in the village. I'm not bragging or anything,but I guess my in laws have suddenly become middle class.

I bet they still crouch up on there like a top-hat, point and shoot!

Some of the last few have it spot on. Just don't think too mutt or bow down/bend over. Furthermore, avoid wearing a permanent crocodile smile, that'll just invite disaster; better to remain motionless to a] suggest you're not one to be trifled with and b] in the hopes they don't see you.

[Utley]

Do: Bring lots of money.

Don't: Ask for it back once she puts out.

[bushwacker]

In Thailand a GF is a holding pattern to marriage as seen by the parents and the rest of the society. You have been warned!

[Artist]

It's all been said. Be polite, respectful and be yourself.

Expect to buy half the village beer. The biggest problem I have seen with westerners meeting their girlfriend's family is that the westerners complain about having to pay for everything so that the family decides that they are mean. They think you must be incredibly rich and there is an expectation for the wealthiest person in the group to pick up the bill. If this is a problem for you, talk to your girlfriend about it and set some limits on how much you can afford.

Its not a good idea to get offside with the family, especially her mother, if you want to develop a long term relationship with your girlfriend.

As for it being a promise to marry, in my opinion that is nonsense. There is no promise involved, but of course your girlfriend will not introduce you to her family if she doesn't think you are marriage material. Of course her family wants her to marry a rich westerner. No promise or commitment is involved.

[Gsxrnz]

Wear your cruddiest flip-flops. If you wear expensive ones, chances are you won't be bringing them home. Flip-flops are considered communal property in Isaan.

If you smoke, they are also considered communal property.

Deftly advertise that you have very short arms and extremely deep pockets, thus extracting your wallet is physically impossible for you.

Wear sunscreen.

And the best piece of practical advice you will ever receive - take some lamasil cream with you, because you will get toe-jam.

Also, if you hear the word falang being spoken continually, don't assume they're talking about potatoes. Try and pick up on the words that immediately precedes or follows farang and look it up in your Thai dictionary. If you hear kwai-falang, they're not talking about buffalos and potatoes.

Edited September 14, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[cbluck58]

Don't go is the best idea - if you have no choice , pretend to be tee total or you'll end up paying for the whole village to be pissed up for the duration of the stay.

Don't take money and don't promise anything to them.

[johnefallis]

Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

Don't.

And the best answer is...ding ding ding ding ding (see above)

If you go anyway, take a couple loperamide before you go (also called Diarine) to avoid numerous trips to the bathroom to sh_t. and bang the gf real good prior also, to avoid numerous trips to the bathroom to wha--...well, you know what I mean. the walls are thin and may not have privacy even IF you are in the same room together.

[tfbpa]

Avoid meeting them, don't visit their home, nothing there for a foreigner.

Are you seriously agreeing to marry the girl?

Because that's what meeting the parents means in a Thai village.

The meeting is called 'promise to marry'.

Remember the above, as that is the Thai thought of you coming to the village, they expect/hope that you will get married and especially if you are staying/sleeping in their house, that basically means that you ARE already married.

If, as you said, you don't want to marry her yet, stay somewhere else for the night, such as a hotel or guesthouse and only spend the days eating/drinking at their home.

Other than that, just be respectful and laugh/smile a lot, even if you have no idea what they are doing or talking about. Of course try their food, at least some of it and if you have a good girl, then she would have already told her parents that you, a farang, are not used to eating Thai food and perhaps wouldn't like it. This is important, as the parents don't know anything about farangs and they will take it as an insult if you don't eat, that is why your girlfriend has to tell this in advance to her parents.

[HUAHIN62]

Keep eye contact, if you avoid eye contact they think something is wrong. Be careful many older Thais dont believe in showing wealth. I know many Thais that live in very basic houses but who own hundreds of rai.

[Alwyn]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

as mentioned before, pointing your feet in somebdoy's direction or pointing at somethin using your feet is impolite. Also, if there are young children do not "ruffle" their hair or touch their heads. Just smile a lot be polite with the please and thank you's (they love all that) and get out as quickly as politely possible.

[MobileContent]

Did your lady explained to you when she brings you the village, the negotiations might start how much Sin sot you can afford or they have already a figure in their head.

You should open that subject to her before you visit her village.

[Rigs]

Always remember the father is the "king" family comes first , then cousins , grandparents, maids, dogs , cats and then you .. take the family out for dinner but do not go to the home .

You forgot that the fleas that sit on the dog, come before the farang.

You forgot the Ticks!

[Gsxrnz]

Did your lady explained to you when she brings you the village, the negotiations might start how much Sin sot you can afford or they have already a figure in their head.

You should open that subject to her before you visit her village.

He won't know what sin-sot is yet. Let's not spoil all his fun just yet.

Edited September 14, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[taqila]

Don't ask to try to ride the buffalo on the first trip. It's a little different than the old mare back on the ranch in Wyoming. OMBuddha, I thought it was just enhancing my multi-cultural diversity to visit the issan girl's family and didn't think about it as a marriage proposition. The first one gave us our own wedding suite with a locking door and mattress and mana gave me some potion to stop the diarrhea after i had gorged myself on fried bugs and beer and who knows what else. The 2nd one I visited, immediately asked for 100b for each visitor that showed up at the house to meet me and some 20b for each kid, then wanted a 5000b cable dish set up so they can have lifetime cable in the old farm house for her little boy to watch cartoons. Boy was I stupid then but never gave a thought that it was intended to be a marriage proposal. Next one, i just sat in the garden and shared a cup of water, got smarter and never went back. The latest visit was to go pick up some trees to plant at my place and that turned out pretty interesting cuz no family at home that morning . So I'm improving after 3 years and avoiding marriage. It has been very costly $$ guaranteed to visit the families.

[thaimlord]

Hi OP

Please don't listen to these people who think that her parents are automatically bad people and looking only for money. There are plenty of nice, decent folk out there who take jobs we wouldn't even consider because we have social welfare programs to fall back on, etc, etc. Take us back a few years though, and the differences would merge. Now, some of us are "holier than thou" or have had bad experiences because that's the sort of people they are. Generally (but admittedly not always) these people have bad experiences because they aren't a good match with doing this sort of thing in the first place.

A good, decent and honest man will generally find like-minded souls. I know there are exceptions to this, but they are, by their nature, exceptions. We all find our "level" in life and GENERALLY deserve what we get.

I would suggest that if you wish to go, then stay a few days, and book a motel within a few kms close by if possible (mine was 20kms away). I know that sometimes isn't easy finding one, but again, sometimes it is, so maybe it's an option for you.

That way you have:

================

1. A farang toilet

2. A respectful distance

3. The ability to sleep with your lady (which I would recommend strongly against if you're staying in the family house, even if offered)

4. A refuge if you feel a bit overwhelmed by it all later

5. The ability to head "home" to it, when you feel like it.

Also the suggestion of taking food for yourself I think is a good idea if you're squeamish about the Isaan food. Contrary to what has been said, it's not disrespectful, if you do it the right way. Simply have your gf state that your stomach is delicate and you need special foods but you can sit with them and eat it. No-one will be upset at you, or they never were or are with me. She will probably know already that pickled fish and frogs innards aren't on your regular diet, and depending on where you end up, there may not even be a 7/11 close by, let alone any sort of useful supermarket for you. Be prepared :-)

And enjoy yourself.. if you're like me, you love the simple country life and the company of decent people

The other suggestion to observe your possible in-laws is a good one, but also very difficult to do unless you know the language well.

Don't overspend on them, but let your gf buy them some little bits here and there. Everyone will appreciate it (although they may not show their appreciation in the way we would normally expect).

LET IT GO, AND HAVE FUN.

Let us know how it went once you're done.

TL

[sirocco]

hello

Another one who goes chialer on the forums.

Attention, it is considered good to haggle in Thailand.

Lower the price, according to his age, his teeth, the many times she has been used, the number of children, if sheis ugly face with grainy, you can get up to 85% off.

[Rigs]

Ryro88. Go and experience her family life and the way they live, it will give you an understanding of why she does what she does for a better life. I met a Girl in Phuket and then stayed with her family in Issan for a month. It was a good experience but It's about the money and a better life. Your only young don't get to serious they will see you as a good catch for her.

[personchester]

Be yourself and let them take care of you.

Take spoke prepared food for yourself, make sure your girlfriend explains why. But also try there food.

Ps: keep your wallet at home.

To try eating their food is not essential nor advisable, it is too spicy and too smelly, but those chaps that like it should eat it.

To help, or not help the Thai wife's family financially is entirely a personal matter and should not be generalized

I know many westerners married to Thai girls who help and support her families because the are generally poor and do of course appreciate the receiving help and are happy.

I have done and still do the same, helping my wife's aged father and mother continuously, I have bought my wife's two brothers each a 4 x 4 wheel Pick-up and they are now able to sell their farm products themselves directly to the public by driving to several markets within their region, as a result their income has increased substantially.

The above Thai wife's family help depends of course entirely on one's personal financial situation, and it is not something that should be recommended or denied, it is entirely a personal matter and should not be generalized.

[Gsxrnz]

The more I think about this thread, the more comes to mind of my virgin visit. Here's a couple more:

Umbrellas (as well as flip-flops and cigarettes) are also considered communal property.

If Grandfather or Father say they like your shirt, it means they would really appreciate you giving it to them.

Being rainy season, your feet will be continually wet and muddy - if you're wearing jeans, roll them up.

The "shower", if they have one, will be rain or river water. Or you may be reduced to a swill down from a stone jar with a saucepan. My advice - stay dirty.

Don't show too much interest in the 7 year olds, or they'll be constantly two steps behind you.

Be prepared for the shanty with next to no walls, but a 9 foot satellite dish parked outside.

At night you won't be able to sleep because of the neighbour playing loud Isaan music till 5am, the insects making so much noise outside, the insects in your bed. Whoops - no bed, you're sleeping on the floor, but they'll still get you.

Don't touch any electrical outlets for any reason. I got a T-shirt for that one!!

If given the opportunity to slingshot the chicken for dinner, decline. You will miss and possibly hit a dog - it may still be classified as dinner.

And nobody thus far has mentioned your mode of transport. Are you taking a Suicide Bus, a Suicide Van, or a Suicide Train?

Edit: And finally, if you think somebody is asking you your name, tap your chest and say "kee-niau". In fact, repeat this phrase whenever somebody says anything at all to you.

Edited September 14, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[Sydebolle]

This sums it quite nicely:

Edited September 14, 2013 by Sydebolle

[AYJAYDEE]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

if you are sleeping with this girl, i can assure you that her mother expects a wedding. this is not bangkok you're dealing with here.

[AYJAYDEE]

Avoid meeting them, don't visit their home, nothing there for a foreigner.

Are you seriously agreeing to marry the girl?

Because that's what meeting the parents means in a Thai village.

The meeting is called 'promise to marry'.

Remember the above, as that is the Thai thought of you coming to the village, they expect/hope that you will get married and especially if you are staying/sleeping in their house, that basically means that you ARE already married.

If, as you said, you don't want to marry her yet, stay somewhere else for the night, such as a hotel or guesthouse and only spend the days eating/drinking at their home.

Other than that, just be respectful and laugh/smile a lot, even if you have no idea what they are doing or talking about. Of course try their food, at least some of it and if you have a good girl, then she would have already told her parents that you, a farang, are not used to eating Thai food and perhaps wouldn't like it. This is important, as the parents don't know anything about farangs and they will take it as an insult if you don't eat, that is why your girlfriend has to tell this in advance to her parents.

somebody gets it! well said.

[slipperylobster]

...forget all that cultural hog wash. be yourself. if they still like you, then its just a money thing and you need to run.

[thatguy]

The gifts you bring sort of set a precedent, don't be too lavish or it will become expected next visit. Bottle for dad, an envelope for mom when you leave. Amount up to you, your visit shouldn't be a deficit for them.

thaimlord post 143 seemed about right on