Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

[metisdead]

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[x0r1987]

I brought a firm handshake for dad, a big hello for mum, and paid for dinner a few times and brought a bottle for myself, dad and uncle to enjoy...

Went down quite well I think... Mrs is still with me, and ive gotten quite friendly with a lot of the family over FB

We meet in Australia though, and she has been here a long time... She was disgusted when I said people had suggested bringing an envlope for money for a first meeting haha.... (Id read that via Phuket-Info posts some time ago.. not here)

You may well end up feeling like a side liked oddity wondering why you are being ignored. I witnessed it happening to a guy this year and it ended up with a cringe worthy moment when the guy complained, his lady passed on the complaint, and the master of the house ( who had been ignoring him ) said "What's wrong with you, can you not relax in my house?".

He should have said, of course I can relax in your house, but when its hard to understand the conversation, and the people around are choosing to ignore me, it is hard to be comfortable...

No reason for deer in the head lights.... People with concerns should voice then... Cultural respect goes both ways, and just because this happened in Thailand, does not mean the Thai people need to ignore the fact someone from a different culture is present.

Then again, I come from a culture that shows concern for guests and 'new people' to a group or scene... I have no qualms saying a lot of Thai's dont seem to show this concern....

Edited September 14, 2013 by x0r1987

[dao16]

I brought a firm handshake for dad, a big hello for mum, and paid for dinner a few times and brought a bottle for myself, dad and uncle to enjoy...

Went down quite well I think... Mrs is still with me, and ive gotten quite friendly with a lot of the family over FB

We meet in Australia though, and she has been here a long time... She was disgusted when I said people had suggested bringing an envlope for money for a first meeting haha.... (Id read that via Phuket-Info posts some time ago.. not here)

You may well end up feeling like a side liked oddity wondering why you are being ignored. I witnessed it happening to a guy this year and it ended up with a cringe worthy moment when the guy complained, his lady passed on the complaint, and the master of the house ( who had been ignoring him ) said "What's wrong with you, can you not relax in my house?".

He should have said, of course I can relax in your house, but when its hard to understand the conversation, and the people around are choosing to ignore me, it is hard to be comfortable...

No reason for deer in the head lights.... People with concerns should voice then... Cultural respect goes both ways, and just because this happened in Thailand, does not mean the Thai people need to ignore the fact someone from a different culture is present.

Yeah, I found that comment random as well. Usually, if Thais are ignoring you, there is something wrong. I can't get people to ever leave me alone, hehe. Seriously, though, they are sort of constantly asking "where are you going?" or if I need another pillow or a fan or food....it never stops, really.

[x0r1987]

I brought a firm handshake for dad, a big hello for mum, and paid for dinner a few times and brought a bottle for myself, dad and uncle to enjoy...

Went down quite well I think... Mrs is still with me, and ive gotten quite friendly with a lot of the family over FB

We meet in Australia though, and she has been here a long time... She was disgusted when I said people had suggested bringing an envlope for money for a first meeting haha.... (Id read that via Phuket-Info posts some time ago.. not here)

You may well end up feeling like a side liked oddity wondering why you are being ignored. I witnessed it happening to a guy this year and it ended up with a cringe worthy moment when the guy complained, his lady passed on the complaint, and the master of the house ( who had been ignoring him ) said "What's wrong with you, can you not relax in my house?".

He should have said, of course I can relax in your house, but when its hard to understand the conversation, and the people around are choosing to ignore me, it is hard to be comfortable...

No reason for deer in the head lights.... People with concerns should voice then... Cultural respect goes both ways, and just because this happened in Thailand, does not mean the Thai people need to ignore the fact someone from a different culture is present.

Yeah, I found that comment random as well. Usually, if Thais are ignoring you, there is something wrong. I can't get people to ever leave me alone, hehe. Seriously, though, they are sort of constantly asking "where are you going?" or if I need another pillow or a fan or food....it never stops, really.

Totally agree.... When we were with the family, I often found myself quite bombarded with questions and topics of conversation from people (i vividly remember going to a floating restaurant thing... about 20 of us... at one point I literally had 5 people trying to hold a conversation with me...

While my mrs has been in Oz for a long time, my understanding is that most her family, and those that I meet, are Thai based, so i would have thought statistically, I saw the norm....

[Johpa]

Memorise the word -aroy (even if the food is muck say aroy with a big smile when eating) worked for me and I'm still eating the sh*te the MIL cooks 20 years on.

(To harsh so self-deleted)

Edited September 14, 2013 by Johpa

[ozyjon]

They live in the countryside in ubon ratchatani and from what I can take from the pics I have seen they are not overly wealthy.

I'd love to see the photos but in reality i have thousands of my own, just wondering if i know her from before,,,

Take a bottle of Johnny with you but get the red one,, don't flash the money too much and chill.

[Acharn]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

I think one thing you need to do is tell your girl friend not to take off with some old friends and leave you alone there. Once she gets back home she may get so wrapped up catching up with old buddies she'll forget that you're sitting there feeling utterly helpless. Unless, of course, you know how to speak Isaan Thai (pretty much like Lao, except in some areas they have the "r" sound).. Actually, most people in Isaan now speak Central Thai, too -- they learn it in school, thanks to King V's reforms to unify the nation -- but there are still areas where they don't speak it at home. Anyway, it's going to be stressful, if nt terrifying. Try to bear in mind that most Thais are just darned nice people; they have a strong tradition of hospitality; and they are going to be making a lot of allowances for you because they will assume you don't know anything. On the other hand, of course, they will probably assume you are rich, and maybe, by their standards, you are.

[giggles]

they will expect a big noisy party for everyone in the neighborhood with crates of beer and a very high powered HIfi system blasting out at ear breaking Db long into the night .this is to declare to all that they have snared a farang and life will be easy from now on

[Tchooptip]

It is ok to point your feet at things, no problems.

If you drop some money pick it up with your toes.

When you see someone asleep on the floor it is ok to just step over them.

It is traditional to pat people on the head, it is akin to western handshake.

Feet up on the coffee table is just fine.

When first meeting the parents give them a big hug.

No sniff kissing, must be lip kisses.

It is ok eat with your shirt off.

When sitting around on the floor, make sure you sit in the higher position.

Wai everyone you see, especially the kids, it teaches them good manners.

After eating take the dishes away and start cleaning them yourself.

Never, I repeat never put ice in your beer, they are trying to trick you.

Eat food with your left hand.

These are the simple things I remembered to do when I met my ex-wifes family, it wasn't my fault they were racist and didn't like me.

Too much but I cannot stop laughing

[Mossfinn]

No he won't, but I really wish he would.

[rgs2001uk]

they will expect a big noisy party for everyone in the neighborhood with crates of beer and a very high powered HIfi system blasting out at ear breaking Db long into the night .this is to declare to all that they have snared a farang and life will be easy from now on

Not so far from the truth, you only need to read Thai FB pages or things such as Sanook, to see comments such as,

ruay laew,

after some girl has posted pics of her and her latest beau.

[Merangue]

Be yourself

Be respectful but not cringingly so.

Tell your girl you want her to keep you informed of what is going on around you. Remind her frequently.

Expect lots of locals to turn up to see the Farang. Especially kids and the elderly. Do not take offense if they want to touch your white skin ( assuming it is white )

Smile a lot but have an excuse ready for some alone time. ( headache, tired, too hot etc. )

Don't assume the old man likes to drink. My first time I found out he didn't drink and in fact didn't like people who drink very much.

Learn a few very basic phrases such as greeting and please/thank you.

If you do drink or smoke expect to share if only so they can try Farang brands.

Bring some food that is reasonable for you and if at all possible good for the family. Let your girl do the cooking.

Set a budget and stick to it. Tell your girl what the budget is and keep a reasonable reserve as you will probably need it. ( first time I visited I learnt to let my girl take over on the cash. Just hand the budget to her and she will be more tight fisted than you will ever be )

Expect the ice cream man to set up shop outside and all the village kids to turn up to gawk at you.

Expect some of the locals to come and try out their English on you. ( expect not to understand 90% of what they are trying to say.)

Relax and enjoy the experience.

Don't expect chairs, beds and other comforts. Most don't use them.

99% likelihood it will be a squat loo and no paper. plan for it.

Take a book if you are staying more than the day.

Ask your girl if there is an ice box and get lots of liquid ( water, juice, coke, etc to put in it. ) Bring extra coke and juice for the kids.

Sweets go down well with everyone.

[Merangue]

Go and enjoy it with an open mind. You may get bored quickly though. Life can be very simple up there. May be an idea to have a good supply of beers and a good book to read.

I'm sure you will enjoy it.

It should be a fun and interesting experience. I would arrive with groceries and beer. Smile, wai the elders and find a hammock to relax in and watch the world go by.

My in-laws are wonderful, generous and very hard working rice farmers. They treat me like a rock star and never ask for anything. I put in a western bathroom for about 8000 baht this year. Papa did all the work, now I really enjoy my visits. Squat toilet and dumping cold water over my head for a shower left a little to be desired, now it's perfect except for the roosters going off at 5AM.

Lucky you. My roosters "work" around the clock.

My inlaws put in a western loo for me without asking for any money etc. It was so I was more willing to come and visit with my wife on her holidays. Bar one or two times when they have been a bit short on cash they have never needed any money from me and they are very poor. simple fact is that there are a lot of good hard working people in isaan who do not deserve the reputation they have.

Roosters on the other hand are an evil and should have their cockadoodle doo's removed at hatching.

[BB1955]

Dont be flashey with money be polite and dont kringe when its time for bed and everyone sleeps in the same room on the floor . If you ate beans that day everyone will know its you ... Remember its a squat toilet not a sit down one . And no that big cement thing filled with water isnt the bath tub... And dont double dip with your fork and spoon ......

Oh yea remember the experience because you go once you will go often ..... The fan also is used to keep the mosquitos off you ........

Edited September 14, 2013 by BB1955

[x0r1987]

Dont be flashey with money be polite and dont kringe when its time for bed and everyone sleeps in the same room on the floor . If you ate beans that day everyone will know its you ... Remember its a squat toilet not a sit down one . And no that big cement thing filled with water isnt the bath tub... And dont double dip with your fork and spoon ......

Oh yea remember the experience because you go once you will go often ..... The fan also is used to keep the mosquitos off you ........

Probably not an option for everyone.... but if the family is close to a hotel... book the hotel... lol

I am going to assume BB1955 was not close to a hotel... Or if he was, he must love roughing it

[tomjerry]

This sums it quite nicely.

I can't stop laughing..great pic

[metisdead]

More posts containing overly derogatory generalizations toward Thais have been removed as well as the replies.

[Litlos]

I just back today from another adventure in Isaan so a few things. Take a flannel with you for washing as the chance of a proper shower is about 0.01%, trying to get clean using the dipper and the big water tank is to hard, and the water is cold. Take about a 6 pack of toilet rolls and do not be surprised if it gets put on the dinner table as tissues (not just Thailand on this one). I normally take about 500Baht in 20Baht notes for the constant small things, like ice, the travelling soup kitchen, the travelling BBQ etc etc. The previous comments about everything being communal are accurate, so a small toiletries bag for your soap and toothbrush/paste are a good idea.

The mosquito's are vicious in these areas and you do not want a dose of Dengue fever, so take some good repellant with you as may be hard to find there. I tried the new "Off" in the white can this time and only ended up with about 5 bites for the 5 days, not bad. The Off in the orange can is also good, but seems to wear off after about 4 hours, so the little buggers just wait and get you while you are asleep.

Do not flash to much money around as you will be making a rod for your own back later if you do. The TGF takes care of the envelope for mama when you leave, though its contents may well come from your wallet. Yes you will be expected to buy a few drinks, no problem, but keep it sensible and go with the flow.

My first visit was going to be an overnight and then keep driving, but an auntie died the next morning, so ended up staying for the funeral, and that is something really different. After we had been in the village about 2 hours the TGF was laughing, ok what is so funny. Well I drove up instead of catching the bus, we bought some food from the market, whereas other falang bring their own, and when her sister cooked the food it was boringly non spicy, so I asked for some chilli. All the things the other villagers were telling them about the falang was wrong, and the Thai's do love a good laugh.

The food they normally eat will probably not to be to your taste, handfuls of sticky rice, some meat or fish and what looks like a lot of leaves and weeds, all with heaps of garlic and chilli. My way around this is to go to the market buy some pork or seafood and probably some cooked corn and maybe a cabbage for soup and some fruit, get extra as you will be sharing. The corn and the fruit will be popular so make sure you eat this soon after getting back, or communal property rules will be invoked. In fact a trip to the market for some soup, corn or chicken on skewers eaten at the market can be a nice lunch, as long as you do not mind to many flies.

Yes you will be eyed up as potential husband material and maybe as an ATM. But this will not happen if you do not let it happen.

Cheers

[ericthai]

... I genuinely just think its a vist to see her family and to have a look around ubon nothing more.

Allot of good advise and as usual some TV members being themselves. Like Trans Am said dont worry if you are ignored or they seem scared.

When I first my my mother in law I was the first white person she ever saw. She was scared of me. Her dad is a drinker so as long as I had whiskey he was happy.

Over time her mom warmed up to me and now loves me. As stated dont touch kids on the top of the head. Dont show the bottom of your feet. Something upsets you dont yell, stay calm. They might call you Falang and not your name. My wife introduced me to her partners by my name and they have always called me by name. Some other family members would call me falang but my mother in law would correct them. However allot of guys I know their in-laws always call them falang and not by name so dont get upset.

As for saying this meeting is a promise to marry, that depends on how she handles things with her family. I have had girls I known that we were just friends and stayed at her home while visiting that area and no problem it was understood just friends. We slept in different rooms.

Would be a good idea to go to the market and buy food. This way you can make sure you get something you like to eat. Dont bring your own food as some have suggested. Be polite. In would bring a book to read as if they ignore you, then you have something to do. Could be possible they have an out house, so be prepared for that. I went to one girls house once about 10 years ago and they had a out house. Of course had the tanks outside for washing up. No shower, no hot water.

Just go with the flow. Good luck, have fun and enjoy yourself!

[enyaw]

On the first night they'll run you a nice bath not western standards of course and a bit chilly but it's customary.

[caykay]

Just for the record Iam 27 years old and have no big pension nor do I have loads of money in the bank my thai friend knows this. So the suggestion from some that she is planning on marring etc is wrong Imo.

Correction, you are from a western country and therefore swimming in cash, whether you like it or not. I went to my wife's village before we got married and that is exactly what happened. If her family is good and interested in her happiness, then it will be fine. Just keep your wits about you and glean the information that every here has suggested you do. And this is you saying you want to get married. Boyfriends don't visit, future husbands di

[Colabamumbai]

I would ask them if the could loan you 10,000 Baht for a week? Their reaction will tell you many things...

And it is perfectly ok to touch kids on the head in Thailand, not elders. Thais do it all the time to kids and I do also to my students, after some aprehension.

Most white coloured hair shampoos work as good mosquito repellant. (replying to another poster), and white clothes as mosquitos prefer black.

[FiftyTwo]

As for saying this meeting is a promise to marry, that depends on how she handles things with her family. I have had girls I known that we were just friends and stayed at her home while visiting that area and no problem it was understood just friends. We slept in different rooms.

Lucky you, you've been to some very upmarket village homes!

The villages I stayed in, the houses (aka sheds) only had one room and everyone slept together.

[David48]

Actually ... if it's OK to share ... what's her FaceBook name ... the photos and comments would be great to share.

Every Thai girl has FaceBook ...

[BookMan]

Actually ... if it's OK to share ... what's her FaceBook name ... the photos and comments would be great to share.

Every Thai girl has FaceBook ...

Very often 2 or 3 accounts

[ericthai]

As for saying this meeting is a promise to marry, that depends on how she handles things with her family. I have had girls I known that we were just friends and stayed at her home while visiting that area and no problem it was understood just friends. We slept in different rooms.

Lucky you, you've been to some very upmarket village homes!

The villages I stayed in, the houses (aka sheds) only had one room and everyone slept together.

Yes slept in those too. LOL

[tomacht8]

I done the bar scene loads and I plan to keep doing it lol. I just thought a few days away to a see a different part of the country would be fun.

Sorry to say this, and please do not feel attacked, but you have no idea what a visit to her parents in a small traditional rice farming village really means,

especially if you plan to stay in their hut overnight.

If you're there you'll be sure the event and talk of the village for a week.

Everyone will laugh and be friendly to you, but you'll understand zero.

Sounds like as if you have no serious intentions with the girl. Do you girl a favor and do not visit her parents.

The country people are all very nice and welcoming, but they think very, very traditional.

Discuss this with your girlfriend first!

Edited September 15, 2013 by tomacht8

[farang000999]

Where does this girl work? Where did you meet her? How long have you known her? How old is she? You give us literally no information besides that she lives in Ubon and that you have no plans to be faithful to her in the future - not sure why you felt it necessary to tell us that little tidbit.

[Gsxrnz]

Actually ... if it's OK to share ... what's her FaceBook name ... the photos and comments would be great to share.

Every Thai girl has FaceBook ...

Very often 2 or 3 accounts

Priceless comment Bookman, love it!

[FiftyTwo]

This story reminded me of another don't.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/667914-a-true-story-finally-told/

Don't let them strand you in the village with no way out.

These villages can we way out in the sticks, with no transport, and nobody in the village prepared to help you escape.

SO don't go with a big bag, you may be forced to walk out.

Been there, trapped for 7 days, I wanted to leave after 1, but excuse after excuse was given.