Overhead in a bar

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Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them...
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I remember a few years back, being absolutely heartbroken when my girlfriend walked out on me over my obsession with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day...
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If I found out I only had a week to live, I'd spend it with my mother in law.

It would be the longest bloody week of my life.
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I was chatting up a girl in a bar when she asked, "Where do you work to pay for a fancy watch like that and your Lamborghini"?

"The primary school down the street" I told her.
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It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey; but I've turned myself around, and that's what it's all about
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A man has been seen acting suspiciously near a bird enclosure at the local convent. Obviously a Nun's aviary character
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The Government has announced that benefit cheats will now be dealt with as harshly as fraudulent bankers.

I'm not sure giving them Knighthoods is the right way to go
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If the Mayans have taught us anything, it's that if you don't finish something, it's not the end of the world...
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A Hall of Fame recently opened to honor outstanding female soldiers. It was a WAC's Museum.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
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Chinese takeaway £14

Petrol to pick it up £2

Getting home and realising the silly so and sos have forgotten one of your containers:

Rice less
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http://www.johns-jokes.com/joke-of-the-day/2013/september.html
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