dating a shy university girl

[celso]

Hey guys, I've been in bangkok for a year, long time forum reader. First time I've wanted to start a topic.

I've recently started dating a girl and she's shy.. I could use some advice about getting more physical from anyone who know more about Thai culture.

(Disclaimer: I've dated several other girls since I got here and had no problems, it all happened easily over the first few dates - but they were older.)

The girl im seeing: she's 20, a university student. Really sweet girl.. but I wasnt surprised when she told me im the first guy she's dated outside of high school: she hardly made eye contact the first time we went out. We've been going out for six weeks now, and she is getting more comfortable, but still quite shy - especially physically.

I know she likes me, but so far the most we do is hand holding (which she giggles at). I'm happy to wait for her... but after six weeks it feels a bit lame that we still havent even kissed. It's like we're back in high school.

So I'd like to move things on but i'm not sure how. We go out in the day because she has a curfew... go to movies, the park, ice skating, etc. We're always in public where I think she'd be too embarrassed. I need somewhere more private, but I know she wouldnt be comfortable coming to my home yet.

Any suggestions? And - is this normal in Thai culture, a girl this age? All the other girls I've seen here were 27+.

(Just wanna be clear: I like this girl, I'm not trying to hit and quit)

[Tim1980]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

[celso]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Yes, I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long to be where we are? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed, if you're not escalating things.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Edited December 12, 2013 by celso

[lemoncake]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

Edited December 12, 2013 by lemoncake

[mrtoad]

Pictures please in uniform.

[mrtoad]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

Great idea, why not go the whole hog and suggest Rohypnol??

Seriously, alcohol should not be a savior.

[celso]

 

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

A good idea, but neither of us drinks unfortunately.

[lemoncake]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

Great idea, why not go the whole hog and suggest Rohypnol??

Seriously, alcohol should not be a savior.

Rohypnol, is that speaking from experience?

[mrtoad]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

Great idea, why not go the whole hog and suggest Rohypnol??

Seriously, alcohol should not be a savior.

Rohypnol, is that speaking from experience?

You clearly missed the context Lemon.

[manarak]

I now steer clear of the unexperienced, because it's just sooo tedious.

I had a couple of girls who had Japanese boyfriends before, and these were fun!

[lemoncake]

You clearly missed the context Lemon.

yes clearly

[Gulfsailor]

First ask if she is Muslim. If so, you need to convert before you can take it to the next level. Otherwise unlikely this will go anywhere.

In the more likely scenario that she is not a Muslim, she is probably just from a conservative background, where messing around with a boyfriend is frowned upon until some serious commitments are made. Also likely is that her family may not approve of her dating a foreigner and she is in limbo how to move forward. She would be ashamed to admit to this initially. In either case it will help if you invite a good female older friend, cousin or someone she trusts and looks up to to accompany you two on a date. Show the third person how charming you are, as she will be the one to decide on your future with the girl. At 20 she just isn't sure what to do, so she needs some backup. Offer it.

Been there done that with my gf. Family weren't really into foreigners (put mildly), but a couple of dates with chaperones (friends and female boss) gave her the courage to go through with it, disregarding her fears what her family might think. Very happy together for over 8 years now!!

[Aussieroaming]

First ask if she is Muslim. If so, you need to convert before you can take it to the next level. Otherwise unlikely this will go anywhere.

In the more likely scenario that she is not a Muslim, she is probably just from a conservative background, where messing around with a boyfriend is frowned upon until some serious commitments are made. Also likely is that her family may not approve of her dating a foreigner and she is in limbo how to move forward. She would be ashamed to admit to this initially. In either case it will help if you invite a good female older friend, cousin or someone she trusts and looks up to to accompany you two on a date. Show the third person how charming you are, as she will be the one to decide on your future with the girl. At 20 she just isn't sure what to do, so she needs some backup. Offer it.

Been there done that with my gf. Family weren't really into foreigners (put mildly), but a couple of dates with chaperones (friends and female boss) gave her the courage to go through with it, disregarding her fears what her family might think. Very happy together for over 8 years now!!

Speaking from experience you are off the mark if you think the muslim girls are most conservative if that comment is based on religion. I had two muslim girlfriends while I was working in Indo and they were pretty much like western girls in their attitude to a relationship.

Agree wholeheartedly with comment 2, she's most likely from a conservative Thai family.

So my view is that the OP gives her some space and be patient and prove that you are the genuine.

My wife was pretty conservative when we met as well and always probing to make sure I wasn't a "butterfly". Once she realized I was genuine and committed she relaxed a lot.

[wooloomooloo]

...but after six weeks it feels a bit lame that we still havent even kissed.

Mate, my now wife screamed when I attempted to give her a peck on the cheek after she dropped me off on her motorbike back to my hotel and we had been seeing each other for months.

There was no hanky panky or kissy kissy until we were married.

Your idea of courting and your girlfriend's idea are worlds apart.

[Hardened Spanker]

...but after six weeks it feels a bit lame that we still havent even kissed.

Mate, my now wife screamed when I attempted to give her a peck on the cheek after she dropped me off on her motorbike back to my hotel and we had been seeing each other for months.

There was no hanky panky or kissy kissy until we were married.

Your idea of courting and your girlfriend's idea are worlds apart.

You didn't even kiss your wife before you were married?

I just can't imagine how poor your sex life must be now you ARE married!

[beachproperty]

All this shy Thai girl is just total BS,they all love boom boom,problem is they won't make the first move so it really is "Up to you"!

Gotta agree......quit wasting time ....make a move! NOW....otherwise you'll be waiting until your married....Then what ...gotta test drive the goods

[Jasun]

Normal. Likely she isn't going to make the first move, so you're going to have to be patient or try your luck in being more forward. Just don't cross any boundaries. And double check she doesn't have a penis.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[NeverSure]

Aren't children cute?

[nottocus]

Tell her you've got a surprise present for her. Then tell her to shut her eyes. After that, kiss her (on the lips, cheek, or where ever you think is best).

See how she reacts. If she is offended, grossed out, screams etc. then tell her to eff off and find someone else.

[DavidMavec]

You gotta set the tone. But try to relax, you're not gonna get friendzoned like in the West (trust me, I know the feeling!).

[Skint]

...but after six weeks it feels a bit lame that we still havent even kissed.

Mate, my now wife screamed when I attempted to give her a peck on the cheek after she dropped me off on her motorbike back to my hotel and we had been seeing each other for months.

There was no hanky panky or kissy kissy until we were married.

Your idea of courting and your girlfriend's idea are worlds apart.

Let me get this straight, you did nothing until you were married? In Thailand? I can't believe what I am reading. Waltering.

[96tehtarp]

Talk to the girl about it privately.

[roamer]

All this shy Thai girl is just total BS,they all love boom boom,problem is they won't make the first move so it really is "Up to you"!

Of course they do, all the same, just like French, Venezuelan & Ascension Island girls. You've probably picked up a lot of things in your life but wisdom missed out....

[thailandbeachisland]

Get her drunk and you will be fine <3

[martynsnowmans]

o.k she,s a 20 year old schoolgirl and i,m guessing your in your 60,s ,

i know there,s not but there should be a law about it just being

WRONG .....

[Somtamnication]

Sounds like she found the wrong match. I would tell her to run away from you as fast and as far away as possible.

She deserves someone who respects her shyness and who has a higher moral compass. Just sayin'......

[JoeThePoster]

Does she talk much? If not she may be trying to hide her husky voice.

[kurnell]

Thai Visa forum....I can't think of a better place to seek advice regarding a virginal school girl

[Water Buffalo]

Use your hand until she's ready or go find a twenty year-old slut if that please you.

By the way, i study at university here and quite a few of my Thai female friends are virgins. Is your girlfriend a virgin? It would explain all of this.

Edited December 13, 2013 by Water Buffalo

[lemoncake]

Use your hand until she's ready or go find a twenty year-old slut if that please you.

By the way, i study at university here and quite a few of my Thai female friends are virgins. Is your girlfriend a virgin? It would explain all of this.

What is a virginity test ?

Should he put her in a bath and see if bubbles come up?

Also, does sexually active means "slut"? How old are you again?

Edited December 13, 2013 by lemoncake