Experiences with Thai wifes,

[stephen tracy]

Sorry to hear such unhappiness with your mate of 10 years. I too have been married for 10 years to an Issan women close to my age. She, though, is the exact opposite of your wife (glad to say). Although she is only formally educated through grade 4, she has raised a family (3 children) on her own for 10 years before I met her. When I did meet her she spoke NO English (met her at the hospital where she worked). Told her boss that she was special and I would like to take her out BUT she had to learn English for it to work. So ....sent her school at 45 and within six months (she studied hard and practiced all the time) she spoke passable English...enough so that we got married a few years into the relation. She is a fantastic mother, motivates her kids, a GREAT cook, and keeps a spotless house. I count my blessings having met her (married to 3 western women prior who's only motivation was to see how much money they could get out of me.....Not to say my Thai wife doesn't worry about money but on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being western women) my wife concern for money is about 3.

Hope the New Year brings better things for you and your family .....Good luck

Bit cheeky isn't it? Why didn't you offer to learn Thai...native English speakers are so arrogant.....I've never bee shy about learning other languages....

[stephen tracy]

I have a Thai wife 40 years younger than me and she was the hottest girl in Baby Go-Go, I have a wonderful life with her and her friends.

You're a sad, pathetic, white trash, sexpat embarrassment. The kind of person people laugh at. If you were my grandfather I'd be ashamed of you.

[1ma]

So im wondering if it is just her, whether its a issan thing or if other TV members have the same issue.

My Korean missus is extremely hard working, while also taking care of the home fantastically, loving and loyal.

Perhaps it's a Thai/Isaan thing.

Perhaps go to Korea for a few years and see if you miss the real Mrs. Right.

[1ma]

I have a Thai wife 40 years younger than me and she was the hottest girl in Baby Go-Go, I have a wonderful life with her and her friends.

You're a sad, pathetic, white trash, sexpat embarrassment. The kind of person people laugh at. If you were my grandfather I'd be ashamed of you.

Look over your shoulder Stephen, something just flew right over your head.

[dotpoom]

My wife is great, she did the work of two men when we were building our house, from cement mixing to wheeling a barrow full of rocks day after day (as i did myself). She takes care of the house and myself every day without a word of complaint but the most beautiful thing of all happened today....she bought flowers for the car and prayed in front of it in the manner they do, flowers for the Buddha altar and prayed there too ....and last but not least and to my great surprise ....flowers for myself for "Good Husband take care Khun (her name)"

I think it was the most beautiful gift i have received. I am not a wealthy man but i give her some money every month to spend on herself and send 2000 Baht home to her Mam. She has offered to return to work but I tell her it is not necessary yet, I just enjoy her company around the house.

PS. In case your wondering ...No, she did not pray to me after the car and the Buddha....but I'm working on that 5 5 5.

So she doesn't have a job and you pay her to be your wife?

Doesn't sound all that hard working to me.

You'r a sad little man really....to be pitied I suppose

[FiftyTwo]

So im wondering if it is just her, whether its a issan thing or if other TV members have the same issue.

My Korean missus is extremely hard working, while also taking care of the home fantastically, loving and loyal.

Perhaps it's a Thai/Isaan thing.

Perhaps go to Korea for a few years and see if you miss the real Mrs. Right.

Yeh but, you had to marry the girl before she would have sex with you (which is a bit of a risk), and her family will be ashamed that she married a foreigner.

[kikoman]

@kikoman and @beachproperty looks like you guys have a great Mrs congratulations,

What i was referring to in terms of urban village life what i meant was we live in the city but she acts like she wants to live in the village, and without meaning to sound predjudice my experince of village people are hard working people but people who are happy to just to go from day to day no particulary house proud, things like that, but thats just my experience not the norm.

Nah, they just have lower standards (or maybe their girls really are different).

Your wife sounds pretty normal for Thai folk, do the least you can get away with then stop.

Mine isn't different, she's exactly the same as yours (and everyone else's).

My fault, I chose pretty but in an ornamental sort of way.

You have express much about your married life on TV, my standards are much higher then yours. My wife has her own life and picks her own friends, and she has nothing in common with the women you always write about in posts, I do not know you and have no wish to and greatly prefer it that way.

I have never said my wife was better than anyone else, but I have always mentioned she is the best one for me and that I thank the lord every day that I found her!

[RichBKK]

Mine is a hard working bangkokian. If anything too hardworking and quite highly strung

She works from home but her mum still hasn't quite grasped that when she's at home she's working and not there to do housework, take her everywhere etc etc. culminates in a lot of arguing and today she had a bit of a nervous collapse after a massive row on this subject. My MIL response was 'I don't care' to the response that without the money my wife earns we would be destitute

Trouble is they won't let me near the kitchen or the mop or anything even though I try to insist. Also health issues (cancer) mean I can't work myself so she doesn't have to

Sometimes I wish I had a man cave or summat where I can escape for a few hours. Dunno if its a thai thing or not but small things can suddenly become massive problems in no time at all and generally speaking I prefer not to get too involved. Mostly my life is stress free but at times these silly things can be wearing

[rotary]

My Thai wife is not perfect but would I consider trading her in for western wife after 14 years..................not a chance in hell.

[GuestHouse]

Like I say, don't introduce anyone you love into discussion on TVF.

My point proven again and again and again……….

[hdkane]

While I was not formally married, I was absolutely devoted to a woman for 5 years. She was exactly as you describe your mate. She was unmotivated to improve her life at all, in any way. It was the most frustrating and demoralizing time in my life, as nothing I did seemed to matter. No opportunity I presented her or her family was embraced. They were not exactly lazy, but just did not want to do anything that was new or different. To the point of absolute stupidity (e.g., continued to wear uncomfortable shoes, simply because the shoes were of the style they wore up north...would not wear sunglasses, go to school, train for a better job, on and on). Finally, I just had to leave. I reluctantly accepted that I was financial security. Even with my help and support, there was no intention of improving the lives and lots of anyone in her family. Now, I am alone, but much happier. I am a psychologist by training, with two doctorates and 20 years of experience, mostly with children. I can honestly say that the only thing worse than 10 years in a bad marriage is 10 years and 1 day in a bad marriage. You are not helping your kids by having them in this environment. Talk to her. Make sure she understands the gravity of the situation. If there is no change for the better, you are obligated to yourself and your kids to make a change, with or without your spouse.

[simonuk]

A little background - Ive been with my wife for 5 years. We met in the uk a week after she arrived to study english. She was 23 not long out of univesity . I was 31 and a firefighter. I could hold a reasonable conversation in thai and her in english. She is from a town near chiang rai , her father is a christian minister and her mother a house wife.

I was attracted to hanna not only due to her sweet looks but because it was clear she was a bright girl with a fun sense of humour but most of all because she radiates goodness, ive never heard her swear , rarely raises her voice in frustration and seldom has a negative thing to say about people we know.

Shes very hard working , she works 3 part time jobs sometimes 60 hours a week and never grumbles.

Shes trusting and loyal.

I have never had a long term thai gf before so cant comment on other peoples experiences.

She is very thai, loves to sleep , watch lakorn , eat with her thai girlfriends and she does send some money to her parents, the amount is insignificant and more of a gesture as they dont really need it.

All things considered we are very happy , very rarely have anything to argue about , hanna has adapted to life in the uk with ease.

I can only imagine , if a man were to marry a girl 25 years younger than himself, no knowledge of western culture , worndown from working in a bar then that man may have a bumby ride (no pun intended)

I cant imagine these same men marrying an uneducated sex worker from a glasgow or baltimore housing project and expecting everything to be rosey. I know that may touch a nerve from some , and for some people it does work out well but for the majority . ? ?

Find a good girl , of similar age and interests treat eachother well and all should be ok.

Edited December 31, 2013 by simonuk

[DaptoDog]

You made a poor choice - you picked the wrong one. I didn't & many of my friends didn't either.

No, I made a good choice, I didn't want a servant.

Sex toy + baby making machine = good.

Like I said - poor decision making on your part translates into bitterness & resentment.

[FiftyTwo]

You made a poor choice - you picked the wrong one. I didn't & many of my friends didn't either.

No, I made a good choice, I didn't want a servant.

Sex toy + baby making machine = good.

Like I said - poor decision making on your part translates into bitterness & resentment.

Always happy to laugh at the guys who delude themselves.

No bitterness or resentment from me towards my wife, or my life.

[DaptoDog]

My wife is great, she did the work of two men when we were building our house, from cement mixing to wheeling a barrow full of rocks day after day (as i did myself). She takes care of the house and myself every day without a word of complaint but the most beautiful thing of all happened today....she bought flowers for the car and prayed in front of it in the manner they do, flowers for the Buddha altar and prayed there too ....and last but not least and to my great surprise ....flowers for myself for "Good Husband take care Khun (her name)"

I think it was the most beautiful gift i have received. I am not a wealthy man but i give her some money every month to spend on herself and send 2000 Baht home to her Mam. She has offered to return to work but I tell her it is not necessary yet, I just enjoy her company around the house.

PS. In case your wondering ...No, she did not pray to me after the car and the Buddha....but I'm working on that 5 5 5.

So she doesn't have a job and you pay her to be your wife?

Doesn't sound all that hard working to me.

You seem to be suffering from an extreme case of cognitive dissonance.

Try not to let your own pathetic experiences with Thai women cloud your judgement.

[benalibina]

OP, can relate to ur situation.......if it is this after 10 years.....accept and deal with it.....ur assumptions are correct most likely......to make it 100% sure that she really is unmotivated and only wants the simple urban life, which wont bring ur kids much educationwise i reckon, try communicating with her differently from how u are doing now.....take a hard look at urself and be honest......u have 2 kids together......u must lead in that.....a simple mind is not always a joy forever....

Introspection and empathy......she wont do that....thats ur task.....good luck...

It doesn't sound you really do relate to the OP's situation. Ten years they have been together and he has talked to her, from what I gather, until he is blue in the face. What does he need to look at himself for? If you take what he says at face value, she lacks total and complete motivation to do anything in life that will better her life and worst of all her child's lives, which I think is criminal. Personally, I think it's time for him to move on, but with two kids that is not an easy decision to make especially in Thailand where your parental rights are in question given the huge prejudice against falang in this country.

As for myself, I'm somewhere around 75% happy after almost 5 years. She wanted a university education and no matter what her station in life (very poor), she made it happen and then made it happen for her younger sister. She is a great graphic designer and there are many things about her I'm proud of, though I wish at times she had a little more old Thai values with respect to taking care of the house, but I didn't necessarily come here to be waited on hand and foot and she works and I don't. As far as cooking, I'm happy to do my own and from time to time she will cook some Thai dish at my request.

Well...whether i can relate or not.....always easy to put the blame, in this situation, on the woman. He might have said it all becoming blue in the face but maybe he said it the wrong way, wrong tone. If his wife is an unmotivated and complacent woman with the mentality as he decribes doesnt have to mean that there is totally no motivation. Thats why i wrote that OP must lead in this. How to communicate is, sadly, enough for many more important than what they say. As he has kids with her and he probably is more intelligent, responsible and educated than his wife.....he needs to lead....meaning taking a step back and form a way of communicating to her. He must make honestly sure that he himself is not part of the wifes attitude. If all that after a while doesnt bring anything....time to move on. But only then.....they have kids for godssake..

[DaptoDog]

My wife is great, she did the work of two men when we were building our house, from cement mixing to wheeling a barrow full of rocks day after day (as i did myself). She takes care of the house and myself every day without a word of complaint but the most beautiful thing of all happened today....she bought flowers for the car and prayed in front of it in the manner they do, flowers for the Buddha altar and prayed there too ....and last but not least and to my great surprise ....flowers for myself for "Good Husband take care Khun (her name)"

I think it was the most beautiful gift i have received. I am not a wealthy man but i give her some money every month to spend on herself and send 2000 Baht home to her Mam. She has offered to return to work but I tell her it is not necessary yet, I just enjoy her company around the house.

PS. In case your wondering ...No, she did not pray to me after the car and the Buddha....but I'm working on that 5 5 5.

So she doesn't have a job and you pay her to be your wife?

Doesn't sound all that hard working to me.

You seem to be suffering from an extreme case of cognitive dissonance.

Try not to let your own pathetic experiences with Thai women cloud your judgement.

Rather than insult me, why not point out where my conclusions were in error.

If you must pay a woman to live with you, why not just come out and admit it?

There are many old or undesirable guys in the world, when they come to Thailand, many of them forget what they are.

But the only person they are deceiving is themselves.

I am an old guy with a young wife.

I don't have a brilliant personality, I'm not hansum, but I do have some money.

There you go ...... Reality.

Try it yourself some day, it actually works.

"I came here on holiday, age 52, to have a breather from a nasty divorce." FiftyTwo

Just to remind you....

"Nah, they just have lower standards (or maybe their girls really are different).

Your wife sounds pretty normal for Thai folk, do the least you can get away with then stop.

Mine isn't different, she's exactly the same as yours (and everyone else's).

My fault, I chose pretty but in an ornamental sort of way."

Like I said - My wife is not the same as yours.

No, I didn't come to Thailand aged 52.

"Always happy to laugh at the guys who delude themselves." - no delusion here - 35+ years living/visiting Thailand.

So an inadequate 52 year old with money can snare a 20 something peasant girl from a third world country? How long did it take you to work that out?

52 years old? Good on ya - you snagged a little Thai honey many years your junior - fantatsic - all the Thai Visa members are insanely jealous - this has never been done before.

"If you must pay a woman to live with you, why not just come out and admit it?"

Again - like I said before - my wife is not like yours. She works - 40 hours a week.

"I don't have a brilliant personality, I'm not hansum, but I do have some money.

There you go ...... Reality" - Christ on a bike who would of thought that.

One of the saddest things in the world is the 52 year old that has lived all his life in a bleak farang land existence coming along and proclaiming "REALITY".

[FiftyTwo]

One of the saddest things in the world is the 52 year old that has lived all his life in a bleak farang land existence coming along and proclaiming "REALITY".

So does that put you in the 'undesirable' category.

Couldn't get a woman in your own country?

Don't worry about it, happens to many.

PS

52 was my age when I moved to Thailand, not my current age (wish it was).

Happy new year!

Edited December 31, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[1ma]

So im wondering if it is just her, whether its a issan thing or if other TV members have the same issue.

My Korean missus is extremely hard working, while also taking care of the home fantastically, loving and loyal.

Perhaps it's a Thai/Isaan thing.

Perhaps go to Korea for a few years and see if you miss the real Mrs. Right.

Yeh but, you had to marry the girl before she would have sex with you (which is a bit of a risk),

I think they were refusing you with a polite excuse, mate.

and her family will be ashamed that she married a foreigner.

What, like strip all her Royal titles, then banish her from the Royal family and country?

Edited December 31, 2013 by 1ma

[MrGaoMungGawn]

About Thai Wife?

Better to know one,

Then to be one.

I would rather be married to one, then to be looking for one.

[thefamilyjules]

Of all the women I've dated and considered marrying, the factor which has most influenced long-term success and compatibility is, by far, the socioeconomic background of our respective families of origin. This has been the common element which led to dissatisfaction in terms of irreconcilable differences in intellectual development, self-respect, work ethic, life goals, family values, and emotional resiliency.

It did occur to me as well that your wife may be showing signs of emotional troubles. Thais tend to show their depression and anger sideways, as opposed to often more expressive western cultures. Or she could simply be very unhappy with her life and this might have little to do with you, yet in any case she doesn't have the resources to deal with it. Many Thai women seem to be socialized to whine and complain, and, quite frankly, to be emotionally dependent. It does sound likes a miserable situation for both of you and your children.

To #31: In many societies and in my mind, that relationship is on the verge of child's play, while in this country it has become normalized. I personally would be bored with and have more pity than respect for a sex worker who has been socialized to be an object and more of someone's possession or trophy rather than life partner.

[belg]

time for a new one ?

signing a bit of paper @ the ampur

and finding a new one or marrying your mia noi for a change ?

555555

[1ma]

Perhaps a divorce, then start dating Western women.

[DaptoDog]

One of the saddest things in the world is the 52 year old that has lived all his life in a bleak farang land existence coming along and proclaiming "REALITY".

So does that put you in the 'undesirable' category.

Couldn't get a woman in your own country?

Don't worry about it, happens to many.

PS

52 was my age when I moved to Thailand, not my current age (wish it was).

Happy new year!

"Mine isn't different, she's exactly the same as yours (and everyone else's).

My fault, I chose pretty but in an ornamental sort of way."

Obfuscation & related bull <deleted>.

I came to Thailand when I was 52

[mmushr00m]

The wife is an only child whose father was the body guard of a local pu yai in BKK so she is hot tempered, willful, competitive and stubborn.

Due to the occupation of the parent she ended up orphaned as a teenager. She put herself through Univ while working part time. Worked while we were living in Bangkok. After we moved to TO, enrolled herself for 1 year in English classes to learn "Canadianism" before going to do her post grad. Now working part time to get experience and to keep herself busy.

[Yodrak]

Like many of the other posters, my wife is an excellent wife, friend, and lover. Overall we are highly compatible and very grateful to have found each other. We frustrate each other from time to time, but it's rare and we always move on quickly. For what it's worth, she is Lanna, I am a Yankee, and we live in the USA midwest. We each have a Bachelor's degree and we share a birthday like Michael and Catherine.

[JSixpack]

How about just sticking to the topic of the OP's situation rather than fighting and arguing about one another's wives and marital relationships.

[Yodrak]

I agree with you about the back and forth fighting and arguing about one another's situations, but the OP did write,"looking for genuine experiences as im sure there are many!". So it's quite appropriate to present one's own situation rather than comment on the OP's situation, and let the OP compare and contrast for himself. :-)

How about just sticking to the topic of the OP's situation rather than fighting and arguing about one another's wives and marital relationships.

[Pii Kate]

Okay, so one side of the story is yours. As I read it I thought about the children. She doesn't do much for them? What about you? When the last time you helped with homework? took them to the zoo? How about a nanny who can give them more attention, if not more love? Housekeeper twice a week? What do you do with your full time job money? If you are working all of the time, what do you give her? Or did you intend to marry a servant?

[VINCENT2012]

sorry to tell you that in my opinion it is your fault, but you are not alone like this.

Most of foreigners they want the thai woman to live like us because it is nicer and better......it is wrong !100%.....they are not used to it....they don't understand it and they don't like it....perhaps at the biginning yes but at the end no!

i give you an exemple:

in my resort i have shower and hot water ok......but the father and mother of my wife when they come to my house go to the public toilet and clean themself as they do it in the farm. we have to let the people be what they want to be!

another mistake not to make:

never pay...never ever..police, girl friend, wife, family...what ever !...... instead if you want to help give the oportunity to work and earn money.

thats different and they will respect you more atthe end !

think about it

happy new year