Am I just a farang bank to her?

[Smiles]

I have to be perfectly honest with you, I should have not wasted my time writing on this thread. You don't honestly seem like a late 30's man, you seem like a young boy who has mistaken love for rejected attachment. By listening to people on this thread in many cases, you will become more confused. We are only reading what you have detailed and even this may have been lost in translation and then to add you are reading threads from people who have experienced good and bad relationships but mainly bad. You either live in love or fear, its that simple. Do not misunderstand this, don't be foolish and blind on the way. You seem like you have far too many doubts now, my best advice is to deal with this with your own heart, your intuition will lead you, you just have to follow it!

Totally agree.

If you are 'shopping' for a cheaper life long partner, the expectation differs.

Eg . Nearly everybody owns a pair of jeans. Some jeans at those factory outlets cost less than usd 10.

If you shop in high end boutiques with famous brands, it is going to cost you 10 x times or more.

So, if you equates love with cash - same thinking as the girl's family side, there is no end to it.

My advise is if you can afford, go for it and have a 'quality' life partner. How long the relationship last depends on how both of you make it work.

If you find the deal is just so expensive, walk away like a shopper and source elsewhere.

Ps

If you raise a kid for 19 yrs, you'll know how much is invested - both money , love and emotions. So take the asked dowery & other wedding expenses and divide by the years and it is actually nothing after converting into your home currency.

Maybe for those that wanted to make a profit out of such weddings, try to find a wealthy Indian bride and you may not grumble so much!

I find it rather depressing how some Falang grooms to be can be such cheap Charlie!

Can they even afford a 'Mail order bride' in their own country before coming to Thailand?

[zeichen]

I know you came to Thailand but when did you get your balls chopped off. Grow a pair, leave CM go to Bkk and bang 1 girl every day for 10 days and if you think that you are still in love with this 19 year old gold digger, then go buy her a house, car, give her 1 million baht and then jump off the top of the Holiday inn.

I just cannot believe a grown man is still playing around with this girl or even talking to her. If this was a white woman mid 30's with a great personality but played this garbage with you, you would have dumped her long ago.

[KunMatt]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

So it's been quite a journey and experience for us all and "YES" is the unsurprising answer to the title of this thread, thanks for playing OP, hope you enjoyed your game.

OK mods, you can close it now.

[Somtamnication]

OP, get all of your money back. Let's see how sincere she REALLY is.

Thailand is full of nice ladies. Start looking. The gold comes out like, 2 or 3 months later, if she is a good and decent girl.

[jomcondo]

OP beware of some of the advice on here that suggest you should be "paying for it" as it comes from people that have a money slave fetish whether they know it or not.

look it up, but basically it's a form of submission whereby they receive pleasure by giving a woman money and/or gifts, sometimes they will take it to extremes and financially ruin themselves.

[tingtongtingtong]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

So it's been quite a journey and experience for us all and "YES" is the unsurprising answer to the title of this thread, thanks for playing OP, hope you enjoyed your game.

OK mods, you can close it now.

+1

[mickyboy]

i met and married a thai female and we been together married 8years we also live in the uk now she or her parents have ever asked me for money in fact we moved here in the uk and she gave me £10,000 towards our new place which she earned while working here, and saved she has even told me that if we parted company she just walk away no obligation to give her any thing but yes if you love this girl and prepare to spend the rest your days shareing your life with her family where as european way is to see family maybe once couple weeks diffrent culture completely as the guy said you didnt really look into there culture just blinded by the look of this innocent looking girl mmmmmmmmmm child like but believe me under that is a clever girl who thinks for herslefe be prepared to except a lot change and her way or your be history she has her family to fall back on your thousands miles from home alone but if you want her and she really wants you then goodluck

ps remeber also if not there way then they can sulk for days and cut you off and be also prepared to lose every thing you given away and walk away as she under thai law she will own every thing these girls come at a price and are really 2 a penny and are driven by money

[tingtongtingtong]

...diffrent culture completely as the guy said you didnt really look into there culture just blinded by the look of this innocent looking girl mmmmmmmmmm child...

Check out Hofsted's cultural dimensions

http://geert-hofstede.com/thailand.html

[RigPig]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

So it's been quite a journey and experience for us all and "YES" is the unsurprising answer to the title of this thread, thanks for playing OP, hope you enjoyed your game.

OK mods, you can close it now.

+1

If you guys are not interested then don't come here. Plenty of other people are (17 pages), so what do you think gives you the right to ask for it to be closed. STAY AWAY if you aren't interested. Or is this because you have NEVER had such a response to anything you have put up on TV.....

[KunMatt]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

So it's been quite a journey and experience for us all and "YES" is the unsurprising answer to the title of this thread, thanks for playing OP, hope you enjoyed your game.

OK mods, you can close it now.

If you guys are not interested then don't come here. Plenty of other people are (17 pages), so what do you think gives you the right to ask for it to be closed. STAY AWAY if you aren't interested. Or is this because you have NEVER had such a response to anything you have put up on TV.....

I'm so sorry you don't understand sarcasm. (FYI I was being sarcastic here too).

[IAMSOBAD]

The young kid is probably the child of A...your loving little virgin.

And the family probably has a con running on you and other Skype fools.

[Bikkii]

I know you came to Thailand but when did you get your balls chopped off. Grow a pair, leave CM go to Bkk and bang 1 girl every day for 10 days and if you think that you are still in love with this 19 year old gold digger, then go buy her a house, car, give her 1 million baht and then jump off the top of the Holiday inn.

I just cannot believe a grown man is still playing around with this girl or even talking to her. If this was a white woman mid 30's with a great personality but played this garbage with you, you would have dumped her long ago.

I totally agree. There is only one way this seems it will end. OP having no balls or thoughts, giving in, buying gold upon gold until its all gone.

Grow up boy, use what sense is inside that brain of yours and leave. She will move on to the next fool (normally twice your age) who will get suckered into this s@@t and the game will begin again. Oh dear, why are so many farang so pathetic?

[Blackfox]

If you are not a troll then forget the girl.

In addition to this; learn something of the people, culture and language before you make any emotional/financial commitment here.

Your situation in mind set warrants it, or you will never cut it here OP.

[weegee]

My gf gave me 2000 Baht the other day and sent me off to have a few beers for a couple of days.

The money is fast running out though....what should I do?

Find another girlfriend ??....with more money. 2000 baht is nothing...cut your loses and move on.....

Rgds

DR love

[Bikkii]

If you are not a troll then forget the girl.

In addition to this; learn something of the people, culture and language before you make any emotional/financial commitment here.

Your situation in mind set warrants it, or you will never cut it here OP.

Yep he is a troll.

[TheNativeSon]

So much "sound" advice from the "farang kwai" community, but not one suggestion that you get an "English Speaking" Thai lawyer first (they're everywhere in Chiang Mai),before you spend even one baht on that internet gold-digger). What's wrong with you, sir? Have you taken TOTAL leave of your senses? Again, get a lawyer's advice, and stop panhandling for advice, on this forum. It's time for you to WAKE-UP to reality, fr heaven's sake.

Do you have any idea just how ridiculous that statement is, "get a Thai lawyer", to advise on a relationship matter between a national and a farang, I'm oddly lost for words on this one!

Of course the "know-it-all" farangs who (1)couldn't make it @ homebase, (2) shacked-up in Thailand with some girl young enough to be their granddaughter, (3) beer for breakfast, lunch and supper, (4) tatooed to the hilt, (5) spending 20 hrs. daily "criticizing" others on this forum, yet giving absolutely no "usable" advice to expats in distress, would indeed consider my post ridiculous. Congratulations bloke! You're a REAL winner

[khunPer]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

[msealey]

So much "sound" advice from the "farang kwai" community, but not one suggestion that you get an "English Speaking" Thai lawyer first (they're everywhere in Chiang Mai),before you spend even one baht on that internet gold-digger). What's wrong with you, sir? Have you taken TOTAL leave of your senses? Again, get a lawyer's advice, and stop panhandling for advice, on this forum. It's time for you to WAKE-UP to reality, fr heaven's sake.

Do you have any idea just how ridiculous that statement is, "get a Thai lawyer", to advise on a relationship matter between a national and a farang, I'm oddly lost for words on this one!

Of course the "know-it-all" farangs who (1)couldn't make it @ homebase, (2) shacked-up in Thailand with some girl young enough to be their granddaughter, (3) beer for breakfast, lunch and supper, (4) tatooed to the hilt, (5) spending 20 hrs. daily "criticizing" others on this forum, yet giving absolutely no "usable" advice to expats in distress, would indeed consider my post ridiculous. Congratulations bloke! You're a REAL winner

agreed

quit smarking at 7pm 4 hours down!!

[ttthailand]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

yeah I did that! then she quickly texted me wanting me to come back. Said that if I bought her a baht of gold that she would take the day off tomorrow to spend with me. lol

Paying to get her off work . In Thailand they call that a bar fine ....

Sorry but this one is not a keeper. Get back what you can and move on.

One baht gold and she will take off work ... I guess so !!! Makes me laugh that she even thinks for a second that you or anyone could be so stupid.... Hahaha !!! She is not even smart ..... Another reason to move on.

[TheNativeSon]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

[tingtongtingtong]

If you guys are not interested then don't come here. Plenty of other people are (17 pages), so what do you think gives you the right to ask for it to be closed. STAY AWAY if you aren't interested. Or is this because you have NEVER had such a response to anything you have put up on TV.....

yes my self-esteem is that low I am jealous over a website thread (I wasn't being sarcastic), plus I believe its a troll (in addition I am having problems turning the notifications thing off (crap computer) to this thread)

maybe if a mod on TV or some website does something i suggest even something so world shattering like close a thread because little old me suggested it, I might get a feeling of power.

I would be very proud of myself all day

[David48]

.

Uncle David says ... start a relationship, any relationship, as you wish to live it.

It's appears that your start was less then optimal ... and I can't see a Silver Lining,

apart from a lesson learnt.

.

[David48]

...diffrent culture completely as the guy said you didnt really look into there culture just blinded by the look of this innocent looking girl mmmmmmmmmm child...

Check out Hofsted's cultural dimensions

http://geert-hofstede.com/thailand.html

That link was an interesting read.

I'm not a social demographier or psychologist ... so have no idea re it's validity.

Interesting though.

[tingtongtingtong]

...diffrent culture completely as the guy said you didnt really look into there culture just blinded by the look of this innocent looking girl mmmmmmmmmm child...

Check out Hofsted's cultural dimensions

http://geert-hofstede.com/thailand.html

That link was an interesting read.

I'm not a social demographier or psychologist ... so have no idea re it's validity.

Interesting though.

Thank you, I thought the same.

It's wrote (created) my a western so obviously has its own bias. I think some Chinese guy (name escapes me, sorry) created one of his own, so you could view them both to help minimize some cultural bias which you can't really get rid of anyway 100%.

The misses (Thai) is doing a Masters degree in Business or something along those lines at Uni (BKK) and he was one of the guys (there's a few) I found interesting regarding 'culture'. (I have a nosy through her books and junk sometimes).

This guys seems to know is stuff too and is a lecturer (I think) at Chulalongkorn uni' (BKK) among others:

http://www.cengage.com/search/productOverview.do?Ntt=195162455821227729111263531146907671911&N=16&Ntk=P_EPI

<a data-ipb="nomediaparse" data-cke-saved-href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstede" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstede" s_cultural_dimensions_theory"="">http://www.geerthofstede.nl/

masculine culture vs feminine culture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uE7n5cg6oU

[seajae]

sorry mate but its time to call her bluff, ask for your money back and just see how far you get. This is no longer even worth following, you are repeating posts every page, either you do what you know is right or you just dwell in your own shit, you have been given some good advice and some bad advice but you continually keep ignoring it, either you are full of it or you are trolling, sort yourself out and use your balls, stop being a naieve idiot

[sdshaman]

I have to be perfectly honest with you, I should have not wasted my time writing on this thread. You don't honestly seem like a late 30's man, you seem like a young boy who has mistaken love for rejected attachment. By listening to people on this thread in many cases, you will become more confused. We are only reading what you have detailed and even this may have been lost in translation and then to add you are reading threads from people who have experienced good and bad relationships but mainly bad. You either live in love or fear, its that simple. Do not misunderstand this, don't be foolish and blind on the way. You seem like you have far too many doubts now, my best advice is to deal with this with your own heart, your intuition will lead you, you just have to follow it!

Totally agree.

If you are 'shopping' for a cheaper life long partner, the expectation differs.

Eg . Nearly everybody owns a pair of jeans. Some jeans at those factory outlets cost less than usd 10.

If you shop in high end boutiques with famous brands, it is going to cost you 10 x times or more.

So, if you equates love with cash - same thinking as the girl's family side, there is no end to it.

My advise is if you can afford, go for it and have a 'quality' life partner. How long the relationship last depends on how both of you make it work.

If you find the deal is just so expensive, walk away like a shopper and source elsewhere.

Ps

If you raise a kid for 19 yrs, you'll know how much is invested - both money , love and emotions. So take the asked dowery & other wedding expenses and divide by the years and it is actually nothing after converting into your home currency.

Maybe for those that wanted to make a profit out of such weddings, try to find a wealthy Indian bride and you may not grumble so much!

I find it rather depressing how some Falang grooms to be can be such cheap Charlie!

Can they even afford a 'Mail order bride' in their own country before coming to Thailand?

It wasn't about cheap charlie so much as it was she would never make time to be with me! If she would show affection and spend ten minutes a day with me I would not care about money!

[sdshaman]

sorry mate but its time to call her bluff, ask for your money back and just see how far you get. This is no longer even worth following, you are repeating posts every page, either you do what you know is right or you just dwell in your own shit, you have been given some good advice and some bad advice but you continually keep ignoring it, either you are full of it or you are trolling, sort yourself out and use your balls, stop being a naieve idiot

I do not know why you say I am ignoring advice? I used the advice of this thread and made my decision! I am sorry I responded to a few people with the same answer...

[balo]

18 pages can be summarized in one word: Walk away!

[IAMSOBAD]

Send be five bars of gold and I promise to introduce you to a better woman and she has no family.

[Bazw57]

Every single Man that lives in Thailand or plans to visit should read this book first.

It could save you thousands and also a lot of heart ache.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0058DX2EK/ref=redir_mdp_mobile