Am I just a farang bank to her?

[BB1955]

Everyones got there story some better than others . Fact is money plays a big part in Thai culture . If you know this soon you are less likely to get taken advantage of . Personally I have always been of the opinion that if my stomach tells me something isn't quite right , it most likley isn't and I need to back away from what ever it is ...

Good Luck may the force be with you !

[Aussieroaming]

You are whatever you choose to be to her. If you want to be an ATM she will make use of it

[bino]

Have you actually seen her ID card and verified her age as being 19? It is my experience that about 80% of Thai women on dating sites lie about their age.

She could be 29, the seven year old child could be hers, the tuk tuk driver could be the father, and you are being screwed over like many other naive farangs before you.

In any case, the demand for 5 million baht was way over the top, even if she is 19 and a virgin. I agree with the majority here who tell you that this will end in tears (probably yours) and you should get out now.

[lakecross]

If you spent some of your internet time researching Thailand Culture BEFORE you decided to go on a social network site to meet your Bride, you may have found yourself in a different position ..... Look before you leap !! .... ... CHOKDEE ... Now over to the synpathisers .....

The guy already said he knew about dowrys? It's all very well telling people to "research Thailand culture" but not everybody spends hours on thaivisa every day. Even if he had have researched extensively, there's no hard and fast answer for how much a dowry is going to be, it could be any amount.

Personally I don't understand the concept of marriage or why people bother, why do people need a piece of paper issued by the state to consummate their love for each other? Tax breaks aside.

[puukao]

This thread is popular because everyone can relate to the "sorry, work all day with parents, oh you have money, i want money so bad. i love your money"

then, 200,000 baht later and Thailand is more expensive than dating a girl from NYC. oh, i feel like i got scammed......haha. but i love this country so much, how can she love money more than me.

i knew a 65 year old guy who paid 30,000 a month to this girl's family......she was 23. i'm sorry, to me, that is really wrong.

[lakecross]

If she is such a "good girl" ...............why the F was she on the net? If she was so good she would have Thai men looking to marry her.

:/ so every girl on the net is a bad person?

Maybe she has a preference for foreigners over thai men? Plenty of thai girls do.

[crazydrummerpauly]

Not worth responding to, as there's no 'ring of truth' to it..or, if it really is true, the op is beyond assistance.

[Mossfinn]

Not a sympathisers ,90% .yes 90 % of Thai women who look for so called "relationship" with a farang man are looking for a relationship with his bank account.and dont let any Thai visa poster tell you any different

A very clear and decisive statement, well done and well done again for getting such support in the form of 'likes'.

Any form of evidential criteria to support your such decisive claim, anecdotal will do, or have you met 10 Thai women and nine of them wanted a relationship with your bank account. I mean that is anecdotal enough, however if that is the case, I would suggest you and your like supporters are really the fools and really need to change your friends, acquaintances and where you hang out.

[maprao]

"the little girl, her sister, is probably her daughter, lol

That would make the girl 13 when she had her. Not likely.

REad all responses from the OP before making assumptions.

Actually if you have lived in the boonies 13 and 14 is a very common age to be looking after their kids and attending, and or, dropping out of school. lol

[stupot1952]

Don't fall for anything just love them and leave them don't be stupid enough to fall ok I wait you please send me money my mama sick or my child have to go school............................they all got about 2 or 3 mugs sending them money I would not send them a pork pie............... in pattaya now and just see a lad took to the cleaners..............................have a good time give them a 1,000 bhat and forget them

[sdshaman]

I gotta go agree with the 'get out brigade'.

The family asked you for 5 million Baht sin sod, you said no way, they then (IMO) panicked, thinking you would leg it, invented the 'engagement party' and 'gifts' story just to get something from you.

To me it seems suspect. I know of engagement parties but not with the tying of string. This is the real deal, ball and chain stylee!

Also of interest is the way the OP hasn't replied to any posts. He asked for advice but as of yet remains silent. I wonder...

actually I have replied to almost all the posts. And yes the tying of the strings was a little odd!

Haha, yes I see you have replied to many. My apologies.

Can I ask, did you both kneel, side by side with an almost 'wai' pose when the string was tied and have water poured on your hands?

No, and I understand it was just an engagement. But I never find any info on engagement like we did. I thought if it was tradition that it was tradition. Or is that up to the individual family??

[hawker9000]

Look. You've obviously already made up your mind and are just looking for moral support.. As these 10pgs of responses, and SO many other related threads, should have made very clear to you, it's a lottery. It's also your life; nobody else's. The consequences, good or bad, will be entirely yours to enjoy or deal with. The only rational advice anyone can really give you is to expect to have to handle either one YOURSELF. So, good luck to you - 'honestly hope you're one of the winners.

[tingtongtingtong]

Would you marry a 19 year old in your home country? What a headache, what would you talk about? how would you relate?

...hold on...

I have decided this is a troll

This guy can't be for real?! no one is this daft...11 pages

bye

[laobali]

Most Thai girls are driven by a desire to help and support their parents, this help includes marrying for money. But just because they do marry for money doesn't mean to say the relationship they enter into isn't a strong and loving one that will endure. The cynics will be along shortly to tell us that the issues of love and money shouldn't be mixed, regrettably it is so here in Thailand and it's part of the culture in many families so you may as well accept that.

So really all that leaves is the question of your feelings and how much, as you are finding out the amount is negotiable and you can't really fault them for starting with a high number, what you finish with is another story however. The option of course is to say it's all nonsense, in which case your relationship is likely over and you will have to walk away, the choice is yours. From experience the engagement party is not common and the exchange of rings sounds like a cross between old Thai and modern farang cultures, bless them! It sounds to me like you had an engagement party and not a wedding, you would almost certainly know if it was the latter.

Yes she is driven by the desire to support her parents. At our second talk about dowry it was just me and her mom. She said that she didn't think I was stable enough to take care of her and I walked away... maybe should have kept going. The next day her dad called and wanted to have breakfast like we did every day before. He said they liked me and the dowry was up to me. I see her mom always on facebk with over 3000 friends so I know she is concerned about gossip.

I think the engagement was what it was because I am a good guy and only here for a short time and they do not want to loose me (or my ATM) . I did feel pressured into it, but that is the past now. She wanted me to have a ring since I will soon leave for 7-8 month to travel and work. She always tells me I better not take it off. I think that they are sincere, but this practice is still shady! It was announced as an engagement, with no monk. The string tying thing at her grandparents is what threw me for a loop. I thought that was for marry??

The tying of string is a blessing for good luck, that's all.

Of course it is. It's just a welcoming or farewell party. They do it in Isaan and Laos every time someone arrives from or leaves on a long journey - for good luck.

[watcharacters]

.

Just take it a day at a time.

[anthobkk]

Why would you marry her without having sex or spent more time together ? I really don't understand that. Marriage means that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with her and it seems that after 6 weeks in Thailand you are already questioning about her...I would just have a deep conversation with her about my worries and if it doesn't solve anything, then I will leave.

[somchaismith]

Gee, you must be seriously unattractive. Each time I've been married, the wife has coughed up a dowry to me.

[sdshaman]

First off, please excuse my English. It is not my first language.

My Background and why I feel I can give my 2 cents worth in this thread.

-I have been in two longer term relationships with two Thai girls. ( over 5 years with each)

- First one was a "good" girl from a middle class background, university student, etc. ( divorced after 6 yrs)

-second (current one) is a bar girl whom I met at one of Bkk s red light district. ( living together happily for 6 years)

I have seen and experienced relationship from two completely different perspective while both with Thai girls.

So here's my two cents:

-first off, a Thai girl looking for a relationship online could be considered a warning sign. Most Thai girls have dreams of marrying their "Thai" prince in shining armor as a result of watching daily soaps. I am sure you have seen these shows on Thai TV. All the plots are similar, poor girl , meets rich, handsome Thai guy, gets abused by some rich girl who have evil parents who wants her to marry the rich guy. etc. My point is there is rarely any plot where a poor Thai girl marries some foreigner. So the question is what are the reasons for her looking online? The real reasons, more often than not are that "Thai men butterfly", " Thai men poor" , " Thai men no take care family".. In my opinion , what is means is she have had relationship at a younger age with a few Thai losers. But she says no relationship in the past, but has the courage to directly post an ad on some dating site to meet foreign men ( most innocent Thai girls I know are scare to death of foreigners), hmm.. seems a bit fishy. Don't be fooled by the innocent look.

"They also have a small daughter that is maybe 6-7" - verify that it is not your girlfriend's daughter. I have seen to many cases where the younger sister/brother is actually the girl's kid.

-on the topic of dowry:

When Herbert Simon ( real estate billionaire) married Miss Universe, Porntip, his dowry was 10million usd, but he is worth a billion plus and in his 70s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_Simon_(real_estate)

In comparison, when a poor Issan farmer friend got married. He promised 30k baht to bride's parent, was able to come up with 10K baht on the day of the wedding. He gave the bride's parent a IOU for 20k baht . It was been 10 yrs and he hasnt paid it off.

In the news, you will often hear of Thai actresses getting dowry 's of millions of baht.

"2 days later while we were sitting in my hotel room she coughs out 5 million Baht"- From a Thai guy's perspective about this amount. 1. he ( the guy) is well off and can easily afford it. 2. the girl is a virgin 3. the girl is a university graduate 4. the girl family have connections/status in Thai society . If these dont apply, well it's a case of the pop's saying to this daughter , " throw out a large number and see if he bites".

Conclusion on dowry: "Face" is everything in Thailand. The more the better, but loves conquer all. Many cases of girls running away with their BF cause he cant afford the dowry. Only to show up a few years later with a kid or two in tow. There have been Thai songs written about these cases.

My advice: Go home or if you are already home good. Do a test, call your girl up and say that you have lost your job. Make up a good reason, like your company was sold or something. Does she love you? or your money when she thinks you won't have any? How is her reaction when u're down?

"2 hours later we arrive back at moms shop. Mom is upset and leaves. A starts crying. I ask her whats wrong. She asks what do you think of me? She says that there is gossip and people think we already sleep together so we cannot go out together anymore. So we only hang out at shop and with her parents after they finish work." - how old is your girlfriend? I only have had this type of experiences when I was much younger and dated girls in their teens. If she have had Thai BFs in the past and over 22 , this seems like a plot to get you to expedite the engagement and get some money to them.

"2000 Baht zoo ticket payment to make"- Sorry friend, if you're complaining about 2000b wait till you get the call from the in-laws about a leaky roof ,etc. It is customary , for the more well off person in the group to pay for everyone, Thai or foreigner. It is about "face" again.

"The engagement we had, does that follow any tradition?" yes, especially if they are chinese-Thai. There is normally an engagement party to make it known that she is spoken for.

" What I read says not really. Me having an engagement ring... is that tradition? yes, but any cheap engagement brand will do. You're expect to get a nice diamond ring for her for the wedding.

The dowry I paid, is dowry for engagement or wedding? according to her father, he wants more.

Did we just have a wedding ceremony or was it just an engagement? ans: engagement only according to her father, right? In my personally experience, no money is exchanged at the engagement, when I got married to my ex. But I have seen wealthy Thai do the engagement money. f

My final advice: This family was getting along just fine before you show up. Yes, once their daughter is gone from the house and business, they will need to find someone to replace her roles. That person is worth 15k-20K baht max in CM. If she ( your sweetly) loves you, in all fairness for her and her family I would send the in-laws 20k per month, so they can afford to hire someone. Most likely they will find some Burmese girl at 9k per month to help out.

Keep in mind, that keeping her around costs the family money, if she doesn't work outside the home. She has to eat, buy clothing, pay for internet, cell phone money, etc. So in a sense, you marrying their daughter is a financial relief for the family.

Lust and love beware of these feelings- before you make a serious commitment double check. I have seen/ heard of all types of scams related to foreign men and Thai women that I can fill a 500 page novel so beware. I can tell you're having doubts and second thoughts. you should go hire a PI to track her background.

-What is she doing while you're back home slaving away at your 9-5? She is going out with her " Thai brother"?

-Check other dating sites, did she post their too? If she did, as a friend to contact her and see if she says to him " sorry, I am enaged to someone" or does she flirts with him. If the later, run for the hills and call it a lost but lesson learned. If she is a good girl, you'll be able to find out.

-If you have a male friend coming to Thailand, have him stop by their business to inquiry about whatever they are selling. He can be you spy.

Hope this all help I spent a hr typing this, as am super slow on the keyboard.

Remember it only gets worse. My ex was a total sweet-heart when we first meet , her parents didnt want anything. it was all " up to me". But after we got married, slowly it was this and that. In the end, they soaked me for a bundle. <sligh> lesson learned. What I am trying to get at is expect this to continued.. it only get worse..Soon, you will be living together, where you will pay for everything and the money she makes goes to the family, etc. Small annoyances, but nonetheless. After years of this and that, it will have it's toll on you. What you do now, establishes the ground rules and lays the foundation of your future with your little Thai sweetie.

<editted to give happier side of Thai girl relationship>

Sometimes you can luck out like I did in my second relationship with a Thai girl. I met her shortly after my divorce at a red light district establishment. She is a poor Issan farmer's daughter, who only wanted a better life and to go to school. But after trying the 300B per day at a "regular" shop, it wasnt enough. So long story short, she is getting her PHD soon. haha no dowry , no expectations from anyone. She knows my deal with the ex and doesnt expect anything. I paid for her education. I was a poor farmer and never got the opportunity for an education, so seeing her excelled was like a check on my life's checklist.

She takes care of everything around the house , has been a great companion and friend. Oh, her family are happy with whatever and never asks for anything. I do send gifts for New Years and help out, whenever I have a compassionate heart. So I lucked out, and you can too!

GL.

PS. if you read to here, thanks for the effort. I know my writing is terrible. And you deserve a .

Reference: Private dancer is a sick ( in a good way) about the real goings of a Thai bar girl. It doesnt apply to your situation though, but a good read .

Thanks for the post!

Not her kid. I have seen pictures of the family. I really think they are sincere... but want money because they think that they deserve it??

1. They think that since I am a film producer that I have unlimited funds I am sure

2. She has never had a bf before. I know some find that hard to believe but being around this girl (and knowing actors) she could not fake her innosence.

3. Not graduate of college but only high school and well recognized for may merits.

4. I wouldn't say huge status but they have a small business that stays pretty busy.

I cut off the funds a few days ago and tonight she is ready to void the engagement because I didn't pay all the money yet. Now I can see her point because I didn't make it perfect. I was sapposed to the other day and tod her I would but became suspicious because since we got engaged we have not spent any time together, which was the point of getting engaged. So we could go everywhere together and not make her look like a slut. Still I held to that she would have to show me that this relationship is not just about money. Tat we would have to spend some quality time together. Her excuse not to is: she works all day and cannot leave her mom to do all the work because she has beriberi (but is very overweight??). So I ask why she cannot after work. She says OK, some times with family sometimes alone. The mom says something in Thai that I do not understand and her tone changes and she will go with me to get the money I owe to sin sod. So tonight I kind of blew it because she was planning on us going to dinner together and I didn't want hungry mom eating my wallet. I said something a little rude and she got very offended and left on moms scooter. to go eat without me, told me to go find some rice. When she got back I called her and she was very upset, which I feel bad for bacause maybe I am wrong about this whole thing. She asked why I wasn't sincere with her. I told her that all I wanted was her to make an effort to spend time with me alone. She said she has to work ,she has duty, she has to take care of her sister. I tell her that the only reason I have not paid the last 20k is because she won't spend time with me. She says tat she will but only at the shop. I tell her that is not how you build a relationship.She says she thinks that I cannot take care of her. Anyway to make a long story continue... I told her to tell her father what she keeps saying I do not understand and I will talk to him in the morning.

She is 19 and yes it did feel like a plot, but I could see her moms point because all the customers were eyeing me over and when we were not there you know how women can gossip.

The other thing is she is not willing to leave her family or moms shop. I ask her then why am I expected to pay sin sod if you are not being replaced. She says to take care of family.

Actually it would cost them more if she wasn't around because she does a majority of the work around their shop.

She works 12 hours a day with her mom. then takes care of her sister. She has no other life. That is part of the problem is she thinks that us being together at the shop is quality time because that is all she knows.

I really do think that I am overthinking this and that I may have already hurt her feelings beyond repair and I feel bad about that. But she has no concern for me coming this far and her not making an effort to hang out with just me, She doesn't see the need for it.

Tomorrow I will know when I talk to her father. She did mention tonight that she wanted to void the engagement and give me back the ring I bought her. Is that a jesture of her sincerity?? actually giving the ring back to me?? I wasn't expecting that. Now I wonder if I just blew something that could have been good over a few bucks??

[sdshaman]

Why would you marry her without having sex or spent more time together ? I really don't understand that. Marriage means that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with her and it seems that after 6 weeks in Thailand you are already questioning about her...I would just have a deep conversation with her about my worries and if it doesn't solve anything, then I will leave.

We are just engaged and I did so that she would not be hanging out with me and customers thinking she was a slut. The problem is after the engage she only wants to hang out at her moms shop. Which is no way to build a relationship even if everything else is legit

[wimtomlinson]

To the OP.

The fact that this is the first time you have met her in person and there is talk about marriage and money should ring alarm bells. If I were you, I would finish the rest of your vacation as a tourist in other parts of Thailand, with or without her.

[sdshaman]

Would you marry a 19 year old in your home country? What a headache, what would you talk about? how would you relate?

...hold on...

I have decided this is a troll

This guy can't be for real?! no one is this daft...11 pages

bye

Nope, not a troll! this is a for real situation! We talk about a lot of things actually. That is until I came here. Now if I say I want to talk it has to be about something specific. Like if I want to talk she thinks there is a problem. I tell her we just need to talk, have dialog, what is a dream in your life.... wait maybe you are right about what would we talk about... On skype it was easy even when we opened cam and talked. We related well to many things but she doesn't understand why I want time alone with her... Sorry if you don't believe. Maybe I have 12 pages because people are actually giving me the advice I am seeking! including yours!

[tingtongtingtong]

First off, please excuse my English. It is not my first language.

My Background and why I feel I can give my 2 cents worth in this thread.

-I have been in two longer term relationships with two Thai girls. ( over 5 years with each)

- First one was a "good" girl from a middle class background, university student, etc. ( divorced after 6 yrs)

-second (current one) is a bar girl whom I met at one of Bkk s red light district. ( living together happily for 6 years)

I have seen and experienced relationship from two completely different perspective while both with Thai girls.

So here's my two cents:

-first off, a Thai girl looking for a relationship online could be considered a warning sign. Most Thai girls have dreams of marrying their "Thai" prince in shining armor as a result of watching daily soaps. I am sure you have seen these shows on Thai TV. All the plots are similar, poor girl , meets rich, handsome Thai guy, gets abused by some rich girl who have evil parents who wants her to marry the rich guy. etc. My point is there is rarely any plot where a poor Thai girl marries some foreigner. So the question is what are the reasons for her looking online? The real reasons, more often than not are that "Thai men butterfly", " Thai men poor" , " Thai men no take care family".. In my opinion , what is means is she have had relationship at a younger age with a few Thai losers. But she says no relationship in the past, but has the courage to directly post an ad on some dating site to meet foreign men ( most innocent Thai girls I know are scare to death of foreigners), hmm.. seems a bit fishy. Don't be fooled by the innocent look.

"They also have a small daughter that is maybe 6-7" - verify that it is not your girlfriend's daughter. I have seen to many cases where the younger sister/brother is actually the girl's kid.

-on the topic of dowry:

When Herbert Simon ( real estate billionaire) married Miss Universe, Porntip, his dowry was 10million usd, but he is worth a billion plus and in his 70s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_Simon_(real_estate)

In comparison, when a poor Issan farmer friend got married. He promised 30k baht to bride's parent, was able to come up with 10K baht on the day of the wedding. He gave the bride's parent a IOU for 20k baht . It was been 10 yrs and he hasnt paid it off.

In the news, you will often hear of Thai actresses getting dowry 's of millions of baht.

"2 days later while we were sitting in my hotel room she coughs out 5 million Baht"- From a Thai guy's perspective about this amount. 1. he ( the guy) is well off and can easily afford it. 2. the girl is a virgin 3. the girl is a university graduate 4. the girl family have connections/status in Thai society . If these dont apply, well it's a case of the pop's saying to this daughter , " throw out a large number and see if he bites".

Conclusion on dowry: "Face" is everything in Thailand. The more the better, but loves conquer all. Many cases of girls running away with their BF cause he cant afford the dowry. Only to show up a few years later with a kid or two in tow. There have been Thai songs written about these cases.

My advice: Go home or if you are already home good. Do a test, call your girl up and say that you have lost your job. Make up a good reason, like your company was sold or something. Does she love you? or your money when she thinks you won't have any? How is her reaction when u're down?

"2 hours later we arrive back at moms shop. Mom is upset and leaves. A starts crying. I ask her whats wrong. She asks what do you think of me? She says that there is gossip and people think we already sleep together so we cannot go out together anymore. So we only hang out at shop and with her parents after they finish work." - how old is your girlfriend? I only have had this type of experiences when I was much younger and dated girls in their teens. If she have had Thai BFs in the past and over 22 , this seems like a plot to get you to expedite the engagement and get some money to them.

"2000 Baht zoo ticket payment to make"- Sorry friend, if you're complaining about 2000b wait till you get the call from the in-laws about a leaky roof ,etc. It is customary , for the more well off person in the group to pay for everyone, Thai or foreigner. It is about "face" again.

"The engagement we had, does that follow any tradition?" yes, especially if they are chinese-Thai. There is normally an engagement party to make it known that she is spoken for.

" What I read says not really. Me having an engagement ring... is that tradition? yes, but any cheap engagement brand will do. You're expect to get a nice diamond ring for her for the wedding.

The dowry I paid, is dowry for engagement or wedding? according to her father, he wants more.

Did we just have a wedding ceremony or was it just an engagement? ans: engagement only according to her father, right? In my personally experience, no money is exchanged at the engagement, when I got married to my ex. But I have seen wealthy Thai do the engagement money. f

My final advice: This family was getting along just fine before you show up. Yes, once their daughter is gone from the house and business, they will need to find someone to replace her roles. That person is worth 15k-20K baht max in CM. If she ( your sweetly) loves you, in all fairness for her and her family I would send the in-laws 20k per month, so they can afford to hire someone. Most likely they will find some Burmese girl at 9k per month to help out.

Keep in mind, that keeping her around costs the family money, if she doesn't work outside the home. She has to eat, buy clothing, pay for internet, cell phone money, etc. So in a sense, you marrying their daughter is a financial relief for the family.

Lust and love beware of these feelings- before you make a serious commitment double check. I have seen/ heard of all types of scams related to foreign men and Thai women that I can fill a 500 page novel so beware. I can tell you're having doubts and second thoughts. you should go hire a PI to track her background.

-What is she doing while you're back home slaving away at your 9-5? She is going out with her " Thai brother"?

-Check other dating sites, did she post their too? If she did, as a friend to contact her and see if she says to him " sorry, I am enaged to someone" or does she flirts with him. If the later, run for the hills and call it a lost but lesson learned. If she is a good girl, you'll be able to find out.

-If you have a male friend coming to Thailand, have him stop by their business to inquiry about whatever they are selling. He can be you spy.

Hope this all help I spent a hr typing this, as am super slow on the keyboard.

Remember it only gets worse. My ex was a total sweet-heart when we first meet , her parents didnt want anything. it was all " up to me". But after we got married, slowly it was this and that. In the end, they soaked me for a bundle. <sligh> lesson learned. What I am trying to get at is expect this to continued.. it only get worse..Soon, you will be living together, where you will pay for everything and the money she makes goes to the family, etc. Small annoyances, but nonetheless. After years of this and that, it will have it's toll on you. What you do now, establishes the ground rules and lays the foundation of your future with your little Thai sweetie.

<editted to give happier side of Thai girl relationship>

Sometimes you can luck out like I did in my second relationship with a Thai girl. I met her shortly after my divorce at a red light district establishment. She is a poor Issan farmer's daughter, who only wanted a better life and to go to school. But after trying the 300B per day at a "regular" shop, it wasnt enough. So long story short, she is getting her PHD soon. haha no dowry , no expectations from anyone. She knows my deal with the ex and doesnt expect anything. I paid for her education. I was a poor farmer and never got the opportunity for an education, so seeing her excelled was like a check on my life's checklist.

She takes care of everything around the house , has been a great companion and friend. Oh, her family are happy with whatever and never asks for anything. I do send gifts for New Years and help out, whenever I have a compassionate heart. So I lucked out, and you can too!

GL.

PS. if you read to here, thanks for the effort. I know my writing is terrible. And you deserve a .

Reference: Private dancer is a sick ( in a good way) about the real goings of a Thai bar girl. It doesnt apply to your situation though, but a good read .

Thanks for the post!

Not her kid. I have seen pictures of the family. I really think they are sincere... but want money because they think that they deserve it??

1. They think that since I am a film producer that I have unlimited funds I am sure

2. She has never had a bf before. I know some find that hard to believe but being around this girl (and knowing actors) she could not fake her innosence.

3. Not graduate of college but only high school and well recognized for may merits.

4. I wouldn't say huge status but they have a small business that stays pretty busy.

I cut off the funds a few days ago and tonight she is ready to void the engagement because I didn't pay all the money yet. Now I can see her point because I didn't make it perfect. I was sapposed to the other day and tod her I would but became suspicious because since we got engaged we have not spent any time together, which was the point of getting engaged. So we could go everywhere together and not make her look like a slut. Still I held to that she would have to show me that this relationship is not just about money. Tat we would have to spend some quality time together. Her excuse not to is: she works all day and cannot leave her mom to do all the work because she has beriberi (but is very overweight??). So I ask why she cannot after work. She says OK, some times with family sometimes alone. The mom says something in Thai that I do not understand and her tone changes and she will go with me to get the money I owe to sin sod. So tonight I kind of blew it because she was planning on us going to dinner together and I didn't want hungry mom eating my wallet. I said something a little rude and she got very offended and left on moms scooter. to go eat without me, told me to go find some rice. When she got back I called her and she was very upset, which I feel bad for bacause maybe I am wrong about this whole thing. She asked why I wasn't sincere with her. I told her that all I wanted was her to make an effort to spend time with me alone. She said she has to work ,she has duty, she has to take care of her sister. I tell her that the only reason I have not paid the last 20k is because she won't spend time with me. She says tat she will but only at the shop. I tell her that is not how you build a relationship.She says she thinks that I cannot take care of her. Anyway to make a long story continue... I told her to tell her father what she keeps saying I do not understand and I will talk to him in the morning.

She is 19 and yes it did feel like a plot, but I could see her moms point because all the customers were eyeing me over and when we were not there you know how women can gossip.

The other thing is she is not willing to leave her family or moms shop. I ask her then why am I expected to pay sin sod if you are not being replaced. She says to take care of family.

Actually it would cost them more if she wasn't around because she does a majority of the work around their shop.

She works 12 hours a day with her mom. then takes care of her sister. She has no other life. That is part of the problem is she thinks that us being together at the shop is quality time because that is all she knows.

I really do think that I am overthinking this and that I may have already hurt her feelings beyond repair and I feel bad about that. But she has no concern for me coming this far and her not making an effort to hang out with just me, She doesn't see the need for it.

Tomorrow I will know when I talk to her father. She did mention tonight that she wanted to void the engagement and give me back the ring I bought her. Is that a jesture of her sincerity?? actually giving the ring back to me?? I wasn't expecting that. Now I wonder if I just blew something that could have been good over a few bucks??

ok if you are a troll you have a lot of time on your hands (as do I)

These (above) are all games my friends, they sound word perfect to when I was screwed over. Thai's are great gamblers (they'll gamble it all over 'a few bucks') and being around actors doesn't mean shit, were they Thai actors? you wont be able to see this act as you are young to the people and country.

Take the ring back and say okay we will just be friends and take it from there. Sounds like a headache situation anyway.

Set up a fake account on-line to catch here out. Travel the country for a few months and try and forget about her. Go sleep with ten women and give it 1 year, if you keep going back to A then maybe there's something there...but really this sounds like a total car crash, so much so it sounds like a joke.

You are being scammed, become familiar with scams and how people are sucked in

http://www.419eater.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb7Aeucum_g

[Wat dee]

My gf gave me 2000 Baht the other day and sent me off to have a few beers for a couple of days.

The money is fast running out though....what should I do?

Call Her. Ask Her to ask, one of the other boyfriends She went to meet, to sent You more money!

[sdshaman]

To the OP.

The fact that this is the first time you have met her in person and there is talk about marriage and money should ring alarm bells. If I were you, I would finish the rest of your vacation as a tourist in other parts of Thailand, with or without her.

Yes I know... but we just wanted to secure our relationship because I cannot return from work for 8 months. Good people are not that easy to find, at least I think they are good and mean well. BUt with holding money has brought this to a boiling point. Now she thinks I am not sincere and cannot take care of her. From a normal perspective this would look like what everyone thinks it is. But she talked about sincerity and me not paying more is kind of unsincere on my part because I didn't give what I promised... I may have hurt a real persons feelings and I feel bad if that is the case. Tomorrow I talk with her father and hopefully work out this situation one way or anohter. The reason for this post is to give me thoughts and ideas as ammo for this meeting. Real or not I am going to tell him how much of a scam it looks like from an outsiders perspective. Maybe have him read some of these posts so he understands where I am coming from. Her by herself is caring and sweet. When she gets around mom the relationship turns to money. Her father does not want me to go because basically Me coming into the family will let him quit his job and I do not have a problem with that. I will update this thread when we have our talk. Thanks for helping me with your thoughts.

[sdshaman]

First off, please excuse my English. It is not my first language.

My Background and why I feel I can give my 2 cents worth in this thread.

-I have been in two longer term relationships with two Thai girls. ( over 5 years with each)

- First one was a "good" girl from a middle class background, university student, etc. ( divorced after 6 yrs)

-second (current one) is a bar girl whom I met at one of Bkk s red light district. ( living together happily for 6 years)

I have seen and experienced relationship from two completely different perspective while both with Thai girls.

So here's my two cents:

-first off, a Thai girl looking for a relationship online could be considered a warning sign. Most Thai girls have dreams of marrying their "Thai" prince in shining armor as a result of watching daily soaps. I am sure you have seen these shows on Thai TV. All the plots are similar, poor girl , meets rich, handsome Thai guy, gets abused by some rich girl who have evil parents who wants her to marry the rich guy. etc. My point is there is rarely any plot where a poor Thai girl marries some foreigner. So the question is what are the reasons for her looking online? The real reasons, more often than not are that "Thai men butterfly", " Thai men poor" , " Thai men no take care family".. In my opinion , what is means is she have had relationship at a younger age with a few Thai losers. But she says no relationship in the past, but has the courage to directly post an ad on some dating site to meet foreign men ( most innocent Thai girls I know are scare to death of foreigners), hmm.. seems a bit fishy. Don't be fooled by the innocent look.

"They also have a small daughter that is maybe 6-7" - verify that it is not your girlfriend's daughter. I have seen to many cases where the younger sister/brother is actually the girl's kid.

-on the topic of dowry:

When Herbert Simon ( real estate billionaire) married Miss Universe, Porntip, his dowry was 10million usd, but he is worth a billion plus and in his 70s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_Simon_(real_estate)

In comparison, when a poor Issan farmer friend got married. He promised 30k baht to bride's parent, was able to come up with 10K baht on the day of the wedding. He gave the bride's parent a IOU for 20k baht . It was been 10 yrs and he hasnt paid it off.

In the news, you will often hear of Thai actresses getting dowry 's of millions of baht.

"2 days later while we were sitting in my hotel room she coughs out 5 million Baht"- From a Thai guy's perspective about this amount. 1. he ( the guy) is well off and can easily afford it. 2. the girl is a virgin 3. the girl is a university graduate 4. the girl family have connections/status in Thai society . If these dont apply, well it's a case of the pop's saying to this daughter , " throw out a large number and see if he bites".

Conclusion on dowry: "Face" is everything in Thailand. The more the better, but loves conquer all. Many cases of girls running away with their BF cause he cant afford the dowry. Only to show up a few years later with a kid or two in tow. There have been Thai songs written about these cases.

My advice: Go home or if you are already home good. Do a test, call your girl up and say that you have lost your job. Make up a good reason, like your company was sold or something. Does she love you? or your money when she thinks you won't have any? How is her reaction when u're down?

"2 hours later we arrive back at moms shop. Mom is upset and leaves. A starts crying. I ask her whats wrong. She asks what do you think of me? She says that there is gossip and people think we already sleep together so we cannot go out together anymore. So we only hang out at shop and with her parents after they finish work." - how old is your girlfriend? I only have had this type of experiences when I was much younger and dated girls in their teens. If she have had Thai BFs in the past and over 22 , this seems like a plot to get you to expedite the engagement and get some money to them.

"2000 Baht zoo ticket payment to make"- Sorry friend, if you're complaining about 2000b wait till you get the call from the in-laws about a leaky roof ,etc. It is customary , for the more well off person in the group to pay for everyone, Thai or foreigner. It is about "face" again.

"The engagement we had, does that follow any tradition?" yes, especially if they are chinese-Thai. There is normally an engagement party to make it known that she is spoken for.

" What I read says not really. Me having an engagement ring... is that tradition? yes, but any cheap engagement brand will do. You're expect to get a nice diamond ring for her for the wedding.

The dowry I paid, is dowry for engagement or wedding? according to her father, he wants more.

Did we just have a wedding ceremony or was it just an engagement? ans: engagement only according to her father, right? In my personally experience, no money is exchanged at the engagement, when I got married to my ex. But I have seen wealthy Thai do the engagement money. f

My final advice: This family was getting along just fine before you show up. Yes, once their daughter is gone from the house and business, they will need to find someone to replace her roles. That person is worth 15k-20K baht max in CM. If she ( your sweetly) loves you, in all fairness for her and her family I would send the in-laws 20k per month, so they can afford to hire someone. Most likely they will find some Burmese girl at 9k per month to help out.

Keep in mind, that keeping her around costs the family money, if she doesn't work outside the home. She has to eat, buy clothing, pay for internet, cell phone money, etc. So in a sense, you marrying their daughter is a financial relief for the family.

Lust and love beware of these feelings- before you make a serious commitment double check. I have seen/ heard of all types of scams related to foreign men and Thai women that I can fill a 500 page novel so beware. I can tell you're having doubts and second thoughts. you should go hire a PI to track her background.

-What is she doing while you're back home slaving away at your 9-5? She is going out with her " Thai brother"?

-Check other dating sites, did she post their too? If she did, as a friend to contact her and see if she says to him " sorry, I am enaged to someone" or does she flirts with him. If the later, run for the hills and call it a lost but lesson learned. If she is a good girl, you'll be able to find out.

-If you have a male friend coming to Thailand, have him stop by their business to inquiry about whatever they are selling. He can be you spy.

Hope this all help I spent a hr typing this, as am super slow on the keyboard.

Remember it only gets worse. My ex was a total sweet-heart when we first meet , her parents didnt want anything. it was all " up to me". But after we got married, slowly it was this and that. In the end, they soaked me for a bundle. <sligh> lesson learned. What I am trying to get at is expect this to continued.. it only get worse..Soon, you will be living together, where you will pay for everything and the money she makes goes to the family, etc. Small annoyances, but nonetheless. After years of this and that, it will have it's toll on you. What you do now, establishes the ground rules and lays the foundation of your future with your little Thai sweetie.

<editted to give happier side of Thai girl relationship>

Sometimes you can luck out like I did in my second relationship with a Thai girl. I met her shortly after my divorce at a red light district establishment. She is a poor Issan farmer's daughter, who only wanted a better life and to go to school. But after trying the 300B per day at a "regular" shop, it wasnt enough. So long story short, she is getting her PHD soon. haha no dowry , no expectations from anyone. She knows my deal with the ex and doesnt expect anything. I paid for her education. I was a poor farmer and never got the opportunity for an education, so seeing her excelled was like a check on my life's checklist.

She takes care of everything around the house , has been a great companion and friend. Oh, her family are happy with whatever and never asks for anything. I do send gifts for New Years and help out, whenever I have a compassionate heart. So I lucked out, and you can too!

GL.

PS. if you read to here, thanks for the effort. I know my writing is terrible. And you deserve a .

Reference: Private dancer is a sick ( in a good way) about the real goings of a Thai bar girl. It doesnt apply to your situation though, but a good read .

Thanks for the post!

Not her kid. I have seen pictures of the family. I really think they are sincere... but want money because they think that they deserve it??

1. They think that since I am a film producer that I have unlimited funds I am sure

2. She has never had a bf before. I know some find that hard to believe but being around this girl (and knowing actors) she could not fake her innosence.

3. Not graduate of college but only high school and well recognized for may merits.

4. I wouldn't say huge status but they have a small business that stays pretty busy.

I cut off the funds a few days ago and tonight she is ready to void the engagement because I didn't pay all the money yet. Now I can see her point because I didn't make it perfect. I was sapposed to the other day and tod her I would but became suspicious because since we got engaged we have not spent any time together, which was the point of getting engaged. So we could go everywhere together and not make her look like a slut. Still I held to that she would have to show me that this relationship is not just about money. Tat we would have to spend some quality time together. Her excuse not to is: she works all day and cannot leave her mom to do all the work because she has beriberi (but is very overweight??). So I ask why she cannot after work. She says OK, some times with family sometimes alone. The mom says something in Thai that I do not understand and her tone changes and she will go with me to get the money I owe to sin sod. So tonight I kind of blew it because she was planning on us going to dinner together and I didn't want hungry mom eating my wallet. I said something a little rude and she got very offended and left on moms scooter. to go eat without me, told me to go find some rice. When she got back I called her and she was very upset, which I feel bad for bacause maybe I am wrong about this whole thing. She asked why I wasn't sincere with her. I told her that all I wanted was her to make an effort to spend time with me alone. She said she has to work ,she has duty, she has to take care of her sister. I tell her that the only reason I have not paid the last 20k is because she won't spend time with me. She says tat she will but only at the shop. I tell her that is not how you build a relationship.She says she thinks that I cannot take care of her. Anyway to make a long story continue... I told her to tell her father what she keeps saying I do not understand and I will talk to him in the morning.

She is 19 and yes it did feel like a plot, but I could see her moms point because all the customers were eyeing me over and when we were not there you know how women can gossip.

The other thing is she is not willing to leave her family or moms shop. I ask her then why am I expected to pay sin sod if you are not being replaced. She says to take care of family.

Actually it would cost them more if she wasn't around because she does a majority of the work around their shop.

She works 12 hours a day with her mom. then takes care of her sister. She has no other life. That is part of the problem is she thinks that us being together at the shop is quality time because that is all she knows.

I really do think that I am overthinking this and that I may have already hurt her feelings beyond repair and I feel bad about that. But she has no concern for me coming this far and her not making an effort to hang out with just me, She doesn't see the need for it.

Tomorrow I will know when I talk to her father. She did mention tonight that she wanted to void the engagement and give me back the ring I bought her. Is that a jesture of her sincerity?? actually giving the ring back to me?? I wasn't expecting that. Now I wonder if I just blew something that could have been good over a few bucks??

ok if you are a troll you have a lot of time on your hands (as do I)

These (above) are all games my friends, they sound word perfect to when I was screwed over. Thai's are great gamblers and being around actors doesn't mean shit, were they Thai actors? you wont be able to see this act as you are young to the people and country.

Take the ring back and say okay we will just be friends and take it from there. Sounds like a headache situation anyway.

Set up a fake account on-line to catch here out. Travel the country for a few months and try and forget about her. Go sleep with ten women and give it 1 year, if you keep going back to A then maybe there's something there...but really this sounds like a total car crash, so much so it sounds like a joke

Not a troll, This is real I have a lot of tie on my hands because she won't spend it with me. Although I was a bit of an ass tonight when she had plans for us to have dinner. Regardless ,it is that "word perfect" you talk about that I kept seeing when I was looking at dowry scams that made me start this thread. Even the ammounts. 5 mil (pocket change for an american) 15k monthly ( 2 or 3 of these and they are set) these number I saw on other posts. Thanks for you suggestions

[salavan]

emm yes

[sdshaman]

Not worth responding to, as there's no 'ring of truth' to it..or, if it really is true, the op is beyond assistance.

Sorry buddy but it is true. And my talk with her father tomorrow will reveal their truth or not. All I am asking for is advice on tradition and other peoples experience so I have fuel for the talk. Sorry if you don't believe. I have other life stories way beyond this one! Got a minute?? lol Actually if you do have anything worth posting I would appreciate because all these posts are helping the situation. I just hope I didn't just hurt a real persons feeling by maybe overthinking the situation!

[sdshaman]

it`s string around the wrists, chains around the ankles,lol, walk now very quickly, or really try to do it without to much money involved and see if she still likes you,lol, make up an excuse saying you cannot access your money and see if she says don't worry, only suggestions, but you may be lucky, but could cost you dearly also.

I actually did this 2 days ago. told her I couldn't access my money. She didn't really say anything but got a little upset. Tonight she wanted to go to dinner and she may have just been talking about me and her but her mom was there and I didn't want to get into buying dinner for everyone one so I told her I had to save for dowry. She told me to go find rice then and left with her mother. I hope she wasn't planning on just us going to dinner??? but when I go with her mom she just orders and orders. I think that everyone is done eating and food keeps coming...lol oh well, she said she would contact me when she was done.

For you to turn up with your credit card and pay the bill?

Right! She was sad and crying that I wasn't being sincere with her like I had been in the past. I try and tell her that I expect her to spend quality time with me without parents around. She has lame excuses like she is tired, has work to do, has duty to do, has to take care of her sister. But we can talk at the shop with her mom that is always interjecting. I just hope I am not hurting a sincere persons feelings.

[saweden]

Thank you for this very interesting thread.

I regret I cannot give you any other advice than this:

It seems to me this woman is doing everything in her power to avoid sleeping with you. You are engaged and money has been paid/ring given. She wants you to commit to her and promise marriage but she won't commit to you (?)

She is finding one million excuses to not be alone with you. They sound to me like very poor excuses. If you like someone you want to be with them regardless of tradition. There is simply a need to be intimate with the one you have feelings for. It's not hard to sneak off and do it if you really want to. Look at your own feelings, what is the main thing on your mind?

Simply the fact that she hasn't had a boyfriend is not a reason to avoid being with you in this manner.

If I were you I would immediately put a stop to her money demands and make some of my own demands such as more intimacy and take it from there. You can't be the only one to "pay".

I wish you good luck.

[Mojomor]

OP needs to check her ID. She says she is 19. This is 2557 which implies she was born in 2538 or maybe 2537. It's on the ID.

OP also needs to wise up big time. He is in Asia not USA. It's very different here.

When money becomes the primary objective and not love, it is time to learn an expensive or cheap lesson (depends on your point of view) and move along rapidly.

There are lots of inconsistencies in this story, too numerous to mention. It has all the hallmarks of a scam ---- a Thai woman who speaks English on the internet ???????