Another one bites the dust...

[johnnycthedog]

So whats the deal with the kids now then ?

They could become a bitter element in future dealings.

Good point. And also what about her name on legal documents, ownership of property, shareholder in company etc. She may still have a legal entitlement to future profits once the business gets running properly again. You need to see a good lawyer for advice.

Edited January 27, 2014 by johnnycthedog

[recycler]

A variation on the same theme, but it goes to show that time means nothing to some people, I would also appreciate some advice.

I will have been married for 26 years in April, known her for 29 years, she has lived in UK for 25 of those years and holds both Thai and UK passports. In 1990, I offered to bring her daughter to the UK (6 years old), at that time she then admitted to two more sons, so I said OK, and in 1990 all three went to UK and are now doing reasonably well, with four grandchildren. We also have a daughter of our own (23 years old) and in 2009 she admitted to another son that I never knew about !!

In 2008 I came into a bit of money and at the wife's begging I (stupidly) bought some land near Silverlake south of Pattaya. To give the short version, she sold the land 3 months ago at a very, very good profit but did not tell me until last week, the money (between 15 - 20 million baht - she wont say how much) is in a SCB savings account in her name and she thinks that she will now become a property speculator and no doubt she will lose it all in a year or two. She will buy land recommended by her friends who will all get a comission.

I have told her that unless she puts the money in to a joint account with two signatures required to withdraw money, I want a divorce. I can prove that the original land purchase money came from our joint UK account, in any case at that time we had been married 20 years. I don't believe that she wants to divorce so I might be able to push her down this road.

But I think that I have to move whilst the money is tied up in a six month interest account, either getting divorced in Thailand or UK. If we were to divorce in Thailand (we were originally married in Thailand), would the money be viewed as joint assets acquired during the marriage or would it be viewed as her's as it relates to a land sale ?

I am a card-carrying member of the dumb-ferang club !

If you divorce in Thailand you have to split the assets 50/50, this is money in the bank, so you should get half, but she also gets half of what is in your accounts and possessions, so you'd better do some accounting before you make the next move. Still it's very ad that after so long you still can't trust your wife. I've heard more stories where they have a lot of time but finally will make the move.

[Showbags]

I dont want to be the party pooper but did all you baby boomers not stop and wonder why your children are as poor as F__k

u scammed your children u just r too evil to let the puzzle pieces assemble im your minds on how it was done

NOW u are using another mechanism to scam thais

shame no one can figure it all out

I GONNA CHEER THE THAI SCAMMERS ON

Try Chang beer, it might help you..............

or not....might be turpentine time

[Johnniey]

Don't marry the first Thai bird you meet in a bar.

Sent from my GT-I9152 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[belg]

its a sad story but unfortunately very common over here

i left a thai gf running a small business and she ran it into the ground when i was too busy to manage it day to day

(it wasnt my main stream of income so it wasnt too bad but it was still making a couple of milion a year in profit )

she lied until the last moment and it was a big shock to one day find out she was a lying <deleted> who had a previous husband

she didnt tell me about although i was able to shut it down and kick her out luckily since everything was in my name

now shes got sweet FA and cant live on her own salary because shes used to a higher lifestyle and well ,som nom na ....!

is all that comes to mind

please enlighten us what is this small business that makes a few millions of baht profit per year, i want in ...

[thailiketoo]

Don't marry the first Thai bird you meet in a bar.

Sent from my GT-I9152 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

The hundred and second is a charm though.

[Nemesis7]

Good Morning .....TAT.

Thank god he saved you before it was too late.

[khunPer]

Thanks for sharing your story. Wish you all the best for the future.

[fabphil]

The accountants were probably in on it..

[wym]

But I seem to mostly hear about this on internet forums, and rarely from actual live human beings. Yes, I know all about gambling addictions and the like. I'm sure in every society there are people losing their life savings and all on gambling. A very damaging and expensive addiction. But I myself have been to Vegas and Atlantic City countless times to partake in the card games. I actually enjoy a little home game action on occasions with friends. But we never win/lose more than a few thou and even then, most of us break even in the end. So it's amazing to me that someone's wife can go off somewhere and gamble away millions in company proceeds before anyone even notices. But if it seems normal to you guys, my bad.

The one thing that has always perplexed me is this "gambling" thing. I've always thought that this was the domain of drug-addicted bargirls and the like, in some tiny, smoke-filled sh*thole deep in someone's basement. But you seem to suggest that your wife gambled away millions. How can she possibly do that? It's not like she can walk into a Vegas-style casino and put down 100K bt on blackjack. Has anyone ever seen these girls with alleged gambling-addictions actually gambling? I haven't.

Just wondering if she really gambled it away, or is the cash safely parked away in a Swiss bank account.

In the end does it matter?

But yes, in my direct experience lots of middle class and wealthy people lose millions to gambling in Thailand. And how is speculating on the SET much different? Lots of high-stake tables at the underground casinos, lots of gambling takes place rotating between people's homes too.

And of course not just the "girls", just those are the ones we farang usually know about from direct experience.

And the problem of extreme gambling addiction is much more common among the poor. Obviously the problem would tend to turn non-poor people into poor ones, and keep even the hard-working families poor if just one member has this very serious problem.

[wym]

Yes she has a gambling addiction but as another poster suggested that is a sympton rather than a cause of all this.

Sometimes I would learn that she was gambling and after I asked why she would say because she wants to make money!

I am not saying all Thais are evil, but some live in dream world that is completely disconnected to reality.

Personally I think you're rationalizing - who cares what is cause and what is effect. Psychoanalysis is as much art as science, just a belief system that sometimes works, more often doesn't, basically the same mechanism as a religion really.

And of course the manifestation of evil and disconnect from reality has little to do with nationality, pretty common in all societies.

I thought all asian women were born like that. Well thats the impression I have got after 4 marriages and 4 defacto relationships (5 Thais, 2 Indos and 1 Filipina.) People have suggested that I could be the problem but hard to believe after all I am a farang. Currently in another tumultuous relationship with a Thai for 4 years, nothing changed to alter my perception of these crazy bitches.

Well out of the group of women that decide to solve their problems by landing a foreign husband, is it a surprise that they tend to have more problems than average?

We farang tend to get the damaged goods, no way around it.

Failures far outnumber successes. While I know this will upset many 'happily in a relationship with a Thai' falangs, the truth is, for so many reasons I could write a book on, the odds are the relationship will ultimately fail.

I love Thai women. But a permanent, live-in relationship or marriage? Never going to happen! Too many lovely Thai women and too little time!

I don't understand why people use the word "fail" for a marriage being over.

It should be clear to most by now that getting a few good years is the most one can expect/hope for, and if you get that I would consider it a great success.

Marriage and/or live-in relationships are wonderful, just don't go into it expecting ANYTHING to last "forever" no such thing as "permanent" in this world.

My first rule with girlfriends/ wives is that everything should be based on an equal basis.

i.e. we both contribute 50% each and we are equal type people.

Well if you're old, fat or otherwise unattractive, I don't think you'd end up with a young attractive girl eager to please with that attitude.

As long as you realize you're paying for what you're getting and take measures to protect your long-term financial security and ensure you're getting good value for money, no problems AFAIC.

[Tmymaimee]

But I seem to mostly hear about this on internet forums, and rarely from actual live human beings. Yes, I know all about gambling addictions and the like. I'm sure in every society there are people losing their life savings and all on gambling. A very damaging and expensive addiction. But I myself have been to Vegas and Atlantic City countless times to partake in the card games. I actually enjoy a little home game action on occasions with friends. But we never win/lose more than a few thou and even then, most of us break even in the end. So it's amazing to me that someone's wife can go off somewhere and gamble away millions in company proceeds before anyone even notices. But if it seems normal to you guys, my bad.

The one thing that has always perplexed me is this "gambling" thing. I've always thought that this was the domain of drug-addicted bargirls and the like, in some tiny, smoke-filled sh*thole deep in someone's basement. But you seem to suggest that your wife gambled away millions. How can she possibly do that? It's not like she can walk into a Vegas-style casino and put down 100K bt on blackjack. Has anyone ever seen these girls with alleged gambling-addictions actually gambling? I haven't.

Just wondering if she really gambled it away, or is the cash safely parked away in a Swiss bank account.

In the end does it matter?

But yes, in my direct experience lots of middle class and wealthy people lose millions to gambling in Thailand. And how is speculating on the SET much different? Lots of high-stake tables at the underground casinos, lots of gambling takes place rotating between people's homes too.

And of course not just the "girls", just those are the ones we farang usually know about from direct experience.

And the problem of extreme gambling addiction is much more common among the poor. Obviously the problem would tend to turn non-poor people into poor ones, and keep even the hard-working families poor if just one member has this very serious problem.

I think there is a big difference between buying shares in an established, dividend paying company and gambling. Gambling gives you no control over the outcome while diligent investing limits your risk depending on what you choose to buy.

What I would like to know is how does an individual become the operator of one of these casinos? Can you just pay your bribes and then open up in some vacant building? And if it is as profitable as you say, why aren't more people starting these underground casinos?

Where's the risk to the operator if all these players are losing? You don't think some are winning?

[sdanielmcev]

I can't imagine anybody being in a business and not paying attention to financial. I mean, that's what business is. Her being Thai is irrelevant, this happens all over the world. I think this NPD disorder is what the OP has, not the wife. Grandiose business plans and not paying attention to his family. The sad part is he will constantly make the same mistake.

[benalibina]

But I seem to mostly hear about this on internet forums, and rarely from actual live human beings. Yes, I know all about gambling addictions and the like. I'm sure in every society there are people losing their life savings and all on gambling. A very damaging and expensive addiction. But I myself have been to Vegas and Atlantic City countless times to partake in the card games. I actually enjoy a little home game action on occasions with friends. But we never win/lose more than a few thou and even then, most of us break even in the end. So it's amazing to me that someone's wife can go off somewhere and gamble away millions in company proceeds before anyone even notices. But if it seems normal to you guys, my bad.

The one thing that has always perplexed me is this "gambling" thing. I've always thought that this was the domain of drug-addicted bargirls and the like, in some tiny, smoke-filled sh*thole deep in someone's basement. But you seem to suggest that your wife gambled away millions. How can she possibly do that? It's not like she can walk into a Vegas-style casino and put down 100K bt on blackjack. Has anyone ever seen these girls with alleged gambling-addictions actually gambling? I haven't.

Just wondering if she really gambled it away, or is the cash safely parked away in a Swiss bank account.

In the end does it matter?

But yes, in my direct experience lots of middle class and wealthy people lose millions to gambling in Thailand. And how is speculating on the SET much different? Lots of high-stake tables at the underground casinos, lots of gambling takes place rotating between people's homes too.

And of course not just the "girls", just those are the ones we farang usually know about from direct experience.

And the problem of extreme gambling addiction is much more common among the poor. Obviously the problem would tend to turn non-poor people into poor ones, and keep even the hard-working families poor if just one member has this very serious problem.

I think there is a big difference between buying shares in an established, dividend paying company and gambling. Gambling gives you no control over the outcome while diligent investing limits your risk depending on what you choose to buy.

What I would like to know is how does an individual become the operator of one of these casinos? Can you just pay your bribes and then open up in some vacant building? And if it is as profitable as you say, why aren't more people starting these underground casinos?

Where's the risk to the operator if all these players are losing? You don't think some are winning?

Thailand has a big underbelly....better stay away from it.

[Tmymaimee]

Why? Do you have specific experience with this "underbelly" you wish to share or are you just spouting off rumours like most posters here?

[DGIE]

i diont really understand how you say you built the company but your wife seems to have had free rein with the finances? and was able to take out loans through the company with no one else knowing? surely as a businessman you would have had a system in place that required two signatories on cheques? this is a basic financial safeguard. dont you have an accountant?

They have an accountant. The one who made the book

[DGIE]

I can't imagine anybody being in a business and not paying attention to financial. I mean, that's what business is. Her being Thai is irrelevant, this happens all over the world. I think this NPD disorder is what the OP has, not the wife. Grandiose business plans and not paying attention to his family. The sad part is he will constantly make the same mistake.

She trusted his wife so much that's why he entrusted everything to her. So be careful of your wives

[MrHammer]

There is an old story about a scorpion who needed to cross a river and asked a frog to carry him across. The frog was reluctant and said he was afraid the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion convinced the frog that he wouldn't. Midway the scorpion stung the frog. The frog complained; 'but you promised not to sting me'. The scorpion said; 'but, it's in my nature..."

You are a victim but chose to ignore all the warning signs. I wonder why that is? Naivete? Denial? Like to be the victim? Bad judgement? Sympathy? Enabling?

To salvage something and learn, you'll look at this. If not, destined to repeat and live with bitterness....

That's actually not the story.

In the story, the frog doesn't want to carry the scorpion afraid the scorpion will sting, to which the scorpio replies: "Of course, I woudn't, that would mean I drown and die'. Then out in the river, the scorpion stings the frog and as they both go to their death the frog asks why the scorpion did that - knowing it would die too - and the scorpion replies: "It is in my nature".

Told that way, the story makes a lot more sense, i.e. that it is very hard to change one's nature and just as important, that such a person will harm others even if it will mean they lose everything too. It takes great self-reflection and honesty to come back from a past of lying, deceiving and moral debauchery.

In other words, once a whore always a whore, once a liar always a liar.

Much wisdom in those old tales.

Edited January 27, 2014 by MrHammer

[benalibina]

Why? Do you have specific experience with this "underbelly" you wish to share or are you just spouting off rumours like most posters here?

Yes.

No.

[wym]

But people can change, even things that seemed fundamental to their nature before, happens all the time.

Agree that it's only a very small percentage of the total, and very rarely in any one person's life.

But it is possible, better to get taken once in a while than go through life as a cynic not trusting anyone.

[benalibina]

But people can change, even things that seemed fundamental to their nature before, happens all the time.

Agree that it's only a very small percentage of the total, and very rarely in any one person's life.

But it is possible, better to get taken once in a while than go through life as a cynic not trusting anyone.

Correct that people can change. 1st though they need to feel the need themselves to change. Introspection a.o. Being open for critizism from others, maybe repeatedly, can help to. As some other posters have indicated, the thai culture of face, lack of critical thinking and expressing it and lack of confrontation, will complicate the possible change of a person. With devastating consequences for many. Just my opinion though.

[MrHammer]

But people can change, even things that seemed fundamental to their nature before, happens all the time.

Agree that it's only a very small percentage of the total, and very rarely in any one person's life.

But it is possible, better to get taken once in a while than go through life as a cynic not trusting anyone.

Correct that people can change. 1st though they need to feel the need themselves to change. Introspection a.o. Being open for critizism from others, maybe repeatedly, can help to. As some other posters have indicated, the thai culture of face, lack of critical thinking and expressing it and lack of confrontation, will complicate the possible change of a person. With devastating consequences for many. Just my opinion though.

If you're narsicistic or borderline, and I dislike those 'labels', you will have built up your own reality where you are the victim and someone else is always at fault. Anyone who has known a real narcissist know the truth of this. These people don't just change unless they have some event happen to them which overpowers their fake reality, like the loss of a family member. For a narcissist to truly change would mean facing the fact that they not the world are the problem and that is essentially to change their entire understanding of the world.

A LOT of therapy would be needed. Therefore, best to learn how to recognize people like that before they bring their suffering on you too, because very, very few are going to fundamentally change.

Edited January 27, 2014 by MrHammer

[wym]

But people can change, even things that seemed fundamental to their nature before, happens all the time.

Agree that it's only a very small percentage of the total, and very rarely in any one person's life.

But it is possible, better to get taken once in a while than go through life as a cynic not trusting anyone.

Correct that people can change. 1st though they need to feel the need themselves to change. Introspection a.o. Being open for critizism from others, maybe repeatedly, can help to. As some other posters have indicated, the thai culture of face, lack of critical thinking and expressing it and lack of confrontation, will complicate the possible change of a person. With devastating consequences for many. Just my opinion though.

If you're narsicistic or borderline, and I dislike those 'labels', you will have built up your own reality where you are the victim and someone else is always at fault. Anyone who has known a real narcissist know the truth of this. These people don't just change unless they have some event happen to them which overpowers their fake reality, like the loss of a family member. For a narcissist to truly change would mean facing the fact that they not the world are the problem and that is essentially to change their entire understanding of the world.

A LOT of therapy would be needed. Therefore, best to learn how to recognize people like that before they bring their suffering on you too, because very, very few are going to fundamentally change.

Yes, I was just replying to your IMO over-generalization here:

That's actually not the story.

In the story, the frog doesn't want to carry the scorpion afraid the scorpion will sting, to which the scorpio replies: "Of course, I woudn't, that would mean I drown and die'. Then out in the river, the scorpion stings the frog and as they both go to their death the frog asks why the scorpion did that - knowing it would die too - and the scorpion replies: "It is in my nature".

Told that way, the story makes a lot more sense, i.e. that it is very hard to change one's nature and just as important, that such a person will harm others even if it will mean they lose everything too. It takes great self-reflection and honesty to come back from a past of lying, deceiving and moral debauchery.

In other words, once a whore always a whore, once a liar always a liar.

Much wisdom in those old tales.

Obviously people with severe mental illness issues have a much harder time changing.

Even "most people", supposedly of sound mind, have a very hard time changing their habits and thought patterns.

But sex workers as a group are very very different as a group from people who often lie or are otherwise generally "immoral" - I don't see the former as doing anything inherently wrong and will speak up when I see them lumped in with those that do.

And some people that have committed the most heinous acts against humanity, have been able to mend their ways and become genuinely moral contributors to society.

Most of us are too lazy or fearful to change at such a fundamental level, but it is possible I think for most of us given the right circumstances and motivation.

[jacko45k]

Strange that you can, as the business owner and manager, let debts become so large, without knowing about it.

Anyway, by the sounds of it you have a good business, so work around it and trade out if you can...think how good the future will be without her and her hands in the till........head down, arse up and make it happen.....for the kids if nothing else.

Sorry to say he made a poor selection for a wife and did a poor job of managing the business.

Good luck to him recovering from this and do not take her back!!!!!

If we all made the right wife choice there would be no such thing as divorce would there....... ...............

Debatable, men change too, circumstances do as well.

He seemed to believe she had some 'issues'

[steven100]

Sorry for your loss. You said you built the business not your wife. Who did the books?

accountants

did the accountant hang around khoasan road ....

Sent from my TR736 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[mialouis]

i am looking to invest in a business in thailand. maybe i can help you. if you need a partner, let me know.

[drx13]

quote ".the feeling of deceit and being played with is similar of course. Devastating."

​This is the definition that fits my situation plus she is destroying her child in the process.

[atyclb]

My first rule with girlfriends/ wives is that everything should be based on an equal basis.

i.e. we both contribute 50% each and we are equal type people.

Agree with you but the reality is the overwhelming majority of non thai male - thai female relationships would not exist if it weren't for financial disparity and assistance.

[DGIE]

There is an old story about a scorpion who needed to cross a river and asked a frog to carry him across. The frog was reluctant and said he was afraid the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion convinced the frog that he wouldn't. Midway the scorpion stung the frog. The frog complained; 'but you promised not to sting me'. The scorpion said; 'but, it's in my nature..."

You are a victim but chose to ignore all the warning signs. I wonder why that is? Naivete? Denial? Like to be the victim? Bad judgement? Sympathy? Enabling?

To salvage something and learn, you'll look at this. If not, destined to repeat and live with bitterness....

That's actually not the story.

In the story, the frog doesn't want to carry the scorpion afraid the scorpion will sting, to which the scorpio replies: "Of course, I woudn't, that would mean I drown and die'. Then out in the river, the scorpion stings the frog and as they both go to their death the frog asks why the scorpion did that - knowing it would die too - and the scorpion replies: "It is in my nature".

Told that way, the story makes a lot more sense, i.e. that it is very hard to change one's nature and just as important, that such a person will harm others even if it will mean they lose everything too. It takes great self-reflection and honesty to come back from a past of lying, deceiving and moral debauchery.

In other words, once a whore always a whore, once a liar always a liar.

Much wisdom in those old tales.

Nice! So the OP is the frog?

[laolover88]

Sorry about that

Probably should have checked the accounts more often!!??

"She (as with others with NPD) is very egotistical/selfish, views the world as revolving around herself, and does not

care how her pursuit of her wants/needs (or what she thinks she wants/needs) affects other people."

Very telling and true. Many people in many countries are selfish and egotistical. However it seems to be an excessively common trait in Thai women. What is the explanation? The western concepts of 'guilt' 'conscience' 'responsibility' etc

appear absent. I am continually amazed by the ability of Thai girls/women to abandon their children; Thai boys, too, of course.

There is a very telling difference between Thai and Chinese dating sites. The Chinese girls are looking for a 'partner' Thai girls are looking for' someone to take care of me and my family' Beware!

There is an additional word of warning to anyone contemplating a relationship with a Thai. They are very patient and

very devious.Long Term planning is something they have worked out. Been in a relationship and have kids 10 years? Do notthink you are out of the woods!! I have known Thai girls live with Brit boyfriends, children, houses etc 10+ years. One day Thai husband calls: Time for you to come home. She is gone.