Thai culture or is she just indifferent towards me?

[csaxcaaaa]

So I've been together with this thai woman for almost 2 years, about 6 months back I proposed to her that we should get married and then she would move to the same country where I'm living right now. I'm happy with this idea and have asked her many times if she really wants this, she has answered is its ok that she wants to live wherever Im living. But it somehow feels that she really dosen't want to move. I mean I've told her some plans that we could do when she have moved here, about opening small business, etc., but she really dosent seems to be excited about any of it. She never talks about our future, If I rise the topic then she just says "yes, yeah, sounds good", up to you", but in the other hand she like to talk about this other plan we have, that maybe in 5 years we can buy house in Thailand and I can live there. Is it just thai culture that thais dont much talk about future, about plans?

Also, Im not sure if this is thai culture thing, but she have said many times that if I were to find other woman, she would be sad but also very happy for me and still would continue to love me, even said that if I had a new woman and when I would come to visit Thailand she would want to be my holiday girlfriend. I understand that thai culture is about face saving, so is this her way to say that she really isn't intrested about living together or having future with me? She also havent hugged me in airport when I have returned back to home, shes her 40 years old, so I understand that older thais dont really show affection in public, this is not problem for me as myself also dont like to show affection in public.

Also I've talked about sex with her, and she said she has never enjoyed sex (with anybody), she said shes only doing it to show that she loves me. Maybe women sexuality (for her age generation) is big tabboo in Thai culture?

As I can write and speak thai, I write her messages and talk with her every day. Sometimes I write here long message about my feeling toward her, but all I get is usally just "I love you also very much", and never really seem to send any long sms to me, or putting much time on writing them, just almost every time jsut I miss you, I love you, not even about our future or anything.

Also once we talked about buddhism and I mentioned that desire (I used word ความใคร่) isn't good in long run as it causes sorrow, she said then that she dosen't feel any ความใคร่ toward me, only ความรัก. From thai perspective, is this good thing in marriage?

I'm usually bad at picking up hints in any social relationships, so what you guys think? Is this just thai culture or should I really reconsider about plans to marry and move together if she really dosent love me?

Edited March 12, 2014 by csaxcaaaa

[Boo]

Moving to pub, Ladies forum is for women in thailand not about thai women.

[Sheryl]

My take:

1. She cares for you but does not want to leave Thailand.

2. She does not like sex and would actually prefer you to have another woman for that. This is not unusual among "good" Thai women.

As it sounds like you do not want to settle in Thailand, this relationship isn't likely to really go anywhere.

[OxfordWill]

My take:

1. She cares for you but her primary focus is a house and staying in Thailand. (and is the subject of some financial support for her and presumably her family relevant in her case?)

2. Her ideal situation would be that you provide this, but do not live with her and that you find some other girl for the day to day "wife" activities. She is letting you know that she is available to be your mistress and would prefer that arrangement.

By the way, this would be easy to misunderstand as cunning, devious, ill-intentioned or etc. But it definitely is not necessarily like that. Culturally speaking, this woman can say or mean these things (if we assume I am correct about what I think she wants, which may not be true!) and still be genuinely affectionate for you ("love" even, but I think its a more mature kind of love) and have good intentions to look after you in a way and be responsible- just not in this case perhaps as the full time wife.

p.s. I dont know how well traveled she is but the thought of leaving Thailand at 40 for the average Thai would be incredibly difficult for most.

Edited March 13, 2014 by OxfordWill

[PlastikbinLina]

If I were you I'd try being indifferent to her. Actually If I were you I'd drop her like a hot scone. I'm sorry but it's not going to go anywhere especially at her age. Try to imagine or look at how you find certain aspects of your life here in Thailand and then try to see how she would fit into a place that has, for the most part, a very disagreeable climate and complete lack of Thai cultural life; markets, family connections, long time friends etc etc. It's going to be difficult for you especially if you've done your whatsits over her but in the long run less painful, mentally and financially. There are many pebbles on the beach. Look around a bit more. Good luck.

[Pinot]

With so many fun loving, affectionate and exciting Thai women, why do you want this one? Because she responds to your SMSs? If you lived here, this would soon be over and you'd be on to greener pastures.