She's left me with the children and gone back to her family!

[brit1984]

it could be that she didn't realise you don't have other family who could help you with the child care while you work (as they do in Thailand) or could be that she does know and this is her (crafty) way of trying to get you back to Thailand (where as you mentioned she has a big family of potential support nannies while you, or both of you, work)

[robert888d]

T.I. T. THIS IS THAILAND. THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE. WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?

[BrooklynNY]

I assumed that you live overseas. As far I know the pattern about Thai women who married to foreigners, after they have moved to live with their husbands in husband's countries many of the wives tend to visiting Thailand often. They always have reasons to go to Thailand and especially the ones who are housewives staying home tend husband and children. They are bored and they miss Thai lifestyle that they were used to mingle with family, relatives and hanging out friends.

Your wife has gotten what she wanted in life which are a foreigner husband, children and to some degree she is financially secured that has a husband taking care of her. It does not surprise me that a Thai wife who lives abroad leaves her children with her husband for a long visit in Thailand. She has your credit card to spend on her family and relatives and even splurge with friends to eat out at restaurants. I have seen many Thai women act like a big shot visiting home country Thailand, they like showing off and bragging that they have it made in marrying a white man who can financially takes care of her. This is part of a package deal to marrying a white man.

While she is in Thailand without husband and children, she is a free bird and that does not necessary mean that she has another man but she just wants to enjoy her alone time in Thailand with family, relatives and friends to hang out with, paying for family needs like new cell phone, notebook, clothes and eating out at restaurants with your credit card !!.

You should contact the credit card company to have a temporary block on the card that she took with her. You will soon hear from her to ask for money.

[riverchapel]

stop credit cards,she will come back asap...

[loonodingle]

Maybe she wants her share if they pop their clogs. ??? Just a thought

[benalibina]

BBB

You are married with a Thai lady and you have been living in Thailand, but you understand nothing about the Thai social system?

OMG

==>

The "Bun Kun" system plays a crucial role in the life of the Thai people., It means that you answered a favor, the other people have a proven.

In our western world, we would say, "return a favor". This runs through all walks of life and is of course particularly pronounced towards their own parents.

Through their entire childhood the children will always be remembered the sacrifices and efforts that have applied their parents for them. Thus, they are committed to their parents when they are old to give back what they have received even in their childhood and youth.

That means even if the parents are not good or one parent had left the family alone with their problems the children are deeply indebted to them!

Therfore everything has been said.

Manipulation you mean....lack of critical thinking .....yeah swell.....

If taught on a proper manner nothing is wrong with this social system.

[David48]

If i remember correctly from an other topic of OP...his wife/gf is wealthier than him.

10 years (or there abouts) older she is ... about 'richer' .. I have no idea.

[David48]

OP ... I didn't know you moved back overseas. Seems only yesterday you were walking Kao San Road with a pram.

If her parent is dying, then I completely understand her wish and desire to bee with her Parent before that person passes.

Most credit cards have a decent limit on them.

Maybe 5,000 ... did she spend that much on airfares?

Lending Money is a definite no-no ... kiss that good-bye for ever.

[BrooklynNY]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

What do you mean by ... "Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village"

From your previous threads, you live here!

My idea of social order is your closest family comes first, i didn't consider this point before and hence never discussed.

We are in Europe presently as we wanted a safer standard of living and better standard education for our children.

She's gone back for 4 weeks!!! I'm sole full time parent unable to work and finances are getting tighter because of this situation.

Yes, the Thai parent is on his last legs, as he ever done anything for our family? No! Has he ever given his grand children a birthday card or present? No!Has he tried to communicate or interact with them? No!

Yep, i'm being mean! Selfish, far from it!

One thing's for sure, i'm glad i've not spewed this lot on the wife's ears.

One gripey uker

I am Thai has lived in U.S.A for more than half of my life and I used to live in two countries in western Europe for some years. I found that living in Europe is boring and lonely. I heard and read forums from many Thai women who live in European countries, complained of cold weather, loneliness lack of outgoing social lifestyle which they used to have in Thailand. Nevertheless they still want to move abroad but after they have experienced the loneliness and the long European winter, they yearn to visit Thailand and they often comes up with an excuse to visit Thailand. Some Thai wives makes trips to Thailand every winter and stay in Thailand for six months.

If they have a choice they would rather live in Thailand and work to earn own money. They chose to live with a foreigner husband in his country because at first they wanted to go live abroad until afterwards... Your wife could be one of those burned out Thai wives who slowly has enough of predictable routine lifestyle in Europe. If she has an outgoing personality the loneliness would catch up with her after having lived in a secluded lifestyle in Europe. She misses outgoing social lifestyle like she used to have. This problem is one of a major factor that could break up the family.

A family illness is a good excuse to go visit Thailand indefinitely.

P.S. excuse me if there is any typos, I typed and submitted my comment.

[ALFREDO]

To disappear with no word ....

to just disappear.......

Where did you read that, until than?

[bina]

i think that she feels obligation to parents. second, i dont know thais that send birthday cards, or whatever, ;not just cause they in this case cant afford to but i dont think they have it in their own village culture. it seems to be a big city or more westernize thai thing, like here.

thais expect the kids to give and help with the parents no matter what. my husband gets irritated at my kids here because here, it is the opposite. parents here are expected to give and support their kids without question.

as for leaving u... what? she didnt let u know a few days ahead of time? thai planning for sure... but u cant get babysitters, nannies, your own relatives, to help out. what do most people in the real world do when a spouse/partner has to go somehwere for a month or so? they deal.

as for credit cards, well, u can control that. hubby is not going ahead to thailand with credit cards. all his finances are in cash. i have the credit card for when i arrive. btw, he also didnt think out the whole: two months no salary, must pay two months worth of social health plan and insurance, plus health insurance as he is now dual citizen, etc etc etc. its just he never had to deal with that before, didnt realize that has to be dealt with, so now i am dealing. he jsut decided that he is going for two months, after five years of not visiting, i bought the ticket, adn thats that. a lot has to do with the thai method of not planning things out to far in advance and not having to think about certain aspects as in thailand they never had a problem with these aspects, like family child care.

its annoying but thats a fact of life. my parents cant deal with our israeli style of last minute planning either. it drives them nuts. but thai planning is even worse.

btw, not all thais go home for death in family. hubby's first cousin was murdered this week and the brother is working here inisare. i asked him if he is going home. the answer,? no. have to work, dont have the money etc.... although his employer would let him go for a few weeks, and dock the flight from the salary. but the women are more connected in thses cases.

seriously dont think its a marriage thing but just a family in trouble thing

[benalibina]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/707723-my-thai-wife-is-ten-years-older-and-wealthier-am-i-the-odd-one-out-on-here/

quote name="David48" post="7710267" timestamp="1397913540"]

If i remember correctly from an other topic of OP...his wife/gf is wealthier than him.

10 years (or there abouts) older she is ... about 'richer' .. I have no idea.

[ALFREDO]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

My idea of social order is your closest family comes first, i didn't consider this point before and hence never discussed.

Yes, the Thai parent is on his last legs, as he ever done anything for our family? No! Has he ever given his grand children a birthday card or present? No!Has he tried to communicate or interact with them? No!

Yep, i'm being mean! Selfish, far from it!

One thing's for sure, i'm glad i've not spewed this lot on the wife's ears.

One gripey uker

What could he have done, with, I presume his very limited education, knowledge of Western Standard behavior and financies?

A present? A birthday card? As far as I see that here in Isaan, they not care of Birthdays! My GF just forgot our sons 10th Birthday!!!

Different culture, just that!

[BrooklynNY]

i think that she feels obligation to parents. second, i dont know thais that send birthday cards, or whatever, ;not just cause they in this case cant afford to but i dont think they have it in their own village culture. it seems to be a big city or more westernize thai thing, like here.

thais expect the kids to give and help with the parents no matter what. my husband gets irritated at my kids here because here, it is the opposite. parents here are expected to give and support their kids without question.

as for leaving u... what? she didnt let u know a few days ahead of time? thai planning for sure... but u cant get babysitters, nannies, your own relatives, to help out. what do most people in the real world do when a spouse/partner has to go somehwere for a month or so? they deal.

as for credit cards, well, u can control that. hubby is not going ahead to thailand with credit cards. all his finances are in cash. i have the credit card for when i arrive. btw, he also didnt think out the whole: two months no salary, must pay two months worth of social health plan and insurance, plus health insurance as he is now dual citizen, etc etc etc. its just he never had to deal with that before, didnt realize that has to be dealt with, so now i am dealing. he jsut decided that he is going for two months, after five years of not visiting, i bought the ticket, adn thats that. a lot has to do with the thai method of not planning things out to far in advance and not having to think about certain aspects as in thailand they never had a problem with these aspects, like family child care.

its annoying but thats a fact of life. my parents cant deal with our israeli style of last minute planning either. it drives them nuts. but thai planning is even worse.

btw, not all thais go home for death in family. hubby's first cousin was murdered this week and the brother is working here inisare. i asked him if he is going home. the answer,? no. have to work, dont have the money etc.... although his employer would let him go for a few weeks, and dock the flight from the salary. but the women are more connected in thses cases.

seriously dont think its a marriage thing but just a family in trouble thing

I am one of a very few Thais who have not visited Thailand every year or so and my last visit Thailand was 1 1/2 year ago after 6 years. Due to personal family dispute, I did not fly back to Thailand to attend my mother's funeral and my brother's either that was many years ago. Thai people who moved to live overseas at an older age of mid to late 20's, they tend to already have this Thai traits behavior things that I have read from TV.

[Siamjim]

excuse me but you sound selfish, lets switch place here for a moment, let's say we are still in LOS and one of your parent in farang land is very ill near death or so, and you love this parent very dearly, even though you have sisters and brothers and family there wouldn't you want to be by mom or dad side at the last days of life? and would you want to travel with children is this crisis? will a temporary burden of money stop all?... my man shame on you.

THIS is my story...my wife's mother is dying and has a few days left now but last week, even with her siblings and family there my wife leaped to be with her mother and took our kids(3) with her too because she didn't want the children to bother me, yes its a BIG burden on our savings but i understand. Its not going to be the first or last time we go broke. however the kids will only add more stress... so i asked her to send the children back to me so she can handle her grief in solace

[Datebayo]

Did you see the any proof that that the parent is really sick and she really goes to her village? Like a doctors analysis and plane/train ticket of hers. Or did she just said '' My father/mother is sick, I need to go take care of her, bye bye darling''

[sirchai]

Maybe i'm out of order.

[transam]

Maybe she wants her share if they pop their clogs. ??? Just a thought

Yep, that is the norm, well spotted...........

[sirchai]

If i remember correctly from an other topic of OP...his wife/gf is wealthier than him.

While he always had and has to take care of the kids. ( She's (is) (was) the moneymaker before)

Seems that nothing has changed, so far. -

[khunpa]

The only thing I am 100% sure of in my relationship, is that my Thai-girlfriend would NEVER leave our children and head back to Thailand alone. If her parents were still alive and seriously ill, I am sure she would go back (and I would want her to) but she would leave the children behind.

I do not find it strange she goes back home. I find it strange that she does not bring the children with her.

[Puyai]

It all comes down to money. If she is putting you and you family in serious debt, then no she shouldn't of went, but if like a poster above who is in the same situation and has savings, then why not.

My girlfriends father died not so long back and she didn't go to the funeral because she had just had our first child and she didn't want to risk taking him to northern Laos. I wasn't to keen on the idea either but to me and her our child comes first. It's not only her making sacrifices as my father died last year and I didn't go to his funeral. For me it was the money it would of cost to fly back, money that could go towards my sons upbringing. Now if I had plenty of money I would of went.

[jamhar]

Not enough information

agreed

it's not a thai thing

it's a marriage thing

and now you have to deal with it.

From a person in somewhat similar situation

.......

dude, I wish I was in your shoes. :blink;

[MyFriend You]

Why don't you take the kids and go with her, seems logical if it is her parent it is their grandmother - could be terminal.

[fxe1200]

Show some responsibility, cancel the credit cards, and take care of the kids.

[transam]

Why don't you take the kids and go with her, seems logical if it is her parent it is their grandmother - could be terminal.

Terminal cash loss even .................

[NativeSon360]

My First Sargeant @ Utapao Airbase in 1965 said: "Gentlement, welcome to the Kingdom of Siam (Thailand). The women are plentiful, and the sex is bountiful. Enjoy your off-duty time. However, if you go to Pattaya, looking for true love and friendship, then FIRST do yourself a BIG favor; go to a petshop, where you can buy a dog.

The only new changes made in Thailand, since 1965, is the urban infrastructure.

[bina]

hi brooklyn, here in israel manythai immigrant workers manage to go back for two month visits after they've been here for two or three years; however, i know a large amount (like in the hundreds) that are here illegaly and therefore ahvent been back for even 11 years cause they cant. no money, or no visa for various reasons and the others dont go back cause its a strain on their finances. they stick it out for five years then go back home. hubby is a dual ciitizen and we waited til he got his passport etc for him to go. as it is its a serious strain (in debt) to buy the ticket because we both know that we will both ahve to finance ourselves and the family during our stay. i visited my parents in the states last about six years ago, and they sponsored me to visit sister two years ago. thats it. no more visits. they understand that i will join my hsuband for a few weeks of his visit, however. not sure what will happen with mom/dad deaths in family for iether of us.

as for taking the kids: here noone can just 'take their kids' out of school without permission and as far as i know also other countries ahve the same rules... if not on school breaks, cant get out of school. babies are an other matter.

as far as checking if things are true? if u cant trust the person,what are u doing with them in the first place.?

anf if there are problems with the marriage and she needs some down time, then u will know soon enough...

and as alfredo says: hubby also never remembers any dates, birthdays, wedding, nor thai holidays. he's not in thailand, doesnt remember holiday dates. it could be just him, it could be cultural or a combination.

[Tboy928]

Maybe she wants to secure what values is in Thailand that would be left when this father/ mother dies , before rest of family run off with it ..

[ALFREDO]

and as alfredo says: hubby also never remembers any dates, birthdays, wedding, nor thai holidays. he's not in thailand, doesnt remember holiday dates. it could be just him, it could be cultural or a combination.

I believe its not only your partner.

IMO At least the people in rural areas grew up without the financial possibilities to celebrate and give presents for events as birthdays (Birthday cards) that is Western culture.

So they forget such events easy at all. Not care much!

[BKKdreaming]

I am Thai has lived in U.S.A for more than half of my life and I used to live in two countries in western Europe for some years. I found that living in Europe is boring and lonely. I heard and read forums from many Thai women who live in European countries, complained of cold weather, loneliness lack of outgoing social lifestyle which they used to have in Thailand. Nevertheless they still want to move abroad but after they have experienced the loneliness and the long European winter, they yearn to visit Thailand and they often comes up with an excuse to visit Thailand. Some Thai wives makes trips to Thailand every winter and stay in Thailand for six months.

If they have a choice they would rather live in Thailand and work to earn own money. They chose to live with a foreigner husband in his country because at first they wanted to go live abroad until afterwards... Your wife could be one of those burned out Thai wives who slowly has enough of predictable routine lifestyle in Europe. If she has an outgoing personality the loneliness would catch up with her after having lived in a secluded lifestyle in Europe. She misses outgoing social lifestyle like she used to have. This problem is one of a major factor that could break up the family.

A family illness is a good excuse to go visit Thailand indefinitely.

P.S. excuse me if there is any typos, I typed and submitted my comment.

Hi....thanks for posting here as you give a viewpoint most of us never see ,

I can see Thais moving to a large USA city as there are many other Thais to socialize with , but they would go crazy living alone with no other Thais to talk to and no Thai FOOD,

it is how most grew up, all living in one or 2 rooms , maybe 3 generations

I do not know how the family is in Thailand , but you might want to set them up with a computer / internet and webcam so they can stay in touch on Skype for cheap,

I know how lonely I get sometimes being in Europe by myself and only speaking English , and I have a return ticket to go back home in a few weeks !