Girlfriend wants me to buy her a house

[y2k]

well, would you buy a western girl you just met a house, be a little unusual wouldnt you think......tell her you buy a condo in your name and they can live there...........loves a little like durian fruit, tastes good but after a while it starts to smell, in fact it can really stink.

So how much can I get a condo for in Lampang?

[transam]

I hear what you all say and the logical decision would be to say no. But is it that bad a thing to listen to your heart and do what you think you should do and that you know will make her happy?

Am I taking a HUGE risk in doing so?

What risks have you taken and have they paid off?

Why do I think you are trolling..?

[namatjira]

you are in polite phraseology.....being done like a dinner , i guess if you say no you will find out if she really loves you or just loves the idea of a free house.....try it out and see how you go.....

[chiang mai]

If you can afford to loose the money then feel free to take the risk, if you can't, don't. But if you do and you can't, no whinging afterwards, we wont be sympathetic.

[y2k]

I hear what you all say and the logical decision would be to say no. But is it that bad a thing to listen to your heart and do what you think you should do and that you know will make her happy?

Am I taking a HUGE risk in doing so?

What risks have you taken and have they paid off?

Why do I think you are trolling..?

I'm not that smart to be a troll.

[Marcel1]

STOP,

think is you are really following your hard or the little boy down below.

2nd, is it money you can lose?

3th, be prepared to get used and sacked, If gambling was legal here I would place my money on it.

4th lampang is boring you really want to live there on a later date?

It is her house you give to her, by buying it there is no protection for yourselve. The fact she askes says it all already.

on the other side, if you can affort to lose the money. up to you and enjoy the time you have.

Ps, since you said you are new here there is a freaking lot of reading to do before buying or commiting to anything (is valid for any country I guess)

[Robert24]

The 1 mln price tag for a house lin Lampang sounds rather low. I would think even in Lampang you would pay 1.6-2mln for a normal house. You pay about the same for a new condo in Lampang.

Suggest maybe to rent first, get familiar with location, get married, stay together for a while, get to know her family and then make a property purchase. Could be maybe a 1-2 year delay in purchase but well worth it for both you and her.

[ozsamurai]

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Initially for her mother and son to live in but it would be ours to use at a later date.

If that doesn't trip alarm bells then nothing will...... CONDO..

Oz

[y2k]

The 1 mln price tag for a house lin Lampang sounds rather low. I would think even in Lampang you would pay 1.6-2mln for a normal house. You pay about the same for a new condo in Lampang.

Suggest maybe to rent first, get familiar with location, get married, stay together for a while, get to know her family and then make a property purchase. Could be maybe a 1-2 year delay in purchase but well worth it for both you and her.

As I said earlier 1mill is my contribution. So with a condo I can get it in joint names of ownership?

[Robert24]

Yes, joint ownership or purely in your name. Up to you.

[rijb]

Put the condo in your name. Put the furniture in her name.

[benalibina]

Since 1st coming to Thailand i have been made very wary about the possible pitfalls regarding thai women. This by small examples other foreigners told me, out of their own experience, in my 1st year holidaying in Phuket. Buy me LOVE comes to mind from a female (thai)perspective. I have seen alot of hurt amongst foreigners those early years. Mostly ofcourse because i only came to Phuket. Endured 1 myself after 3 years. Emotionally that was. I always came and lived in Thailand with following in mind......they can break my heart but my wallet stays with me. I decide.

So when our son was 6 months old my wife, gf only then, started mentioning/pushing about buying/building a house, this went on for a couple of days. She had a point ofcourse but as i just bought a car, because of safe transport for our son, thus my finances where not there yet and buying/building a house near her elderly home, in the small village 25 kms from the city, did not sound attractive to me. Need to mention as well that i had a very unpleasant encounter with her older sister a month before which did not gave me any positives to buy/built a house there and not to forget that i would hardly have any rights related to the property.

We had just started playing darts, which she was quite good at for a newbie. She had beaten me regularly so i jokingly said....we play darts for buying/building a house. Okay she said immediately....hmmm i thought....asked her, you serious....yes she said with a big smile...lets play....so i couldnt really come back on it. So we played the match after our son was in bed sleeping. Best of 7 sets, 1st 1 to win 3 legs won a set. At 3-2 in sets in wifes favour and 2-2 in legs, my wife had many matchdarts on a double but couldnt convert them. To note, she threw a 171 during that match, triple 20, 19 and 18. At the end i won the match, so no house at my great relief. She went straight to bed after.

In a more serious answer to the OP, if you feel and think it is the right thing to do, go ahead with it. Money can buy love, but usually only for a short while, depending on your financial mileage. If you can afford it and walk away from it later in case it goes sour....its your call to make. Better to regret the the things you did than the things you didnt do. But TIT.

[y2k]

Wise words indeed. Thank you.

[rijb]

She might be the love of your life. But, are you the love of her life? Time to get honest with yourself.

[Thai at Heart]

Just found the love of my life. We intend to get married after I've sorted out my side of things (too messy to get into here). She is keen on buying a new house which has a four-month lead time and has asked me to put up the necessary cash. I'm a little wary so suggested she investigate into the possibility of having both our names on the property. She originally agreed and is now asking that I give it to her as a wedding present then I wouldn't have to pay for the other things that I am supposed to buy according to Thai custom. My contribution would be over 1millionTHB. Am I wrong to be reluctant to do this even if I love her?

Tell her you will put it in my wife's name for safe keeping and see what she says......

Honestly. Don't do it.

[tifino]

saw that little comment above (Money can buy love) and the sweat returns...

From the same cute little thai mouth, expect the words change to suit the purpose, especially the ones that are tailored to force your thinking, and conscience, into a corner. When that happens, your gut feels the only way out of the room, and the argument, is to leave the room (because her heart already has)

the same mouth has twists to form pressure from more angles: ..."you no money, you cannot eat love"

farang marry for love, but find she marry for what money she can extract, and even better if it can be extracted in the form of a house.

the female thai mind sees the only good farang is a rich one, especially the one who flouts it all too quickly, thinking it is earning him brownie points, but instead is simply draining the purse...

Oh yes, she has room for you in her heart.

But, a thai girls heart has many rooms...

[petertucker48]

House and land ฿1,000,000 (£18,500) is cheap when your come to pay at land office for Chanute (wrong spelling??) INSIST on a 30 Year lease clause in Your name.

No lease no Payment no discussion.

She has security and so do you.

Good point if you are married to a Thai only have to find ฿400,000 pa.

Good luck (don't like the idea of too many demands at such an early stage of a relationship).

Rent in the area first 6 months to a year got to know the best area and local non Frang prices.

[denby45]

On a slightly different subject but may be related to scamming GF's. I have had a relationship with a very nice lady from Bangkok for a while. Actually she is outside BKK living in Nong Chok. She has her own house and car and has a good job as an HR manager for a company called Mahajak. They make AC units for Mitsubishi. I can't visit her very regularly because I work in Abu Dhabi. Anyway a couple of days ago she asked me for money (for the first time) to fund an upgrade to her house. Her story is she is using Oil and she wants to change to Gas because it is much cheaper. According to her she is paying 3000 Baht per month and after the change to gas would only be paying 1000 per month. She says the cost would be around 27,000 Baht. Anyway what I am asking is do the figures make any sense to any of the Knowledgeable guys here. I have trusted this lady for a while now and always spoil her when we are together but after this direct request for cash I am not so sure.

Any thoughts?

Den

[Pralaad]

I'm liking the 25-year loan idea more now.

I am thinking you should be liking the idea of NOT getting married and ending this relationship.

All the signs are already there for you, right in the face, you just do not seem to get it.

Let me try to break it down so you may understand what you are in for.

You said she wants you to pay 1 million for the house and then you will not have to pay for other things.

Translation: She wants 1 million baht dowry.(sin sodt)

Explanation: for a lady with a kid(son as you mentioned) there is no dowry(sin sodt) If you wanted to make her family look good, you would put some money on the table, but nowhere near the 1 million baht .

She refused to have the house in your name or part of the ownership(not that you can anyway)

Translation: she is not planning to stay with you, but planning to fleece you.

Her mother and son will live there and you MAY get it later

Translation: You will never set a foot in the house, nor will you ever sleep in the house, nor will you ever get the house.

Sorry to be so blunt, but someone had to open your eyes

[Loptr]

I would have thought by now with the internet being so mainstream and Thai ladies reputation proceeding them that posts like this would start to dry up. Seems not.

Be kind I'm new here.

Then you owe it to yourself to search for threads on any one of the thousands of farang / thai relationships that started just as your's did... Then read the horror stories which follow, usually culminating in the western man being shown the door once he goes 'all in'... No, not all mixed relationships in Thailand end this way, but there is a trend and from what little you have conveyed, I would proceed with caution unless you have money to burn...

[benalibina]

On a slightly different subject but may be related to scamming GF's. I have had a relationship with a very nice lady from Bangkok for a while. Actually she is outside BKK living in Nong Chok. She has her own house and car and has a good job as an HR manager for a company called Mahajak. They make AC units for Mitsubishi. I can't visit her very regularly because I work in Abu Dhabi. Anyway a couple of days ago she asked me for money (for the first time) to fund an upgrade to her house. Her story is she is using Oil and she wants to change to Gas because it is much cheaper. According to her she is paying 3000 Baht per month and after the change to gas would only be paying 1000 per month. She says the cost would be around 27,000 Baht. Anyway what I am asking is do the figures make any sense to any of the Knowledgeable guys here. I have trusted this lady for a while now and always spoil her when we are together but after this direct request for cash I am not so sure.

Any thoughts?

Den

If she has a good and secure job i guess she would be eligable for a loan from the bank.....provided she hasnt used all her credit yet. If she can save 2.000 bth a contact month and if she has collateral a loanshark or pawnshop will give her the amount needed. You better stay away from it.

[muchogra]

On a slightly different subject but may be related to scamming GF's. I have had a relationship with a very nice lady from Bangkok for a while. Actually she is outside BKK living in Nong Chok. She has her own house and car and has a good job as an HR manager for a company called Mahajak. They make AC units for Mitsubishi. I can't visit her very regularly because I work in Abu Dhabi. Anyway a couple of days ago she asked me for money (for the first time) to fund an upgrade to her house. Her story is she is using Oil and she wants to change to Gas because it is much cheaper. According to her she is paying 3000 Baht per month and after the change to gas would only be paying 1000 per month. She says the cost would be around 27,000 Baht. Anyway what I am asking is do the figures make any sense to any of the Knowledgeable guys here. I have trusted this lady for a while now and always spoil her when we are together but after this direct request for cash I am not so sure.

Any thoughts?

Den

Are you sure it's an upgrade to the house and not a conversion on the car to use CNG instead of gasoline? I think it might be the latter which the B27,000 sounds about right.

B27,000 is not a lot of money "lending" it to a friend especially you have had a good relationship with her for a while. Yes, think of her as a friend so you won't lose face if you lose it. LOL

Also, since she's able to save B2,000 a month, why not suggest to her to pay you back half of what she can save per month. Tell her it's a matter of principle. If she doesn't agree to this proposal, it says something about her, doesn't it?

[BillyBobThai]

See this old boy here, he has a healthy set. You need to grow a set and rent a new girlfriend for a while. Dime a dozen. Always cheaper to rent than buy in houses and women.

[PokerFace]

Run away, run away very, very fast and don't look back!!! Been around Thailand for many, many years and this is the biggest scam going on here!

[charlie42]

would you buy a house for an unmarried mother you just met in your own country ?

my very close friend has been down this road,she very cleved keep him away from his

friedns and family.

they married after 6 weeks and she took him to the cleaners.

he had just sold his house back home had over 150,000 euro and lost everything

asked him to buy land next to her fathers and start a rubber tree farm.

built a house and revamped the parents house.

had to pay sin sod of 5,000 euro....sin sod in only to be payed for virgins, childless ladies, and yours want a house ?

think with your big head

[spidermike007]

I always say, do not even consider getting married, unless you have lived together for at least 12 months. Many rush this, and are sorry later. It is always in the interest of a Thai woman to rush things, and move up the agenda. It is always in our interest to slow things down, and let them develop in a more organic fashion. Take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better with time. If there are problems, they are going to reveal themselves with time. So use the time in a positive manner, and push back if she creates a sense of urgency. If you have a lot of money, and you have been together long enough to truly know who she is, what the hell? If she is from a poor family, there is an expectation of this kind of assistance. Most women are looking for financial security no matter where they are from. But be prudent.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[richard_smith237]

Just before getting married my Girlfriend secured a mortgage for a 6MB Condo we both chose in Bangkok. It was to be our home to live in together after we got married.

The Mortgage was the same as my existing rent at the time.

Upon completion of the Mortgage (which I'll pay off early) my Wife will own the Condo. It has never crossed my mind that the Condo is not really 'ours', she will own it legally, I've no need for it to be transferred into my own name. If the unthinkable separation or worse happens, its a secure home for my Wife (and now Son).

She was good enough to be my Wife, she will always be good enough to mother my child - I decided years ago, that when we were to be married, we knew each other well enough before getting married to have any doubts removed. She was also financially independent, educated and from a healthy and financially secure family background.

The question I have for the Op: If you are certain of your Girlfriends intentions, if you can be certain her reasons for being with you are not influenced by any financial need then you would not have this question. It appears you are experiencing some doubt. Regardless of your love for her you are questioning her motives on a public forum. For this alone you have given yourself reason to tread carefully.

It's natural that a good person will wish to look after their family. However, there is also nothing wrong in being a little cautious.

There is nothing wrong in renting if you are unsure....

[richard_smith237]

I always say, do not even consider getting married, unless you have lived together for at least 12 months. Many rush this, and are sorry later. It is always in the interest of a Thai woman to rush things, and move up the agenda. It is always in our interest to slow things down, and let them develop in a more organic fashion. Take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better with time. If there are problems, they are going to reveal themselves with time. So use the time in a positive manner, and push back if she creates a sense of urgency. If you have a lot of money, and you have been together long enough to truly know who she is, what the hell? If she is from a poor family, there is an expectation of this kind of assistance. Most women are looking for financial security no matter where they are from. But be prudent.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

The 'your time advice' is always going to be good advice. However, living together before marriage is not always possible - I certainly was not permitted to live with my Girlfriend until we were married, I have a number of friends who also married ladies from respectable backgrounds who's Parents would permit them to live with their boyfriend until they were wed.

Of course, these are relationships between similarly aged, socially-economically-edcuationally compatible couples, who's country differs, but with a fundamentally similar upbringing with regards to ethics, respect and moral values.

I suspect your comments handle a specific and more 'needy' female demographic in which a case additional caution needs be advised...

That said, in any relationship regardless of background, upbringing or origin, taking their time is the best advise anyone will encounter...

[Donnie Brasco]

Just found the love of my life. We intend to get married after I've sorted out my side of things (too messy to get into here). She is keen on buying a new house which has a four-month lead time and has asked me to put up the necessary cash. I'm a little wary so suggested she investigate into the possibility of having both our names on the property. She originally agreed and is now asking that I give it to her as a wedding present then I wouldn't have to pay for the other things that I am supposed to buy according to Thai custom. My contribution would be over 1millionTHB. Am I wrong to be reluctant to do this even if I love her?

No.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

[rhodie]

OP, you have been a member here for 4 months and you ask this question!

What answer do you want? You really know better.