Girlfriend wants me to buy her a house

[tifino]

farangs in thailand are seen as being stupid, in the eyes of the thai girl that has her hands on the farangs privates at the time.

the thai girl feels, and is reinforced by those around her that she has absolute power over her farang.

she thinks she can do, or a say anything to/or about him, and he has to bend to all her wishes - because he is in (her) country.

I think OP has been backed too far into his corner before he opened his eyes, and can't breathe

I suppose one way test her out is for him to retreat to become a monk for 3 months, and see if she's strong enough to stay around, and good enough to believe in karma

Edited June 28, 2014 by tifino

[cardinalblue]

Red flags everywhere if she tells you it's a thai custom that you must purchase this and that...

That is BS; sorry dude you are being taken...

Maybe you should ask about her Thai BF/husband and what are his/their plans?

As soon as you buy something before the wedding or soon after, you are history...

Please wake up...

CB

[retiredinmaerim]

Rent a town town house for Mother In Law and Son in Lampang. I think about 3000 to 4000 a month would do the job. After that take your honey out of her comfort zone and buy a condo in Chiang Mai, you will be happy for it.

[atyclb]

I've changed my mind on the OP. He's a troll in spite of 270+ posts. Too many dumb questions to be serious, and nobody can be that stupid.

With 270 he's been around a while and must have read numerous similar threads, so a troll.

Don't feed the troll.

"nobody can be that stupid."

how long have you lived in thailand?

[ChrisKC]

You made one good decision today - to come on to this forum and ask for opinions about whether or not to engage in buying a house for your Thai partner.

At the moment your B1,000,000 is safe! But I sense you are scared to say no to her. Most Thai women have more confidence in asking for favours and money than you have in refusing them. When you refuse in a reasonable but assertive manner you will discover what kind of girl you have. And who is to say that you can't change your mind when you find in the fullness of time you really did find that wonderful girl?

There have been many suggestions from Commenters and what alternatives there are - think carefully and take one of them. None of us, even the cynical ones want to hear your sad story in a few months time.

Good Luck!, Keep smiling and be strong, my friend, be strong!

[khunPer]

»I'm a little wary so suggested she investigate into the possibility of having both our names on the property.«

You cannot as foreigner have your name as owner of property in Thailand, neither part owner with Thai wife, only a condo where 51% of the other owners are Thai citizens you legally can be registered owner of.

However, in case of divorce and without a prenuptial agreement, you are entitled to 50% after Thai Law, which means house & land shall be sold and money split.

»She originally agreed and is now asking that I give it to her as a wedding present then I wouldn't have to pay for the other things that I am supposed to buy according to Thai custom. My contribution would be over 1millionTHB. Am I wrong to be reluctant to do this even if I love her?«

If you can afford to loose 1 million baht in worst-case scenario it’s a possibility, and held up against saved sin sot and wedding party costs etc. it may be a fairly reasonable amount you risk – you don’t get sin sot and party costs etc. back in case something goes wrong…

As a question of security, you can have loan servitude on the Land Deed (if chanote) stating that you are due x amount as a loan, just like a mortgage; that might have to be made before marriage. The land cannot be sold or transferred before loan has been paid back in full.

Making a mortgage in wife’s name as suggested, if wife can have a mortgage loan at all, will cost interest; on the other hand, if something goes wrong you can step out, provided you do not need to sign as guarantee (be careful to check that, often both husband & wife has to sign in Thailand). Don’t expect more than 50 or 60 percent of total value or costs in mortgage loan without additional guarantee – however the remaining amount may count up for saved sin sot and party costs, etc…

Wish you good luck

[ehw200]

I was waaiting but no one added the overused phrase

run Forest run

[mesquite]

whether she is a WL or not, it is certain that some of her girlfriend are, and they have been coaching her on how to get the most out of her farang.'

eventually her thinking will be that warped, that future words will dribble out as if she is one....

find a TG with farang other half, who is buying everything, but everything, because she say the "it is thai custom' that husband pay all for everything and wife not have to".

hear this and she has finally been fully converted to WL thinking, and husband has now become a sugar daddy, whether he really at first bought his way into her heart by intent, or by stumbling down the blind willy stupid farangness path.

when this stage has reached, all visible respect from wife has now vanished, and he is simply seen as her empty headed water buffalo.

So true.

[GoNavy]

I don't know anything about buying for girlfriends.......only what I have heard. And that is too many stories of guys leaving country coming back and the place is stripped. Or coming back and the girlfriend now has a Thai boyfriend who was her husband all along. Farangs lose their house, their girlfriend and humor. Remember, you put it in HER name and she has the legal right to kick you out, deny you were her friend........any number of excuses.

I would not do it. Love is blind they say and in Thailand it can stick you in the back. Condo in your name is the best best. I would also say at least the house in your name. No gifts of that size. Too many tricks up their sleeves. Sometimes it is just cheaper to pay by the night.

[watcharacters]

Here's another thing. True love does happen sometimes. My cousin was in his early 30's and in Thailand while with the US Navy. He met a girl. They wanted to get married. She asked him the same thing. He said sure, I'll buy you a house. In America. Because she loved him and the relationship was for real…she agreed. They have lived in the states for almost 15 years, have 3 gorgeous kids, and she visits her family often.

He didn't try to do it while he had messy things to take care of. though. You posted here to get some answers and it looks like you've got them. NO ONE has said "Hey, that's a great idea. You should do it" so looks like this is settled for ya!

.

And a big plus one for your post!!

[Grindting]

If you really do have a million to blow, How about donate 1 million baht to an issan orphanage, rather than a lazy shitkicking BGs family ? I think you'd feel very good now, and in 10 years time with this donation. You might even make the local paper too.

[patrick1968]

wake up ,. mate she want a house are you joking ..... good luck ...

[Andre0720]

remembering when a thai lady says up to you really means they NO LIKE

I've experienced that!

If you are considering buying a one million bahts house for your thai lady, for her mom and son to live in,

Quite surprising that you have any experience at all in Thailand...

[Andre0720]

Here's another thing. True love does happen sometimes. My cousin was in his early 30's and in Thailand while with the US Navy. He met a girl. They wanted to get married. She asked him the same thing. He said sure, I'll buy you a house. In America. Because she loved him and the relationship was for real…she agreed. They have lived in the states for almost 15 years, have 3 gorgeous kids, and she visits her family often.

He didn't try to do it while he had messy things to take care of. though. You posted here to get some answers and it looks like you've got them. NO ONE has said "Hey, that's a great idea. You should do it" so looks like this is settled for ya!

You forgot to mention that if you take a thai lady out of her Thai environment, the chances of success increases 10 fold.

This guy is considering buying a one million bahts house in Thailand...

This lady surely has found the sucker of her life...

[spidermike007]

I always say, do not even consider getting married, unless you have lived together for at least 12 months. Many rush this, and are sorry later. It is always in the interest of a Thai woman to rush things, and move up the agenda. It is always in our interest to slow things down, and let them develop in a more organic fashion. Take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better with time. If there are problems, they are going to reveal themselves with time. So use the time in a positive manner, and push back if she creates a sense of urgency. If you have a lot of money, and you have been together long enough to truly know who she is, what the hell? If she is from a poor family, there is an expectation of this kind of assistance. Most women are looking for financial security no matter where they are from. But be prudent.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

The 'your time advice' is always going to be good advice. However, living together before marriage is not always possible - I certainly was not permitted to live with my Girlfriend until we were married, I have a number of friends who also married ladies from respectable backgrounds who's Parents would permit them to live with their boyfriend until they were wed.

Of course, these are relationships between similarly aged, socially-economically-edcuationally compatible couples, who's country differs, but with a fundamentally similar upbringing with regards to ethics, respect and moral values.

I suspect your comments handle a specific and more 'needy' female demographic in which a case additional caution needs be advised...

That said, in any relationship regardless of background, upbringing or origin, taking their time is the best advise anyone will encounter...

What he means OP is , if your girls of a lower class ( a brass you met in a bar ) you must be a mug buying her a house.

There are many examples of a guy meeting a gal from a lower class, who is not a bar girl. Bar girls make up about one half of one percent of the population, at most. So, let us not generalize too much. Many of us are too cautious, and careful to choose a bar girl. Nothing wrong with that per se, just seems like a risky choice to me. Any gal from a family that is less than middle class is going to have big financial needs. Part of the equation. As long as you know that going in, and take your time getting to know her, so be it.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[ALFREDO]

Not trying to come off as elitist or anything, but what kind of new house (and land) are you going to be able to get for 1,000,000 Baht?

I agree with the poster above, buy a condo and protect yourself.

I live in one,

not bad at all, Isaan countryside, land price, 200.000 Baht in middle of village, no big plot, small garden surrounding the 2 floor house and 650.000 for the house.

Built from a small company, 4 small sleeping rooms, bigger living room, kitchen, 2 bath-toilets.

[ALFREDO]

For a million bht,what kind of house is that

A OK one!

[Pattaya Lous]

Initially for her mother and son to live in but it would be ours to use at a later date.

Please don't be so stupid with your money unless you have millions and you can afford to loose it all because you will loose it all.

If she is asking for this she wants you for your money. I've been here 10 years and I have seen this many, many, many, many times history repeats itself time and time again in Thailand, how can you see yourself living/sleeping in the house with the entire family all in one room, because that is how you live in a Thai house.

Why are you getting involved with a woman with a kid? You will be so far down the pecking order you will most likely starve to death.

There are thousands of single unencumbered beautiful women in Thailand why have one with a kid that will never respect you or what you stand for, and remember that there is a father lurking in the background somewhere; he will want his share and you will get the story "T. lak it's easier to pay him off; I want to be with you".

If you are set on owning a house there are ways to legally own houses and land in Thailand where you will have control, just suggest it to her see what she says (but be ready for a shock). Get some advice away from this or any forum.

There are some very knowledgeable people living in Thailand who have many years of experience, but there are also a lot of wannabe experts (stay clear).

My advice would be don't buy a condo unless you are use to living in a small noisy concrete box, in my home country we call them flats and you don't have any control whatsoever over the land that it is built on.

If you don't want to listen then please read the hundreds horror stories about stupid men that come to Thailand fall in love with a prostitute buy her a house then all the family move in and he is left with nothing and has to go back to his home country with his Co _ _ between his legs and an empty wallet never to be seen again.

[ALFREDO]

I hear what you all say and the logical decision would be to say no. But is it that bad a thing to listen to your heart and do what you think you should do and that you know will make her happy?

Am I taking a HUGE risk in doing so?

What risks have you taken and have they paid off?

My GF, pregnant from me, asked, if I would like, that my offspring grows up in the shabby house she was living in, overcrowded to!

She had purchased a very old house in the village on small land, from my allowance saved beforehand

and I paid at least 50 % from the 650.000 Baht house, she let built there,

after the old house was torn down, 10 year ago, still together.

I helped a bit that her sister got a good BF from EU,

to good, he bought her a 1 Million Baht house in short time,

(the land belonged to family)

but married also, got a child and live in EU.

In the house the Mama and my GFs sister 2 now grown up sons from a Thai man.

The 3rd, oldest sister EU husband, helped to repair the original family home.

So, not so crowded now with 3, instead of one living place.

[balo]

Sounds like a troll post to me , but you can do whatever you want wiith your money . 1 million baht is not too much if you can donate it to your girl and still have millions of baht left to spend on a good life in Thailand.

Go for it and when/ if you realize the plan was a stupid one from day 1 , just leave the house and everything that goes with it behind and try again.

[bigbamboo]

I am one those annoying (to many on here) people who got lucky when marrying a Thai. Eleven years and counting but there is more to it than simple good fortune. There is no big age difference, she had a good job, good family etc., etc., and two older sisters who had long term stable marriages to foreigners. I met her through a friend in London and we were together for three years in the UK and Thailand before I moved here. She also had a young son who I get on with famously and they are very close to my family and friends at home which I believe is very important. I certainly wouldn't want to be isolated here with any girl. So compared to other relationships I've had she is actually low risk!

However, I have met and know a number of Thais and farangs that I wouldn't recommend to my worst enemy and if I were in the OP's situation I would already be glancing around for the emergency exit.

Like Samuel Johnson said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage and your ears half closed afterwards.

[ALFREDO]

For a million bht,what kind of house is that,looks like you are

going to be let off cheap, this is money you can afford to loose ?,

good luck

regards worgeordie

You can fall in love once for a million baht,or you can fall in love 100,000 times for 1 million baht, seems to me the love you are getting just might be same same. It is not about what can you afford to lose, it's about spending it wisely or at the very least getting the biggest bang for your Baht. My advise find a lady that loves you with out thought of material things, well at least to a reasonable extent. Good luck with your decision.

"or you can fall in love 100,000 times for 1 million baht"

How is that, fall in LOVE, with 10 Baht, fall in love with 10 Baht Chupa Chups maybe?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupa_Chups

If you write fall in LOVE a 1.000 = thousand times, for 1.000 Baht,

would make more sense to me.

[ALFREDO]

i think buying a house for a girlfriend is an excellent idea

Do you not live in a BIG (palace?) house ? Not yours and wifey's?

[hgma]

Off topic indirectly....but......

You are a lucky man with a messy background as you stated.....

you found the love of your life.

How about your counterpart....do you 'feel' she has found the love in her live also?

and if she does, she wouldn't mind you having a background check on her?

recommendable for 99% of all 'love of our live in Thailand'

inlaws can be a pain in the 191......she wouldn't object to a lawyer + 2 witnesses made up written and signed statement of occupation with regulations i geuss.

If you have done all this....it might be worth considering her demand, IF you are satisfied with the outcomes that is!

good luck.

[German Viking]

I hear what you all say and the logical decision would be to say no. But is it that bad a thing to listen to your heart and do what you think you should do and that you know will make her happy?

Am I taking a HUGE risk in doing so?

What risks have you taken and have they paid off?

Great arguements I think you are a hopeless case do what you want up to you.

[cosmont]

I think, in her mind, it is 1 Million baht Sinsod

Who pay a sinsod for a girl who have already a kid ? No Thai Guy will pay a satang, believe me !

At least, her family is so happy that she found a decent farang to take care the daughter and her kid..

Anyway, I am totally against the Sinsod and the gold diggers...

When a Thai woman start to talk about money, put the things under her name, that is a strong WARNING about her goal.

So, If you are not ready to lose 1M, don't invest 1M in a Thai woman, got it ???

[F4UCorsair]

I've changed my mind on the OP. He's a troll in spite of 270+ posts. Too many dumb questions to be serious, and nobody can be that stupid.

With 270 he's been around a while and must have read numerous similar threads, so a troll.

Don't feed the troll.

"nobody can be that stupid."

how long have you lived in thailand?

I agree there are plenty of stupid foreign men who have made this error, but I was referring to the stupidity of continuing to ask the same questions that have been asked a thousand times.

That makes him a troll in my view.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I am one those annoying (to many on here) people who got lucky when marrying a Thai. Eleven years and counting but there is more to it than simple good fortune. There is no big age difference, she had a good job, good family etc., etc., and two older sisters who had long term stable marriages to foreigners. I met her through a friend in London and we were together for three years in the UK and Thailand before I moved here. She also had a young son who I get on with famously and they are very close to my family and friends at home which I believe is very important. I certainly wouldn't want to be isolated here with any girl. So compared to other relationships I've had she is actually low risk!

I could say the same about my wife in the US, 20+ years before she dumped me.

Good education, good job, good family, same age, two younger sisters, and a virgin.

No such thing as "low risk".

It's not if, it's when.

Edited June 29, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Albertosez]

Buy her a Xmas Tree and when she asks why you bought her that - tell her it's so u can sit on top of it and have a better view while she goes through your wallet !

[phinick]

I think that if you love her, it's a wonderful idea to build a house for her. Just get married in about a year, after knowing her better, then after about 5 years of marriage, and getting to know her family, it would be a good time to start building.

After reading what you've written, and with all due respect, I think you have a lot to learn, so just give it time, so you don't learn it all the hard way.