Been here too long. Great country, love my wife. Stupidity occurs everywhere, including myself. Try to avoid it but keeps biting my ass.

I think really to survive here, you need to put yourself first.

And the one you love as a disposable extra while you can afford her.

Self, self, self, essentially. learn to think like a woman.

Harsh but realistic. Unfortunately "love" does not follow sensible thinking.

Single? I would be such a mess after a year or two. That is me, each to their own.

Been here too long. Great country, love my wife. Stupidity occurs everywhere, including myself. Try to avoid it but keeps biting my ass.

I think really to survive here, you need to put yourself first.

And the one you love as a disposable extra while you can afford her.

Self, self, self, essentially. learn to think like a woman.

Off topic.

If you say to "think like a woman", sorry but that is sexist.

Think like a sensible person!

Where is Scotroll?

She has to do the bar fine thing or they deduct from here salary. That is to say she has a quota to meet every month in terms of bar fines...

Been here too long. Great country, love my wife. Stupidity occurs everywhere, including myself. Try to avoid it but keeps biting my ass.

I think really to survive here, you need to put yourself first.

And the one you love as a disposable extra while you can afford her.

Self, self, self, essentially. learn to think like a woman.

Off topic.

If you say to "think like a woman", sorry but that is sexist.

Think like a sensible person!

Where is Scotroll?

How did you manage to put sexist into that? Scouring the internet for possibilities?

_{If I have to explain it to you, then I know I am wasting my time!}

get new experince go out with costa

_{If I have to explain it to you, then I know I am wasting my time!}

No no no. Apology given, but poster made a statement that you took to be sexist. Last thing on said posters mind .

"From the photo, age somewhere between 26 and 32.

Assume she started working at age 20, assume 1-2 customers every day.

6 years at 500 per year (5 day working week), that's a minimum of 3,000 customers."

Very bad for a woman, bragging rights for a man!Wow I've had 3000 women!

Sorry back on topic!

"From the photo, age somewhere between 26 and 32.

Assume she started working at age 20, assume 1-2 customers every day.

6 years at 500 per year (5 day working week), that's a minimum of 3,000 customers."

Very bad for a woman, bragging rights for a man!Wow I've had 3000 women!

Sorry back on topic!

Get the jist. Lots of "boyfriend". How many girlfriends have you had?

Twenty pages on a road to nowhere.....

Twenty pages on a road to nowhere.....

Probably the most sensible post so far.

What kind of assets can be protected when you get old?

Index linked company pension scheme, guaranteed by your government.

Good until you're dead and then some.

Ya that makes sense but I don't think that's what MJP had in mind. I mean SS takes at least 40 quarters of working.

It was pretty much any class of asset which could provide you with basic human needs (shelter, food) in old age, be it a roof over your head, a regular income through an annuity/pension. Anything that meant you're able to survive from the point you stop working to the inevitable.

Most older folks at the moment have a pension at least, gained through many years of contribution. Not so for future generations. NeverSure has been making good points on other threads about 'Digital Nomads' and their future income security, which is non-existent.

This isn't just an expat thing, or a marriage thing, it's really a modern day problem of the mathematics of growth.

What kind of assets can be protected when you get old?

Index linked company pension scheme, guaranteed by your government.

Good until you're dead and then some.

Ya that makes sense but I don't think that's what MJP had in mind. I mean SS takes at least 40 quarters of working.

It was pretty much any class of asset which could provide you with basic human needs (shelter, food) in old age, be it a roof over your head, a regular income through an annuity/pension. Anything that meant you're able to survive from the point you stop working to the inevitable.

Most older folks at the moment have a pension at least, gained through many years of contribution. Not so for future generations. NeverSure has been making good points on other threads about 'Digital Nomads' and their future income security, which is non-existent.

This isn't just an expat thing, or a marriage thing, it's really a modern day problem of the mathematics of growth.

The only way to be really secure is not to be married. I remember one of my x's telling the judge to make sure I never had another day without pain.

Thailand has a great way around this by marriage in a village/religious ceremony that is completely accepted ( see Yingluck). Getting legally married is not necessary here. Correct me if I'm wrong but common law marriage rights have not made it to Thailand yet.

I would suggest that a pension that expires upon death and not being legally married are the two best bets for security. Maybe pre nups work but I have heard of many cases when they did not or maybe Rupert really wanted to give her 10 mil.

The only way to be really secure is not to be married. I remember one of my x's telling the judge to make sure I never had another day without pain.

Thailand has a great way around this by marriage in a village/religious ceremony that is completely accepted ( see Yingluck). Getting legally married is not necessary here. Correct me if I'm wrong but common law marriage rights have not made it to Thailand yet.

I would suggest that a pension that expires upon death and not being legally married are the two best bets for security. Maybe pre nups work but I have heard of many cases when they did not or maybe Rupert really wanted to give her 10 mil.

so you want to ensure your partner might never has another day without pain too?

Just to reply back to a few people. If she really had a husband would she really tattoo my name which reads *** loves ****. Highly unlikely especially when the tattoo is visible. Also like I say I give her no money so what would be in it for her and the husband? I do not deny that this widely happens along with a lot of other crazy things in Thailand. It comes at no surprise to me to see all sorts of stuff happening regarding money etc as I see all the thais we get in the casino but the girl I am seeing seems nothing like the thai girls I know here. Not all bar girls have several phones for several boyfriends and several Facebook accounts. Mine has an iPhone 4, takes care of herself and hasn't asked me for anything. Now I appreciate a lot of advice on here and I know there's stuff that I have seen that I don't want to hear but right now I don't think a lot of the bad stuff applies here. At the moment I see good in her. Maybe that will change but I can't just hold bad judgement on her just because of the job she does. I now fully believe her that she does not bar fine. Since I posted on here it has made me think so much with the comments that have been posted and it made me very paranoid about her. I have started accusing her of all sorts and today she finally had enough of all the accusations. She deleted me on Facebook which she has never done as she didn't want to speak to me. I have said some pretty nasty things to her and I've had her crying all day. It took a lot of grovelling for her to accept me back as a friend on Facebook (maybe a bit sad I know but I felt guilty). Eventually after a few hours she agreed to Skype and she was in floods of tears and deeply upset with what I have said to her. She said she wants us finished now and I find someone with a good job. I managed to calm the situation down and she said I have 2 choices. You keep speaking to me no good and we finish or you go back to being nice and we continue. I chose the 2nd option of course. Maybe that will be regretted down the line, but right now my only regret is letting a lot of people on here get into my head with their comments. I'm just pushing her away and saying stuff to a girl I think is really nice. Right now I will carry on, and certainly start trusting her more.

You never give her anything? no money , no food, no clothes , nothing ? Weird.

Just to reply back to a few people. If she really had a husband would she really tattoo my name which reads *** loves ****. Highly unlikely especially when the tattoo is visible. Also like I say I give her no money so what would be in it for her and the husband? I do not deny that this widely happens along with a lot of other crazy things in Thailand. It comes at no surprise to me to see all sorts of stuff happening regarding money etc as I see all the thais we get in the casino but the girl I am seeing seems nothing like the thai girls I know here. Not all bar girls have several phones for several boyfriends and several Facebook accounts. Mine has an iPhone 4, takes care of herself and hasn't asked me for anything. Now I appreciate a lot of advice on here and I know there's stuff that I have seen that I don't want to hear but right now I don't think a lot of the bad stuff applies here. At the moment I see good in her. Maybe that will change but I can't just hold bad judgement on her just because of the job she does. I now fully believe her that she does not bar fine. Since I posted on here it has made me think so much with the comments that have been posted and it made me very paranoid about her. I have started accusing her of all sorts and today she finally had enough of all the accusations. She deleted me on Facebook which she has never done as she didn't want to speak to me. I have said some pretty nasty things to her and I've had her crying all day. It took a lot of grovelling for her to accept me back as a friend on Facebook (maybe a bit sad I know but I felt guilty). Eventually after a few hours she agreed to Skype and she was in floods of tears and deeply upset with what I have said to her. She said she wants us finished now and I find someone with a good job. I managed to calm the situation down and she said I have 2 choices. You keep speaking to me no good and we finish or you go back to being nice and we continue. I chose the 2nd option of course. Maybe that will be regretted down the line, but right now my only regret is letting a lot of people on here get into my head with their comments. I'm just pushing her away and saying stuff to a girl I think is really nice. Right now I will carry on, and certainly start trusting her more.

I feel really bad now. I need an excuse to get a new hat, when's the wedding?

You have to admit that Thailand is a major source of employment for bridge builders...

You have to admit that Thailand is a major source of employment for bridge builders...

How about this one?

She's just a <deleted> in a hat...

She's just a <deleted> in a hat...

I mean the hat. For the forthcoming wedding.

Perhaps something a little more conservative . . .

Been here too long. Great country, love my wife. Stupidity occurs everywhere, including myself. Try to avoid it but keeps biting my ass.

I think really to survive here, you need to put yourself first.

And the one you love as a disposable extra while you can afford her.

Self, self, self, essentially. learn to think like a woman.

Off topic.

If you say to "think like a woman", sorry but that is sexist.

Think like a sensible person!

Where is Scotroll?

what about this funny test answer?? sexist??

Just to reply back to a few people. If she really had a husband would she really tattoo my name which reads *** loves ****. Highly unlikely especially when the tattoo is visible. Also like I say I give her no money so what would be in it for her and the husband? I do not deny that this widely happens along with a lot of other crazy things in Thailand. It comes at no surprise to me to see all sorts of stuff happening regarding money etc as I see all the thais we get in the casino but the girl I am seeing seems nothing like the thai girls I know here. Not all bar girls have several phones for several boyfriends and several Facebook accounts. Mine has an iPhone 4, takes care of herself and hasn't asked me for anything. Now I appreciate a lot of advice on here and I know there's stuff that I have seen that I don't want to hear but right now I don't think a lot of the bad stuff applies here. At the moment I see good in her. Maybe that will change but I can't just hold bad judgement on her just because of the job she does. I now fully believe her that she does not bar fine. Since I posted on here it has made me think so much with the comments that have been posted and it made me very paranoid about her. I have started accusing her of all sorts and today she finally had enough of all the accusations. She deleted me on Facebook which she has never done as she didn't want to speak to me. I have said some pretty nasty things to her and I've had her crying all day. It took a lot of grovelling for her to accept me back as a friend on Facebook (maybe a bit sad I know but I felt guilty). Eventually after a few hours she agreed to Skype and she was in floods of tears and deeply upset with what I have said to her. She said she wants us finished now and I find someone with a good job. I managed to calm the situation down and she said I have 2 choices. You keep speaking to me no good and we finish or you go back to being nice and we continue. I chose the 2nd option of course. Maybe that will be regretted down the line, but right now my only regret is letting a lot of people on here get into my head with their comments. I'm just pushing her away and saying stuff to a girl I think is really nice. Right now I will carry on, and certainly start trusting her more.

lol! a few pages ago you said you wished she would dump you because you couldnt bring yourself to dump her. and when she does , you grovel to get her back! and you want us to believe youre not hooked? lol

OP: If you can get her a UK visa before Christmas, so she can spend Christmas with you and your family, and she's also not in the bar over high season... then PERHAPS there might be the chance of a "normal" relationship together.

Does she have a passport already ?

IMHO,.. You better ask her, sooner than later, how she feels about quitting the bar, and loosing the 40 thousand (at a minimum) baht she extracts monthly out the wallets of various falang.

I don't know your details (I mean the both of you) but it might be wise for her to work for another year to build up a nest-egg for flights, winter clothes, money for the family to cover the periods she's not in work, etc.

It's a tricky balance. A young family (especially one with a child to take care of) needs to establish itself physically for survival.. yet is this proto-family established enough emotionally to survive the turbulence of Bangkok's precarious nightlife ?

Very honestly I don't see "romance" getting you very far. She's hears it every day from falang who just want one night or a two week fantasy. End of the day she's in the bar to meet a new husband and she sees that in you.

You might as well get a move on with it. You could spend years on "how are you today" skype calls and for what?

Like you said yourself; "what have I got to lose" ?

If toss all then it would seem the pressure is on for a good result so act now.

This is the pic that says it all:

Do the TVR rules allow you to post pictures of my mia noi?

Your mia noi? She told me she was going back to the Village and would faithfully wait for my return.

I want to know if she heard you say "you're my girl and I will take care of you and your child no matter what it takes" BEFORE she got that tattoo OR did she get that tattoo out of sight and surprise you with it

Bar girls probably spend most of their time talking to other bar girls. She may be the nicest, most honest person. Unfortunately she will be getting advice from the other girls that have "been there, done that"

OP: If you're not a troll, and she's really just working in the bar as a way to meet a husband (?), then it would seem you're two inexperienced and fairly innocent young adults getting into something that going to require total commitment from both of you to pull off successfully.

Never mind "is she good or bad", that' irrelevant to a certain degree. Life is a chance and you never can plan for every situation. (for example; she might be "good" today, but if her grandma's house gets washed away in the floods, you can bet she's gonna maximise her income anyway she can)

The question is "do you know what she needs now and can you deliver it" ?

With that said you really couldn't be in a better place to garner advice from others who've already been there, done it, and bought the t-shirt.

A post containing inflammatory comments toward the OP as well as containing overly derogatory generalizations toward Thais has been removed.

538 posts now. Amazing Thailand.