To live and die in Thailand or not

[Paul944]

Sorry to hear this. But why would you want to die in a cold and rainy England? If you can afford it take time off for a vacation to see your kids, maybe get a second opinion in an UK hospital while you are there. Then return back to Thailand and enjoy the days you have.

[petedk]

My deepest sympathy and I really hope you live longer than the prognosis.

I often think about this ( I am now 61 and in pretty much the same relationship as you are). My wife is almost the same age as me so I think I would take her to my home and spend time together with my kid and then if time and health permits bring them here for a while.

Don't give up. Try to talk with as many doctors and healthcare people (even alternative therapies) as possible .

[sdanielmcev]

Sorry to hear. I'd stay and bring the kids over.

You might want to look into Houstons' Medical Center. They really do miracles.

[rgs2001uk]

Sorry to hear this. But why would you want to die in a cold and rainy England? If you can afford it take time off for a vacation to see your kids, maybe get a second opinion in an UK hospital while you are there. Then return back to Thailand and enjoy the days you have.

You might want to read up on palliative care in Thailand, another poster has already touched on the thorny subject of pain relief.

Concur ref a second and third opinion.

I remember a guy from the Uk in Pattaya years ago who came out here to die, he had leukemia from working in some nuclear power plant in the UK.

Best of luck to the OP.

[Captbonio]

Sir,

So sorry to read this news, and well done in being able to talk openly about it and to ask a bunch of strangers what to do.

Having read many posts over the last few months its not that everyone here is a stranger but more a distand friend....with a few noticable sad exceptions.

The old saying "life is too short" comes to mind, and is a lesson to us all really. You are torn between different loves and responsibilities and I think that everyone reading your post has different thoughts as to which one is best suited to you as this stage in your life. I'm guessing that which ever you decide up on you will feel you have done the other a diservice.

I am sure you love people here and there in equal measures so really you have to be able to spend time , and I mean quality time, with both.

A lot of the advice here has generally about whether you need the better quality health care that the UK should offer, though it is a bit debatable how much better it actually is. It seems to be very dependant on which hospital you attend The NHS is now farming out a lot of work to the private sector, and I can tell you from experience its very good if you get onto one of those lists. If you end up in one of the old style schemes, you will wish you were back in Thailand very quickly.

It really boils down to how you want to spend your last days on this earth. In my opinion you have to do those things you never did and always wanted to, a fast track bucket list so to speak. Ideally you would get those who are near and dear to you to attend as many of those of those events with you, whether they be in the UK , Thailand or anywhere else in the world. If you or your doctors estimate that you will become slowly more and more incapacitated as the months pass , then get on with it right now. Make the most of now.

Then when you have done as much as you can pick the place best suited for you when and , as some say, if, the day comes when you need care and attention. As mentioned by others, you will be able to get a compassionate visa for your GF to go with you to the UK should you decide the care there would be better, and equally your UK based family can easily come to you..

That is what I would do....there again, I have always tried to burn the candle at both ends..., my fingers got burnt but its worth it.

Good luck Sir...I wish you best of your remaining time...

[Lex Talionis]

Since you use the word "confirmation" regarding your diagnosis I assume you've had more than one. You didn't say where you live. Or what your health insurance situation is. Bangkok has world-class medical care. No need to return "home" based on that. If you have insurance here and that is not an issue then I would suggest you go with your desire and stay in the place that you love.

A lot would depend on your relationship with your TGF. If it's an established one and you feel you can rely on her to care for you all the way, (and if she has a supportive family) that would clinch it for me.

There's no getting around it, the next six months will be difficult. I'm hoping that you will get the proper care and emotional support you need. Although I'm not a religious person I do believe in a life after this one. I wish you well over there.

[eldragon]

With all due respect to your relationship here, your children are your family. Go be with them.

[NeverSure]

OP I tend to go along with Costas.

Your children are there and I'm sure they would like to spend time with you, as you say 'you love them dearly.

It's not my business regarding property or relationships here, you must make a decision on them.

I believe you will get better care back 'home' as the support structure's in place for such people as yourself are excellent.

Also, I would go there simply to have a second or even third opinion, I've seen too many mistakes here.

The thing that comes mostly to mind is pain control and I'm sorry to say that when it comes to this issue Thailand sucks.

In the UK you will certainly be kept as pain free as possible allowing you to go along peacefully.

You could have your girlfriend over on compassionate grounds, I believe the authorities are quite good with this sort of situation.

All the very best whatever you decide

This. Pain control, and I'd want a second and third opinion. Thailand simply doesn't offer the quality of care or the pain management if it turns out that Thai doctors are right about this and nothing can be done.

[WhamBam]

To be with family or not?

Sometimes family are not all they are cracked up to be. Sometimes it is better to die amongst friends.

This scenario brings back so many memories......

[NancyL]

Thailand is at least a generation behind the west with regard to palliative care and it's difficult-to-impossible to set up a hospice situation at home where someone can die pain-free. With the type of cancer he has, it's going to be very difficult for him, and especially his in-home caregivers, for him to remain at home until the end. Even remaining in hospital, he needs to start now to find a good palliative care specialist if he plans to remain in Thailand.

He didn't say where he's located. I'm in Chiang Mai and could provide some referrals. Sheryl of the Health forum has referrals for the Bangkok area and other parts of Thailand, perhaps.

Edited November 7, 2014 by NancyL

[ezzra]

I have always dreaded to read such posting from a TV member, somehow other's misfortune

knock you on the head with a big realty check hammer.. I have no words of wisdom to the OP.....

I'm sure he heard them all already...

[everett kendall]

It is your life, you should do whats makes you happiest.

Happyness has been proven as one of the many things that extend life.

I would ask my children to come visit me, and we could say our goodbys.

We would have a celebration of life. They would know you spent your last time on the planet, happy. They would learn a good lesson from this.

I would fear going back into western medical and being stuck in a hospital with tubes in me just to keep me alive for a few more days.

Life is a journey, you decide (hopefully) how it ends.

[bushwacker]

Very sorry to hear about your illness.

If it were me, I would do exactly what I wanted for the remaining time. NOT WHAT OTHERS WANTED. I would get my financial house in order if it was not already so, and then quickly determine if there were any experiences that I had always wanted to do but had not gotten around to trying. In the last few months, I would be doing everything that I could and living like there was no tomorrow ... because actually there is not.

I would try to go out with a BANG not a WHIMPER. I understand that everybody's bang is different. If mine happened to be surrounding myself with loved ones and enjoying the remaining days watching the sun go down and laughing until my sides hurt, then that is exactly what I would do. But if my bang was more adventurous, then now would be the time.

Good luck.

[godden]

I pray the doctors have it wrong and you have a lot longer life.

[bangkokjulia]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Doctors are not always right-I know that from first hand experience. Having said that, you need to be where you want to be-not where your family or gf want you to be. Have some fun, and enjoy yourself.

[1FinickyOne]

Sorry to hear of your condition… of course, not easy for any of us to offer proper insight - but not knowing all the people involved, I think the advice above that says stay here and send plane tktks for the kids… I think looking our own death in the face is not something any of us really know what we would do with… I can only offer this story and hope for a smile...

A friend recently told me of his grandpa - at age 41 he was told that he had 3 months to live. He sold his house, gave away his things and money and did as much as he could to enjoy his final days - - ten years later the doctor died - he died at age 91…

[simple1]

OP: Currently I'm in Australia, but with a residence in Thailand. I have recently been diagnosed with aggressive cancer, but at this stage treatable, so I too have focused on End Of Life matters. Should you decide to remain in Thailand, aside from reseaching the qualitiy of palliative care services, I would research 'Living Will' that is a legal document in Thailand & ensure that whichever institution you select will signoff on the terms of your Living Will. I suggest that if you decide to return to your home country ascertain if similar service is available prior to finalising your decision for a medical provider.

As NancyL mentioned above, Sheryl is a great source of information for medical services in Thailand. Hopefully further medical investigation provides a more positive prognosis. For the meantime wishing the best for you and family.

Edited November 7, 2014 by simple1

[jacksam]

Yep David and AnotherAmerican, along with others are correct. Do not go home under any circumstances.

Quit your job and spend time with your gf and have family come here.

Your very pragmatic and I admire that. As you know pancreatic cancer is very unforgiving.

Good luck , feel for you.

[shaurene]

Am so sorry Mate, what a shock for you. It may help or not but not do you any harm. Go onto Google and type in strong intravenous Vitamin C and cancer.

You can go to the hospital and book a treatment of this, not expensive you want heavy dosage, lot of doctors believe in this and lot of cures.

There are doctors in the UK who specialise in this. About going or not to the UK, do what you feel you want to do.

Good Luck.

[rhodie]

Wow, this just floored me. I just hope the 3 - 6 months extends as long as possible.

Enjoy the life that you choose. Hard when you love your kids so dearly, but you are the one with limited options. They will understand or come to understand.

Hopefully they will visit you and accept the decision that you make.

You will be in my prayers. Good luck.

[MediaWatcher]

Everyone here has their "views" but they are not in your situation, when this happens "view, opinions" often change, it is your time to enjoy, my concern is always what happens, in my case, to my Thai wife and daughter, for me the decision was easy, I want them to have a better life, so we have moved back to Australia, knowing they will be better off is what makes me feel better, 3 - 6 months, with failing health, does not give enough time to travel, and enjoy it, especially if under medical treatment.

[ukguyinthai]

you have been more happy in Thailand than anywhere else for a long time,why change now?

If you cannot afford good medical treatment and care then go back to your own country in the last weeks.

I would definitely get a second opinion. I hope you can positively make the most of your time,dont waste one day.I would like to know what you decide to do.

Make a wish list and do it.in sunny Thailand with your girl friend. wish you all the strength in the world.

[smotherb]

Bad news, my friend, and you're right, it is time to make a decision.

I think Costas made a good point about potentially better care in the UK. I would want another opinion.

Since you want to stay in Thailand;

Get the information on how the Thai doctors intend to treat you.

Go back to the UK, get the best doctors possible, and get their diagnosis and prescribed treatment.

If the two sets of conclusions are even similar, come back to Thailand and bring the UK kids and families for a visit.

If the prognosis is worse in the UK, take the UK kids and families and head back to Thailand for your last hurrah.

If the prognosis is better in the UK, then you have not gone home to die; you've gone home to live.

Best wishes

[slipperx]

I had a friend with a similar problem. The treatment here is pretty good but the cost is beyond most people's capacity. Morphine is restricted and sometimes given to Thais in preference when there is a shortage. I think his meds and care were approaching 100,000 a month towards the end. He ran out and care stopped!

If you decide to stay here please understand the costs. I am so sorry for you. All the very best to you.

[Patsycat]

If i was your adult child, i would want you home with me. Perhaps that is selfish.

Go home, be with your family and enjoy them. And take your Thai family with you.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Patsycat

[CMDAWI]

There are several stories that I have heard of instances where patients beat the odds. All other things considered, it is mostly determined by one's attitude , I reckon.

Go visit Hawaii with your girlfriend and invite your kids to join you there.

Life there is very good with cool trade winds and warm temperatures , stunningly beautiful landscapes and sea/oceanscapes .

While there , you could also seek a second opinion from a cancer specialist.

If you are in the mood for reading , you can pick Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. There is also a movie version of the same story.

Best of luck !!

[Nbarch]

Very sorry to hear your bad news.

My Father was diagnosed with stomach cancer and associated problems in March of this year, and he was given 6 weeks to live; I flew home immediately to help care and be with him.

I cannot praise the National Health Service enough, there help was simply brilliant. He was treated like a VIP, with regular visits from his own Doctor, twice daily visits from a very caring District Nurse. Any drugs and equipment, (special bed and toilet accessories) were promptly delivered, all free of course.

Towards the end a night sitting service was provided, where a trained nurse just sits with him from 10PM to 7AM. This really helped my family because we could get some sleep before facing the next day.

He died peacefully in his own bed, overlooking his garden which was always his wish.

[Don Aleman]

In addition to the obvious agonies you may experience with your illness, you would be returning to WINTER and really don't need it's extra inconveniences. You seem very well situated here, ( I am envious ), there are many Thai women, in addition to your wife ,with old fashioned but effective home care skills, so, I would spend my remaining time here. The money you would spend going ,you can give to relatives for coming here

[BuriRamHome]

Go and fulfil your bucket list and do not worry what others think.

We only have one bite at this apple and up to each of us to take what gives us pleasure

[jukai888]

Very sad to hear what's happening to you... I truly wish you the best. If I was in your position, I would stay because your life is in Thailand. You friends and girlfriend are here and if not for the medical situation you're happy here. Going back to the UK is not the answer, and you may not be happy if you go back and in order to fight this as much as possible, you need to have a positive attitude... going back might make you depressed and make the cancer grow more quickly. I sure your kids love you and if anything, they should come to Thailand and be with you as much as possible. Go with your heart... This is a difficult question, for sure... but I feel that your heart is in Thailand, which is why you decided to live and work here for the past 7 years. Some of the responses have suggested that you should go back because of the quality of care in the UK... Unfortunately, this is a progressive cancer and the outcome is not good, but if you there is a chance to overcome the odds.. get back to the UK as soon as possible, but if nothing is to change... enjoy your time with your girlfriend and friends because when that day comes and you are not hear, they will still be here missing you greatly. This is not an easy decision but I truly pray and wish you the best

Edited November 7, 2014 by jukai888