How many Farang live with Thai inlaws?

[steven100]

I was at first concerned about this happening as the house was being built.

But I have since solved this worry ... I built another house for me.

so now we have 2 houses. :-)

[Thaiready]

Only fools let themselves end up in the soft-prison of the in-law ordeal.

Farang's with their heads on right don't allow it to happen, but their partners may insist and basically hen-peck their husbands into complying.

if I replied to your comment with my true feelings It would only end with me getting a warning from the Mod.

But I will say that I hope you "Wife" sees through that Cloak your wearing and moves on to a "Real" Man that is not such a Arse.

[pchansmorn]

No problems with privacy, we have are own condo, family lives near by in there own homes, see 25% of the family often the rest only on special occasions, everyone has good manners, and we all get along fine.

[Thaiready]

I built my Home 13 years ago and insisted that my inlaws move in......I have never regretted it. They respect my space and I respect there's.

[Borzandy]

None, it's impossible.

[Si Thea01]

I am fortunate that I have a great relationship with my wife's family because she works away during the week and comes home on the weekends and if I didn't then life could be hell. She is a teacher and is provided a home by the government in the major city where she works whilst I live in her home in north east Thailand. There is only her father now plus her 21 year old son.

The step son works and the father-in-law, who is 80, has his own friends so none of us are falling over each other. We have our separate rooms and get together for breakfast and tea, where we talk about things that have happened during the day. Yes, in Thai and by doing so it makes for a good relationship.

I help dad out when he has to go for his check ups at the village hospital or the larger government hospital in the city and make sure he takes his medicine regularly, as he is getting forgetful but other then these minor details we all have a very good relationship. There are also a few unwritten rules that apply to all of us. No strange women brought home, no getting drunk and no arguments.

I am able to come and go as I please and no one questions me as to what I am doing or where I have been. They never tell my wife if I go out but this has come about through the trust that we have built up. I do not play around, as I have a very beautiful 50 year old wife, who cares for me and I always eat at home rather then go to a restaurant, if you get my drift. Although my wife had the house built before we married she has never asked me for a red cent so I bought her a new car, buy the monthly household food, pay all the utilities and give her some spending money. Whenever we dine out, which is every weekend, she always covers the bill. This has worked a treat as there is never an argument o ver money.

Yes, we live in a village in north east Thailand, not one in the hills or away from civilisation and have a 2 rai block of land beside the river and a very nice, modern 3 bedroom home and landscaped gardens and are only 4 kilometres from a major regional city. Have never had a problem with anyone not working, even dad goes into the forest adjacent and on most days gathers the fallen branches and brings them home and cuts them into firewood, which he sells to the nearby residents. My step son, a fully trained mechanic,also works 6 days a week.

No one comes to our room but if they do they always knock and will not enter unless we say to. Nothing is ever touched, other then by my wife, and I am able to leave money on the table without fear of it going missing. And no one interferes between my wife and I. Even if we have a disagreement, like most couples can and do, they never butt in.

As I am getting on myself and cannot operate one of those bloody grass cutters they use, I have a gardener and as the house is too big for me to clean I also have a housekeeper come in three times a week. They are neighbours and very nice people who do a great job. And yes, they are Thai.

The gardener never enters the house and the housekeeper, his wife, is very trustworthy and has never touched anything that she should not have. They are also like a member of the family, we have eaten together at each other's homes and when the gardener is finished we sit down and have a few beers together. I also pay them well above the going rate and through our association we now have mutual respect and trust for each other.

Despite my wife being absent during the week, I never get lonely and it is thanks to the family I now have here in Thailand and I would not swap any of them for all the tea in China. Another great thing that has arisen between us, even though I speak Thai, is that sometimes I mispronounce a word, which they think is a great joke, I suppose because the farang has stuffed up.

I really don't know but they just laugh and then proceed to tell me the correct pronunciation of the word. I have learnt so much from my family and what I class as my extended family and thank god that I have been gifted with good people around me and not those like some of you have had experiences with.

Edited November 9, 2014 by Si Thea01

[RT85]

while technically i'm not a 'farang' cos i'm asian.. just not Thai..

however before i agreed to move to bangkok with the wife... the conditions were..

1. we will live alone.. no in laws allowed to stay.. only short visits (even then i was worried one might "visit" and never move out!!!) so far so good.

2. tight control on finances... ie.. no sending the in laws money constantly for any reason (there always will be reasons!!!)

it's been well over a year.. and it's been peaceful and blissful thus far... fingers crossed!

[attrayant]

I live with my in-laws. It beats paying rent* - but just barely. I've come close to moving out a few times mainly because of the privacy thing, and they're major pack rats. Remember the old TV show Sanford & Son? Yeah my house and yard look like that.

In spite of the tension, we get along fairly well. I used my own money to repair some of the 2011 flood damage to their house under the condition that I could make the 2-car garage (which they used only as junk storage) into my office and general entertainment room. That's where I go to have some peace and quiet, and they rarely intrude. It's quite a large house (six bedrooms and four bathrooms) so we're not tripping over each other. I've taught them that you should always knock when opening a closed door to a room that isn't yours, and they're slowly getting that hang of that. It's also a ten minute walk to my job, which is a huge benefit for me because I absolutely abhor commuting. I have keys to everything and feel pretty much like a full member of the family.

My consternation comes from their leaving food sitting out at all hours. Nothing ever gets wrapped and put in the fridge; it sits on the table until somebody eats it or it goes to the dogs after two or three days.

*Of course I pay them for electricity - I have my office and bedroom metered. I also pay for the internet even though everybody uses it.

Edited November 9, 2014 by attrayant

[bangkokpoppys]

I wonder what is a post on a Thai forum...maybe something like...

"Does anyone else think living Farang style is boring and lonely?"!!!

[chickenslegs]

This topic reminds me of the day we took the mother-in-law to the tiger zoo.

She got too close to one of the tigers and it was about to maul her.

I quickly asked one of the staff if they have a pharmacy.

My wife asked "Are you going to get bandages and medicine?"

"No" I replied, "I need a new film for the camera".

Apologies to Les Dawson.

[misterphil]

A mate of mine has his wife's parents live with them. He says he doesn't care at all. He walks around "His" house naked, goes in his pool naked. Just acts as if they're not there. They do help out with their kids as he and his Mrs both work, so he sees them as live in Nanny and Gardener.

[poweratradio]

Only fools let themselves end up in the soft-prison of the in-law ordeal.

Farang's with their heads on right don't allow it to happen, but their partners may insist and basically hen-peck their husbands into complying.

if I replied to your comment with my true feelings It would only end with me getting a warning from the Mod.

But I will say that I hope you "Wife" sees through that Cloak your wearing and moves on to a "Real" Man that is not such a Arse.

Mitsubishi views on living with inlaws are no more or less positive or negative then any others in this thread. Kind of curious"why you Mr. Thaiready have commented in such a truly negative fashion?

[poweratradio]

Not a good idea. Yes lazy are heck! what is theirs is theirs and what is yours also is theirs! Lazy arsed Brother privacy none at all!

but you do really get to see how lazy and stupid some Thai (not all some) people are..so lazy can´t switch off a light for a room that

never gets used or seldom used, walk away leave TV and fan on or switch on..Total inconsideration when they are slightly ill all hands

to the deck and off to local hospital but when it´s you (poor me just the farang father of their granddaughter) left for 4 hours doubled up in pain

as A-hole father out law off at the farm feeding cows and pigs and lazing about on the hammock (end result 4 day stay a hospital when I eventually

got there!

Lesson learned! Since Buddhism teaches impermanace of all things gf´s no, Wifes´no Gik´s yes! well if everything is going to be impermanent they might as well enjoy a bit of fun while it lasts with a gik. My experience after a few years here that Thai´s make great giks, good gf´s, not so good fiancee´s and worse wifes! so Giks it is!

Yes!

Define GIK

[jacko45k]

Shouldn't be a problem for the TV expat crowd as we all have Chinese-descent hi-so wives and the family compound is large enough to allow for privacy.

You are joking of course, I have watched the soaps on television, too much yelling and drama in the big houses of the rich!

I find the concept of moving in with her mother and brothers (and whoever else is living there at the time) horrifying... I wouldn't even do it while visiting.

Edited November 9, 2014 by jacko45k

[dotpoom]

Wouldn't have done it even at home.........can't imagine why I would do it here.

[robertthebruce]

I lived with my Mother and Father in law for about 18 months while we were settling in, then having a house built. It was great, the only thing I was ever asked to pay for was the electric, which was about 300 baht a month. We now live about 100 metres away, and it is still great. But then all my in laws are fantastic, I love them dearly.

Nice to hear something positive, I have on occasions lived with In Laws and they cannot do enough for me..., and to be honest I am not an easy house guest, as I am strict Vegetarian and fussy as anything, but they were so nice with me, and cooked what I eanted.... So no complaints from me...

[NanLaew]

My experience with about 1 year of living under the same roof was pretty decent. They respected our privacy and the place was kept clean. However, after a domestic dispute (I wasn't involved) we got our own place but kept a room at the family home.

After going back on frequent visits, I realise just how much work my wife had to put into getting them to pick up their sh!t and keep the place clean. It's a bloody pig sty now. We will move back when they are dead.

[transam]

Took me a couple of years to suss out the in-laws, so I am very thankful I never " set up shop" anywhere near them when I first came here. Many guys I know did and regret it for one reason or another.

Of course there are many who have a good life with the constant ebb and flow of their Mrs extended family around them, thats great.

[smotherb]

It seems to me that living with the in-laws, no matter where, is for those who can't afford to live on their own. If that were my case, I'd be ashamed to complain.

In actuality, living with the family is part of the collectivist culture and is widely accepted--the family with whom others live is usually the one with the best home and most resources. Certainly, why live with the poor relatives if you can live with the richer ones?

My individualist culture; however, encourages me to be self-sufficient and mandates I be able to support myself and my immediate family. If I could not, I would be ashamed. Too bad so many broad-faced people don't feel that shame.

[steven100]

I am fortunate that I have a great relationship with my wife's family because she works away during the week and comes home on the weekends and if I didn't then life could be hell. She is a teacher and is provided a home by the government in the major city where she works whilst I live in her home in north east Thailand. There is only her father now plus her 21 year old son.

The step son works and the father-in-law, who is 80, has his own friends so none of us are falling over each other. We have our separate rooms and get together for breakfast and tea, where we talk about things that have happened during the day. Yes, in Thai and by doing so it makes for a good relationship.

I help dad out when he has to go for his check ups at the village hospital or the larger government hospital in the city and make sure he takes his medicine regularly, as he is getting forgetful but other then these minor details we all have a very good relationship. There are also a few unwritten rules that apply to all of us. No strange women brought home, no getting drunk and no arguments.

I am able to come and go as I please and no one questions me as to what I am doing or where I have been. They never tell my wife if I go out but this has come about through the trust that we have built up. I do not play around, as I have a very beautiful 50 year old wife, who cares for me and I always eat at home rather then go to a restaurant, if you get my drift. Although my wife had the house built before we married she has never asked me for a red cent so I bought her a new car, buy the monthly household food, pay all the utilities and give her some spending money. Whenever we dine out, which is every weekend, she always covers the bill. This has worked a treat as there is never an argument o ver money.

Yes, we live in a village in north east Thailand, not one in the hills or away from civilisation and have a 2 rai block of land beside the river and a very nice, modern 3 bedroom home and landscaped gardens and are only 4 kilometres from a major regional city. Have never had a problem with anyone not working, even dad goes into the forest adjacent and on most days gathers the fallen branches and brings them home and cuts them into firewood, which he sells to the nearby residents. My step son, a fully trained mechanic,also works 6 days a week.

No one comes to our room but if they do they always knock and will not enter unless we say to. Nothing is ever touched, other then by my wife, and I am able to leave money on the table without fear of it going missing. And no one interferes between my wife and I. Even if we have a disagreement, like most couples can and do, they never butt in.

As I am getting on myself and cannot operate one of those bloody grass cutters they use, I have a gardener and as the house is too big for me to clean I also have a housekeeper come in three times a week. They are neighbours and very nice people who do a great job. And yes, they are Thai.

The gardener never enters the house and the housekeeper, his wife, is very trustworthy and has never touched anything that she should not have. They are also like a member of the family, we have eaten together at each other's homes and when the gardener is finished we sit down and have a few beers together. I also pay them well above the going rate and through our association we now have mutual respect and trust for each other.

Despite my wife being absent during the week, I never get lonely and it is thanks to the family I now have here in Thailand and I would not swap any of them for all the tea in China. Another great thing that has arisen between us, even though I speak Thai, is that sometimes I mispronounce a word, which they think is a great joke, I suppose because the farang has stuffed up.

I really don't know but they just laugh and then proceed to tell me the correct pronunciation of the word. I have learnt so much from my family and what I class as my extended family and thank god that I have been gifted with good people around me and not those like some of you have had experiences with.

Yeah, like I mentioned earlier I built 2 houses instead of just the one. No privacy issues now .. also bought the block next door and will buy another plot of land on the other side also. Guess I'll need the gardener as well later.. probably get a new 4WD next year also so the in_laws can have the Chevrolet .. although it's almost new also. Maids will come later ..

So that's how I don't have to live with the in-laws.

:-)

[billd766]

I do it the other way around. When we built our house out here in rural Thailand my wife stayed up here to keep an eye on the builders while I was in BKK either looking for work or working offshore. (no phone lines around in those days). I got her to build a small 25sq/m 1 bed house for her to stay in and it would be available for her parents if they wanted to move up here from BKK.

My mother in law came up about 4 years ago and lives in the small house while we live in the bigger one. That is her place and I always knock and wait to be asked to come in and she does the same for us. She is 69 now and my wife looks after her. She helps out if she can do something and when our 10 year old was young she would keep an eye out for him.

We support her in all that she needs and she is happy enough with that. My wife is happy and so am I.

She is a good old soul and I will miss her when she finally pops her clogs, which worries me a little as I am older than her at 70.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Only fools let themselves end up in the soft-prison of the in-law ordeal.

Farang's with their heads on right don't allow it to happen, but their partners may insist and basically hen-peck their husbands into complying.

if I replied to your comment with my true feelings It would only end with me getting a warning from the Mod.

But I will say that I hope you "Wife" sees through that Cloak your wearing and moves on to a "Real" Man that is not such a Arse.

Please read before you comment I am not married anymore. This is from a old relationship.

[steven100]

I do it the other way around. When we built our house out here in rural Thailand my wife stayed up here to keep an eye on the builders while I was in BKK either looking for work or working offshore. (no phone lines around in those days). I got her to build a small 25sq/m 1 bed house for her to stay in and it would be available for her parents if they wanted to move up here from BKK.

My mother in law came up about 4 years ago and lives in the small house while we live in the bigger one. That is her place and I always knock and wait to be asked to come in and she does the same for us. She is 69 now and my wife looks after her. She helps out if she can do something and when our 10 year old was young she would keep an eye out for him.

We support her in all that she needs and she is happy enough with that. My wife is happy and so am I.

She is a good old soul and I will miss her when she finally pops her clogs, which worries me a little as I am older than her at 70.

good to hear it worked well.

[Blackfox]

How common is this in Thailand?

For awhile I lived with my wifes parents but it just became just to much to bear.

I have since moved on and am not in that relationship anymore. But what I am asking is living with the inlaws something that other farang do here?

I understand this is something that Thai's do but I feel like it is too much to expect a farang to live like this.

I would like some feedback on if this is a reasonable request by your Thai spouse to live with her parents.

Here are some problems I had with living with my inlaws.

1. They never worked just sat around.

2. Being in my room moving my things ( I have no space to myself)

3. Never having any alone time with my wife.

4. Butting into issues related to money that only my wife and I should discuss.

In answer to your question;

I live with my wife's family.

2 years together, recently married,

1 year living in the family home.

Large house in BKK.

I choose not to invest in a politically non transparent, corrupt, and unstable nation. My $$$'s are kept in just that; $$$'s, outside of this country.

My wife knows absolutely everything in my life.

1. Everyone of working age works.

2. No-one goes into our room without us there. If we are, they politely knock first.

3. My wife and I work together (originally her business) - I recently gave up my work so we could work together.

4. No-one "butts into issues relating to money"

Why? There's enough of it.

Edited November 10, 2014 by Blackfox

[glegolo]

if you look at this from another standpoint, plse note that what you call a "home" is NOT a "home" in that sence as we know it in Thailand. They have houses here not homes. They sit outside mostly here, and use the indoor space for sleeping....maybe looking at TV...

So everything in a thaihouse is for mutual use and no privacy is to be found!

glegolo