Popular Post gregk0543 Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 Great little thread this which gives me some insights into the different ways this can run. I had a good time with my relatives in Chiang Mai and Doi Angkhan. We had a boatload of people turn up. Not my house. I went to theirs. Wealthy people paid, they fed us and they played cards got drunk, and then karaoke. I had trouble with the food but survived. We slept on the floor the snoring was the worst part. They are all really friendly and nice people. I dont know what the jokes they are telling each other, but there is a lot of laughter. The days past, I saw somethings I wanted to, did not get to see others (Ling Ping the Panda). Oh and the endless photos of ourselves. Each day dawn to dusk. What did they do in the old days when there was film to be payed for? There is something special about their relationships which I dont quite understand, but it is nice. One day I will work out how to play cards and make heaps of money. I bought some bananas off an auntie in the village she kept trying to give them to me. I payed something extra 40 baht for a hand of bananas that tasted great and came from the back yard. It is a privilege to meet some of these smiling old ladies. I hope I can stop being a grumpy old man and take a little lesson from these people. Happy New Year. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Spock Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 There are always exceptions. My wife just passed away yesterday with lung cancer that transferred cancer cells to the brain. We had 6 sisters, 2 brothers, a couple of in-laws, a niece and nephew arrive. They were an absolute God send. They took care of all the Wat arrangements and most of the minor bills. I would have been totally at a loss without them - I am at a loss anyway without my wife but it would have been overwhelming otherwise. I will miss them immensely when they all drift away. People are best judged during a crisis. The best and worst is revealed under pressure.Your words from the heart speak highly of your relatives, as well as you. My commiserations are as sincere as the stoic sorrow evident in your words. Stay strong. Your post cuts through the general discussion and becomes truth for me. So sorry for you but glad people around you delivered when their support was most needed. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olddutch Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 What kind of relation do you have.If you can not even having a party with them.We ( that means my Thai wife and I) had 22 family members over for New year. And we had a great party with a lot of fun.And they all bring food and drinks with them.And we paid more then most of them because it was at our place. But my Thai brother in law bought me a very nice Camel shirt for 1590 baht.(and it was not a copy) If you hate YOUR family.so much divorce her.Or go living somewhere they can not visit you. Happy New year to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Beetlejuice Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Great little thread this which gives me some insights into the different ways this can run. I had a good time with my relatives in Chiang Mai and Doi Angkhan. We had a boatload of people turn up. Not my house. I went to theirs. Wealthy people paid, they fed us and they played cards got drunk, and then karaoke. I had trouble with the food but survived. We slept on the floor the snoring was the worst part. They are all really friendly and nice people. I dont know what the jokes they are telling each other, but there is a lot of laughter. The days past, I saw somethings I wanted to, did not get to see others (Ling Ping the Panda). Oh and the endless photos of ourselves. Each day dawn to dusk. What did they do in the old days when there was film to be payed for? There is something special about their relationships which I dont quite understand, but it is nice. One day I will work out how to play cards and make heaps of money. I bought some bananas off an auntie in the village she kept trying to give them to me. I payed something extra 40 baht for a hand of bananas that tasted great and came from the back yard. It is a privilege to meet some of these smiling old ladies. I hope I can stop being a grumpy old man and take a little lesson from these people. Happy New Year. You have cracked it, this is the key to happiness in Thailand. People and or families is everything. In the end tolerance and compromise is of mutual benefit. There is never going to a be a period in anyone`s life when they don`t need something from someone, a time will come when favours, some compassion and a little charity is required. Contrary to popular belief, money can`t buy everything, it can`t buy respect and true feelings, it can only buy the semblance of respect and fondness on a temporary basis. Remember that we only get back what we put in. Respect has to be earned it doesn`t come to those just because of age or as a matter of course. Edited January 3, 2015 by Beetlejuice 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffreybangkok Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 For me, I have an understanding with my wife if ever any of her family members visiting our home, they have to follow our rules with do and don't except her mother and dad would they really know what to do when they are in our home. Brothers, cousins, brother's friends, other relatives must follow our house rules. We told them in this home we have people from different culture, meaning Thai Culture and my culture have different approach and etiquette at home. Me and my wife have travelled extensively to various countries and she always educate them about other culture and how to behave well when eating outside or at someone else's home. The respond was good. They are well behave after educating them. If anything that I dislike, I will immediately tell my wife to explain to them again the dos and don't. To me i m happy with my Thai family. They slowly but surely learning well. PS: Brother did clean out my fridge during the first time he visited us but now they bought their own plus some of my favorite drinks and food each time they visited us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post smotherb Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 What a bunch of spineless dweebs. If you don't want your wife's family in your house; don't allow it. Unless, of course, your wife is supporting you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crickets Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 My wife pays half the house repayments and she takes full advantage of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geronimo Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My wife pays half the house repayments and she takes full advantage of that. So tell her half the family can come. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pacovl46 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Mate, as many have already pointed out, family matters in Thailand. If you stay away while they're here, her family will of course complain to her about it, then she will complain to you about it and you'll never hear the end of it! My suggestion is to give her folks a chance and try to get along with them. Maybe they're not as bad as you think, maybe you'll even grow to like them over time, who knows?! But to make a stand against her family won't work in your favor in the long run because, as I said before,family matters in Thailand, and if it ever should come to the point where she has to choose between you and her family, she'll choose them. All you need to decide for yourself is if it's worth the hassle to risk it all over a mere 5 days. Edited January 3, 2015 by pacovl46 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Matej Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 My wife always says that she and her Thai friends consider many of the farang ex-pats staying in Thailand as weird. And to be honest after reading many of these posts I have to agree with them. I know when out and about quite a few won`t even make eye contact, they plonk themselves in Thailand and then prefer to hide away in their own little worlds intolerant of everything and everyone around them. I have no idea why some of them bother to get married. Perhaps they marry as a convenience for having a permanent glorified house keeper or to own property and conduct some sorts of business here? My wife`s family are probably no better and no worse than anyone else`s in-laws, only I make the effort to be a part of that family for the sake of my wife and our children who of course love their extended family. It is very easy to apply some rules about over staying their welcome, but it has to be done diplomatically and there must be compromise, if not then you become the long and suffering, the moaning old farts brigade, boring and not liked, plus it must be one form of living hell for the wives who have to endure living with you guys. I think the problems lies with the fact that probably the majority of Thailand ex-pats are old retirees and the longer they are here the grouchier and more cranky they become. From what I have witnessed they are never able to fully adapt to life in Thailand, they seem to be on an up hill struggle against the environments around them, it seems impossible for them to be able to interact with others, the one and only solitary farang who just want`s to be left alone and wallow in their own solitudes. Before accusing everyone else of having faults, it would first be wise to annalise your own characters and faults, because it is obvious that the attitudes are:I`m alright it`s all the others. I'm 24 year's old. I have lived here for last 2 years. I agree with you, but ... It's a huge difference between politeness, good manners and here, in this thread, so-called Thai culture(way of life). Etiquette and correct behavior is universal, essential and applies everywhere, even here in Thailand. Thai tend to use culture difference(In Thailand we do this ...) as an excuse of their laziness and misbehavior. I'm working really hard to know my family better, trying very hard, but they have to do something too. Buddhism, socialize with family members(big family), face principle ... that is culture. Lies, sponging, noise, farting ... is not culture, that is bad manners, that is get out of my house. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post spidermike007 Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 It is up to you to establish ground rules. They then follow that which you have set forth. The wife should understand you have rules to be followed in your home. For me, I love her family, and they are always welcome in our home. But, only a few at a time and they know that and respect that. So does my wife. If you do not create boundaries, you will be walked upon in life. You sound pompous. Your wife has the same rights as you in her own home without having to abide by the masters ground rules. I am finding it extremely difficult to comprehend that you people are for real. I also fail to understand what any woman would see in the likes of you? Certainly not your charm and bubbling personality. These women must be desperate, there is no ways that guys like you would be tolerated by women in the west and it soon becomes apparently obvious why. This thread for me has been an education and now suddenly realising why I have a disdain for so many other ex-pats here. My wife is right, they are weird, it`s the yuk factor. Thanks for your kindness, understanding, and your incredibly open mind. Yes, it is true in the west a mans prerogative is not something that is appreciated, nor tolerated. And you are right, most western women would not tolerate me as a spouse or partner. And I thank God for that. And I freely admit that. I gratefully admit that. I tried a western marriage. I am not very good at kissing ass, and being a ridiculously over the top, tolerant and obedient husband. I like many western woman, but am thankful daily I am not married to one. My Thai wife gets treated royally, and with a great deal of honor and respect. There are things either of us will not do, out of respect for one another. Inviting 21 guests into our home would be one of those things. The mutual honor thing would not be the case in the west, as most men, in most relationships, are required to check their cajoles at the door. As far as the affection for expats, I know a lot that are wonderful men and women, who are successful, smart, fun to be around, and people I like and respect. Sorry, you have not had the good fortune to meet people of that caliber here. And sorry your wife has such low regard for foreigners. That must be hard to live with. And yes, since I am a New Yorker, I do not have a bubbling personality. I am a nasty, grumpy man, without a personality, or one iota of charm. But, my wife loves me nonetheless. Her opinion means far more to me, than yours, thank you very much. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AnotherOneAmerican Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 I bought some bananas off an auntie in the village she kept trying to give them to me. I payed something extra 40 baht for a hand of bananas that tasted great and came from the back yard. It is a privilege to meet some of these smiling old ladies. I hope I can stop being a grumpy old man and take a little lesson from these people. Happy New Year. Why pay a relative 40bht for a 10bht bunch of bananas? Seems both silly (of you) and insulting (for her). 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wvavin Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I lot of sad stories around this time of the year.......lol........cheer up mates! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Gecko123 Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 Like everyone else here I, too, have been leary about being taken advantage of by the extended family. My wife's family has rarely asked me for anything, and for the longest time, I avoided any gestures of generosity out of fear of encouraging them to see me as a resource. But slowly over time, I have responded to genuine need, and I can tell you that the bonding and love and appreciation which is returned is genuine. Sometimes taking that first step pays off. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of, but don't try to cut your wife off from her family. They are part of her. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermike007 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My wife always says that she and her Thai friends consider many of the farang ex-pats staying in Thailand as weird. And to be honest after reading many of these posts I have to agree with them.I know when out and about quite a few won`t even make eye contact, they plonk themselves in Thailand and then prefer to hide away in their own little worlds intolerant of everything and everyone around them. I have no idea why some of them bother to get married. Perhaps they marry as a convenience for having a permanent glorified house keeper or to own property and conduct some sorts of business here? My wife`s family are probably no better and no worse than anyone else`s in-laws, only I make the effort to be a part of that family for the sake of my wife and our children who of course love their extended family. It is very easy to apply some rules about over staying their welcome, but it has to be done diplomatically and there must be compromise, if not then you become the long and suffering, the moaning old farts brigade, boring and not liked, plus it must be one form of living hell for the wives who have to endure living with you guys. I think the problems lies with the fact that probably the majority of Thailand ex-pats are old retirees and the longer they are here the grouchier and more cranky they become. From what I have witnessed they are never able to fully adapt to life in Thailand, they seem to be on an up hill struggle against the environments around them, it seems impossible for them to be able to interact with others, the one and only solitary farang who just want`s to be left alone and wallow in their own solitudes. Before accusing everyone else of having faults, it would first be wise to annalise your own characters and faults, because it is obvious that the attitudes are:I`m alright it`s all the others. how do I give you 4 likes, one for each paragraph! they marry for a translator, a cook, a maid and a bed partner. and perhaps an ornament on their arm. . I speak Thai. My wife prefers my Thai cooking over her own. I clean the house and do the laundry; I enjoy it. You got me on the fourth one. The fifth one? Well, I'm proud to be seen with my wife. and yedt you treat her as a second class person What a bizarre statement to make about someone you know nothing about.... Are you ok ?? Sounds like the Cool guy is pulling his weight in the house. But anyway, back to intelligent discourse, I suspect the gamut of relationships here run the same gamut as they do back in farangland. Meaning you may have a wife who loves you to pieces, or she may planning on how to to kill you. But this depends on who you marry , so indirectly it really is your choice on how your married life turn out. Regarding being swamped by family members, I do not know much about that, as my in laws are far far away. Beetlejuice can be excluded from this discussion about family and marriage, as apparently he ascended to the final absolute level of Thainess, and is so deeply integrated into the culture, that he can now heap scorn upon any fellow expats who do not exist in the same rarified plane as himself. Always amusing to read his posts...... Thank you. Agreed. Beetle juice has gone wonkers apparently. He seems to hate all of us, which would cause me great offense, if i cared one iota what he thought. It is pretty much simple banter and comedy at this point. He discredited himself completely with with his last anti expat rant. He sure lumped us into one undesirable category, did he not? We are all old, cranky, grumpy, and marry for convenience. And we all avoid eye contact. Oh my God. We must all have something to hide! Wow. So glad to be a fellow member of the old farts brigade. I myself happen to like a lot of expats. Oh well. I must be easy to please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midzo Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My Thai boyfriend's immediate family is here visiting for 10 days, with my blessing. 7 people, aged 5 to 70. All are lovely. Mom and Grandma are constantly cooking and cleaning. Even doing my laundry. Can't stop them. No sick buffalo, no dying uncle. Kids are great fun. They adore me. I am enjoying the visit very much. Will be sorry to see them go. Family is Muslim, seem to have no problem with gay May/December romance. Two great years together, hope for 20 more. Lucky? Maybe. Happy? Definitely. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ianf Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Bolt the doors next time they're coming. My Thai wife absolutely hates the Thai attitude. Once she got married to a rich (sic) farang, old 'friends' who'd not contacted her for years wanted to come up and visit and by the way could we also book their air tickets. My wife said 'no' and proceed to block all such scroungers and people with no social skills from her Facebook and elsewhere. As far as the family goes, she worked herself to the bone for years always supporting the drunken older sister and so on. Well that came to a stop the moment they upped the stakes once she was with me. She cut all ties with the scroungers and she only remains in contact with her mother and father - who have never asked for one penny piece and have in fact refused various offers. A lot - not all - Thai people think they can just ponce off a farang whom they believe have a special tree on which money grows. If these people, including the OP's relatives, had an ounce of social decorum or decency then they would not behave like this. I don't give a damn about cultural differences. My wife is Thai and she behaves properly and expects others to do so too. If my wife behaved like those people described by the OP, I'd soon tell her to sling her hook. If her family behaved that way I'd also tell them to eff off. Happily I didn't need to as my wife told them. Edited January 3, 2015 by ianf 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacky54 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Guess what the family are coming in a couple of hours, no notice as usual but thank god only few. Been down the market buying far too much grub and mrs at the cooking, it's more of a religion than Buddhism for most. If the mrs starts moaning I always say if she wanted a husband who acts like a Thai, speaks Thai and eats the muck that they do then she should have married one, usually works. I'm holed up in the bedroom, they can get on with it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayongchelsea Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 You may want to ridicule this, but there is an element of truth in this. Why is poverty something to be glorified over what you perceive as middle class white ( bread) mundanity. Also it appears that most foreigners on here marry into very poor backgrounds, why for the ethnic experience. No a real lack of self worth.They had no interested in the thai culture for 50 or 60 years of their lives and then come out with this bullshit- yet another one on the conveyor belt! they were never exposed to anything else for the first 50 years. and they aint livin in poverty if they have had any smarts about saving for retirement. so they more than comfortable AND able to make things a little easier for their family. lack of self worth?? lol more hilarity! They wouldn't be in these situation if they had been smart with their money. Don't you read the " how to live cheaply in thailand"...most popular thread. Why do they have to make it easier for the family from day 1 it's called entitlement. Nah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayongchelsea Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Politeness, understanding, consideration for others are universal whatever the culture. I tried all that crap 30 years ago when I was volunteering at a school up north - when bringing colored crayons was recommended. I tried it because it was the polite thing to do and as an experience not as a need to feel accepted. This guys got no chance in the long run.. No variance from one culture to the next about what is socially acceptable and considered good manners? Really? I wasn't aware of this. Of course there are variations but underlying human qualities of politeness, understanding ( of what is different) , consideration for others ( even if you are not fully aware of the culture you are in..mitigates any misunderstandings.... It's called being a decent good human being.. But your point is taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayongchelsea Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home . ;-) I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang. PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not. Nobody says you have to come to thailand ... I don't know your country of origin ...but remember this...when in Rome..etc.Oh yes , one more thing....the crap you speak about ...is most people's staple diet in issan especially... don't try and impose your farang ideas here.. it will not work I guarantee it... I have lived and loved in many countries and to speak disrespectful like you do is OUT OF ORDER .. try that in Sicily ... and you be swimming with the fishes in no time ;-) Yes in some regions of isaan, ( hardly the staple diet) ,don't limit what is thai to that region..I read stuff on this thread that is so far removed from what a lot of foreigners experience here..it's very Issan centric..upcountry. He is not being disrespectful..you try something you don't like it..move on..you do bring your culture and tastes here when you arrive..I dislike somtan..I have a lot of thai acquaintances that prefer Japanese to a lot of thai foods oh! dear! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lucifer666 Posted January 3, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2015 I have the distinct feeling that you folks must bring this abuse on yourselves. My missus's family have stayed with us on several occasions and bring food, cookware, whisky and smokes. They ask for nothing but a floor to sleep on and cartoons on the tv for the kids. they are respectful, clean and share everything that they bring with them, offen being slightly offended when i refuse a tenth whisky or another huge helping of food. A few days later they are gone without trace and i confess that my home feels a little lonelier without all the activity. This only happens a few times a year and brings my missus happiness, a few days of what can hardly be describe as inconvenience is nothing to grumble about. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thongkorn Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I have the distinct feeling that you folks must bring this abuse on yourselves. My missus's family have stayed with us on several occasions and bring food, cookware, whisky and smokes. They ask for nothing but a floor to sleep on and cartoons on the tv for the kids. they are respectful, clean and share everything that they bring with them, offen being slightly offended when i refuse a tenth whisky or another huge helping of food. A few days later they are gone without trace and i confess that my home feels a little lonelier without all the activity. This only happens a few times a year and brings my missus happiness, a few days of what can hardly be describe as inconvenience is nothing to grumble about. wow stop this positive out look , this site is only for wingers, Agree my extended Thai family are the same, never ask for one bah,t treat me like there own son. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapd Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) I get a laugh at these guys who happily play along never fully understanding the cultural differences at play. Never knowing that they will never be truly accepted as part of the family. Sure, they may smile and put up with you as long as you are paying the bills and giving them some sort of improved social status (nicer house usually). Also wrt your girl is different Thai lady friend. Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. I don't care how much you think your girl is different. You can't change her programming. Only exceptions are orphans. Then you have a shot at # 2 after her thai friends. Edited January 3, 2015 by lapd 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
German Viking Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 An old folk remedy for relative who invade your house and refuse to go is to borrow few goats and bring them home... the stanch of those animals will make any one run away very quickly... This works only well with the Bock(Male goat) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matej Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. Unreasonable, preconceived judgment, nothing else ... I've met many married westerners who keep saying that all the time. I don't understand why they got married then. Either they know nothing about women or nothing about Thailand, maybe both ... I've never experienced/seen sth like that here. Family in the first place in Thailand is the same illusion like long lasting marriage in in western countries, SADLY. Thailand has changed, it's not 1990 anymore ... P.S. Run away from bar girls/bar kathoeys and never turn back. Edited January 3, 2015 by Matej Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benalibina Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. Unreasonable, preconceived judgment, nothing else ... I've met many married westerners who keep saying that all the time. I don't understand why they got married then. Either they know nothing about women or nothing about Thailand, maybe both ... I've never experienced/seen sth like that here. Family in the first place in Thailand is the same illusion like long lasting marriage in in western countries, SADLY. Thailand has changed, it's not 1990 anymore ... P.S. Run away from bar girls/kathoeys and never turn back. Bargirls...Kathoys....quite generalizing.....and no indeed it is not 1990 anymore.....more like 1930 ...still....its the mindset....which differs......but you will find out when you emotionally attach to somebody in Thailand...how you deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacky54 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) I get a laugh at these guys who happily play along never fully understanding the cultural differences at play. Never knowing that they will never be truly accepted as part of the family. Sure, they may smile and put up with you as long as you are paying the bills and giving them some sort of improved social status (nicer house usually). Also wrt your girl is different Thai lady friend. Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. I don't care how much you think your girl is different. You can't change her programming. Only exceptions are orphans. Then you have a shot at # 2 after her thai friends. Spot on mate, many live here deluded as to their partners priorities. My mrs once said 99% of Thai women only marry falang for one reason. it's a trade off as long as you are getting what you want it's worth it. But even if you have been here 40 years you will always be the falang, or alien as immigration like to put it. I wonder how many of these happy family members would react if we asked them for a loan? Might be worth a try just to see. Edited January 3, 2015 by jacky54 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
German Viking Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Not so bad for me now,as i lent her brother,the money to build his own house down the street when they come to visit,still have a few people stay in the house,but this year only 2.Spent all new years day with the family,but did ask if they could turn the music off at 10pm, as i needed to sleep,so in response to the op,i think the time he spent with them was fine,the main problem this year has been music from the neighbours as we had new year,then a wedding,why in Gods name they have to start the music full bore at 5am i will never understand. Use earplugs this will helping you, as long the earth is not quaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeijoshinCool Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My wife always says that she and her Thai friends consider many of the farang ex-pats staying in Thailand as weird. And to be honest after reading many of these posts I have to agree with them.I know when out and about quite a few won`t even make eye contact, they plonk themselves in Thailand and then prefer to hide away in their own little worlds intolerant of everything and everyone around them. I have no idea why some of them bother to get married. Perhaps they marry as a convenience for having a permanent glorified house keeper or to own property and conduct some sorts of business here? My wife`s family are probably no better and no worse than anyone else`s in-laws, only I make the effort to be a part of that family for the sake of my wife and our children who of course love their extended family. It is very easy to apply some rules about over staying their welcome, but it has to be done diplomatically and there must be compromise, if not then you become the long and suffering, the moaning old farts brigade, boring and not liked, plus it must be one form of living hell for the wives who have to endure living with you guys. I think the problems lies with the fact that probably the majority of Thailand ex-pats are old retirees and the longer they are here the grouchier and more cranky they become. From what I have witnessed they are never able to fully adapt to life in Thailand, they seem to be on an up hill struggle against the environments around them, it seems impossible for them to be able to interact with others, the one and only solitary farang who just want`s to be left alone and wallow in their own solitudes. Before accusing everyone else of having faults, it would first be wise to annalise your own characters and faults, because it is obvious that the attitudes are:I`m alright it`s all the others. how do I give you 4 likes, one for each paragraph! they marry for a translator, a cook, a maid and a bed partner. and perhaps an ornament on their arm. . I speak Thai. My wife prefers my Thai cooking over her own. I clean the house and do the laundry; I enjoy it. You got me on the fourth one. The fifth one? Well, I'm proud to be seen with my wife. and yedt you treat her as a second class person What a bizarre statement to make about someone you know nothing about.... Are you ok ?? Sounds like the Cool guy is pulling his weight in the house. But anyway, back to intelligent discourse, I suspect the gamut of relationships here run the same gamut as they do back in farangland. Meaning you may have a wife who loves you to pieces, or she may planning on how to to kill you. But this depends on who you marry , so indirectly it really is your choice on how your married life turn out. Regarding being swamped by family members, I do not know much about that, as my in laws are far far away. Beetlejuice can be excluded from this discussion about family and marriage, as apparently he ascended to the final absolute level of Thainess, and is so deeply integrated into the culture, that he can now heap scorn upon any fellow expats who do not exist in the same rarified plane as himself. Always amusing to read his posts...... Thank you. Agreed. Beetle juice has gone wonkers apparently. He seems to hate all of us, which would cause me great offense, if i cared one iota what he thought. It is pretty much simple banter and comedy at this point. He discredited himself completely with with his last anti expat rant. He sure lumped us into one undesirable category, did he not? We are all old, cranky, grumpy, and marry for convenience. And we all avoid eye contact. Oh my God. We must all have something to hide! Wow. So glad to be a fellow member of the old farts brigade. I myself happen to like a lot of expats. Oh well. I must be easy to please. . and yedt you treat her as a second class person Actually, that was Ayjaydee, not Beetlejuice, but your mistake is easy to make; they are from the same mold. All my responses to him in this thread have been congenial. I even complemented him on marrying into a great family. That's great! My posts were lighthearted, his are condescending and judgmental. My wife works hard. I am retired. I do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. Neither of us are complainers. Neither of us are miserable. We are easygoing and happy. She behaves like a commoner, but I treat her like a princess. But in answering the OP, I noted her family is unpleasant, and disapproves of foreigners. For that, Ayjaydee slings mud in post after post, then asserts I treat her like a "second class citizen." Immature nonsense that has no place in proper forum decorum. But anonymity arms cowards with big loads of $hit. These are socially immature guys, Mike, that can not accept that others have different experiences from their perfect ones. Or if they do, it must be their fault. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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