Wife changed when she got back to the village

[sir charles IV]

" Wife changed when she got back to the village"

I'll bet she had to change a lot for you when she went to your country as well!

Maybe it should be your turn to change for her now?

"She flew into a rage and said I did never want to be here and I don’t like the family and the rest."

It sounds like the wife is right,

Some westerners do not have the respect or understand of Thai culture and family structure needed to survive in rural Thailand.

It sounds like you are one of them.

If you know anything, you know your wife's family is more important to her than anything..not you, her family!

You were given a chance to be part of that family and have rejected them.

Either make an honest effort yo adjust ( sounds like you have not tried at all ) or move on..alone.

​It would be very wrong and bad for your child to be separated from his mother.

Like me, you are an old man.

How well do you think you can raise a young child and how many more years do you think you will be around to raise him?

I am in what could be a similar situation.

My Thai wife lived with me in the US for 6 years before we and our 3 year old child relocated to her village in rural Thailand.

It has been very difficult for me, but because I love my wife and child and have learned to love her family and their culture I have made countless concessionsin order to make it work.

If you truly love your family, you can make it work also.

If you only truly love yourself..take your self and your wonderful Honda somewhere else.

Footnote: It seems you are more concerned about your prize Honda than your family..why did you get married and father a child?

Good luck with that bike of yours!

you seem most qualified to provide feedback. If I were the op I would do exactly as you say. Wise insight and advice. Hey op listen to this guy.

OP, don't listen to these men, they live in la la land. They have created a world of their own.

this doesn't make sense. Vague and useless feedback. Raise a point or put a sock in it. Hihi

[rijb]

Be Gentle: "Be gentle; love even your enemies; be tolerant."

Jesus, To John

And watch your back.

John Wayne, to Dean Martin

[MaeJoMTB]

You seem an average man living an average life. Which is fine. Then u met a girl who made u feel like a young man again. Probably parading her to everyone with a grin on your face (I still got it, u said). That's fine too. But wait. The price u had to pay was to keep her interested (money, kid, etc). She feels that you cannot do that anymore so it is time for u to go back to your old self. An average man living an average life and find someone more suited to you. I guess a 60 year old Englishwoman. No eating bugs, and u can have a meaningful relationship with her. Get it? You've had your thing with a young woman and it's time to return to normality. You'll be fine mate. Give it a couple months and it'll be ok.

None of us are that desperate!

[plazot11]

Leaving for the UK with the boy is not fair to the mother nor the son. It is her son as well. The best you can do is try to work things out the best you can and try to play some kind of role in the boys life.

Your bargaining chip is that you have a monthly pension, yes?

Suggest you look in the mirror you will see a good man but an old man old enough to be your sons Grandfather. It will be no life for your son to have a grandad as father. You won' be able to play footie or cricket with him. Your son should be with his mother, Don't worry he will survive village life. Stop trying to use your son as a bargaining tool to get your wife to stay. Suggest you read the last two words on the last page of every book they are: THE END.. Mate its all over. take care of yourself and either find another or go back home to the UK.

Best wishes.

[KamalaRider]

" Wife changed when she got back to the village"

I'll bet she had to change a lot for you when she went to your country as well!

Maybe it should be your turn to change for her now?

"She flew into a rage and said I did never want to be here and I don’t like the family and the rest."

It sounds like the wife is right,

Some westerners do not have the respect or understand of Thai culture and family structure needed to survive in rural Thailand.

It sounds like you are one of them.

If you know anything, you know your wife's family is more important to her than anything..not you, her family!

You were given a chance to be part of that family and have rejected them.

Either make an honest effort yo adjust ( sounds like you have not tried at all ) or move on..alone.

​It would be very wrong and bad for your child to be separated from his mother.

Like me, you are an old man.

How well do you think you can raise a young child and how many more years do you think you will be around to raise him?

I am in what could be a similar situation.

My Thai wife lived with me in the US for 6 years before we and our 3 year old child relocated to her village in rural Thailand.

It has been very difficult for me, but because I love my wife and child and have learned to love her family and their culture I have made countless concessionsin order to make it work.

If you truly love your family, you can make it work also.

If you only truly love yourself..take your self and your wonderful Honda somewhere else.

Footnote: It seems you are more concerned about your prize Honda than your family..why did you get married and father a child?

Good luck with that bike of yours!

you seem most qualified to provide feedback. If I were the op I would do exactly as you say. Wise insight and advice. Hey op listen to this guy.

OP, don't listen to these men, they live in la la land. They have created a world of their own.

this doesn't make sense. Vague and useless feedback. Raise a point or put a sock in it. Hihi

Before posting nonsense, read my previous posts and you might become wiser.

Edited March 29, 2015 by KamalaRider

[georgemandm]

Seems to me the wife had enough of you.

Go back to her, be sincere with her and promise her you will change your attitude towards her.

A good thing also is to get a bunch of nice flowers for her.

Good Luck to you.

Costa are you for real do you not know what some thai woman do to western man here in thailand you have been here a long time more than me so sorry costa you should know and so wrong to say go back and promise her you will change sound like she is a bad one . I would give the boy back to the thai and go home .

[ExPratt]

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Seems to me the wife had enough of you.
Go back to her, be sincere with her and promise her you will change your attitude towards her.
A good thing also is to get a bunch of nice flowers for her.
Good Luck to you.

Seriously this has to be sarcasm, but there again I come across your posts daily... She allegedly threatened to kill him, with the backing of the family! If there's an attitude adjustment required, I would say the Mrs is well over due for one...

As for the wife having rights over the kid, not a chance. From the OP's description of family life in the boondoo he'd be dragged up like an extra from the lord of the flies.

To be fair I wouldn't take the threat to kill from Thai bird who has lost it and ranting, seriously. I don't understand the ":Support of the family part" Do they approve all of her hits ?

I'd take it seriously for two reasons. One is that she might actually be serious. It has been known. Two, this is not something someone who supposedly loves you would ever say, heat of the moment or otherwise. They just wouldn't.

I agree that should not be said to Husbands wife's , anyone. The OP is not a young man on his own in her families Village , so he was probably intimidated and i feel for the bloke. But I doubt now hes left hes in any danger. As you will be aware many Thais are very defensive about there families , saying you are bored and want to leave the village would offend a few. I doubt many would threaten to kill you though

[PeCeDe]

I wish relationships like this could work, but they can't, I'm 66 and could get a Thai girlfriend tomorrow, possibly in her 20's... but it would just be a business for the girl, and end in heartbreak for me. Thank God I have learned (20 years ago). I just hope this man works it out with his child, for him to be thinking about his bike shows me exactly which side of the fence he's on, and unfortunately which side of the fence the child is on. For heavens sake does nobody here take responsibility for their actions?

[Straight8]

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Leaving for the UK with the boy is not fair to the mother nor the son. It is her son as well. The best you can do is try to work things out the best you can and try to play some kind of role in the boys life.

Your bargaining chip is that you have a monthly pension, yes?

Seriously? The woman tells him she will kill him, and has the family's 'permission' to do so. Tells him to go, and take the son as well. Now wants him to leave his son in the village, with these crazy nitwits that approve her plan to murder him, the father/husband, and go away back to the UK alone (of course knowing full well, or having the family explain it to her) for one reason and one reason only... she/they know he will send money each month for his son, which they will use however they damn well please. ---------- And you think it is unfair to take his son and go back to the UK? Are you seriously that dense?

He should run now. Take the kid, his ATM/Credit cards and run as fast and as far away as he can. He should book his return flight without the crazy ass mental wife and never look back. That would be the VERY best thing he could do for his son, and, for himself.

THEIR bargaining chip is the son, and they realize that and want to keep the kid so they have a hold over the man.

Not fair to the mother? Buddy she ain't no mother.

Run Forrest run, and take the boy with you stay away, and have nothing to do with this woman and her family. You are in danger.

Agreed, they will use the kid to exploit what they can out of the Father. very difficult situation for him at his age , but you cant worry about that , get him away. I believe they could be better off in Thailand the authorities can do nothing if the child is with his Father. I wouldn't Trust the Home office or social services in the Uk to back him if his wife made an accusation of abduction. Obviously he may not have a choice about going back to the UK

Makes you wonder why is let the kid go with the father.. I mean, that was her leverage. So un-thai like not to use a child as leverage for a monetary gain.

She must be mental.

As others have said Forest....RUN!!

Oh.. if you haven't already, you'd be wise to do DNA [if there is any doubt at all] . It's amazing how many fathers are bring up kids that are not theirs

[MW72]

Be Gentle: "Be gentle; love even your enemies; be tolerant."

Jesus, To John

Just the sort of advice the OP needs. I mean look how that worked out for Jesus.

The OP should get his kid and get the hell out of there and never look back. She threatened his life with the backing of her family. Christian values ain't going to help the OP. Survival instinct will.

[Straight8]

" Wife changed when she got back to the village"

I'll bet she had to change a lot for you when she went to your country as well!

Maybe it should be your turn to change for her now?

"She flew into a rage and said I did never want to be here and I don’t like the family and the rest."

It sounds like the wife is right,

Some westerners do not have the respect or understand of Thai culture and family structure needed to survive in rural Thailand.

It sounds like you are one of them.

If you know anything, you know your wife's family is more important to her than anything..not you, her family!

You were given a chance to be part of that family and have rejected them.

Either make an honest effort yo adjust ( sounds like you have not tried at all ) or move on..alone.

​It would be very wrong and bad for your child to be separated from his mother.

Like me, you are an old man.

How well do you think you can raise a young child and how many more years do you think you will be around to raise him?

I am in what could be a similar situation.

My Thai wife lived with me in the US for 6 years before we and our 3 year old child relocated to her village in rural Thailand.

It has been very difficult for me, but because I love my wife and child and have learned to love her family and their culture I have made countless concessionsin order to make it work.

If you truly love your family, you can make it work also.

If you only truly love yourself..take your self and your wonderful Honda somewhere else.

Footnote: It seems you are more concerned about your prize Honda than your family..why did you get married and father a child?

Good luck with that bike of yours!

you seem most qualified to provide feedback. If I were the op I would do exactly as you say. Wise insight and advice. Hey op listen to this guy.

OP, don't listen to these men, they live in la la land. They have created a world of their own.

You always get one or two that go against all common sense and logic.

Guess thats what makes Thailand what it is today.

[KamalaRider]

OP, don't listen to these men, they live in la la land. They have created a world of their own.

you seem most qualified to provide feedback. If I were the op I would do exactly as you say. Wise insight and advice. Hey op listen to this guy.

You always get one or two that go against all common sense and logic.

Guess thats what makes Thailand what it is today.

You mean why there are so many western men committing suicide, knifing themselves in the back, hanging themselves with their hands bound behind their back, etc. ?

[Andre0720]

Seems to me the wife had enough of you.

Go back to her, be sincere with her and promise her you will change your attitude towards her.

A good thing also is to get a bunch of nice flowers for her.

Good Luck to you.

Not typical of you in your postings...

This one sounds like coming from a new comer in Thailand....

[georgemandm]

How could such a situation arise ? Seems to happen regular.

wife 30 or 40 years younger than the husband, money runs out. Wifey has no need of farang daddy with no money as she already has a Thai daddy with no money.

I wouldn't go back to the village if I were you. Didn't she threaten to kill you already ?

So you are a expert on this are you because there is 30 and 40 years differents come on , it is just how some thai woman are what has age got to do with it .

[Thunderbirds20]

Get your ass and your son out of there ASAP!! The least of your worries is the Honda, your clothes and suitcase! Take the bike to the post office and ship it Collingbourne Auctions in Pattaya. They can sell it and get something for you for it!

Thai girls will always put their family, (and usually friends, Buddha, the King, and everything else before you)!

I lost my life savings in a similar situation, but no kid involved, .... I'm from Canada, gave up my life there to come live with her here, .... I built a big house and store on family land and kissed it all goodbye! I am stuck here now, ... can not afford to go back to my country or anywhere else. My tiny pension pays my rent and buys my food. That is it!

[Lekong]

She threatened to kill you. Leave now.

I think those who are asking him to go back to her don't value human life. Threats on his life and some people asking him to go meet her again. God forbid. Leave immediately.

[Lekong]

Seems to me the wife had enough of you.

Go back to her, be sincere with her and promise her you will change your attitude towards her.

A good thing also is to get a bunch of nice flowers for her.

Good Luck to you.

Not typical of you in your postings...

This one sounds like coming from a new comer in Thailand....

In fact.

[poweratradio]

Leaving for the UK with the boy is not fair to the mother nor the son. It is her son as well. The best you can do is try to work things out the best you can and try to play some kind of role in the boys life.

Your bargaining chip is that you have a monthly pension, yes?

Your way out of line here..... Momma is calling the shots and papa sees the stupidity of her ways and ideas. Momma seems hell bent on sacrificing child to the insect eating jungle while papa has the boys welfare at heart.

Let momma come to the UK if she cares to fight for her son but as we all know Thai women very often give their kids away to aunts uncles and or grand parents to raise while mother goes out to play in the wild world plus she has the farange bug now and once bitten addiction is the result.

[wolfmanjack]

you dont understand her mentality? to be honest i dont understand your mentality allowing her so much control and allowing her to abuse that control to the detriment of your relationship with her, your marriage, your son and your own life and finances. but that's in the past.

the marriage is finished and you would be a fool to invest any more money in it even if you feel up to investing more emotion in it.

if your son has british citizenship and you feel you can take care of him in the UK then take him there.

if he has thai citizenship then he'll be staying here. and you have to decide if you are staying or not.

Does not matter if he thinks he can take care of his son, he brought the boy into the world and now MUST raise him alone, away from the rape and torture and ultimate sex slave trade she will sell him too

What is wrong with you people who advise him otherwise

If the kid has a passport from UK, leave today

Immigration has no authority to stop him, yet

I dont think this is true.He would need the mother's consent.

If the kid flew into thailand on the UK passport he can fly back out again without the mothers consent. If asked he can always say the mother is in the UK.

In any case I have flown with my kids several times. On a brand new passport with no stamps I had to have the mother fax a consent letter to immigration. When using passports with stamps in it already there were no questions asked.

[longstebe]

Got to page 5 then skipped to 18, has the OP been back on yet?

[DogNo1]

The half-western kids who were left with their mothers in Vietnam after we pulled out were treated terribly. If you saw the musical "Miss Saigon" you know that these kids were called "buoi doi" - the dust of life. Some were later rescued by their fathers and gained a sense of ontological security in the USA. (Check out the term on Wikipedia.) It will be the rare child who is left with his mother in Thailand who will ever feel ontological security.

[dunnerKeybits]

sue facebook for ruining your life. should be worth a few million baht. perhaps even enough to buy back your wife.

[jimky]

8 page thread for someone that made a single post and hasn't returned.

James436, if you're still reading - I'm a family man from USA living very Thai lifestyle in Udon Thani not far from the city. Not going to involved in drama, but if you need small help with anything, or someone to chat with, shoot me your phone # via PM.

If only still reading and don't need anything, my advise would be to just take it easy for a bit. Let things calm down. There are major cultural differences, 5-years is a mark couples often go through periods of having grown tired of each other, and it can be possible to get over that.

Kidzoona & Molly Fantasy @ UDTown

The small arcade at Central Plaza

PlayPort WaterPark

Nong Prajak Park's playground

If you end up having the kid alone take him to do some stuff and have fun.

Drama is hard to just end. I assume you have round trip plane tickets? Don't argue. Make it clear you and your son are leaving when the scheduled trip ends, but be nice about it. That if she wants to finish with you that you guys will work out joint-custody calmly or with a court and that you love your child, never would take him away from his Mom, but likewise would never give him up either. Keep emotions in check and speak nice. Her response if she is like most women here will be to become more vile and hurtful than you've ever heard before, like another person you've never met. Ignore it, and again keep emotions in check and speak nice. It will blow over.

If you need to split up trip here, do it (the trip is for your son to see them, right?). He is not going to die slightly roaming most Thai villages. Just make sure that plan is for you to have your son the couple days before leaving. Say all is fine your only concern is that the return trip is not interrupted. That will give you time to deal with police if she refuses you access to him for the return. Police here are pretty good, and mostly logical just be respectful and tip those who help you. If you came with round trip tickets with plans to return, they are not going to block you. Just get a tourist police translator if needing to deal with them. But hopefully doesn't come to that.

As for the rest, maybe you're worrying too much. Perhaps don't want to hear this advise, but to say it anyways, farang always seem to be trying to change Thai people, culture or or complaining about this or that. Take a little time to understand it and what things you haven't accepted and can just decide to accept. This is a big start. If you find you simply can't accept certain things, and these appear to be deal breakers, then move on. If you can, then accept your wife first, complain less, and try dealing with cultural issue. I'm vegetarian so I don't eat bugs, but if I wasn't and bugs were all there was to eat and me eating them kept the peace and made others happy, I'd happily eat the bugs during the rare times I had to. That's life. But not sure the issue here? Surely they eat some other food too (vegetables? / papaya?) and have rice. It is 40-days, live on rice. Spend time learning to speak with family, seeing what they do that you can join in on etc. maybe are not having a perfect time but suck it up some, it is a rather short trip. Just keep the peace, learn to accept and if not then deal, and reevaluate everything later with a clear head.

I'm not talking being a chump either. I've had occasional full out blowouts with my wife where her family and friends get in her corner. But after making up with my wife, it generally goes something like days later I walk by mother-in-law not sure we're calm yet, tell her a joke about it (in poorly spoken Thai) in passing, and she laughs and hugs me, I give her a small wai apology she agrees and it is done. That's one of the differences here. After making up with spouse, making up with family and friends is an added step that goes a very long way.

But how much do you know her family and friends. If she is worth keeping then knowing them is a big plus. Be a couple her working-class thai/thai couple friends (ones with no thought of dating farang ever) are envious of. Do you know these people on Facebook? Do you know, or can you learn at least enough basic Thai to make modifying a translator program output to something readable/ Decipher and write back. So many people on social media these days. Get to know her family and friends and joke with them. People like to laugh. She is going to tell everyone much more often about everything bad, all the fights that come up etc. But if they know you, and like you, they see past that (because everyone does the same - women complain about husbands here in just typical "I hate my job" type talk), and if you just deal when she does this, she'll calm down too. From there know making a life together (money a big part of that) is a major basis of all relationships. Winning the women's heart is accepting her and being the calm. Being liked by family and friends is again a huge plus.

Anyways life is life, and works itself out. Whatever happens here keep a calm head, only speak nice, and try not too worry too much. It will be fine. Facebook settings you can remove posts your tagged in from showing up on your own wall. Someone needing permission to post a photo they took of you on their wall, sounds like you're taking life way too serious. So is probably not your wife alone causing the problems. Lighten up, don't worry so much and figure out a way to find at least some enjoyment on this trip, even if life is up in flames at the moment.

[kerrysum]

You can take a person out of the village, but you cannot take the village out of a person...........

Absolutely the best post read so far

It is so true

[flyingdoc]

Kerrysum, you are so right!

[MAJIC]

65 year old raising a 3 year old as a single father.

that will work out well.

The Guys trying, <deleted> give him a break!

[MAJIC]

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Thailand is full of sixty odd year old Farangs, who are walking ATMs, pick up women young enough to be their daughters or grand daughters. and end up with little kids.

Initially, they come out here to retire, some having raised a family back in their homeland, end up with kids, then that's their retirement up in the air. I have no sympathy with

any of them. They have made their bed so they can lie on it.

luv it mate, spoken by a real man !!!!!!!!!!!

Possum! anyone told you. you have a heart of gold....? Hmmm! thought not!,

Edited March 29, 2015 by MAJIC

[ScarpoFongness4U]

70% can not adapt to our wesetern life and to live here,

they will take the next chance to settle back to Thailand;

20% not happy, but try somehow to stay - but every day discussions

10% can and will stay ;

Therefore i never tried to get my one here, except 1 week for a sight seeing,

that a country side also can be clean and not dirty as Thailand;

Your wife took the first chance to settle back;

this 705 have also less problems to give their kids away for their own well being;

You have spend your capital, only small rent which not sotisfy her family, for which Thais always have to take care -

they dont have our social welfare - this your fault not to study thai society before you married her !!

Now , as one already mentioned, immigration will not allow you to leave with your son, without permit

from his mother ; Forget to fight on family court - needs time and money !!

Bring your son back and take your staff,

rent a small cheap apartment - wait 2 month,

give her only your phone number - best a new simm card, wich you use only with her ;

if she not back with some serious proposal - leave - you are free,

Dont agree on some higher amount for your sons life , she will use the money most for her wellbeing,

to spend with her old thai friend and husband,

your son she will leave just to the grands;

Sorry, thats what you can expect from not high educated village girls,

Good luck,

Frank

[/quote

Very informed analysis

If I could add, please

The mentality does not end with one generation

I know of several girls in one large family who have all left their kids with their mother's in bangkok as they try again w the next thai male, have another kid and suffer the grandmother's with the kids

These girls then work, to send the money to the grandmother for food clothes and to send the kids to school to learn English hoping they have a chance which they will

These are nice girls with regular jobs who didn't use birth control and don't learn from their mistakes

The mother of one of these girls with two kids being raised by separate grandmother's wants to give one of the girls, 26,/to me. I'm 55

My own daughter is 26

Thai girls who don't use birth control when they are young know they have this back stops

No European man will understand this

No American will understand the English or European man who refuses to listen

His kids life hangss in the balance and if the father leaves without him, the kids life will be torture

[steven100]

65 year old papa dragging a 3 year old boy aroung the UK .....

yeah, that'll sure work out !!

~~~ NOT ~~~ !!

Get the kid back to his village, mother and family ....... !! then you get your ass back to the UK ..... Sell the bike to the street sweeper or 7-11 worker , get whatever you can for it and get on the plane .

[rodney earl]

By the sound of it you have just been made redundant, she has obviously got everything she wants from you and now it is time to move back to the nest that she came from. DONT WALK AWAY. RUN.