Can someone give me advice on falling for a Thai girl?

[naksap1]

Dear brother, move on please...unless you do not mind seeing your girl taking on other men as she likes

[seancbk]

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

You are 24. I don't know how many girlfriends you've had back home or how serious they've been.

But I can tell you from my own experience that from about 14 years old until maybe your age (and older) I, like you, obsessed over a few of my girlfriends. They were not Thai, they were mostly Western (and one Indian). The point is that until I reached about 30 years old I used to think that it was the end of the world when a relationship of more than a week ended.

The lessons you need to learn, and you will in time, are :-

Some relationships are built on lies. All sorts of lies. Those relationships can work, but rarely do.

Getting dumped is not the worst thing in the world. There is always someone else waiting to date you.

Some people get lucky and find the right person early in life, others date for years and years without finding the right one. The right one could be a Thai girl, but equally she might not be.

The most important advice I can give you is - don't give her money and make it clear you will never give her and her family money.

That and try to accept that relationships fail. Don't get so hung up on being in a relationship. Try not to obsess over girls, but never lose your respect for them or desire to treat them well.

Good Luck!

[Morakot]

she hasnt really given me self esteem but she made me forget my problems which was nice. i dont think i will find someone else because ive always been quite a lonely person. as a very shy guy i dont meet a lot of people

But isn't this good? You might now already know how to put it behind, without depending on her. There are a lot of shy people who are happy to be with other shy people. It shouldn't be a problem. In Thailand many people value this kind of characteristic.

Go out and socialise where other young people are. If you are in Thailand --depending on the area-- find out about places where people of a similar age to you normally go. Create the circumstances where you will be routinely in contact with more people. This could be your new project; it might also help feeling better if you find it hard to let go from her. Trust yourself in making it work.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Morakot

[roro1990]

There is a level of cynicism and skepticism here that i'm quite surprised at. I am quite skeptical myself and don't know what to think, hence me posting here, but I don't think the situation is as black and white as some people are making it out to be. It's like just because something similar has happened with other people before and it went to shit, then it will be guaranteed go to shit for me. This ignores all the stories that never went to shit because people didn't bother signing up to forums to complain about them.

Yes, she has lied to me about things before. Yes I am hesitant to place my trust in her. As I mentioned, I have never paid her any money, and this is why she has to go to Korea. By the way, she booked the whole Korea thing whilst I was outside the country and she didn't know I'd be back so soon so it's not like she abandoned me.

A further bit of back story on this girl in case it might be relevant. She worked in a factory in Bangkok for 9 years before doing massage. She was with a Thai partner for 8 of those years but eventually the relationship fell apart. They had been paying off a house together but never finished the payments. Her father abandoned her as a child and she is not in contact with him. Her mother never took care of her and she is rarely in touch with her. Her granny was the one who took care of her as a child and she tries to provide for her as much as possible.

I personally was not prepared to give my money to her because i'm still trying to figure out exactly what to do with my own life in terms of career, and because I think paying monthly to be with a woman while i'm not in her country and living together is completely retarded and is no basis for a relationship. I also don't have much money to give away. This is obviously why she was going with that English guy. BUT, she stopped all contact with him. Why did she do this? He was providing money she could send to her granny every month, she could have easily kept up the illusion that she was in Malaysia working while going off with him. But she admitted everything to me and stopped contact with this man. This man who was a source of income for her family. If all thai women give a shit about is money, if all she sees when looking at me is a potential future cash windfall, why in gods name would she break it off with him?

[elgordo38]

Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

Yeah that's my problem, i'm getting very serious with it. I'm thinking about her a lot. finding it difficult to concentrate on my own life. Missing her a lot. I'm actually staying in her apartment right now as she let me stay there while she went to Korea. I was thinking of going to australia on a working holiday which might be better for me to take my mind off her a little bit.

Your obviously one of those young people that leads with his heart. I was much the same way at your age. I ended up with 3 wives over the years all ex's. Sometimes it is hard to let go and move on but it is something you should consider. I have had to do it numerous times. There are a lot of fine young ladies here but you cannot save them all. I have been with a young young girl now for 3 years now and laid it on the line at the very start and it has worked for me and her but then I am retired. Your 24 and just starting out in life and what you would do here in Thailand for a living must be considered. Map out a plan first. This girl looks like she is unsure of what she wants and is flighty to some degree. This can be a problem if a bigger fish comes along. The best of luck to you but do not let testosterone govern your life. Its a long hard road. Tread lightly.

[gemguy]

This is not rocket science.

She is entertaining several men while you should be entertaining several women at the same time.

She had a life before she met you..... so ...if she is attractive at all of course she has other men attracted to her besides you

No need to get serious about any particular girl in any big hurry because there are so many available Thai girls.

No need for you to commit anything to her and no need for her to commit anything to you.

Just enjoy yourself and let your relationship drift to the right or drift to the left and then, if need be, let the relationship fade away. ...and no hard feelings.

Sabai, Sabai.......Sanuk, Sanuk .......so do not ruin a good thing and turn all emotional while trying to read into her and or the situation too deeply.

There is too much chance for you to be dragged into "who knows what sort of drama will evolve" so ...just enjoy what you can while you are with her and just be on guard as it is prudent to be on guard no matter where you are and what ever circumstances you are experiencing with any women in any country....but more so here in Thailand as you are vulnerable and subjected to events and circumstances that are not of your making and or all too often not in your control......so.......be forewarned and approach with caution.

The long term expats on this website do not want to be listening to your tales of woe and despair 6 months or 1 year from now while most people do not like to be harsh and have to say: "Told you so"....or ...."You were forewarned"

Cheers

[ozzieovaseas]

Made the same mistakes and got the scars to proove it but Im thinking Op is doomed to make the same mistakes as me, sadly.

I keep asking myself though, why do guys go for these types? (massage+ ? business) when outside your door are hundreds if not thousands of girls with REAL fulltime jobs.

All you have to do is Walk into a bank, supermarket, restaurant, hairdresser, department store ect ect, and smile at some girl. Repeat the process over a few days/weeks. Go up to one and make conversation over a purchase. Look her straight in the eye and smile like the big dopey boofhead you are..

you will surely get a phone number sooner or later and most probably a request to help with english or to talk on LINE or some other such BS request.

Its not that hard!! you are not in the west, where they shoot you down for so much as having the gaul to smile at 'em.

So now OP you are trapped in "security backup" zone staying in her room.

I advise you to have a good time while staying UNemotionally attached. Dont try to cool off or back away while you are around the girl. You could end up in deep DooDoo and sweet Buriram girl can turn into a demon in 2 seconds believe me!

So yeah, have a good time with her this trip and head back to your country. Maybe on the next trip you can try the above.

PS. If you stay with this girl you will soon be facing this dilemna...she will eventually put the idea into your head that she is forced to go away and do this work BECAUSE you are not supporting/giving her enough money. Its the sad reality of it.

Saying you will provide everything for her is not enough. These girls usually need to send some figure of money home for their family/kid...probably absolute minimum 3,000 a month.

If you are unable to resist and must stay with her, then try to bargain some amount of "help" money every month.. so she doesnt have to do these err overseas working adventures.

Actually the absolute worst idea the OP mentioned was taking her back to his own country! now THERE is some bulk trouble!

All the best mate

[how241]

Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

+1...She is playing you. Move on.

[ozzieovaseas]

This is not rocket science.

She is entertaining several men while you should be entertaining several women at the same time.

She had a life before she met you..... so ...if she is attractive at all of course she has other men attracted to her besides you

No need to get serious about any particular girl in any big hurry because there are so many available Thai girls.

No need for you to commit anything to her and no need for her to commit anything to you.

Just enjoy yourself and let your relationship drift to the right or drift to the left and then, if need be, let the relationship fade away. ...and no hard feelings.

Sabai, Sabai.......Sanuk, Sanuk .......so do not ruin a good thing and turn all emotional while trying to read into her and or the situation too deeply.

There is too much chance for you to be dragged into "who knows what sort of drama will evolve" so ...just enjoy what you can while you are with her and just be on guard as it is prudent to be on guard no matter where you are and what ever circumstances you are experiencing with any women in any country....but more so here in Thailand as you are vulnerable and subjected to events and circumstances that are not of your making and or all too often not in your control......so.......be forewarned and approach with caution.

The long term expats on this website do not want to be listening to your tales of woe and despair 6 months or 1 year from now while most people do not like to be harsh and have to say: "Told you so"....or ...."You were forewarned"

Cheers

Actually, having read my fair share of the long term expats posts on here, id say thats exactly what they do want!!!

[minikev]

Her reason for going to work in Chiang Mai wasn't simply to work in a massage parlour for a small wage and tips. She went knowing many other women from poor backgrounds meet an older man that falls for them. She would then have the money to take care of her family at home in Burriram.

When she met you as you are young perhaps she really fell for you but I'm guessing as your young you won't yet have the financial stability that an older man would have.

Hence hedging her bets and going to Vietnam with the other man.

The fact that she came home after 1 day is in her favour. What is not in her favour is that the family do expect her to bring home the middle aged farang with money falling out of his pockets. Thais are very family oriented and you will not win.

She has gone away to work illegally now and you must see that she is desperate to get money.

You should walk away and not look back. Delete and block her phone number if you want to save yourself some pain. She will be fine.

[akentryan]

You are 24 years old - not exactly a child. You met her three years ago spent 3 days then 5 days the next year and then 60 days the next. Do you think you know her? What do you think she wants from you? Marriage and ticket to the UK or the USA? Are you rich? What kind of job do you have back home? She is most certain to be involved in the sex trade as some of the ladies from Buriram are among the best. Why do you have to get serious? Enjoying staying in her apartment free as often as you can get there. Take everything that she will give you for free. Sooner or later you will see the real person you are madly in love with. Make up your mind then. It will not take long if there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

[MobileContent]

I generally believe the girl has feelings for the OP but money comes first. I am sure she likes the OP and she might keep the OP as a gig on the sideline.

[Serendipity24]

Your situation is not easy because you are falling for the person who may not have the same genuine feelings as you. The woman is looking for security, unless you give it to her she would continue making money the best way she knows how.

I wont judge you bec I know what it's like to fall in love hard and learned my lessons from it too.

Remember it's what your heart can take or endure, if you are ready for the consequences then go ahead explore and learn from it.But also remember the reason why you're head is placed above your heart.

[gemguy]

There is a level of cynicism and skepticism here that i'm quite surprised at. I am quite skeptical myself and don't know what to think, hence me posting here, but I don't think the situation is as black and white as some people are making it out to be. It's like just because something similar has happened with other people before and it went to shit, then it will be guaranteed go to shit for me. This ignores all the stories that never went to shit because people didn't bother signing up to forums to complain about them.

Yes, she has lied to me about things before. Yes I am hesitant to place my trust in her. As I mentioned, I have never paid her any money, and this is why she has to go to Korea. By the way, she booked the whole Korea thing whilst I was outside the country and she didn't know I'd be back so soon so it's not like she abandoned me.

A further bit of back story on this girl in case it might be relevant. She worked in a factory in Bangkok for 9 years before doing massage. She was with a Thai partner for 8 of those years but eventually the relationship fell apart. They had been paying off a house together but never finished the payments. Her father abandoned her as a child and she is not in contact with him. Her mother never took care of her and she is rarely in touch with her. Her granny was the one who took care of her as a child and she tries to provide for her as much as possible.

I personally was not prepared to give my money to her because i'm still trying to figure out exactly what to do with my own life in terms of career, and because I think paying monthly to be with a woman while i'm not in her country and living together is completely retarded and is no basis for a relationship. I also don't have much money to give away. This is obviously why she was going with that English guy. BUT, she stopped all contact with him. Why did she do this? He was providing money she could send to her granny every month, she could have easily kept up the illusion that she was in Malaysia working while going off with him. But she admitted everything to me and stopped contact with this man. This man who was a source of income for her family. If all thai women give a shit about is money, if all she sees when looking at me is a potential future cash windfall, why in gods name would she break it off with him?

Yes there seems to be plenty of cynicism...but for good reason..

The guy is only 24 and falling in lust...not love...while his emotions are getting the better of him while he is almost a train wreck already while the real drama that can and all too often eventually develops...... is only beginning ...while his head is somewhat spinning around while he tries to figure her out and or what the hell is already going on with her and himself while he is already confused and not knowing which way to go.

As I recommended to him.....just enjoy it while you can and then let it all fade away if need be and do not get all serious about 1 girl in particular and be cautious.

We do not want to be hearing tales of woe and despair and heart break and "she done me wrong" and I am so angry and frustrated after the young man was well forewarned and told by many others, who have loads of similar experiences, and want to tell the man to be cautious about falling for a Thai women with a questionable back ground having a Thai Female agenda that will definitely cause the young man all kinds of grief and heart break.

Not so cynical really...just good and sensible advice....and not to be ignored.

Cheers

[salo123]

OP, this is the wrong Forum for a Question like this. Most people just have expirience with hookers from pattaya, etc. they think in general bad about thai people, and think all women in Thailand are like the hookers. These people have a small view, because they just see the draft of the beerbar.

Love is allways a risk, in Thailand and in the Rest of the World.

When u Love her give it a try, but without getting lost.

Good luck!

[gemguy]

This is not rocket science.

She is entertaining several men while you should be entertaining several women at the same time.

She had a life before she met you..... so ...if she is attractive at all of course she has other men attracted to her besides you

No need to get serious about any particular girl in any big hurry because there are so many available Thai girls.

No need for you to commit anything to her and no need for her to commit anything to you.

Just enjoy yourself and let your relationship drift to the right or drift to the left and then, if need be, let the relationship fade away. ...and no hard feelings.

Sabai, Sabai.......Sanuk, Sanuk .......so do not ruin a good thing and turn all emotional while trying to read into her and or the situation too deeply.

There is too much chance for you to be dragged into "who knows what sort of drama will evolve" so ...just enjoy what you can while you are with her and just be on guard as it is prudent to be on guard no matter where you are and what ever circumstances you are experiencing with any women in any country....but more so here in Thailand as you are vulnerable and subjected to events and circumstances that are not of your making and or all too often not in your control......so.......be forewarned and approach with caution.

The long term expats on this website do not want to be listening to your tales of woe and despair 6 months or 1 year from now while most people do not like to be harsh and have to say: "Told you so"....or ...."You were forewarned"

Cheers

Actually, having read my fair share of the long term expats posts on here, id say thats exactly what they do want!!!

True enough..... while there are plenty of people that like to gloat while knowing other people are having self inflicted problems.

Part of human nature.

Cheers

[slipperylobster]

This is not rocket science.

She is entertaining several men while you should be entertaining several women at the same time.

She had a life before she met you..... so ...if she is attractive at all of course she has other men attracted to her besides you

No need to get serious about any particular girl in any big hurry because there are so many available Thai girls.

No need for you to commit anything to her and no need for her to commit anything to you.

Just enjoy yourself and let your relationship drift to the right or drift to the left and then, if need be, let the relationship fade away. ...and no hard feelings.

Sabai, Sabai.......Sanuk, Sanuk .......so do not ruin a good thing and turn all emotional while trying to read into her and or the situation too deeply.

There is too much chance for you to be dragged into "who knows what sort of drama will evolve" so ...just enjoy what you can while you are with her and just be on guard as it is prudent to be on guard no matter where you are and what ever circumstances you are experiencing with any women in any country....but more so here in Thailand as you are vulnerable and subjected to events and circumstances that are not of your making and or all too often not in your control......so.......be forewarned and approach with caution.

The long term expats on this website do not want to be listening to your tales of woe and despair 6 months or 1 year from now while most people do not like to be harsh and have to say: "Told you so"....or ...."You were forewarned"

Cheers

Actually, having read my fair share of the long term expats posts on here, id say thats exactly what they do want!!!

True enough..... while there are plenty of people that like to gloat while knowing other people are having self inflicted problems.

Part of human nature.

Cheers

I would like for him to prove us wrong...but chances are, if things turn out the way most of us have predicted, it is not likely he will apologize.

[The Deerhunter]

There are whole books in the bookshops (Asia Books, Bookazine on this subject. Several of them are by a guy who posts on this forum and writes under the name of "The Blether" Essentially there are a series of questions you need to ask your self about (1) you, (2) her & (3) the relationship. If you fail the tests dump her or you are in for a life of hurt. Play it carefully. She maybe all right but the indications so far are not encouraging. Massage parlours are a bit better than bars but the same warnings apply. You can get the girl out of the bar, but (probably never) get the bar out of the girl. After a period in these lifestyles they tend to get world-weary & more than a bit un-trustable. Not every bar or massage girl but the odds of you being the one in 100 to find a diamond in the muck heap are not encouraging. Tread carefully.

Edited April 18, 2015 by The Deerhunter

[laislica]

Dear OP, I read the first two pages and you have been given some very sound advice, and I apologise if someone else has covered these points, but please answer these questions as honeslty as you can, at least to yourself:

1. Reread Post #6: Have you downloaded Thailand Fever and Private Dancer and read them yet? I guess not?
2. At 24 just what Visa will you get to allow you to spend more than tourist time in Thailand?
3. Are you considering marriage?
4. Does your gf speak, read/write English well enough to pass the UK’s visa tests for her to accompany you back to the UK at some point?
5. Does she have sufficient knowledge to pass the UK knowledge test? Hey, most Brits would fail!
6. How do you propose to support yourself and her in Thailand?
7. Can you get a Work Permit?
8. How big is her family, Mums/Dads, Brothers/Sisters, Step Brothers/Step Sisters?
9. Where do the family live She will most probably want to live near them – is that OK you you long term?
10. Do you intend to learn to Read/Write and speak fluent Thai? If so, how/when, an ED visa and school fees?
11. How will you get about? Public transport is cheap but slow, have you seen the price for a car here?

OK, Options:

Rent or Buy?
It is infinitely cheaper to rent, if the rented item fails to please it is easier and cheaper to move on.
Buying is for life, not a short time. Support costs will include you helping her to take care of her family, parents and siblings.
She will need you to buy her Gold to show off to family and friends.
She will want to give Tamboon to the Temples – can be costly.
When you marry it is custom for the Groom to pay a dowry to her parents. Thai men get mortgages to do this! Read Thailand Fever.
You can never own land. It will likely all be in her name, should you displease her, she may tell you to go away and there will be nothing you can do about it. (Rember her big brothers/Uncles etc)

You have said that you are a shy young man with little self confidence so why not get on top of that problem?
Cut ties with her and get on with Your life!
Meet people, read self help books and get a grip.
Meet other ladies from different sources, eg, not bars or massage shops.
Try to chat up a girl at a Mall or shop.
Maybe at an office? To be sure you will need to at least be a proficient Thai speaker.

So, it seems that to settle in Thailand as a young man, learning Thai should be a high priority because if that doesn’t work out for you, maybe Thailand is not a place for you in the long term?

I guess that you have to return to the UK, so why not start to meet people there, at least language should not be a barrier. Did you try any online dating sites?

The best of luck with whatever you choose, but take off the rose tinted specs and take off the Holiday Head!

Read T F and P D, reading those two books prepared me for what I was getting into by tying up with a Thai lady.

Without that knowledge I would never have understood how different our two cultures are, I would have lost all my money and been another sad failed foreigner here.

If you want personal details, please send me a PM.
Cheers

[slipperylobster]

When I was growing up...the more people told me not to love the girl...the more I loved her.

That one turned out bad to...and she was a New York Telephone Operator...(I was 14)

she schooled me on how to do it, and she got pregnant (assumed it was mine). abortion...married another guy a year later

I will skip the rest of the story, except to say I am retired military living in asia.

You probably will go for her. good luck. Nobody learns the easy way..I never did.

[Monkeyrobot]

She does like you but that don't pay the bills , can you look after her financially ? if not she has little choice but to do what she is doing. As for Korea on average the make about 5000 U.S. P/M but as you said she is no suppose to work there.

[EmptyHead]

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Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

Yeah that's my problem, i'm getting very serious with it. I'm thinking about her a lot. finding it difficult to concentrate on my own life. Missing her a lot. I'm actually staying in her apartment right now as she let me stay there while she went to Korea. I was thinking of going to australia on a working holiday which might be better for me to take my mind off her a little bit.

Your obviously one of those young people that leads with his heart. I was much the same way at your age. I ended up with 3 wives over the years all ex's. Sometimes it is hard to let go and move on but it is something you should consider. I have had to do it numerous times. There are a lot of fine young ladies here but you cannot save them all. I have been with a young young girl now for 3 years now and laid it on the line at the very start and it has worked for me and her but then I am retired. Your 24 and just starting out in life and what you would do here in Thailand for a living must be considered. Map out a plan first. This girl looks like she is unsure of what she wants and is flighty to some degree. This can be a problem if a bigger fish comes along. The best of luck to you but do not let testosterone govern your life. Its a long hard road. Tread lightly.

You are so proud of yourself aren't you? Every chance you get you have to mention how young your girlfriend is, not matter what the thread is about.

As much as i am happy you managed to get a girl around 50 years younger than yourself, must we really have to hear about it from you every chance you get??

[EmptyHead]

She does like you but that don't pay the bills , can you look after her financially ? if not she has little choice but to do what she is doing. As for Korea on average the make about 5000 U.S. P/M but as you said she is no suppose to work there.

Well, she does have a choice actually. She could get a regular job. I understand, she doesn't want to work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, for just 7k a month when she could make 1-2k for an hour in Thailand and more in other countries.

[tomyumchai]

how are we supposed to give a view on a woman we have not met? give us her phone number and im sure a few members will pop over and sum her up for you....

[enufsaid]

Run Forest run, the nice girl in her is there for show. Put it this way, would you fall in love with a girl in your own country who worked in a massage shop? Me think not

[enufsaid]

Gemguy, I gave up reading after she went to Vietnam but read in another post she also goes to Korea, Comon wake up, Malaysia , Vietnam Korea, all places she goes to "work" bigger money than thailand . Are u really that stupid or are you just having us all on

[EmptyHead]

how are we supposed to give a view on a woman we have not met? give us her phone number and im sure a few members will pop over and sum her up for you....

Definitely the best way to find out.

Tell us where she works and what her name is and 10 of us will go over there on the hour after hour on the same day for oilys and see what the score really is.

It'll save years of wondering and eventually heartbreak.

Though, i fear i can't participate since she almost certainly doesn't live in the crappy little town where i live. Sigh.

Edited April 18, 2015 by EmptyHead

[louse1953]

"Anyway to get to the major point of my post and the advice i'm looking for. I want to know am I being an idiot for pursuing this girl? "

YES

Advice comes from an old fart that has seen a lot of crying and promising from women through his life.

Ignore her, find another one.

We all make mistakes Costas and lie as well,and yes people can change.The girl wanted to keep her options open and didnt want to hurt the Op's feelings.I say give her a chance,but staying together is best.Long distance relationships are hard work.

[SunsetT]

Can someone give me advice on falling for a Thai girl?

Stand up quickly before she can kick you in the gonads............................... !

[laislica]

how are we supposed to give a view on a woman we have not met? give us her phone number and im sure a few members will pop over and sum her up for you....

Definitely the best way to find out.

Tell us where she works and what her name is and 10 of us will go over there on the same day for oilys and see what the score is.

It'll save years of wondering and eventually heartbreak.

Though, i fear i can't participate since she almost certainly doesn't live in the crappy little town where i live. Sigh.

Perhaps you missed the post where the OP said that she is now working in Korea?

But who am I to jump to conclusions, maybe you would also like the trip to Korea too?