Am I on the way to ruining my life?....... or am I on the way to bliss?

[Tony125]

OUTOFBALANCE You wrote : "What is it with Thai woman (and Thailand) that makes such an impression and somehow entices you to upend your current lifestyle and values?"

" I have had more “love and affection and caring” show to me by her in the few spread- out weeks spent together with her over the past 2 years than I have had in many years during the latter part of my 23 years of marriage. "

Your second quote answers your first question. When I came over to Thailand on a vacation with friends (all single ) 15 years ago we all thought we had died and gone to heaven. The warm weather hot girls , low prices , good food ,nice beaches and friendly , caring , adoring women who treated us better than those at home. This is one of the main attractions that Thailand has that draws guys from USA, Britain and around the world to leave their homelands and come to stay in Thailand. But many/most have found that that sweet loving nature is shown by most Thai women especially if they are trying to snag a man. Seems you have just met this one Thai woman and she has blown your mind on how more caring , sweet, and lovely she is and how better treated you are by her than any women in your home country.

Believe me you need to date a few and you will find that even bar girls ( though they may not be your cup of tea) treat their customers that way and is a reason that many TV posters and others are married to them. How many guys in USA , Britain ect go down to local bar and say wow this hooker is pretty , warm and loving I think I'll marry her. Not to many but happens here all the time. Thai women can be extremely captivating wether bar girl or regular girl and will treat you better than most girls at home ---don't fall for it.

[MaeJoMTB]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

Ever visited Sala Cafe in Mae Rim?

It's raking in $$$$$$$$$

[Kenny202]

Would be the only cafe I ever seen here do any good. Most I go to ask me if I want buy their business

[green job]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

Ever visited Sala Cafe in Mae Rim?

It's raking in $$$$$$$$$

No but they were offering a well paid job near there las week. For a farang,

[mercman24]

wow 160 postings, this post only warrants one reply, -- now what is the opposite of yes. ?? two letters, begining with

N and ending in O

[green job]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

Ever visited Sala Cafe in Mae Rim?

It's raking in $$$$$$$$$

No but they were offering a well paid job near there las week. For a farang,

The job was removing verginal hair, I did not bother to apply Queue stretched all the way to the airport

[Kenny202]

At least the spelling is always entertaining :-)

[Guest]

wow 160 postings, this post only warrants one reply, -- now what is the opposite of yes. ?? two letters, begining with

N and ending in O

Score another one for the ever observant Thai Visa Wise Guy Department.

So the answer to a two part question is "NO"

Sweet or sour? "NO"

Ice or no ice? "NO"

Left of right? "NO"

Up or down? "NO"

Am I on the way to ruining my life?....... or am I on the way to bliss? "NO"

[sipi]

I would take a deep breath and pull back.

But up to you...

[Sayonarax]

Emailing this thread to Gordon Ramsey. Maybe we will see a whole season on farangs trying to run restaurant with zero skills.

[green job]

At least the spelling is always entertaining :-)

Yes I should of written cxxt But saved that for you

[LuckyLew]

RED FLAG

RED FLAG

RED FLAG

Do you know anything about the restaurant business you will be financing? most go broke and close

Does she know anything about it? most go broke and close

You are paying for her to run a business that you will have no control over it

If you can afford t he financial loses then by all means go ahead

Just my opinion but she has reeled you in hook line and sinker ....

I bet you told her you will stay and work in the west for another 5 years

and she will be living the good life on your dime for three of them

RED FLAG

RED FLAG

RED FLAG

[Kenny202]

At least the spelling is always entertaining :-)

Yes I should of written cxxt But saved that for you

Haha. Touché :-)

[green job]

At least the spelling is always entertaining :-)

Yes I should of written cxxt But saved that for you

Haha. Touché :-)

[GOLDBUGGY]

Sorry Mate, but the way you are headed now, and your thinking, you are well on the way to ruining your life. But this doesn't mean it can't be savaged, even if it will change.

Here are some obvious Pitfalls with your present plan.

You are still married!

Don't feel too bad about this fact. About 95% of the Middle Aged Men walking the streets of Pattaya at night, with a Cute Bar Girl under there arm are all probably married to. But only a small minority will go back home and divorce their wives, and come back to Thailand to be with their new Cuttie Pie. The majority will go back home to their boring wives and their work.

So quite frankly, before you should start something new, you need to get rid of something old first. Like your present wife.It may not be as easy as you think.

You think that you can quietly sit their with your present wife, for 5 to 7 more years, and keep this secret, and be able to do this when the woman you want to be with is far away.Or keep quiet when you are having an argument with your wife and she tells you that no other woman would want you or take you. No Chance! You need to shorten this time span by about 5 to 7 years. If you can't? Forget about it! Enjoy your holiday with her.

You are planning to give money to a woman you hardly know, even though you consider her your Girl Friend. My Mom used to say that you never really know a Man until you have to wash his dirty underwear. Mom wasn't very poetic, but you understood her meaning. So before you start investing in a business, which may turn into big money, or in her and your future together, you need to live with her first and discover all the ins and outs. Maybe that 21 year old lazy no good son, who comes to live with you, isn't to your liking. But one thing is for sure! Her being Thai, and that being her son, she could never turn him away. No matter what!

You may think your Thai Girl Friend's intention are good. That may be so! But you don't really know that as you don't live with her nor ever did. There could be 4 or 5 guys like yourself, that she has on a string, who all plan to do the same thing. Many Bar Girls do that all the time.Now I don't want to accuse anyone of this, when I don't know them. All that I am trying to say really is that even though her intentions may be good now, it doesn't mean they will always stay the same in 5 or 7 years, and when you are ready to gain the fruits of you investment.

That's say you stick with your present plan and decide to go ahead with it. Here are some possibilities that could happen which you may not be made aware off. You send her money monthly for 5 years and get this business started and to keep her and her son out of the poor house. It cost a lot more than you or her figured, as this broke down, or that, and something you never thought of at first you discover you need. Lie a New Truck to haul supplies. But what the Hell! This is for you future as well as hers.

To keep things going she swears she is faithful and loves and misses you so much. Sh doesn't need to know much English to type to you as one of those Bar Girl Internet Cafe's have professionals that can translate from Thai to English, and know what to say. To keep your Dream alive she also sends pictures of the Cafe, with her and her son working it. How great the day will be when you can finally hang up your hat, divorce your wife, and join her.

The day finally comes sooner and you decide to surprise her with this great news. You go to her house knock on the door and her Thai Husband answers it. Or worst yet her Farang Husband and wonders who the hell you are and what do you want. Not Possible? If there is one thing that perhaps Thailand leads over everyone else, it is in Broken Dreams. You just to need to read over the Pattaya High Divers Club to understand this.

What is it that Thai Women have that is so appealing to men like you. It is how to treat a man! Which is what most Western Woman don't know how to do, but should.

Nobody should tell you not to go through with this. This is up to you. But only that you should tread lightly. Very Lightly.

[outofbalance]

_Ok

_{Thanks for all the good advice, many people have gone to a lot of trouble and I am grateful and humbled by that.}

_{I have done quite well up to now in terms of saving and investing for retirement. I don’t intend to squander it all away so I will be very careful.}

_{“Arunsakda” you suggested to “get a hobby”. That is something that I know I have to do.}

_{The restaurant /café was my plan of a hobby. Working (managing, helping with cooking, cleaning, baking and so on) in the café/ restaurant was my idea of my “retirement hobby” .So if that can work out somehow in terms of “being allowed to work” then that would be ideal for me.}

_{If the venture fails well that is fine it is not like I am going to invest my life’s savings in that.}

_{If everything else in Thailand if fantastic but the café idea does not work then I shall just have to find another hobby.}

_{“steven100” Thanks for you for input and (like some other posts) also excellent and insightful views. I hope one day I will be able to spend several years in Thailand and it will be with the attitude that I will do the best to make a success and have a great time, but if it does not work out then so be it. These are life’s experiences.}

[outofbalance]

“GOLDBUGGY” your points are noted

I do want to escape the boring life that I lead now, but I realise that this boring life provides a great income that I still need for probably the next 4-10 years (or maybe not maybe I should just bite the bullet and call it all quits right now- I might just be able to afford it).

To mention again I never intended to send more money than I can afford to lose. So me paying off the house for her is out of the question. She knows that.

At the present time she is paying for her son’s education he is in his second year of a commerce degree at Chiang Mai University. To help he works as a “barista” in coffee shop, and has another part time job. She has supported him and herself for the past 20 odd years.

She also gives some money to her parents.

She has a post graduate Chiang Mia University education.

I have never been asked to contribute any money for his education or to her parents. In fact I have never been asked to give her any money at all.

I know that I should spend time living together before making any commitment, and that was my plan as mentioned in my post.

I also feel that I should spend quite a long time at a Thai language school.

And as you suggest I will tread very lightly.

[Kenny202]

Mate don't get caught up in all this crap. You seem well aware of the pitfalls and heard all the stories. She sounds pretty good to me and if you let this stuff eat into your brain you may lose the best thing that ever happened to you. I live in isaan in the country where most have never been near a bar and are good honest women any man wud be lucky to have. There are some that I wouldn't go near either but no different to back home. Let your common sense be the judge and there is no reason to be anymore wary of her than you would a woman in Ur own country. An educated Thai with a government job is a million miles away from the girls these guys are talking about. Sure million others here too if it doesn't work out but you want this lady. I cudnt replace my girl with a thousand other women.

Life is too short my friend. If you can afford it finish things up at home and start Ur new life with an exit strategy and finances in place shud things not go as expected. Best of luck :-)

[outofbalance]

Thanks Kenny 202!

[lostoday]

Dear OP. What have you learned? Will you change any of your plans that you had before you posted?

I could be wrong but it seems you were looking for people to agree with you and will carry on doing exactly what you had planned in the first place.

Am I wrong? Have you changed your mind about anything? If so what?

Edited May 25, 2015 by lostoday

[F4UCorsair]

Here are three general rules for you to follow as a minimum. Never fight a Thai. Never purchase a home to be registered in a woman name. Do not open a business. The idea of a garden cafe succeeding is ridiculous. Opened by novices, in Chiang Mai of all places overflowing with all types of cafes and bakeries already. If you want "something to do" get a hobby, Once over here you will have plenty of time on your hands anyway.

Ever visited Sala Cafe in Mae Rim?

It's raking in $$$$$$$$$

Buy a business/cafe and you could make a small fortune.

How do you make small fortune out of a cafe/food business?

Start with a large fortune.