She Went Stateside

[Gonsalviz]

What to do about this?

I obtained a green card for her. She said she wanted to work there for a while to send the girls to school.

Next I know, she has bought the shop, gotten her aunt over there to work and is now working on permanent residence for the 2 girls. There was no previous discussion about any of this. They are her girls from her previous marriage but I am very close to them. The only reason I built the house was for us to retire.

She has now been working stateside for 3 years. The last time she came to Thailand, I think she actually spent 3 days in the house out of a month.

I have a house on her property. I came here to retire but I became a house slave, repairs and such. It's a lot of work to keep it up and the only help I can get are local villagers that would have a hard time making a living growing rice. This creates more work for me as I have to repair every thing they do. The last project I've had to repair 3 times. What a retirement.

I have told her I am moving out and will not make or pay for anymore maintenance on the house. I have a 'friend' that I share a small house for 2000 Baht a month. Leaves me a lot of spare cash to tour now.

In her defense, she did support me for a few months until I could draw on my own retirement.

[benalibina]

Ahhh well.......youre free again.

Best of luck.

[ALFREDO]

Would it not be possible that you stay with her in the States?

[Gonsalviz]

Would it not be possible that you stay with her in the States?

Not Ever.

[NickJ]

If , at the end stage of her plan. Will she decide to divorce and get half of everything you own in the States? I hope not.

[Gonsalviz]

If , at the end stage of her plan. Will she decide to divorce and get half of everything you own in the States? I hope not.

I she can have half as I don't own anything there.

[55Jay]

Big age gap between you (retirement) and her?

[NickJ]

Well.....look on the bright side, it's pretty much all you can do......She is fighting for the ever elusive American Dream.....

[Langsuan Man]

What to do about this............

Absolutely nothing

edit: other than change your avatar

[theonetrueaussie]

you gave her everything she wanted...unfortunately i don't think you were something she wanted but just a stepping stone...

[pitchag]

There is an old Victorian saying for keeping women in line," keep them bare foot and pregnant"

[chiang mai]

If any aspect of her green card application was fraudulent it could be revoked, similarly, green cards tend to have conditions and reviews built in, something perhaps to be aware of.

[NanLaew]

I feel for the OP since he has understandably grown close to the girls in the absence of their mum. However, she is probably already married to, or deeply involved with some other guy in the US so pulling the plug on house maintenance in Thailand and fleeing the coop isn't going to bother her too much. Bear in mind they are her kids and they are almost certainly likely to go with her if/when it comes to the crunch.

If you feel like divorcing to save what little you have, you would need to consider where you were married. If in the US, you would have to go back and face all what that entails but much easier here. All you need to do is 'disappear' for while, ensuring all contacts are broken and then sue for a local divorce on grounds of separation. When was the last time you physically met or heard from her? You may be able to kick-start the divorce proceedings today.

[Gonsalviz]

I feel for the OP since he has understandably grown close to the girls in the absence of their mum. However, she is probably already married to, or deeply involved with some other guy in the US so pulling the plug on house maintenance in Thailand and fleeing the coop isn't going to bother her too much. Bear in mind they are her kids and they are almost certainly likely to go with her if/when it comes to the crunch.

If you feel like divorcing to save what little you have, you would need to consider where you were married. If in the US, you would have to go back and face all what that entails but much easier here. All you need to do is 'disappear' for while, ensuring all contacts are broken and then sue for a local divorce on grounds of separation. When was the last time you physically met or heard from her? You may be able to kick-start the divorce proceedings today.

Maybe she is aware of the rules. She comes to Thailand slightly more than once a year. She just drops in. Sex has been eliminated by her. I am hoping that since she does not know where I am, visits will be eliminated. She calls once in a while.

[EmptyHead]

Good for her and good for her girls. They will have a better future.

As for you? When life gives you lemons, make a lot of lemonade.

She has basically broken up with you (and in incredible style). Maybe the reason is because she wanted a better future for her girls over "stateside" and you didn't care enough about that. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but maybe now she is considering your feelings as much as you considered hers. You say there was no discussion about it. Is that entirely true, or do you mean when she mentioned it, you didn't want to discuss it?

The no sex thing may indicate that she is being faithful to a new partner "stateside". After 3 years, it would be surprising if she hadn't met anyone else.

There is nothing for you to do but be happy for her and the girls (stop being selfish), change you avatar, and start enjoying your retirement. Forget about the house for heavens sake.

[Thongkorn]

Good for her and good for her girls. They will have a better future.

As for you? When life gives you lemons, make a lot of lemonade.

She has basically broken up with you (and in incredible style). Maybe the reason is because she wanted a better future for her girls over "stateside" and you didn't care enough about that. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but maybe now she is considering your feelings as much as you considered hers. You say there was no discussion about it. Is that entirely true, or do you mean when she mentioned it, you didn't want to discuss it?

The no sex thing may indicate that she is being faithful to a new partner "stateside". After 3 years, it would be surprising if she hadn't met anyone else.

There is nothing for you to do but be happy for her and the girls (stop being selfish), change you avatar, and start enjoying your retirement. Forget about the house for heavens sake.

If this case was unique i would agree with you, But this is a typical ploy by SOME Thai women dont you think , so how can you blame this guy.

[Gonsalviz]

Good for her and good for her girls. They will have a better future.

As for you? When life gives you lemons, make a lot of lemonade.

She has basically broken up with you (and in incredible style). Maybe the reason is because she wanted a better future for her girls over "stateside" and you didn't care enough about that. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but maybe now she is considering your feelings as much as you considered hers. You say there was no discussion about it. Is that entirely true, or do you mean when she mentioned it, you didn't want to discuss it?

The no sex thing may indicate that she is being faithful to a new partner "stateside". After 3 years, it would be surprising if she hadn't met anyone else.

There is nothing for you to do but be happy for her and the girls (stop being selfish), change you avatar, and start enjoying your retirement. Forget about the house for heavens sake.

Not being selfish at all. I gave her the house. It is for the girls. I doubt she has another partner. I think it is just her style to be alone.

Lemonade is being made right now. Sweet lemonade.

[retiredusn]

She probably owns the Thai house as well.

[Paul944]

Look at the bright sides. She is self supporting. You have a place to stay that costs you almost nothing. You are free in whatever you want to do. Just do not <deleted> around in the neighborhood. If you get bored just go the big city or to sin city. Don't blame her she want a quality life for herself and her kids.

[whatproblem]

If you built / paid for house in Thailand you can dismantle it

[Suradit69]

There is an old Victorian saying for keeping women in line," keep them bare foot and pregnant"

A bit of historical revisionism ...

The phrase "barefoot and pregnant" seems to have been introduced in the early twentieth century by Arthur E. Hertzler, the Horse-and-Buggy Doctor' from Kansas: “'The only way to keep a woman happy,' he said, 'is to keep her barefoot and pregnant.'” By mid-century, the phrase had passed into common parlance, so that an article from 1949 states, "By early 1949, TWA was—in the words of its new president, Ralph S. Damon—both 'barefoot and pregnant.'"

The variation "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" has been associated with the phrase "Kinder, Küche, Kirche" (translated "children, kitchen, church"), used under the German Empire to describe a woman's role in society.

A comparable phrase, "Good Wife, Wise Mother", emerged in the 1870s in Meiji Japan, and was used as a means of restricting female access to the public realm there, before spreading more widely in East Asian culture.

[jacko45k]

Sounds best you turn your back on this.

Appears like she used you, but at least she is ambitious and likely you need not worry for the girls' futures.

Get on with your retirement!

[Suradit69]

Good for her and good for her girls. They will have a better future.

As for you? When life gives you lemons, make a lot of lemonade.

She has basically broken up with you (and in incredible style). Maybe the reason is because she wanted a better future for her girls over "stateside" and you didn't care enough about that. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but maybe now she is considering your feelings as much as you considered hers. You say there was no discussion about it. Is that entirely true, or do you mean when she mentioned it, you didn't want to discuss it?

The no sex thing may indicate that she is being faithful to a new partner "stateside". After 3 years, it would be surprising if she hadn't met anyone else.

There is nothing for you to do but be happy for her and the girls (stop being selfish), change you avatar, and start enjoying your retirement. Forget about the house for heavens sake.

If this case was unique i would agree with you, But this is a typical ploy by SOME Thai women dont you think , so how can you blame this guy.

"But this is a typical ploy by SOME Thai women dont you think , so how can you blame this guy."

Possibly one needs to consider at what point the "ploy" begins. I doubt that a significant SOME Thai women board airplanes to the west to snare husbands that they cart off back to Thailand. Typically the farang has some dream of palm trees and sex that is more imagination than realistic and he flies off to DisneyLand ... I mean to Thailand ... to find what has eluded him his entire life. For some it turns out almost as they imagined. For others, it's just another episode in their soap-opera-like lives.

[asdecas]

I'm mystified - where's the beef?

Or is this just an info-post to let us know how you found your freedom?

[puyaidon]

I had the same type of situation. I ended up getting a lawyer who deals with foreigners and obtained a divorce based on abandonment. I understand the time of abandonment is now three years whereas I was without a spouse for ten years. Cost me 40K and 45 minutes in court. If the children are yours legally, that might complicate things. Only way to find out is to get with a lawyer recommended by friends or close contacts. Good luck.

[rucus7]

Just curious . . since you obtained her U.S. visa, you guaranteed her financially. I hope you understand that divorce does relieve you of that guarantee. The only release from that guarantee, is if she becomes a U.S. citizen or your death.

[TheKnave]

Good for her and good for her girls. They will have a better future.

As for you? When life gives you lemons, make a lot of lemonade.

She has basically broken up with you (and in incredible style). Maybe the reason is because she wanted a better future for her girls over "stateside" and you didn't care enough about that. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but maybe now she is considering your feelings as much as you considered hers. You say there was no discussion about it. Is that entirely true, or do you mean when she mentioned it, you didn't want to discuss it?

The no sex thing may indicate that she is being faithful to a new partner "stateside". After 3 years, it would be surprising if she hadn't met anyone else.

There is nothing for you to do but be happy for her and the girls (stop being selfish), change you avatar, and start enjoying your retirement. Forget about the house for heavens sake.

If this case was unique i would agree with you, But this is a typical ploy by SOME Thai women dont you think , so how can you blame this guy.

"But this is a typical ploy by SOME Thai women dont you think , so how can you blame this guy."

Possibly one needs to consider at what point the "ploy" begins. I doubt that a significant SOME Thai women board airplanes to the west to snare husbands that they cart off back to Thailand. Typically the farang has some dream of palm trees and sex that is more imagination than realistic and he flies off to DisneyLand ... I mean to Thailand ... to find what has eluded him his entire life. For some it turns out almost as they imagined. For others, it's just another episode in their soap-opera-like lives.

Opinion, straight from the fundament, with the appropriate odor.

[Time Traveller]

You stated she said she wanted to work in the states for a while to pay for her kids. And she is doing exactly what she said she would. Now you're complaining?

Dude, it's you that is the problem.

Your wife is an excellent role model. Working. Trying to give her children a better life in the US.

While it sounds to readers here you would just prefer to sit around doing nothing in Thailand. Let me ask, is your "friend" that you share a house with male or female? If you cared about your wife you would be living with her especially since she supported you previously.

It seems you just want someone here to agree with you to justify your actions. I'm guessing your wife would be better off to kick you to the curb and take the house.

[kinmaew]

The Elusive American (Farang) dream I thought they were so proud of their country? why dont they have a dream for Thailand? where is that?

[BuriRamHome]

There is an old Victorian saying for keeping women in line," keep them bare foot and pregnant"

I think the full sentence should be:

"Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen"

The MCP's mantra !