Relationships in Thailand

[TuskegeeBen]

I agree with Village Farang and JL too - speaking thai language helps - but as VF said, things change and develop - we too have a nice balance of independence and can accept that we both don't always have the same interests. We do things together, function as a family together, but i get plenty of alone time and the peace and quiet I need.

We do not discuss our relationship - [sounds like a fight in the western World] we just have one. I think living in the village gives my wife lots of security and plenty of time to be with her large family. Sometimes we hang out together, sometimes don't see each other all day… we both have phones if anything comes up.

There are cultural differences. I find it interesting more than a detriment. Often a learning experience for me as in general, the middle class people in my home country don't seem half as happy as the poor people here.

I see people here criticize Thai people, Thai culture and then they seem to have problems with their wives too. It seems particularly odd as we are guests in their country - and it also seems that people who take the time to learn some of the traditional customs and language seem to get along better too.

Yes speaking Thai is a definite plus but alas at 77 I am to old to learn. On the flip side my 26 year old g/f is eager to improve her English which I try to improve daily. That she speaks so good English fascinates all the foreigners in our condo and her parents. I have told her after I am gone do a stint in Korea like her brother is doing and so many other Thai's do. Wages are good(she will not need the money but every little bit helps), your exposed to another language and culture. At her age the world is her oyster but the clock is ticking on this.

Good show, for the both of you. At least your Thaimate is mature, beyond the norm. She has seized the opportunity with you, and, has taken her own pro-active initiative, to expand her personal horizons. Indeed, a rare phenomenon in the LOS

Edited November 5, 2015 by TuskegeeBen

[rogeroc]

theonetrueaussie

"I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!"

I really can see where you are coming from and also that there is some financial motivation in your thought processes. If you are not very, very careful with your choices in the West (whilst it may be OK for a few years) there is statistically a high probability that it will go horribly wrong. Only then will you discover the true cost of a Western relationship.

[smotherb]

An above post suggested that, for a desirable relationship, at least for him, a Thailady should have a basic wording knowledge of English. Mine doesn't. There is a big age difference and, when we are out in public others might might assume what is generally assumed until they hear that all our conversation and banter is in Thai. So what's generally assumed ain't what's going down.

Perhaps the poster wanted his woman to speak English because he speaks little Thai. However, even if you speak Thai, having a spouse who understands English is a benefit--if nothing more than being able to speak to your family and friends and help your kids learn English. Also, other than believing you have been here a long time, I do not see how your banter in Thai changes the opinion of your relationship with your wife for those who do not know you.

[JLCrab]

An above post suggested that, for a desirable relationship, at least for him, a Thailady should have a basic wording knowledge of English. Mine doesn't. There is a big age difference and, when we are out in public others might might assume what is generally assumed until they hear that all our conversation and banter is in Thai. So what's generally assumed ain't what's going down.

Perhaps the poster wanted his woman to speak English because he speaks little Thai. However, even if you speak Thai, having a spouse who understands English is a benefit--if nothing more than being able to speak to your family and friends and help your kids learn English. Also, other than believing you have been here a long time, I do not see how your banter in Thai changes the opinion of your relationship with your wife for those who do not know you.

As I said, at least for him. She does not know my friends or family. We are not married There are no kids. Most of the relationships between an older farang and a young Thai female to which on here and elsewhere are often referred in disparaging terms would not have 2 persons speaking exclusively in Thai -- it would more likely indicate that we have been together for a long time and did not just meet last week.

[chicowoodduck]

I like the idea of a coin operated relationship....????

[pgrahmm]

Ah ha -↑↑↑↑ the original slot machines

[Crazy chef 1]

Nope I won't comment as I would like... Don't wanna get banned...

[SoiBiker]

Hardly seems any point posting at all, then.

You don't have an opinion on the subject you can share?

[micmichd]

I am an orphan, and I used to be what they call a butterfly in Thailand.

I hopped from pussy to pussy in Thailand, until one night I met a waitress from a neighbouring bar. A hippie girl, with many connections to Europe. She told me a sad story about what it's like for an Issan young mother without a husband.

I came to know her family and her roots. Being an orphan and looking for a community as a pensioner, I thought that would be a perfect relationship if I stay with that girl. Against all odds, it worked. She changed a bit, I changed a bit. We're still a hippiesque couple, and we have many friends - Thais and Farangs. We don't stick too close together, sometimes we even fight in public, but that's just for fun. We have our parts in Thai society.

We might not have been looking for each other, but we found each other. And this lady is absolutely sexy, but not a toy to show around.

[theonetrueaussie]

theonetrueaussie

"I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!"

I really can see where you are coming from and also that there is some financial motivation in your thought processes. If you are not very, very careful with your choices in the West (whilst it may be OK for a few years) there is statistically a high probability that it will go horribly wrong. Only then will you discover the true cost of a Western relationship.

oh I agree I doubt I would ever get married in a western country but Korea, Japan etc they still love westerners but you get an educated woman with a good job who earns good money.

For those that always assume westerners have problems because they only date bar girls or poor girls when I lived in thailand I dated 3 different girls all educated and all earning 30k-100k month, While western women may have some baggage thai girls came with an enormous amount, They have massive trust issues and get extremely jealous of any other female you hang around with. Even though they earnt a lot of money when I met their family's it was like you could see the $$ signs in their eyes when they met me and it never took long before the "help me please" started coming from them lol.

It really depends on what you are looking for in a relationship, Love in thailand means money and security and alot of my female thai friends are not even attracted to their partner in the slightest but they are taken care of and that is all they want.

[eldragon]

I've never met any westerners here that I really connected with and felt attracted to, so I won't comment on them. I've met some very nice, attractive girls from elsewhere in SE Asia, but none of them were single, so I can't comment on dating them either. Although, they seem far more like us in their way of thinking and less likely to cheat than Thai girls are. It seems easier to form a connection with them too, probably b/c we're both foreigners here.

I've found it very difficult to find a legit connection with Thai girls. To me, many of em seem immature by western standards. Often times they don't like to have detailed conversations about serious or sophisticated matters. In fact, many times I feel like they don't know what to say to me at all. They're not curious about my life or my problems and usually talk about themselves all the time. Sometimes I feel like they see me as a father figure or therapist and just want me to tell em everything is going to be okay. Also, I find many of em are not as single as they say they are. Or they expect you to accept that they've got something else going on whilst dating and falling in love with you.

All that being said, I find Thai girls to be very kind and caring. And I believe there are loads of good ones out there. But it seems like the good ones are not interested in foreigners. Or that's how they come across. A lot of em seem embarrassed to be seen with white guys, likely for fear that others will think they're a prostitute, or at least gossip about them. That sentiment seems to be getting worse by the day too. I get a bad vibe from middle and upper class Thais lately. And I see less guys my age with attractive Thai girls. I know part of the problem is me. I've been here too long and I know too much about Thailand. I'm paranoid. But I think there's some truth to those things too.

I would say if one wants to give themselves a good chance at meeting a decent Thai girl, they should learn enough Thai to take care of themselves and make some Thai friends. Thai girls seem more comfortable around white guys once they realize you're not a total idiot and their peers approve of you. Also, if you want a serious relationship, you should be serious about living in Thailand.

[brewsterbudgen]

Thailand has been great for me. In a lovely 5 year relationship with a girl half my age (not Thai) and have a son of 8 months. It wouldn't have happened at home!

[MaeJoMTB]

I've found it very difficult to find a legit connection with Thai girls. To me, many of em seem immature by western standards. Often times they don't like to have detailed conversations about serious or sophisticated matters. In fact, many times I feel like they don't know what to say to me at all. They're not curious about my life or my problems and usually talk about themselves all the time. Sometimes I feel like they see me as a father figure or therapist and just want me to tell em everything is going to be okay. Also, I find many of em are not as single as they say they are. Or they expect you to accept that they've got something else going on whilst dating and falling in love with you.

That's because they see it as a commercial operation.

When the product is out on the market stall, any potential purchaser can give the fruit a squeeze.

[micmichd]

The fruit might bite

[SoiBiker]

I like the idea of a coin operated relationship....????

Surely these days you'd swipe your credit card instead?

[MaeJoMTB]

I like the idea of a coin operated relationship....????

Surely these days you'd swipe your credit card instead?

Thai retailers don't like customers with credit or debit cards, they want cash!

Edited November 5, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[SoiBiker]

I like the idea of a coin operated relationship....????

Surely these days you'd swipe your credit card instead?

Thai retailers don't like customers with credit or debit cards, they want cash!

So I can't just tap them with my Rabbit card?

[MaeJoMTB]

I like the idea of a coin operated relationship....????

Surely these days you'd swipe your credit card instead?

Thai retailers don't like customers with credit or debit cards, they want cash!

So I can't just tap them with my Rabbit card?

Rabbit isn't a credit card (or debit card), you specified credit card.

[micmichd]

Someone should invent something to solve the card / cash problem

[micmichd]

Someone should invent something to solve the card / cash problem

[eldragon]

Quite a few Thai woman I have met have a 'father fixation', which can explain why they want an older man who they can respect and who can control them.

Their family situation often has one or more of the following elements. Her father died when she was young. She feels he really loved her and she misses him. She has a brother who she thinks her mother and family loves best. She always felt unloved by her mother and that the son(s) got the best of everything (this seems to be a Thai thing). She feels that her mother only tolerates her and expects money from her. Her mother is too busy with her new boyfriend to pay much attention to her.

Subconciously, she will be attracted to an older man to replace her father. And it often works both ways, She gets the father figure and love that has been missing in her life and he gets youth and energy to make him feel needed and more alive. There's nothing wrong with this relationship trade-off in my mind?

And what about the older men that date those girls?

[kannot]

What a strange response.

A variety of opinions was what I was hoping for. As far as I can gather from your somewhat confusing post, you seem to have rather misunderstood the question.

Strange? Confusing? OK, Sorry you feel that way. Perhaps we just don't communicate from the same English language platform. I was of the impression that your question was academic. Thus my reply. My mistake! Cheers

10 people liked your response so ten of us also dont understand........maybe the question should have been arent al Thai women lovely, the answer is YES dont answer NO...................what you need my friend is "attitude adjustment"

[mpyre]

I don't know about others, but I've always found Asian ladies (black hair, smaller, darker) much prettier than Europeans (blonde, bigger, paler). I've always liked Asian attitudes and approaches to life. I know I am only generalising, but, for me, that is part of the attraction in Thai relationships.

Positives in relationships over here include Thai woman being very nurturing, loving and wanting to look after their man. A loving woman will fiercely protect your face against gossip and innuendo. She will respect your decisions for better or worse, and will not complain. Negatives can include unreasonable jealousy, inability to plan for the future, an inward looking view and personal vanity. It is sometimes like living with a teenager. The 'living in the moment' and enthusiasm for life can be so infectious, while the periodic tantrums can be a little tedious. In any case, a relationship with a Thai woman is never going to be boring.

Amen!

[eldragon]

theonetrueaussie

"I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!"

I really can see where you are coming from and also that there is some financial motivation in your thought processes. If you are not very, very careful with your choices in the West (whilst it may be OK for a few years) there is statistically a high probability that it will go horribly wrong. Only then will you discover the true cost of a Western relationship.

oh I agree I doubt I would ever get married in a western country but Korea, Japan etc they still love westerners but you get an educated woman with a good job who earns good money.

For those that always assume westerners have problems because they only date bar girls or poor girls when I lived in thailand I dated 3 different girls all educated and all earning 30k-100k month, While western women may have some baggage thai girls came with an enormous amount, They have massive trust issues and get extremely jealous of any other female you hang around with. Even though they earnt a lot of money when I met their family's it was like you could see the $$ signs in their eyes when they met me and it never took long before the "help me please" started coming from them lol.

It really depends on what you are looking for in a relationship, Love in thailand means money and security and alot of my female thai friends are not even attracted to their partner in the slightest but they are taken care of and that is all they want.

I'd also say income is not a great indicator of character among Thai women. Been out with plenty of businesswomen and Phd candidates that played the same games. Had a bf, fiancé, etc. but didn't love him.

I wouldn't judge their families too hard though. Well-to-do people the world over want a breadwinner for their daughter, whether she makes any or not. A Thai guy that makes 100K+ per month is not gonna allow his daughter to marry on English teacher on 35K.

[eldragon]

An above post suggested that, for a desirable relationship, at least for him, a Thailady should have a basic wording knowledge of English. Mine doesn't. There is a big age difference and, when we are out in public others might might assume what is generally assumed until they hear that all our conversation and banter is in Thai. So what's generally assumed ain't what's going down.

Perhaps the poster wanted his woman to speak English because he speaks little Thai. However, even if you speak Thai, having a spouse who understands English is a benefit--if nothing more than being able to speak to your family and friends and help your kids learn English. Also, other than believing you have been here a long time, I do not see how your banter in Thai changes the opinion of your relationship with your wife for those who do not know you.

I used to downplay the importance of having a Thai girl that spoke passable English. But when you consider the opportunities and lifetime they've all had to acquire a working knowledge of the language, the ones that don't start to seem pretty dense.

[eldragon]

I've never met any westerners here that I really connected with and felt attracted to, so I won't comment on them. I've met some very nice, attractive girls from elsewhere in SE Asia, but none of them were single, so I can't comment on dating them either. Although, they seem far more like us in their way of thinking and less likely to cheat than Thai girls are. It seems easier to form a connection with them too, probably b/c we're both foreigners here.

I've found it very difficult to find a legit connection with Thai girls. To me, many of em seem immature by western standards. Often times they don't like to have detailed conversations about serious or sophisticated matters. In fact, many times I feel like they don't know what to say to me at all. They're not curious about my life or my problems and usually talk about themselves all the time. Sometimes I feel like they see me as a father figure or therapist and just want me to tell em everything is going to be okay. Also, I find many of em are not as single as they say they are. Or they expect you to accept that they've got something else going on whilst dating and falling in love with you.

All that being said, I find Thai girls to be very kind and caring. And I believe there are loads of good ones out there. But it seems like the good ones are not interested in foreigners. Or that's how they come across. A lot of em seem embarrassed to be seen with white guys, likely for fear that others will think they're a prostitute, or at least gossip about them. That sentiment seems to be getting worse by the day too. I get a bad vibe from middle and upper class Thais lately. And I see less guys my age with attractive Thai girls. I know part of the problem is me. I've been here too long and I know too much about Thailand. I'm paranoid. But I think there's some truth to those things too.

I would say if one wants to give themselves a good chance at meeting a decent Thai girl, they should learn enough Thai to take care of themselves and make some Thai friends. Thai girls seem more comfortable around white guys once they realize you're not a total idiot and their peers approve of you. Also, if you want a serious relationship, you should be serious about living in Thailand.

I should add to this: I've dated some really nice Thai girls here that I connected with, but they were all too short or otherwise not to my spec. And one of the better pieces of advice I got from a Thai man was "Attractive Thai women are bigger players than the guys." Edited November 6, 2015 by eldragon

[catman20]

I find it easier too.

Mostly because, Thai style, you don't have to spend any time with her at all.

You can just go out with your mates every day.

why have a relationship then ? why not get a dog ?

[thehelmsman]

I find it easier too.

Mostly because, Thai style, you don't have to spend any time with her at all.

You can just go out with your mates every day.

why have a relationship then ? why not get a dog ?

Wives are easier to train and better cooks than dogs.

[Andrew65]

The fruit might bite

....also one could be expecting a passion fruit, and end up with a banana!

[Kenny202]

I find it easier too.

Mostly because, Thai style, you don't have to spend any time with her at all.

You can just go out with your mates every day.

You are a classic Joe :-) Every thread you post makes my day a little bit brighter. No one could ever accuse you of kidding yourself haha