I want to marry, but I afraid ;)

[stapoz]

Hi everyone and sorry for my english.

I'm thinking of a marry with thai gf. Probably not now as I want to get know more about the law and avoid future problems (but I go Thailand next week having all docs ready). I live in Poland and I want to marry because it's the only way we can live here together (visa for thai). I read many posts here about problems UK citizens have when divorcing in UK. In Poland the law of division of property is mostly the same as in Thai - what you have had before marriage (real estate, cars) is yours and can't be a matter of any request by the spouse during the divorce. No need any kind of a prenup (but can be). Just the date of the purchase is the proof. Of course the money in bank are treated mainly as common assets since it's difficult to prove whose is it - so that's the only thing ones should be careful about. I know in UK the judge can decide about a property bought before marriage which looks like a nightmare to me and a lack of a respect of a private asset. And knowing this I understand the horror stories here. So taking this into account, should I still afraid to marry a thai lady?

My situation is:

I'm divorced (so I always think about divorce as part of a marriage). We are going to live in Poland, I'm not going to buy anything expensive after marry - I've got everything (house, cars, etc).

I'm not going to live in Thailand (except a holiday few months per year), I'm not going to have or buy for my wife anything expensive in Thailand.

In case of a divorce:

1. Can Thai court do anything with my asset in Poland? Or this can affect only Thailand assets (which I don't have)

2. If any alimony (for exwife) or child support will be awarded in Thai court (upon her application) can it be "transferred" to my country and thus force me to pay in my country?

3. What a risk/threat do you see? What should I avoid?

[slipperylobster]

Fear is your best friend.....don't let it go.

[aircut]

don't get marry if you are already planning the divorce. you should make sure you are compatible to each other, and work to walk the path of mutual understanding and acceptance.

[Lukecan]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

[dutchisaan]

Hi everyone and sorry for my english.

I'm thinking of a marry with thai gf. Probably not now as I want to get know more about the law and avoid future problems (but I go Thailand next week having all docs ready). I live in Poland and I want to marry because it's the only way we can live here together (visa for thai). I read many posts here about problems UK citizens have when divorcing in UK. In Poland the law of division of property is mostly the same as in Thai - what you have had before marriage (real estate, cars) is yours and can't be a matter of any request by the spouse during the divorce. No need any kind of a prenup (but can be). Just the date of the purchase is the proof. Of course the money in bank are treated mainly as common assets since it's difficult to prove whose is it - so that's the only thing ones should be careful about. I know in UK the judge can decide about a property bought before marriage which looks like a nightmare to me and a lack of a respect of a private asset. And knowing this I understand the horror stories here. So taking this into account, should I still afraid to marry a thai lady?

My situation is:

I'm divorced (so I always think about divorce as part of a marriage). We are going to live in Poland, I'm not going to buy anything expensive after marry - I've got everything (house, cars, etc).

I'm not going to live in Thailand (except a holiday few months per year), I'm not going to have or buy for my wife anything expensive in Thailand.

In case of a divorce:

1. Can Thai court do anything with my asset in Poland? Or this can affect only Thailand assets (which I don't have)

2. If any alimony (for exwife) or child support will be awarded in Thai court (upon her application) can it be "transferred" to my country and thus force me to pay in my country?

3. What a risk/threat do you see? What should I avoid?

You should avoid to get married!

[steve187]

Don't do it.

[JHolmesJr]

Where did you meet this thai lady?

[stapoz]

If possible elaborate the advice, saying "don't do it" is not helpful for me :|

I was in Thailand about 15 times, each time for about a month, so I know quite well about thai girls mentality (I avoid and never was involved in bar-girls, I just don't like bars. My nature is to travel distant places and relax with a gf). I got know her almost 3 years ago on facebook. We have been to many places in Thailand, even go Cambodia and Laos together. She come to Poland 2 years ago for 2 months. She is a middle class wealth, owns a beauty shop, a decent house, no car. She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me (I pay alimony for my child which is enough for me - also I would need to pay EVERYTHING for my wife because she will not be able to work at least for a few years (language)).

So that are my concerns. If I don't marry, will be difficult to have her here, if I marry other problems can start

Edited November 29, 2015 by stapoz

[tonray]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

I would not think so much of assets in case of divorce, but rather your responsibilities of bringing an immigrant to live in EU. I think in Canada you are responsible for 5 years. Not sure about EU.

This can cost you a lot more than a house that you seem so worried about.

[JHolmesJr]

If i had a dollar for every time ive been told by a freelance thai lady that she owns a beauty salon, id be truly wealthy.

My suggestion....send her some polish kielbassa on a regular basis....and avoid trouble.

[stapoz]

@JHolmesJr

I stayed in the shop several times, I didn't spent just a day with her. Anyway, sending kielbasa is a good advice

@tonray

Thanks - it seems to be very reasonable what you say. I agree with you

[blackcab]

I would be concerned about her being very isolated in Poland. She can't speak Polish so it's going to be tough. Polish food and Polish culture isn't even close to Thai culture. She's not going to be working, so what is she going to be doing?

Are there any other Thai people in Poland she can mix with? If so, what sort of people are they?

[Denim]

Marriage is wonderful. Only one sexual partner for the rest of your life ( usually ). If this is ok and you are in love ....go for it.

[thrilled]

Do A prenup in your own country.Don't take a lot of money to Thailand.If you buy land with her I would say if anything

Happens she will get the land.

[Torrens54]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

Naa... had a few Polish Birds in Oz. The father of one of them even fought alongside a former Pope in the Resistance in WW2... but I digress...

Thai Girls are BEST.

That'll keep me sweet with my wife and our daughter.

[AlexRRR]

More than likely money will from your bride will be expected to go home at least from time to time....really after 3 years you should know about this, don't you guys talk?

Don't get married stay as you are, bring her over for a few months of the year you go there for your 1 month a time....best way really.

Keep the Thai girl in Thailand....will work out the cheapest for you in the long run, if she should meet Thais in Poland expections will go up.

[circusman]

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[slipperylobster]

If i had a dollar for every time ive been told by a freelance thai lady that she owns a beauty salon, id be truly wealthy.

My suggestion....send her some polish kielbassa on a regular basis....and avoid trouble.

Living together is indeed more complicated than playing "Hide The Kielbassa" on some romantic island.

She will never forgive you for not sending money to her family....the parents will be bewildered, when no money is in the mail. Your phone will be ringing off the hook at 1 am....and your wife will be sobbing herself back to sleep.

It is part of the package.

[SOTIRIOS]

....so why marry in Thailand...do they even recognize Thai marriages in your country???

....get a prenuptual written out in your native language....

...that way she does not have to try to get anything you have now....and can only have what you agree to....if you divorce.....

...can you marry at The Polish Embassy....???

...if she owns her house...and has no other husband or children....what do you have to pay her mother for.....???

...make sure before you go ahead....

...if the mother cannot run the shop she can hire someone and still have a revenue...or sell the shop....

...you do not want to marry and move to Poland and hear:

.. 'My mother/sister/brother/uncle/nephew is sick and needs to have an operation/pay the hospital/doctor'...etc....

...make sure she does not have millions in debt that she may try to pass off on you....

(not sure if her debts become your debts once you marry...)

....one thing is for sure...Thai women plan for 'the long term'....meaning 'their retirement' or 'life after you'.....

....they may seems sweet....stupid....innocent...simple..... but they are very, very cunning....

...she knows she has 'a good catch' in you...judging by the thousands upon thousands you have spent through the years....

...so she has played her cards very carefully....

...good luck buddy....

[kiwikeith]

If possible elaborate the advice, saying "don't do it" is not helpful for me :|

I was in Thailand about 15 times, each time for about a month, so I know quite well about thai girls mentality (I avoid and never was involved in bar-girls, I just don't like bars. My nature is to travel distant places and relax with a gf). I got know her almost 3 years ago on facebook. We have been to many places in Thailand, even go Cambodia and Laos together. She come to Poland 2 years ago for 2 months. She is a middle class wealth, owns a beauty shop, a decent house, no car. She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me (I pay alimony for my child which is enough for me - also I would need to pay EVERYTHING for my wife because she will not be able to work at least for a few years (language)).

So that are my concerns. If I don't marry, will be difficult to have her here, if I marry other problems can start

You probably should have your assets in Trust, if you don't then a prenuptial would be good if it stands up in Poland.

If you live with a girl for more than two years under NZ law you are considered in a Defacto relationship and the girl would be able to claim part of your estate if you separate.

I dont know what she could claim under polish law or if any Thai court could ever touch your assets.

You might have problems from mummy Bear if her life line is cut then daughter may have pressure put on her for money, Thai family do this and can be quite horrible to their daughter for support.

[Bulldozer Dawn]

1. prenup

2. get her to pay all costs associated with her expatriation to Poland

3. have a full set of STD tests completed upon her arrival in your country

4. continue using a condom for 6 months and then retest re 3. above

[RapidMethod]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

Tonray is absolutely right. There are plenty of advantages in marrying a Thai woman, but don't rush into it. Live with each other first. (Life is very different from what is was like for our parents and grandparents when you got married first and then had a life together. Many Thai women still believe in this notion... and they usually get burnt also.)

You need to check the law about marriage and divorce in Poland, and you can probably get her to sign a prenuptial agreement.

In Thailand, it's very different. Thai courts can obviously not make any rulings about your assets or obligations in Poland, but you are very much responsible for each other in Thailand. In the case of a divorce, she will be granted at least 50% of anything you own in Thailand. All property you buy will be 100% in her name (this fiddle of buying property through a company 51% owned by her or some other 'trusted' Thai is very fragile). There are ways to own property in Thailand, but it's never permanent: your wife and Thai family or children will always be the ultimate owners. And keep in mind that you are responsible for all her debts also, so try to get a feeling as to whether she has or is likely to borrow money from loan sharks or buy a fancy car on finance. (Check out her family & friends also - because they may use her name to borrow money, knowing that you will pick up the tab if it all goes wrong, and she will probably comply under pressure from them...!)

Tonray's warning about bringing her back to Poland is crucial. Poland is a cold, lonely place for a Thai woman. And she'll probably hate the food. She will be miserable there if she had to stay there for longer than a couple of months at a time - avoid the winter months (unless it's for a skiing holiday maybe).

Go slow. Stick to 3-month tourist visas (for her in Poland and you in Thailand) for a few years before deciding. Spend at least a year living together in Thailand with her if you can with the odd excursion back to Poland. And if you're going to buy property in Thailand then do the paperwork before you get married. A good lawyer will advise you, but don't trust him either. Thai lawyers (perhaps in collusion with your wife or her family) are notorious for signing away what is legally her property or forging your signature and selling off your property while you are still living in it. Maybe better just to rent long-term instead.

And a final bit of advice. No matter how honest or faithful she may be, keep your bank accounts and assets private and out of reach. You can pay her an allowance into her own account, but don't share a bank account and don't let her have access to yours. (That means pin codes and internet banking also!) It's too much temptation (if not for her then for her family, friends or lover). It's better that she doesn't know how much you are really worth - live your life as you have an income of a million baht p.a. no more - that's already considered 'affluent' in Thailand. Know this too: any signature will do when purchasing items with debit or credit card! So have a separate account which has no card for your money, and just transfer what you need for weekly expenses to your 'card account'.

PS Learn Thai. You won't be quite so vulnerable and ignorant if you can communicate with her and her friends and family and neighbors...

[Gillyflower]

I would advise the Thai lady and females of any other nationality not to marry the OP. He sounds like a real horror.

[mihalis]

Why would you marry, if divorcing is on your mind..

[csabo]

...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=--hMJPUBwMc

[T100]

I read the headline 'I want to get married but I'm afraid', my first reaction was 'you should be'. Don't do it unless she's worth at least 500 million baht. That's my deal breaker, it keeps me safe and single.

[csabo]

If i had a dollar for every time ive been told by a freelance thai lady that she owns a beauty salon, id be truly wealthy.

My suggestion....send her some polish kielbassa on a regular basis....and avoid trouble.

She can add it to her collection of sausages from around the world. I've got a nice Italian sopresatta she might enjoy.

[brucegoniners]

I agree to get to know her and live together for a while first.

Maybe get a fiance visa first and make sure you are truly compatible.

But you seem filled with fear.

What about her is making you feel this way?

[RapidMethod]

I was in Thailand about 15 times, each time for about a month, so I know quite well about thai girls mentality. I got know her almost 3 years ago on facebook. We have been to many places in Thailand, even go Cambodia and Laos together. She come to Poland 2 years ago for 2 months. She is a middle class wealth, owns a beauty shop, a decent house, no car. She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me ( I would need to pay EVERYTHING for my wife because she will not be able to work at least for a few years (language)). So that are my concerns. If I don't marry, will be difficult to have her here, if I marry other problems can start

Stapoz, you seem quite clearly not to understand Thai girl's mentality, and you don't really know her. In addition to my reply above (tonray), you need to understand this:

Thai women are wonderful travelling companions (and enthusiastic sex partners). But they are tightly bonded to their family, doubly so if her mother is widowed/divorced. The beauty shop is her life and her livelihood and she will support her mother for life. You surely can't expect her mother to go to work and take over the shop!?

When you enter into a relationship with a Thai woman, you are expected to support her and her family. It's so ingrained in the culture that they don't think of it as exploitation, they think of it as your duty and responsibility - in the same way as she is duty-bound to care for you, love you, look after you, have sex with you, comfort you, support you in your conflicts with others (even if you're wrong), and tolerate your foibles and disgusting 'farang' habits.

You have to accept this because if you don't then you will both become very bitter and acrimonious with each other over time. She will not give up her duties and responsibilities to her mother. If she can't support her mother financially (which includes paying for medical expenses, the occasional large-item purchase, covering her loans, etc.) then she will expect that you do so.

You don't just marry a Thai woman, you marry her entire family (sometimes the village to boot)!

She is not expecting 'money' from you. She expects lifelong security from you, for herself and her mother (and siblings). That usually means that you are financially responsible for everybody.

Accept that or don't marry her (or any other Thai woman).

If you still decide to take her back home with you as your 'trophy wife' then know that it is a business arrangement. She will provide you with companionship and sexual favors - you pay for her life and for the support of her mother. She will go home the second that ends.