The Infamous Dowry

[Mike West]

It seems like a topic of controversy, but should a dowry be paid if the husband is a foreigner? as I'm sure the groom's parents will view this as extremely insulting. What is the correct thing to do between a Farang groom and Thai bride?

I have seen dowry paid in an all Thai wedding, but I'm sure they think nothing of it since it's their culture. Please advise, thank you.

[daveAustin]

Bet you a hot cross bun to a pound of ripe bananas that 99.99% of Thai parents will not find moneyies received from foreign personage insulting. On the contrary, if the husband is a foreigner, the dowry should be at least double.

[andrew55]

The correct thing to do is up to you and to a degree your bride.

Do you want to pay the dowry?

There are many threads regarding this matter. Search 'sin-sot(d)'.

[Koosdedooes]

So OP how Sin sot are they asking from you ?

[Mike West]

Bet you a hot cross bun to a pound of ripe bananas that 99.99% of Thai parents will not find moneyies received from foreign personage insulting. On the contrary, if the husband is a foreigner, the dowry should be at least double.

haha I said GROOM's parents, you do know who the GROOM is right?

[oxo1947]

It seems like a topic of controversy, but should a dowry be paid if the husband is a foreigner?-----MikeWest

Your winding us up aren't you Mark-----you just want to see if you can get to the 100th Sin-Sot page................................

If in doubt about amount maybe this will help----- http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/916188-thai-cosmetic-surgeon-to-marry-a-girl-he-treated-after-handing-over-22-million-baht-dowry/

Edited May 10, 2016 by oxo1947

[1FinickyOne]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

[Katipo]

Sin Sod is 'Bride Price', not dowry. Dowry is what western men used to get from the family of their western bride until 'equality'

[Jai Dee]

A couple of troll posts and replies have been removed from this thread.

[mesterm]

Pay up, OP.

[Suitcase]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

So if the money is returned and you pay nothing why not just write out a check

for like two or five million baht and they can frame it and hang on the wall.

That way whenever they have visitors to their home they can pat themselves

on their back.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

So if the money is returned and you pay nothing why not just write out a check

for like two or five million baht and they can frame it and hang on the wall.

That way whenever they have visitors to their home they can pat themselves

on their back.

Yes, I asked my wife the same thing and let's just say that since the whole wedding is for the show you can't just write a check and put it on display it will look ridiculous. I even asked my wife if I would put my Canadian gold and the answer was no. Has to be Thai.

[cruisemonkey]

So... if the husband is paying for the Thai bride (or groom, if gay) does that make her (or him) a hooker?

[Just1Voice]

A guy I know had a short conversation about that with his potential wife's family. They mentioned dowry and he said: "Okay. How much are you going to give me?" Then explained to them that the family of the potential bride paid the dowry where he came from. Needless to say, after the parents recovered from their shock, they screamed at him to get out of their house. So much for that wedding. lol

Edited May 10, 2016 by Just1Voice

[F4UCorsair]

OP said, "It seems like a topic of controversy, but should a dowry be paid if the husband is a foreigner?

ESPECIALLY if the husband is a foreigner!!!

[vukovar77]

Sin Sod is 'Bride Price', not dowry. Dowry is what western men used to get from the family of their western bride until 'equality'

It is almost same!Foreigners should not pay Sin-sod as far as I think!If bride love you,she will marry you anyway!!!If not,better to stop all!!!

[klauskunkel]

Dowry paid by farang works on the same principle as entry price for national parks...

[Mike West]

OP said, "It seems like a topic of controversy, but should a dowry be paid if the husband is a foreigner?

ESPECIALLY if the husband is a foreigner!!!

Why is that?

[ChrisKC]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

So if the money is returned and you pay nothing why not just write out a check

for like two or five million baht and they can frame it and hang on the wall.

That way whenever they have visitors to their home they can pat themselves

on their back.

It's a Thai visual thing, the cash on the table, they actually know it is a show thing but don't give a stuff about who gets what...Just show..

It is often the practice to have donations broken down into B20 notes so the amount has more piles for purposes of "impressiveness"

[Robm579]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

In your dreams;;;

I paid for the wedding...

The sin sod was retained and quickly snaffled by the "family"

The donations didn't even cover the cost of the flowers

But I didn't care... It made my wife happy...

[Suradit69]

I'm sure the groom's parents will view this as extremely insulting.

Bet you a hot cross bun to a pound of ripe bananas that 99.99% of Thai parents will not find moneyies received from foreign personage insulting. On the contrary, if the husband is a foreigner, the dowry should be at least double.

Edited May 10, 2016 by Suradit69

[Snoozy]

Don't forget to buy the 10 baht gold too! There really isn't a way of getting out of the sin sod (in my opinion) provided you are having a traditional wedding. It is for show, and you may or may not get it all back. I gave 400K, my wife suggested we give her mom 100K of it after the wedding. I was fine with that, as her mom is widowed and works incredibly hard in the rice fields and is just a really nice woman who could use the money. I got 300K back as agreed. Now if you are marrying someone in their 50's, who has had kids, was already married once or twice... you may get out of it completely. At least that was the case with one of my friends.

Our donations accounted for about 80% of the wedding costs (275 guests), which covered the rental for the wedding, catering, and booze (which I severely underestimated, lol).

[Suradit69]

I'm sure the groom's parents will view this as extremely insulting.

Perceived loss of face is something that can be a major problem with some farang but why in this case? Dowry and bride-price are fairly common around the world and if a foreigner chooses to marry outside his culture and away from his home country why should his parents assume they have any basis to be insulted?

In some places, including America, it's still often assumed that the bride's family is responsible for the cost of the wedding and reception. When in Rome ...

[Bernard Flint]

It is a tradition in Thailand, and many other asian countries, live with it or dont, but no doubt some will say it is robbery hahahahahhaha. The thai haters will be out in force, you watch.

[Deli]

Why pay ? If she doesn't say yes without the cash, kick her ass.

[ggt]

I pay a sin sod of sorts everytime I purchase a cow, pig, goat, or other animals...the owners do not complain about the tradition...

[1FinickyOne]

Yes, of course a dowry should be paid if a foreigner is marrying a Thai lady in Thailand, unless the family of the bride has waived the custom for some reason. It is expected and customary.

Of course there are many here who resent a custom not their own in a country not their own, especially so if it costs them money. - though I doubt if they were to be getting paid rather than paying that they would not find it a quite charming idea...

How much did you pay?

Btw, original question is somewhat irrelevant as sinsod is always returned to the couple. The cost of parents wedding should be covered by guest "donations".

So in reality, you don't really pay anything.. It's money for the show.

Sin Sod is not always returned - though it is part of the wedding show, it is not just for show and I think rarely is that the case though it might be if the family is wealthy... It is a price paid out of respect to the family for raising a lovely daughter... the original tradition held that each party would appoint a representative and the 2 representatives would negotiate a proper price.

[Roomuck]

Best to ask a trusted Thai mate to assess her worth.

He will know.

Not all prices are the same.

It is a very complex formula that only a Thai can assess. Farangs are only guesstimating.

Looks, skin tone, parents occupations, education, previous roots, manners and behavior, net family worth, age, extended family, job, which province, parents attitude etc etc.

Best to ask a local expert you can trust with some insider knowledge.

And to represent you if you want to negotiate a cheaper price.

[Roomuck]

I pay a sin sod of sorts everytime I purchase a cow, pig, goat, or other animals...the owners do not complain about the tradition...

How much?