"Help Me Boot My Girlfriend Out Of London"

[Ulysses G.]

What absolutely amazes me is the shortsightedness of women, both thai and Farang.

And also the shortsightedness of some men too.

The girl told you that she had done nothing wrong.

Maybe he is just a friend after all!

Just because they have talked on the phone does not mean she is screwing him!

First step should be to sit her down and have a talk and find out!

You may be panicking about absolutely nothing and I hope this is the case.

Because she is Thai is she NOT allowed to have friends ?

i think you been drinking my friend as you cant really believe that little bit of top advice your espousing.

off you go for a nice sleep.

Right again Terry!

[terry57]

why would any man who has caught his women sleeping with another guy want that women back and if he was silly enough to have her back why does he possibly think it wont happen again. /

this also goes in the reverse situation.

its a nonsense to think people can remain faithful once they have disresected there said parners in this way.

its the ultimate betrayel and the trust can never be recovered as one thinks that it will surely happen again.

ive never have this happen to me and i have never done it to any of my partners so that why i feel so strongly on the comitment to ones partner whilst in the relationship.

if one wants to play the field one should just remain single and then they can do what ever they want and no one gets hurt.

this is the good thing about the thai bar girl scene as if approached as a business deal all is good. its only when the farang fall in lust that it all goes to <deleted>.

dont fall in ln lust punters.

[samran]

General warning (and most people have been pretty good) don't let this degnerate into a TGF bashing excercise...

Concentrate on the basics of his visa situation.

[In the Rai!]

Where did you apply for the visa? In Thailand or abroad?

Has she got permanant residency through yet? Once this comes through she can do whatever she wants and it wont scare you. Before this you need to notify Immigration ASAP and notify them of the current situation i.e that you have seperated and she is now with someone else. From that moment on it is out of your hands and anything she does wont mark your name.

I am only going off the Australian rules not English but I would imagine that are pretty much the same..

I would notify them asap. Good luck

[Ulysses G.]

if one wants to play the field one should just remain single and then they can do what ever they want and no one gets hurt.

this is the good thing about the thai bar girl scene as if approached as a business deal all is good. its only when the farang fall in lust that it all goes to <deleted>.

dont fall in ln lust punters.

Words to live by.

You are on a roll Terry!

[kayo]

I wouldn't necessarily drop the sponsorship--it depends on how close she is to completing her education. You made some kind of a commitment to her and its best that you keep your end of the bargain. The relationship, however, is probably best terminated and she needs to be put on notice that she may need to re-think her situation concerning finances if you are footing the bills.

If she got in on an education visa, I don't think the immigration is going to be too concerned that she has cheated on you. Unless she's selling it, of course. As for the 10 hours over on her working, try to stay on the higher road.

As angry as you may be (and rightfully so), you really don't want to mess up her life. Let her do that too herself--at least she can't blame you.

That's a very very wise post, of a caliber and eloquence rarely seen round these parts.

Although I am not entirely sure yet that I agree.

He is not, after all, her father.

Nonetheless, what do i know, and...

Respect

Kayo

why would any man who has caught his women sleeping with another guy want that women back and if he was silly enough to have her back why does he possibly think it wont happen again. /

this also goes in the reverse situation.

its a nonsense to think people can remain faithful once they have disresected there said parners in this way.

its the ultimate betrayel and the trust can never be recovered as one thinks that it will surely happen again.

ive never have this happen to me and i have never done it to any of my partners so that why i feel so strongly on the comitment to ones partner whilst in the relationship.

Right again Terry!

if one wants to play the field one should just remain single and then they can do what ever they want and no one gets hurt.

this is the good thing about the thai bar girl scene as if approached as a business deal all is good. its only when the farang fall in lust that it all goes to <deleted>.

dont fall in ln lust punters.

Words to live by.

You are on a roll Terry!

Agreed with Uly.

But it ain't what the thread is about though, I mention, for moderation relevance issues... You know how fussy they are about BG threads..

[lingyai]

I can't say I am super surprised.

For Thai women going to farnagland is like some farangs going to Thailand.

Here she is one of millions of Thai women, while farangs are say 1% of country (fill in the correct stat if you know it).

So for Thai women there are slim pickings if they want a farang and they face competition. Many Thai women for a different reasons will be ok will a much older man who may not be the best at dressing or cleaning himself.

Once in farangland this is some what reversed. Thais maybe 1% population with asians making up 5-20% depending where you are. There are a ton of young farang men and needless to say they are going to notice a 20 something Thai woman. She is going to get alot of attention from young guys. Now the old guy she is with may look not so great in comparision.

In this specific situation the age differnce is not extreme but often it is.

Good luck to the OP, don't do anything stupid. Maybe ask your friends to tell you if they think there are unattractive qualities about you that you can change. They will probably not be completly honest but they might help you see things you are missing.

Also maybe date someone that is 25 or older. While some people might be ready for a long term comitment when they are in their early 20's many are not.

Were you? Especially if there were lots of attractive women giving you attention (her situation now).

While revenge would feel good in the short term, I suggest using that energy to improve yourself and find the partner you want.

Edited November 15, 2006 by lingyai

[bkkandrew]

mike your a wise man. those words have helped me so much. i believe in what goes around . . . ..

i have half a mind to take the wage slip into her work and tell the manager that she is working illegally (in the sense of too many hours) see how she can survive on 80 a week. as you said he will probably not be as fluid financially as myself, not that im rich but she was my future. after 2 weeks i doubt he sees it that way. good luck to him i suppose. she has imelda marcos syndrome and shops incescantly.

keep em' coming guys im sitting here drowning my sorrows and feeling better by the minute.

Well. This story will make you feel a lot better..

About 5 years ago I met a Thai girl here in a Soi Cowboy gogo. Did the normal things, got an apartment together, took her back to the UK for a number of months etc. etc. In the end, I decided that it was not for me as I caught her out too many times, notably once when she flew to Manilla to be with her previous on/off b/f, when I was away on business.. She actually tried to hide the passport stamps!

Have seen her on and off since breaking up, since when she has had a Hungarian and Northern Irish b/f amongst others. She married the latter recently and has perminent leave to stay in UK now. If I was expecting this to make her change her ways (I wasn't), I would have been surprised when she contacted me as she was back in BKK after finishing her honeymoon and her new husband had flown back to Belfast. She suggested maybe to "get together" (which we had on occasions when they were still b/f and g/f), but on the day arranged (last week as it goes) she cried off. Turns out she was staying in Pattaya with the aforementioned previous on/off boyfriend!!!

She goes back this week to the blissfully unaware "husband", who no doubt has many years of discovery to make. You, on the other hand, have avoided such nightmares by discovering the true nature of your ex-gogo now...

[Steph1012]

You got to inform the Embassy that the relationship is over.

Other posters have wisely advised against revenge. Now she probably feels some guilt but give her something to worry about like eviction and this will soon turn to self preservation.

For sure she will claim abuse. Falang women are advised to claim this as a matter of course and the PC nutters that are ruining and ruling the country will see her as a trafficked woman before she opens her mouth.

She is stereo typed as a victim by the very people that would be up in arms if you (a white man) stereo typed somebody else.

Remember Racism and Stereo typing are one way streets. Only white men can be guilty of these crimes these days.

[ourmanflint]

wow!

measured and thoughtful for the most part I am impressed by the support given to poor old Walg!

Well done all of you... my faith is restored.

[Douggie Style]

......abridged....

I think the message here is clear: do not do anything that contributes towards any breech of the rules & regs which governed the issuance of the visa, and if there is a change to the situation, keep yourself on the right side of the fence and report it.

After all, what else can you reasonably be expected to do.

Another great post.

(Agree!! it's nice to see walg get a range of well thought out and different opinions...it is impressive!)

Edited November 15, 2006 by Douggie Style

[walg]

Ok. Thanks once again guys. I have calmed down immersurably over the past day. Revenge although sweet will probably wind me up in all sorts of shit and may even end up with me being marked and her getting permanent leave to remain.

I will sit on this for a week to collect me thoughts and then i will probably pop down to croydon which is a few stops away and tell them the truth to protect my ass.

This forum is so helpful. I feel embarrassed to tell my friends and family the truth and would rather say we have been having problems and parted. However with you guys help i have 1000's of friendly, thailand knowledgable expert ears all offering me varying degrees of advice.

Edited November 15, 2006 by walg

[VanZam]

Good that things are sorting themselves out..

Hope all becomes clear soon

Edited November 15, 2006 by VanZam

[Chuck_Norris]

Chuck is happy that you have started to see the light, I often get a tear in my eye after killing terrorists and stopping world domination, although usually becasue of the tear gas.

Shrug it off and have a Chuck Norris tissue mate

[Chang_paarp]

What ever you do, DO NOT get into a fight with her. Wording within the rules for Indefinate Leave to Remain invite women in her situation to claim physical abuse, un proven or not, you get a police record and she gets her visa.

Why do I mention this so often, because it happened to one of my very best friends. Over a year after his Thai g/f disapeared without word, he received a call from the police who charged him with domestic abuse. No Evidence, No Medical Records, No Witnesses and No Police Report at the time of the alleged abuse.

His name is now on the police's file of wife/ girlfriend bashers and she got her visa.

Where did she get that piece of advice from?

No matter - Don't ignore this piece of advice.

The first part is good advice. Even getting into a loud verbal altercation can result in the police being called and you being flagged on the police computers as having being involved in a domestic incident. There is also heavy pressure put on officers attending to arrest one of the parties in a DV situation. If there is no physical evidence of an assault, then for something like to prevent a breach of the peace. It is all logged in the DV unit and you can bet her lawyer will use it to her advantage.

However I am confused with the second part. Where did this take place? If there is no evidence/witnesses/medical evidence how could they charge him with anything, let alone convict him? I assume it wasnt in the UK as there is no specific offence of domestic abuse, it is assaults that people are charged with, which need evidence.

My advise here is find out for sure what is happening and if she is cheating on you. I would recommend staying apart to minimise the risk of any trouble. When you are sure what has happened then sit down, have a think and make a decision on what you want to do. If you do decide you still want her then try to forget the incident, and try not to be too suspicious of everything she does, or the relationship will not work.

If you do decide to leave her, then don't be a b*stard about it. Speak to a lawyer (or the Citizens Advice) and see what you need to do to protect yourself - advising immigration etc. I wouldn't go trying to ruin her life like some have suggested. Just learn from the experience and get on with your life.

Good luck

State Six you are not living in the west are you?

Having done the AVO routine with the Ex, I can tell you from personal experience. No evidence or witnesses are required. In the state I live in the complainant can get an Aggravated Violence Order ex-parte (without the other party being present) by telling the judge that they felt threatened. It is a standard tactic recommended by citizen advice bureaus to women going through a divorce.

The first time you are aware this court action has been taken out against you is when the gentle folk in blue knock on your door to serve you with the court order. In my case it took over 6 months to go to court. (She withdrew the complaint as we stood in front of the judge)

I would avoid the citizen advice mob like the plague as you will be told what an evil man you are for trying to restrict the rights of the woman. See a real lawyer.

DV is a reason to get exemptions in sponsored visas, and a short cut to permanent residence. It is on the Au DIMA web site, I am guessing similar rules apply in the UK. So tread carefully.

[helicoptor]

Chuck is happy that you have started to see the light, I often get a tear in my eye after killing terrorists and stopping world domination, although usually becasue of the tear gas.

Shrug it off and have a Chuck Norris tissue mate

Have you met John Rambo? he said he could TAKE you, Chuck ...

[roamer]

cut a long story short she has been seeing another guy. her reaction to my dismay was brutal and pretty much "i have done nothing wrong, ###### off!" i suppose what did i expect. an ex go go dancer.

Is this the same young lady you were talking about here two years ago?

i have been seeing ning for 2 years, 1 year of which i was living in thailand. she is currently a student and finishes college around songkran next year. her family are able to support her and her sister through college and university but are certainly not rich. i want to bring her to the uk for a holiday of maybe a month or two. i have a good job with a good income but no real assets such as a house. i can always borrow 10,000 or so for 6 months to make my bank account look better. i am 33 she is 20.

--------------

Maestro

A little economical with the truth when you choose to be aren't you ? If you had mentioned the go-go part in your first post I would be more inclined to think we are getting the full picture now. Student visa...18 months to date. You don't say what course she is on but I get the feeling its not a degree course, and if not in that case there is a maximum time she can stay here, thats 2 years.

"From 1 October 2004, the maximum overall permitted period of stay for a student on successive short courses below degree level is 2 years. A short course is now defined in the Rules as "a course of less than 1 year's duration or longer courses broken off before completion". This applies to visa nationals and non-visa nationals."

Now if you want to let the IND know that she is working more than the permitted hours then go ahead but they will see it for the sour grapes it undoubtedly is, justified or not. They also know there is hardly a student in the UK that doesn't exceed the permitted hours, its not regarded as a grave offence. If acted upon its unlikely to result in more than a warning so unlikely to get the result you require.

Even if the visa was revoked there is a right of appeal and plenty of legal support available, maybe she had to work more than she wanted because you were not as well off as you led her (and the Embassy) to believe ? listen for the sound of a can of worms being opened.

You were a sponsor, not a guarantor, that information is used by the ECO in granting the visa, has no status beyond that.

Given that the max she can now have left is six months you might be wiser to chalk it down to experience, paticularly if you did gild the lily in terms of getting her here in the first place and want to keep a clean sheet for any future forays in this arena.

[thaiflyer1]

Own up who deleted my post between 5pm and 6pm on the 15th?................or was it not recieved?

[tropo]

I agree, but you dig your own hole. Yes end the relationship but he speaks of her as though she was trash. Who's to blame?

You really are a "told you so" kinda person aren't you? You've probably never made a mistake in any relationship?

She is trash. You must have missed this line by the OP:

"cut a long story short she has been seeing another guy. her reaction to my dismay was brutal and pretty much "i have done nothing wrong, ###### "

She had no remorse and had to insult him while at it.

She needs to go home, and asap.

[tropo]

there is an element of wanting to get even im afraid.

i will keep reading your replies and think it through carefully before proceeding.

good news though my winter break is coming up and guess where im going.

poor attempt at trying to cheer myself up.

You have every right to want to get even. You've invested 4 years in this relationship and given her more than you could afford and a chance of an education in England.

The only problem is that booting her out will not be even, but good enough.

PM me sometime and I'll help you find some decent women...and not in Thailand.

Edited November 15, 2006 by tropo

[Ulysses G.]

Boot the B....!

[p_brownstone]

I was not aware that the British Embassy imposes a condition on the issue of a Student Visa for a Thai girl that the said girl is required to provide her Sponsor with sexual favours – let alone her exclusive sexual favours.

Patrick

[thaiflyer1]

Own up who deleted my post between 5pm and 6pm on the 15th?................or was it not recieved?

Apologies found it.............in the "pressure from girl friend thread".

(Thats what Chang beer does for you )

[StateSix]

What ever you do, DO NOT get into a fight with her. Wording within the rules for Indefinate Leave to Remain invite women in her situation to claim physical abuse, un proven or not, you get a police record and she gets her visa.

Why do I mention this so often, because it happened to one of my very best friends. Over a year after his Thai g/f disapeared without word, he received a call from the police who charged him with domestic abuse. No Evidence, No Medical Records, No Witnesses and No Police Report at the time of the alleged abuse.

His name is now on the police's file of wife/ girlfriend bashers and she got her visa.

Where did she get that piece of advice from?

No matter - Don't ignore this piece of advice.

The first part is good advice. Even getting into a loud verbal altercation can result in the police being called and you being flagged on the police computers as having being involved in a domestic incident. There is also heavy pressure put on officers attending to arrest one of the parties in a DV situation. If there is no physical evidence of an assault, then for something like to prevent a breach of the peace. It is all logged in the DV unit and you can bet her lawyer will use it to her advantage.

However I am confused with the second part. Where did this take place? If there is no evidence/witnesses/medical evidence how could they charge him with anything, let alone convict him? I assume it wasnt in the UK as there is no specific offence of domestic abuse, it is assaults that people are charged with, which need evidence.

My advise here is find out for sure what is happening and if she is cheating on you. I would recommend staying apart to minimise the risk of any trouble. When you are sure what has happened then sit down, have a think and make a decision on what you want to do. If you do decide you still want her then try to forget the incident, and try not to be too suspicious of everything she does, or the relationship will not work.

If you do decide to leave her, then don't be a b*stard about it. Speak to a lawyer (or the Citizens Advice) and see what you need to do to protect yourself - advising immigration etc. I wouldn't go trying to ruin her life like some have suggested. Just learn from the experience and get on with your life.

Good luck

State Six you are not living in the west are you?

Having done the AVO routine with the Ex, I can tell you from personal experience. No evidence or witnesses are required. In the state I live in the complainant can get an Aggravated Violence Order ex-parte (without the other party being present) by telling the judge that they felt threatened. It is a standard tactic recommended by citizen advice bureaus to women going through a divorce.

The first time you are aware this court action has been taken out against you is when the gentle folk in blue knock on your door to serve you with the court order. In my case it took over 6 months to go to court. (She withdrew the complaint as we stood in front of the judge)

I would avoid the citizen advice mob like the plague as you will be told what an evil man you are for trying to restrict the rights of the woman. See a real lawyer.

DV is a reason to get exemptions in sponsored visas, and a short cut to permanent residence. It is on the Au DIMA web site, I am guessing similar rules apply in the UK. So tread carefully.

You are right, I am British, but live here.

I was querying that bit as it is at odds with the UK. That's why I asked where it happened. I still dont see how they could actually convict you without any witnesses or evidence, unless you had an idiot of a lawyer. We are all still innocent until proven guilty (beyond a reasonable doubt). Even if they fitted you up, they would need to produce some sort of dodgy evidence or lying witnesses. I find the problem in the UK is the difficulty in keeping the abusers away from the complainant, or getting real abusers convicted.

To minimise the risk of any of this though I did recommend that the OP moves to a different address. Lessens the chance of winding each other up and having a big fight.

I agree that seeing a real lawyer is the best option (or even better, a sneaky, no morals lawyer), but it can get expensive. I mentioned the CAB as they will give free advice, and are pretty fair, in the UK at least.

[dgoz]

This whole thread and others like it is an example of what it's like to live in the west these days,how men have basically no rights.

I blame this on the weak as piss generation of men who were born from 1940 to 1950's who let all of this happen.

If you see a "man" who is older than 50 let him know what his generation has done to your country and ask for compensation.

We bag out Asian men sometimes on this forum, but at least they haven't let their countries go in the same direction.

[lingyai]

This whole thread and others like it is an example of what it's like to live in the west these days,how men have basically no rights.

I blame this on the weak as piss generation of men who were born from 1940 to 1950's who let all of this happen.

If you see a "man" who is older than 50 let him know what his generation has done to your country and ask for compensation.

We bag out Asian men sometimes on this forum, but at least they haven't let their countries go in the same direction.

What "rights" are you missing?

Why don't you be a "real man" and fight to get your "rights" back?

[dgoz]

It's too late now. The leftists feminists and other minority do-gooder groups have got a firm hold.

The pussies in the west dont want to be saved anyway. When I mention reform to these idiotic laws when Im back in Oz people think Im a raving lunatic.

So men keep getting treated like dirt because "thats the way it is".

Best to live in LOS and let them suffer for their decision not to listen to logic and reason.

Paul McCartney would agree. Maybe he'll move to LOS as well.

[lingyai]

It's too late now. The leftists feminists and other minority do-gooder groups have got a firm hold.

The pussies in the west dont want to be saved anyway. When I mention reform to these idiotic laws when Im back in Oz people think Im a raving lunatic.

So men keep getting treated like dirt because "thats the way it is".

Best to live in LOS and let them suffer for their decision not to listen to logic and reason.

Paul McCartney would agree. Maybe he'll move to LOS as well.

How about a couple specific examples of the "rights" the men in the west have lost.

McCartney should have been smarter about who he married.

[Creeper]

You guys make me laugh.........

It's ok for you to shag anything that moves, and then boast about it to your mates, jack the lad, good bloke etc etc.............

A women goes wih another man, then its a crime, she becomes a tart, a wrong un, a slut, kick her out of the country etc..................

Most of it is cos if your wife or girlfriend sleeps with another man, he may have been a better man than you in her eyes, and that my little macho friends is what you cannot stand.

If you are dating a girl and sleeping with her, you think she is great, a wonderful girl, why else would she be your girlfriend ?

If she meets another man and finishes with you and sleeps with the other guy, you call her a slut, a wrong un, a biatch.....

Men make up all the derogatory words to cover their own shame at being unable to keep a woman. They blame her instead of looking at their own failings.

[Mighty Mouse]

It's too late now. The leftists feminists and other minority do-gooder groups have got a firm hold.

The pussies in the west dont want to be saved anyway. When I mention reform to these idiotic laws when Im back in Oz people think Im a raving lunatic.

So men keep getting treated like dirt because "thats the way it is".

Best to live in LOS and let them suffer for their decision not to listen to logic and reason.

Paul McCartney would agree. Maybe he'll move to LOS as well.

How about a couple specific examples of the "rights" the men in the west have lost.

McCartney should have been smarter about who he married.

Dgoz mentions Australia...and he is quite right.

Have a look at some of our Family Law Court decisions, take a good look at some of the Child Support decisions, take another good look at how parents are restricted in disciplining their own children...these are just to mention a few.

Any dispute between a man and a woman, the man may as well give up straight away, he can't win.

It could explain why so many Oz men suicide as a result of a Family Law Court decision;