Burning bridges – when can’t expats go home?

[Inspire]

Burning bridges – when can’t expats go home?



A lot of comments have been written on Thaivisa recently by expats who seem to have had enough of Thailand. For them paradise seems to have been lost.

They cite what they perceive as the exploding crime wave sweeping the nation making it unsafe to so much as breathe. They complain about the economy affecting only them causing undue hardship. They whine about lack of acceptance in Thailand moaning that the locals only care for their money.

They feel unloved and disrespected, somehow taken advantage of. They have been here for years and years and they want out to return to where the grass is always greener- the land that they dumped in the first place because Thailand and its people seemed so attractive and alluring.

But is it as simple as that – can people just up sticks and go to the country of their birth as though nothing has happened in the intervening years. Are they not deluding themselves about how those years have changed them, making it impossible to return? Will they be accepted in the society they have spurned?

Indeed have they not burnt their bridges stranding them in a country where they are bitter and disappointed? Marooned in a limbo of misery they are now homeless and bereft of hope marking time unhappily until the grim reaper calls.

So when is it that expats get to a point when there is no turning back – do some experience the feeling a long time before others. Do some always think they can return to what is familiar and safe? Have some returned happily after five, ten twenty or thirty years as if nothing has happened. Or do many feel it is just impossible to turn back the clock. Are some stuck with a feeling they have nowhere to call home anymore?

Certainly some seem to have nowhere left to turn – there seem to be many cases where expats are desperate enough to end it all in Thailand.

Full story: http://www.inspirepattaya.com/lifestyle/burning-bridges-cant-expats-go-home/

-- Inspire Pattaya 2016-07-03

[Denim]

Zzzzzzzzzzz.....................next.

[IMA_FARANG]

Speak for yourself.

I can go home, and do so on a regular basis.

But there is nothing there in my so-called home to keep me there.

So I choose to stay here.

Simple.

I am not complaining..... I just do things the way I want.

[dddave]

"Indeed have they not burnt their bridges stranding them in a country where they are bitter and disappointed? Marooned in a limbo of misery they are now homeless and bereft of hope marking time unhappily until the grim reaper calls."

Many such individuals evident daily on this forum.

[eeworldwide]

Another strange and pointless article from the bog-rag that is Inspire Pattaya.

This is the worst kind of editorial - asking a ton of questions and giving no proper counter argument, or any reasonable reason for composing the article at all.

Of course - there are will be a slew of people who are here but perhaps don't have the financial or employment resources to just up and leave and replant themselves somewhere else.

The grass is always greener wherever you are unless you have your financial needs completely tied down and a good social circle and a nice home and 4 wheels to get from A-B.

Reasons for staying or going will vary from age group to age group - family commitments. educational needs, health concerns etc etc etc.

Thailand is the perfect escape for retirees fun for single 18-30 year olds and a curse for those in between. If you are in your later 30's - early 50's (the money making years) living in Thailand and making your pot of gold will be very unlikely unless you speak the language well and are committed to embracing the society and contributing in a way that is meaningful and of service to the country.

You would have to find a niche in the market and make your money.

This is just a generic overview, and where the article falls down, because thee are no real or specific scenarios being examined here and ultimately the premise is all completely subjective.

It's actually go nothing to do with Thailand - you could replace "Thailand" with any country in the world which is not the place you may call "home."

In fact - a better premise may have been - "When does an expat call Thailand, "Home".

Otherwise an response would end up being a long never-end piece of drivel, going round and round in circles - a bit like I have been in my response......

[colinneil]

I could go home. Yes due to my situation it would be better for me.

As the UK is much more disabled friendly than Thailand.

Why would i? UK a country in turmoil, not a good place at the moment.

Also i have a great wife, with a good job.

Take her to UK she would lose everything, so when i have gone , she comes back to Thailand has nothing.

So a non-starter in my case.

[Jip99]

Slow day ??

[Lannig]

Expats can go home. I did.

[NativeSon360]

Thank you for sharing a well-written, pointedly significant article. I also envy your composition ability. Cheers

[daveAustin]

But my question was when has a person burnt their bridges? When can’t they go back and why?

For me it was the very first time I went back to the UK after coming to Thailand. I felt like a stranger there. My bridges were never financial but I was lost to the UK immediately because I had fallen in love with a dream, fallen in love with a country I was unlikely to ever abandon. I felt at home in another place where I wasn’t born. And where I was born had no attraction for me anymore.

This isn't burning one's bridges though, this is imply not feeling at home because both 'home' and you have moved on. I also feel that way whenever I go back and the level of PC'ness is beyond cringeworthy, but won't burn bridges... you never know when we'll all be turfed out of dear old Muang Thai, for one.

A definition of burning bridges would be something like this: telling your boss and family to F off, maxing out credit cards, not keeping up voluntary NI payments (UK).

[NativeSon360]

No surprise there! Apparently the OP has attracted the usual cadre of negative repliers, who have such a great Expat life, that they feel the need to "comparatively" brag about it, to total strangers, eh? Sigh!

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[prestburypark]

No surprise there! Apparently the OP has attracted the usual cadre of negative repliers, who have such a great Expat life, that they feel the need to "comparatively" brag about it, to total strangers, eh? Sigh!

Feeling bitter?

[NativeSon360]

No surprise there! Apparently the OP has attracted the usual cadre of negative repliers, who have such a great Expat life, that they feel the need to "comparatively" brag about it, to total strangers, eh? Sigh!

Why not, the OP was written for responses, think that is what a forum is for, is it not...?

Indeed! Your point is well-made. However, since I have nothing to prove, I just lean more towards the positive style of responses, instead. Cheers

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[NativeSon360]

No surprise there! Apparently the OP has attracted the usual cadre of negative repliers, who have such a great Expat life, that they feel the need to "comparatively" brag about it, to total strangers, eh? Sigh!

Feeling bitter?

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[how241]

When you look back at things, you tend to remember the 'good' times only.

[NativeSon360]

But my question was when has a person burnt their bridges? When can’t they go back and why?

For me it was the very first time I went back to the UK after coming to Thailand. I felt like a stranger there. My bridges were never financial but I was lost to the UK immediately because I had fallen in love with a dream, fallen in love with a country I was unlikely to ever abandon. I felt at home in another place where I wasn’t born. And where I was born had no attraction for me anymore.

This isn't burning one's bridges though, this is imply not feeling at home because both 'home' and you have moved on. I also feel that way whenever I go back and the level of PC'ness is beyond cringeworthy, but won't burn bridges... you never know when we'll all be turfed out of dear old Muang Thai, for one.

A definition of burning bridges would be something like this: telling your boss and family to F off, maxing out credit cards, not keeping up voluntary NI payments (UK).

As a Yank, I am grateful to have had the privilege of working with UK colleagues, who managed to refrain from lending themselves to the East_Ender mentality "perspective" of Burning Bridges.....

[NativeSon360]

When you look back at things, you tend to remember the 'good' times only.

Indeed, its called dwelling on the "healthy" positives of progressive living, instead.

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[Jingthing]

The place you left many years ago isn't really there any more.

It's an illusion in your head.

It's a different place and you're a different you.

The OP is pimped up, but there is something to it.

[NativeSon360]

But my question was when has a person burnt their bridges? When can’t they go back and why?

For me it was the very first time I went back to the UK after coming to Thailand. I felt like a stranger there. My bridges were never financial but I was lost to the UK immediately because I had fallen in love with a dream, fallen in love with a country I was unlikely to ever abandon. I felt at home in another place where I wasn’t born. And where I was born had no attraction for me anymore.

This isn't burning one's bridges though, this is imply not feeling at home because both 'home' and you have moved on. I also feel that way whenever I go back and the level of PC'ness is beyond cringeworthy, but won't burn bridges... you never know when we'll all be turfed out of dear old Muang Thai, for one.

A definition of burning bridges would be something like this: telling your boss and family to F off, maxing out credit cards, not keeping up voluntary NI payments (UK).

As a Yank, I am grateful to have had the privilege of working with UK colleagues, who managed to refrain from lending themselves to the East_Ender mentality "perspective" of Burning Bridges.....

Explain...

"telling your boss and family to F off", Cockney example. However, maxing-out one's credit cards, or failure to maintain NI payments are different levels of B_B. The spirit of the OP statement (as I read it) was considerably more subtle still, re: the Bridge_Burning phenomenon.

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[i claudius]

I go back and see my family regularly,and its nice ,but after a couple of weeks I feel lost and just want to come home,I don't think I would ever like it back there,with all the Crap they have to put up with

[MissAndry]

I think it's more of a can't afford to live there.

My 40m2 run down flat (condo) in London cost 360,000GBP (20 Million Baht), rent on it would be 400GBP per week (plus a load more in council tax and utils).

In Thailand I'm paying 70GBP a month for a two bedroom house outside Chiang Mai.

If I'd been living here 10 years, returning to the UK would seem impossible.

Not to mention they won't let your foreign wife return with you, unless you have 62,000GBP in the bank.

So OK, if you have 500,000GBP (25Million Baht) in the bank, returning to the UK probably wouldn't be a problem.

Edited July 3, 2016 by MissAndry

[NativeSon360]

I think it's more of a can't afford to live there.

My 40m2 run down flat (condo) in London cost 360,000GBP (20 Million Baht), rent on it would be 400GBP per week (plus a load more in council tax and utils).

In Thailand I'm paying 70GBP a month for a two bedroom house outside Chiang Mai.

If I'd been living here 10 years, returning to the UK would seem impossible.

Not to mention they won't let your foreign wife return with you, unless you have 62,000GBP in the bank.

So OK, if you have 500,000GBP (25Million Baht) in the bank, returning to the UK probably wouldn't be a problem.

Exactamundo! A formerly existing bridge, now burnt, as an "unintentional" result of the changing times.

Edited July 3, 2016 by NativeSon360

[Credo]

I am one who will leave. I have lived/worked in Thailand for many years but will most likely retire this year and once I retire, I will head home. I have spent some time back there -- although not a lot. For me, it's home and Thailand isn't.

Thailand 25 years ago was great, it was interesting, it was fun, there was a lot of freedom and people seemed to be a lot nicer. Of course, the demographics of the country were different and it was a younger country.

It has changed and many of the changes aren't good. The roads are better, but the drivers aren't. The bureaucracy is just an onerous as it was, but nearly as cheap.

I don't dislike Thailand and I am sure I will visit as I have a lot of friends, but it never was and never will be my home.

[oxo1947]

I go back and see my family regularly,and its nice ,but after a couple of weeks I feel lost and just want to come home,I don't think I would ever like it back there,with all the Crap they have to put up with

I think you are right----the ones who go back regularly get a reality check & realise the difference . I just get amazed at the ones that chose to go back ---but cant stay off Thai Visa usually posting negative stuff on Thailand......if it was so bad, pat your self on the back for making the right decision & leaving.....but please if its so much better back there----stop living your life through a Thai internet board that just discuses everyday life in Thailand----what's the attraction..............

Edited July 3, 2016 by oxo1947

[returnofthailand]

my home is my shoes! or my body. .

why you need a country anyway? . you want land? just buy a pot of dirt, put a flag, and call it your land so you will feel at home.

[koolkarl]

After not living in home country for a number of years, "out of sight and out of mind" sets in.

Like starting all over again.

[Jingthing]

After not living in home country for a number of years, "out of sight and out of mind" sets in.

Like starting all over again.

Yes it is like that and usually the older you are the harder it is to start again.

To add, I think the OP way oversimplifies the reasons long term people here may choose it's in their best interest to repatriate. It's a complex decision which involves rational choices and also emotions. I think the specific reasons people may make that choice, or reject it, are very specific to the individual.

Edited July 3, 2016 by Jingthing

[balo]

Your bridges are burnt when you have no friends left in the country you used to call home . Try to return and you need to build your life from scratch . Good luck with that .

[Deepinthailand]

Why do people take these no news jackanory stories so seriously? ????.

Thailand land of smiles

Land of girls

Land of plenty

Go back to home country why would I.

Here get bored in village make an excuse to wifey and bugger off for a few days 'golf' to Pattaya friendly girls good company, go home refreshed.

Home get bored at home make an excuse to wifey and get third degree. Go anyway arguments when return. Plus where can I go in home country for bar girls nowhere.

So go home your Avin a laugh

[Berty100]

Why do people take these no news jackanory stories so seriously? ????.

Thailand land of smiles

Land of girls

Land of plenty

Go back to home country why would I.

Here get bored in village make an excuse to wifey and bugger off for a few days 'golf' to Pattaya friendly girls good company, go home refreshed.

Home get bored at home make an excuse to wifey and get third degree. Go anyway arguments when return. Plus where can I go in home country for bar girls nowhere.

So go home your Avin a laugh

You seem like a nice guy.........

Sems like a guy who gets the point of the OP.