Losing your temper in public or at work, advice pls...

[Wilsonandson]

Living in Thailand with it's laid back way of life and cool hearted culture is great. But sometimes the pressure of work, family or personal relationships can push you to lose your cool. This is a taboo for Thai's but not for us expats. Still it causes so much drama that it's best not to lose your temper here.

What advice can you give that might help someone like me who often feels the need to let of steam? Cheers!

[blackcab]

Don't do it. It gets you nowhere and frightens the staff. As I'm sure you know, management here is about building good relationships with your staff.

In my last job it took my deputy managers over a year to change from calling me khun to calling me pii. If I lost the plot with them that would never have happened.

Ultimately working in Thailand gives you a chance to really develop your management skills. After successfully managing here you will be so much better for it. You have to develop completely new behaviours and attitudes to be successful here.

It is difficult at first. My advice is to find a good expat pub where other workers/business owners go for a drink after work. It's no good letting it all out to most Thai people. Find a good bunch of expats in a similar position and have a vent at them.

[sipi]

Take up muay Thai.

[williamgeorgeallen]

saw a french guy in TOT one time going nuts about his internet. i could not really understand what he was saying so i doubt the poor girl behind the counter could understand either. her nervous smile seemed to be egging him on. he had a thai girl with him, should have left it up to her i suppose. i have to admit i got a bit hot under the collar about having to travel some distance to a visa run shop several times to pick up a refund on a visa run that got cancelled. sure they were hoping i was just going to give up and write it off.

[Emster23]

1. There is the mantra "This is Thailand. This is Thailand" Repeat in mind as long as needed. 2. Count to 10. Then count again. 3. Give yourself a time out, remove self from situation for a few minutes. 4. Think of how you would post this to TV, then do it. I know lots slam whingers, grumpy old men, etc here, but does act as relief valve when you can get it out safely somewhere.

[gandalf12]

Lots of things like talk a walk, get a coffee and my favourite is think "does this issue really matter? Is it actually important?" You will come to the conclusion it isn't so let it go and carry on with life.

PS Moderators why does this site use American English as opposed to English English?

[NoshowJones]

Always be pleasant to them and keep smiling, but as long as you are sure

you are in the right, always stand your ground. It works more often than not.

[NoshowJones]

saw a french guy in TOT one time going nuts about his internet. i could not really understand what he was saying so i doubt the poor girl behind the counter could understand either. her nervous smile seemed to be egging him on. he had a thai girl with him, should have left it up to her i suppose. i have to admit i got a bit hot under the collar about having to travel some distance to a visa run shop several times to pick up a refund on a visa run that got cancelled. sure they were hoping i was just going to give up and write it off.

The last point you made is a bit different, I would have stood there annoying them for a while

and demanding that refund, as you say, they were hoping you would just get fed up and accept it.

[louse1953]

I have explained my occasional outbursts to the missus.It is just a quick letting off steam.Better than bottling it up in my opinion.I am not Thai and never will be.

[facthailand]

Always be pleasant to them and keep smiling, but as long as you are sure

you are in the right, always stand your ground. It works more often than not.

In a patient, civil manner, just like anywhere else.

[chilli42]

It's never cool anywhere to lose it (in the West or East). It broadcasts your character flaws. As for the Thais, well I have seen them spit the dummy many a time at work and outside (I will include my wife and her family in this). To the point that I feel the show no temper is almost a scam Thais have invented to keep Frangs in check.

[SoiBiker]

Seek some help with anger management. It's not normal to be regularly losing your temper with people.

[new2here]

I agree with "don't do it". However that does not mean you can't or shouldn't express your dissatisfaction about something or stand firm to get a resolution that you think is just.

When I'm at a store and something it's right, I work up the chain of command. Usually, I'll get the "s/he not here" answer; but I've found that if you make it clear - politely so - that you're not going away, that someone in a position of authority will appear.

I also always try to give that higher ranking person a face-saving "out" of the problem.

I might say something like "I'm sure this was a simple error by accident" or "I think maybe I missed something here but..."

Sure, there's been tons of times I've wanted to just rip into the clerk, but while perhaps cathartic, it rarely gets me closer to the resolution that I want and works for me; so that's what I focus on.

Edited July 18, 2016 by new2here

[adhd]

lose your temper taboo for thai ? kidding right ?

what about all the murders over small things ?

or does that not count ?

[Deepinthailand]

Find another job which doesn't get you to boil over. Please don't genralize all so called Expats don't lose there cool or feel the need to vent.

[1FinickyOne]

Expect that there will be crazy things that WILL happen... try and anticipate them and maybe you will be better prepared to act politely and respond to the types of events that set you off...

If you expect them, your response should be more controlled.

good luck.

ps - it is not just losing your temper but being an angry person is also not cool - - and yes, they can sense anger....

[robblok]

Go find some sports and loose your anger there.. far more productive. Sports do help to release stress.

As for having problems in Thailand.. be polite and persistent.. it wwill get you much further.

[bark]

If you cannot control your temper, you have no business working here. Better go home to your home country; where you can yell and scream

at your employees or co-workers; and it is considered normal. Good Luck

[villagefarang]

Letting off steam through physical exercise or sport is one thing but don’t kid yourself that it is okay to loose your temper with other people. All that does is imprint violent behavior patterns in your brain. It doesn’t get rid of anything, instead it reinforces it, making it more likely to happen again.

[steve73]

Try the Thai way... just grab a gun and shoot the bast**d...!

(edit: PS. I'm only joking, incase anyone thinks I'm being serious...as if)

Edited July 18, 2016 by steve73

[bazza40]

Just repeat to yourself silently " Jai Yenn, Jai Yenn, Jai Yenn. " Works for me.

[richard_smith237]

A regular whinge on here and finding out that many others experience many similar frustrations helps.... then you will see the 'if you don't like it go home' responses and realise there are others who are unaware they are stupid and far worse off than you !!!

In seriousness, a whinge is often good to get some frustrations off your chest and maintain a little sanity - where better to do this than an anonymous web forum ?

I find regular sport keeps the frustration in check...

------

I had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels...

[watcharacters]

Try the Thai way... just grab a gun and shoot the bast**d...!

(edit: PS. I'm only joking, incase anyone thinks I'm being serious...as if)

Too late. You've already been reported to the local authorities. Expect a knock on your door at any minute..

[Tchooptip]

You could look online for EFT "Emotional Freedom Technic" you learn the basic recipe on your own, very easy and fast,

since YOU are seeking for it I guess it could works for you

(not sure if someone else would have said please try not to lose your temper any further so try EFT)

Edited July 18, 2016 by Tchooptip

[watcharacters]

A regular whinge on here and finding out that many others experience many similar frustrations helps.... then you will see the 'if you don't like it go home' responses and realise there are others who are unaware they are stupid and far worse off than you !!!

In seriousness, a whinge is often good to get some frustrations off your chest and maintain a little sanity - where better to do this than an anonymous web forum ?

I find regular sport keeps the frustration in check...

------

I had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels...

"had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels... "

https://youtu.be/TvXVP5lSF1s

[mesterm]

Lots of things like talk a walk, get a coffee and my favourite is think "does this issue really matter? Is it actually important?" You will come to the conclusion it isn't so let it go and carry on with life.

Bills, housing, banking, visas and many other essential services you paid for do usually matter and are important. If those issues are unresolved, it would not be easy to carry on with life. Thai service staff sometimes do not make it easy, or care to.

Edited July 18, 2016 by mesterm

[thaiguzzi]

If in doubt...

knock 'em out...

[mankondang]

You loosing your temper, control of your own mind and behaviour, is all down to you. It is not down to your job, the country you live in, the people you work with or your family. Being angry is a natural emotion, how you handle is a matter of a previously learned behavior. So if it bothers you enough to write about it on here, then it has reached a stage where you should consider relearning it.as it's not helping your health, let alone other things Note, anything that has been learned can be relearned. Thailand is a great place to make people who are initially short tempered become aware of it, and with time change it.

Alcohol etc, as we all know, exasperates this negativebehaviour... So watch out for other like minded, short tempered people knocking all this and try justifying not changing, with easily predicted rants such as; "it alright for you to say this, but have you ever been in a situation where .....blah, blah and more blah".

Well that's up to them.

You've realised a problem, therefore your on the way to rectifying it, you just need the tools...being mindful is one. In short practice "mindfulness". Best of luck.

Edited July 18, 2016 by mankondang

[MissAndry]

Shouting and temper tantrums are for the privacy of your own home, it's not OK in public, and it's never OK at work. No matter what country you are in at the time.

If you shouted at me in a work situation (UK) you would be facing disciplinary proceedings for bullying or harassment in a very short time.

Edited July 18, 2016 by MissAndry

[mikiea]

Take up muay Thai.

grow the flock up .....