You want your girl to be your best friend?

[4MyEgo]

3 minutes ago, The manic said:

Does she have affairs when she goes out with the girls?

 

You might find this hard to believe, she doesn't go out with the girls, and I do not restrict her, she is very into me, and that suites me just fine, because I don't really enjoy outside bitches, as they usually try to destroy successful relationships out of jealousy.

 

She is content looking after the kids and the family house and I enjoy it that way too, but a man got eat, when a man got to eat.

 

Bottom line is, what's good for the goose, is good for the gander, as long as she enjoys it and is up front about it if ever asked

[The manic]

1 hour ago, MissAndry said:

I'm not sure that a woman you pay to be with you can be considered a friend.

Lots of very confused men posting in these forums.

Payment rarely makes them hostile. I pay for food and I expect the waiters to be friendly - I pay for many services. Some people may become my friends and some not. I do five birds a week - some are my friends more than others.  I have been cared for when ill by such a girl.  Its not that some men are confused more like some people are just inexperienced in life and trying to use a western mindset to understand an Asian/Thai phenomenon.  Lots of the girls I pay give friendship as well as sex to one extent or another. They are just providing a service after all.  Its their job - god bless em!

[eldragon]

No way. The western trend of girlfriend as best friend is unnatural and annoying. My girl is my girl. And my friends are my friends. Not the same thing. Not even close. In fact, I make a point of keeping some mystery in my intimate relationships. Better that way.

[1FinickyOne]

45 minutes ago, MissAndry said:

I'm not sure that a woman you pay to be with you can be considered a friend.

Lots of very confused men posting in these forums.

 

Well, this is much more complex than it appears... the money involved does not necessarily prevent either love or friendship... I had male employees that I paid to work for me, but they surely could and would remain friends after the job stopped... I know it is Thailand and you are assuming the "P" word as is so often done here - inserting into normal marriages and calling anyone a sucker who gives a nickel to a Thai lady for anything. There is one fellow on this forum who brags about how cheap he is with his wife - the assumption being that she loves him enough to stay w/o money... almost makes it sound as if he is refusing to pay a hooker... 

 

I often share money with my wife and family. When I have good fortune, I share. These are not fees paid for services. 

 

But relationships come in many varied forms. And in almost all marriages, money is a part of the relationship. In a more traditional relationship in most cultures, I think the assumption is that [1950s style] the woman takes care of the kids and home and the guy works and shares the money which goes toward the raising of a family... 

[Deepinthailand]

Well personaly yes my wife is my wife my lover my best friend a confidant a shoulder to cry on. She is both a mother and a lover. She is a fighter and a writer. There are in this world about 20 people I would gladly die for apart from my 3 children that's a given. All I class as my best friends and that most defiantly includes my beloved wife my ultimate best friend.

[NativeSon360]

Its all "up to you". One-step forward, two steps  backwards, is the well-traveled "Yellow Brick Road"  story of the past 50-years.

 

The level of romantic love, or platonic friendship you get from the average Asian female, is strictly dependent upon the level of your "utility value", to both your girl-friend, and her family.

 

As a western male, the probability of you developing a productively progressive western-style "partnership", together with any Asian female, regardless of her education-level,  is zero minus ten.

[rogeroc]

3 minutes ago, NativeSon360 said:

Its all "up to you". One-step forward, two steps  backwards, is the well-traveled "Yellow Brick Road"  story of the past 50-years.

 

The level of romantic love, or platonic friendship you get from the average Asian female, is strictly dependent upon the level of your "utility value", to both your girl-friend, and her family.

 

As a western male, the probability of you developing a productively progressive western-style "partnership", together with any Asian female, regardless of her education-level,  is zero minus ten.

 

What on earth is a productively progressive western - style partnership?  Is that where the man has to become a feminist as well? Or is that a partnership where if it all goes horribly wrong the woman won't take the children as her own and take every possible penny she can?

[mcfish]

No way. The western trend of girlfriend as best friend is unnatural and annoying. My girl is my girl. And my friends are my friends. Not the same thing. Not even close. In fact, I make a point of keeping some mystery in my intimate relationships. Better that way.

Agreed 100%

Women like a bit of mystery and that pays off especially in the bedroom.
I feel sorry for the guys that are so soft that the Mrs becomes the Centre of the universe 24/7 almost a mother figure and wonder why the spark fades.
And one poster a few posts up (TBL) actually really said " a shoulder to cry on"
And probably thinks she really wants THIS? ughhh yuk..

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[swissie]

By leaving divorce court, it can happen that the best friend of yesterday has become your worst enemy of today.

I prefer "acquaintances".

Cheers.

[NativeSon360]

19 minutes ago, rogeroc said:

 

What on earth is a productively progressive western - style partnership?  Is that where the man has to become a feminist as well? Or is that a partnership where if it all goes horribly wrong the woman won't take the children as her own and take every possible penny she can?

Oops! I forgot! This forum really is the East_Ender's favorite watering hole. Sorry about that,

[GOLDBUGGY]

I think I am of the same school as you are.

 

My wife is by far my Favorite Companion, but not my Best Friend. There are just certain things I can't discuss with my wife in which I can with my Best Friend. There are also certain things I can't do with my wife which I can do with my Best Friend.

 

But to be fair, there are certain things I do with my wife that I would never even dream of doing with my Best Friend either.  

[212Roger]

12 hours ago, transam said:

How do deaf and/or dumb folk get on...?

"Same Same..."  Boom Boom.

[ericthai]

12 hours ago, JJGreen said:

Often by being with other deaf people. Bkk has a large deaf population and a lot of farang deaf guys come here to meet the deaf girls... They would comunicate on a higher level through sign language than a lot of speak enabled farang/thai couples.

not sure about that, Not all sign languages are the same.

[Gracas]

"Best friend".... I have not thought like this or used this term since primary school.

As for my wife, she is my wife not just a friend.

Friends come and go, just like wives.

[Donutz]

14 hours ago, JJGreen said:

 

You make a compelling case donutz...personally I'd find that scenario suffocating at times...

 

Thank you, luckily we aren't all the same. I can understand that some might keep things seperated. I know I couldn't but if others like you can, why not? 

 

13 hours ago, Agent Sumo said:

I don't see how the typical foreigner can realistically call his Thai partner his best friend if he doesn't speak Thai and her English is clunky pidgin. 

 

How can you communicate without sharing a common language?

 

If you speak, read and write Thai, no problem but what percentage of expats do?

 

Unfortunately, a lot of the foreign men who come to live here are incredibly needy and can't bear to be alone or without a confidante. Installing a Thai partner you can barely talk to is among the daftest things you can do here

Communication is indeed a big part of it. So when in a relation with a foreigner you are going to have to learn eachothers language or at the very least share a common language and both master it well. My teerak's English was fine, not fluent but for stay standards it was good. Good education and showing pickup things from English media  etc.  So that was our common language untill she immigrated to my country. She got mad at me after about a week, maybe two, telling me to stop speaking English so much and speak Dutch more often. From that day I almost only spoke Dutch, ofcourse slowely, easy vocabulary, using other words, or explaining a word and so on. If that didn't work I'd switch to English. We had much fun doing this. She learned me some Thai, and told me I had to go and learn Thai properly but we agreed that first we would get her Dutch up to B1 (EU reference/scale on language fluency) level. 

Sadly about when she finished most of her exams she passed away, so I did not get around to learning more then very basic Thai, lower than A1 level. 

 

11 hours ago, transam said:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, my ex UK wife was my best buddy, we were two peas in a pod, fab 22 years then shit.....So that taught me a hard lesson...

I still talk to her brothers, they tell me they avoid her like the plague, same problems l had.

We just don't know what's around the corner as we age regarding a wife, a friend, anyone...

 

At the mo Mrs.Trans is my buddy, we get on great, but from my past experience l trust no one to remain the same throughout their life, nor me for that matter, but if l follow my dads footsteps l reckon l will remain stable...and hansum.....

Indeed people change, you change and that is one of the reasons why you must keep working for your relationship. And also why even the best of relationships could eventually fail even if both really did their best to maintain a good and loving relationship. 

 

11 hours ago, transam said:

I am English, my wife is Thai, we will never think the same on issues, to many cultural differences, but we get on great. I have learned how to approach the differences, even if l have to ignore a subject because of those differences..

I think culture is overrated. My wife and I thought the same on a lot of subjects. She wouldn't fit in with the stereotypes on Thai(land) and I don't fit in with the stereotypes regarding the Dutch/farangs.  But those are simplifications anyway. Oh the laughs we had when reading about "how we do things in the Netherlands". That culture/civic exam is such BS.  I didn't recognize myself or any people close to me in the vast majority of what was claimed. One's personality and upbringing including education/brain are far more important to what shapes a person then 'culture'. I see culture as a thin cloth of sauce, covering that person. It can't be entirely ignored but it's that big of a thing. 

 

11 hours ago, villagefarang said:

My wife is definitely my best friend and the only person I trust completely.  We have been together for 19 years and share interests, lifestyle and language.  We both speak each other’s language and switch back and forth with ease.  There is a twenty year age difference but that leads to synergies which enrich both our lives.  I can’t imagine a better, more loving relationship than I have with my wife.

 

I couldn't live like most couples I know but fortunately I don't have to.  It has been brought to my attention that despite how bad some relationships look on the surface, they are often the best relationship either person has ever known, so I have stopped judging.  If I find it too painful to watch, I simply limit our interaction and don't get involved.

I concur completly. And indeed, don't judge others. Some relations seem like absolute horror to me, but if those involved are content with it, good for them.

[mesterm]

All that sappy crap won't get you anywhere with most Thai women. They'll just see you as weak, and eventually treat you as such too.

[alofthailand]

48 minutes ago, ericthai said:

not sure about that, Not all sign languages are the same.

there are two major sign languages for deaf and dumb people through out the world.

Edited August 25, 2016 by alofthailand

[Donutz]

11 hours ago, MissAndry said:

 

It's never a good idea to let your current partner know anything about former partners.

As for best friends, caught my best friend shagging my husband, I can live without best friends now (and without a husband).

You might not wish to tell everything about previous partners and you may not wish to know all about your lover's past relationships. But certainly you'd like to share some things?  My dear and I told eachothers about how many relations we had, how long they last, why it ended, how the sex was etc.  Useful information to both understand eachother better and to know what never ever to do. For instance my teerak told me that her last boyfriend was goodlooking, smart, nice job, the sex was fine etc. but he started smoking and she ended it. She told me she'd never ever tolerate a foul stench like that of smokes (or ofcourse things such as heavy drinking).  No matter how big the love, that would be a deal breaker. Now I never would light up a smoke, never did , never will but it was good knowing that and some more intimate details. 

 

 

9 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

ha, would have to pretty desperate for mates if you call your thai girl your best friend. the majority of guys i know who befriended and trusted their girls ended up paying for their mistake. how can you be friends with some one you have almost nothing (except sex but there is a good chance she is faking that as well and seeing a thai guy on the side) in common with?

Why would you be in a true relationship if you have nothing in common? If you are having a partner just for the sex or the money , that's not a relationship in my book. I can understand some people are happy with that, good on you if that's all you need from a fellow partner: a person that takes care of your needs and that's it. It would ofcourse be foolish to speak of a true relationship involving true love. It would be simply more of a contract or ''we are together since it benefits the both of us" relation. 

 

8 hours ago, dutchman said:

It would be wise to remember;

 

Dont supply anyone with ammunition they one day can use against you in the future.

Keep your secrets to yourself.

 

nothing is more worse as an ex wife or ex gf/lover, they sure will use it against you

A few things I will take to my grave, that I wil admit. But I have been honest about anything my girl ever asked me and she to me. It couldn't be used as ammunition. Well one could try as I'd rather not have the whole world know everything about me, but I can't think of anything that would really damage me even if things were spilled. I haven't done anything sickening or that could land me in prison so no real fear there.  If you can't even trust your spouse...  If they are a respectable person they will not violate the trust even if the relationship ended (unless go gave them good reason to violate that trust, say by have done something that removed all trust your lover had in you... if so, you earned being violated in your trust). 

 

('you/your' ofcourse being aimed at a person in a relationship in general, not Dutchman specifically).

 

6 hours ago, connda said:

My best friend?  I've had a number of rather emasculated guys as acquaintances who have bought into 'feminism'  and who think their wife/GF is there 'best-friend.'  You know the ones with matching T-shirts with "He's mine" and "She's mine" written on them. 

Nope, my wife is my 'wife.'  Its a different type of relationship than 'friendship.'  Some people can grasp that, some can't. 

You make feminism sound like some evil plot or trap. Sure you're not talking about feminazism? Nothing wrong with equality,  each doing there fair share.  That is ofcourse a two way street, the type of woman that wants a men to take care of the kids but who refuses to do any 'men's jobs'  is not a feminist but a feminazi. I saw my wife as my equal, we were ofcourse not the same so not  identical but we were equal. If I'd have a wife who would try to stop me from cooking or household choirs and tell me that she won't do things like fixing a bulb, drive the car with me as a passenger and such, I'd run for the hills. But if a couple prefers such old fashioned things, go ahead. We are all different and what counts is that you and your spouse/partner are happy with the relationship. 

 

 

4 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

 

Agree, no secrets, some simple rules, no one steps into our family circle, hers and my families remain separate to ours, and have zero influence on any of our decisions, my finances remain separate with me having total control of them, only investing as much as I am prepared to lose, about 10% of my worth, love, laugh, enjoy, have your occasional fling when away with the boys, with her knowing your human, man up when and if she asks, as she will respect you more for being brutally honest, and aspire to staying best friends, works for us 10 years so far and will be together "unto death do us part"

 

I asume that by 'seperate finances and having total control over them' you mean the finances of your household seperated from other family? No secrets here and we had full access to eachothers bankaccounts, debitcard (pin code) and so on. She never did anything silly or secret and neither did I. I actually became kind of lazy. My wife would make sure to move some of my and her wage to the savingsaccount on salary day. 

 

3 hours ago, NativeSon360 said:

Its all "up to you". One-step forward, two steps  backwards, is the well-traveled "Yellow Brick Road"  story of the past 50-years.

 

The level of romantic love, or platonic friendship you get from the average Asian female, is strictly dependent upon the level of your "utility value", to both your girl-friend, and her family.

 

As a western male, the probability of you developing a productively progressive western-style "partnership", together with any Asian female, regardless of her education-level,  is zero minus ten.

I have no clue what western or asian/thai relationship would be. Sounds like an awefully simplistic and stereotypical thing. 

 

3 hours ago, mcfish said:

Agreed 100%

Women like a bit of mystery and that pays off especially in the bedroom.
I feel sorry for the guys that are so soft that the Mrs becomes the Centre of the universe 24/7 almost a mother figure and wonder why the spark fades.
And one poster a few posts up (TBL) actually really said " a shoulder to cry on"
And probably thinks she really wants THIS? ughhh yuk..

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk
 

24/7 would be pushing it (555) but my wife and I were eachother's number one priority.  Now it might not be your thing but what's so hard to grasp about others do prefering that their love will cry on their shoulder?  Just as I'd run to the hills in certain old fashioned relatioships discribed here, but I can understand that some people think differently, and that's fine. And even if I couldn't understand at all, I'd shruck my shoulders, whatever makes you happy. I'm not living your life so I don't need think anything of what you do or do not do in your relationships. 

[Donutz]

48 minutes ago, mesterm said:

All that sappy crap won't get you anywhere with most Thai women. They'll just see you as weak, and eventually treat you as such too.

Define sappy. Wearing a pink tutu and crawling all over the floor saying "I'm not worthy I'm not worthy, your wish is my command oh dearest". Then, yes.  If you think that it is sappy if a men cooks the dinner, asks the wife to get a job too and is allowed to cry, then no that's not sappy. 

 

Or are you calling general equal and fair treatment sappy? The Thai females that I know are not much different from other females that I know, most of them want mutual respect and both partners contributing to the relationship. Normal women don''t want a silly man who refuses to come anywhere near the kitchen (unless it's to grab a beer) or the washing machine (unless it is for repairs). They will see that as stupid and eventually treat those men as such.   

 

Edit: I will admit that when reading your post I pictured pathetic  she-creatures that will utter either "why you talk with that lady? you like her? you <deleted> her?" or "you give me more pocketmoney or I chose an other man to take care of me".  Those women do excists but luckily they are not a majority unless I've avoided those throughout my life by some miracle. 

Edited August 25, 2016 by Donutz

[luckytrev]

14 hours ago, MissAndry said:

 

I completely agree, when you mix friendship with sexual partners you are aiming to end up completely alone at some point in the future. If you keep them as two separate people, when it all goes wrong at least you have someone left you can talk with (unless they end up shagging each other).

My wife ran away with my best friend "God I miss him"

[williamgeorgeallen]

my sister and my mate from school are my best friends. i would be willing to give them my pin numbers for my bank accounts, not that there would be any reason to. how many guys here would give bank details to their girls? sounds like a bad idea to me, love is a fickle thing. many woman and even some men are emotional and things can change very quickly, even over a small cultural misunderstanding. my girl and i are together because we have kids. we are both 100% committed to our kids, in a way that makes us committed to each other, but only because of our kids.

[mesterm]

7 hours ago, Donutz said:

I will admit that when reading your post I pictured pathetic  she-creatures that will utter either "why you talk with that lady? you like her? you <deleted> her?" or "you give me more pocketmoney or I chose an other man to take care of me".  Those women do excists but luckily they are not a majority unless I've avoided those throughout my life by some miracle.

 

Yes, unfortunately that makes up the most of them. Good that you've been lucky.

[MissAndry]

3 minutes ago, transam said:

Probably 95% of farangs l have met over the years teamed up with a bird with kids. I had two kids with my first wife......Nothing in this world is guaranteed with relationships, even when kids are involved..

 

If you're over 30, or she's over 25 ....... it's likely there will be kids. That's how biology works.

Finding a woman over 30 without children generally means somethings wrong with her (biologically or mentally).

[williamgeorgeallen]

5 minutes ago, transam said:

Probably 95% of farangs l have met over the years teamed up with a bird with kids. I had two kids with my first wife......Nothing in this world is guaranteed with relationships, even when kids are involved..

agreed. best chance you have with a thai girl is if you have kids with them and keep control of the finances. dose not guarantee anything but gives you a better chance. have seen a lot of girls using the kids as leverage against their western partner for financial gain, often the kids dont even belong to the westerner.  only thai western relationships i have seen last more than 10 years are those where they have kids together. even many of those are pretty unstable. 5 years and so far so good with the mum from my 2 kids. bit rocky to start but pretty settled now.

[Toscano]

Western culture and Thai culture are completely different .  Like oil and water , will sort of mix while you shake them together .

Some people may think their Thai girl is their best friend , but with lack of cultural understanding and communication , in truth they are deceiving themselves .

If you want your girl to be your best friend , Lots of Money and Gold helps .

[williamgeorgeallen]

9 minutes ago, MissAndry said:

 

If you're over 30, or she's over 25 ....... it's likely there will be kids. That's how biology works.

Finding a woman over 30 without children generally means somethings wrong with her (biologically or mentally).

you are right there. i have said this before that it is mostly single mothers looking for financial security that are willing to go with a foreign man. almost impossible to find a thai girl who can have kids that dosent have any. my girl had a daughter with her first long term foreign boyfriend but the dad took her back to italy so i only have to support my own kids.

[JJGreen]

 

If you're over 30, or she's over 25 ....... it's likely there will be kids. That's how biology works.

Finding a woman over 30 without children generally means somethings wrong with her (biologically or mentally).

Not here it isn't.

Many many over 30s women here single and emotionally hi stable here in bkk

Could be career focus, a bad boyfriend experience and they dont date for years, or they are at home with their family and have been looking after them.

With a high paying job and a solid close group of friends...they feel they have time for a family later.

Issan might be different

[JJGreen]

you are right there. i have said this before that it is mostly single mothers looking for financial security that are willing to go with a foreign man. almost impossible to find a thai girl who can have kids that dosent have any. my girl had a daughter with her first long term foreign boyfriend but the dad took her back to italy so i only have to support my own kids.

You need to get out more if you beleive that
Loads of single women with no kids willing to date farangs here in bkk

[villagefarang]

Almost impossible but not impossible and you only need to find one.  We met when she was 23 and I was 43.  We chose not to have kids and 19 years later we are very happy together, we are still in love and have a great life together.  Most of my wife's closest friends are close to her age and still single.  They are very successful and fun to be around but don't really have the time to take care of some misogynistic bore. 

[williamgeorgeallen]

10 minutes ago, JJGreen said:

You need to get out more if you beleive that
Loads of single women with no kids willing to date farangs here in bkk

yea bangkok is probably a different but i dont like the place. prefer pattaya where it is a bit more straight forward dealing with the girls.

Edited August 26, 2016 by williamgeorgeallen
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