TGFs nephew stealing?

[Macthehat]

Just throwing this out for some different opinions as I'm not 100% familiar with "The thai way " of problem solving .

My TGF of 4 years has recently (3 months ) had her 21 yr old nephew move in with us as he packed in work in Bangkok to come back to sisaket . 

At first I didn't mind as I thought this would be only for a while til he found work and moved out. I come from the UK to LOS for 3-6 months of the year so I don't see everything that goes on here . 

It's her family home and so I don't interfere on most things .. 

She has an eight yr old son from a previous relationship and a recently new born son to me . 

Recently she has asked me did I take any money from her purse (500b ) which I replied no ... she had observed this in her purse the night before and was 100% it was there before we slept . Money Gone next morning and the only one in the house apart from is is her nephew . 1 week later I leave my wallet on the kitchen table with 3000b and next morning I'm missing 1000b . Same again the nephew is the only one in the house .

He sleeps all day and eats when we sleep at night . He drinks my beer and smokes my cigarettes without asking . I've tried talking with my GF and she's really upset but says she can do nothing as nobody has seen him take anything .

I know he smokes ja ba and cannabis .. this explains his sleeping pattern and un willingness to speak or acknowledge me in the house ... this along with the money going missing makes me feel so uncomfortable and now has caused problems with my GF And myself . 

I said to my GF he needs to go before as I feel this is not normal for a 21 yr old to be staying rent free food free All Free with his aunt . She has many family living nearby but he prefers staying with us ( surprise surprise). His father and mother have left him years ago and haven't kept in regular contact with the rest of the family , apparently the split years ago and left him to fend for himself . My GF has asked him to go to work in Bangkok on numerous occasions to no avail . I have been more than generous to him but he doesn't give me the time of day and comes and goes in the middle of the night . I understand my GF does not want to lose face with her family by throwing him out but this has got to stop ...and the only way I see it stopping is if he goes or I go .  ... Any thoughts from the more experienced expats would be appreciated .

[tomwct]

Time to kick his butt out after confronting him about the money. Also time for you to quit smoking, so you'll live long enough to take care of your child. This is Thai Style, no problem!

[YeahSiam]

It's unlikely she'll choose you over her nephew (quite rightly so - blood is thicker etc)

You could try getting him into a rehab program but, if that fails, you should cut your losses and move on.

Next time, choose a woman without dysfunctional family in the background and without kids from previous relationships

[Alive]

I have a friend whose step-son dropped out of school around 14. he was into the motorbikes drinking etc. At that time he would take money from his mother. Eventually they just had to lock things up and he had his own room. He got bored in the countryside and moved to BKK to work. He makes his own money there and seems to be getting by okay. I would guess he asks his mom sometimes for money and she gives him some. She wouldn't give a lot though. He has his own life. With your nephew around he may get bored in the countryside and eventually move back to the city again. This back and forth stuff is very common for most young people up in Esarn without great education or jobs. You should be very careful of things. My friend has a small but very heavy safe. Not that there is anything really valuable in it. It can protect your valuables from family at least. Why does you nephew have to live with you anyways? He should move out.

[geronimo]

There is no 'easy" way to deal with this. Talk to GF first, as it is important to get her on your side before attempting to remove him, which is what you must do. A well placed web cam might give you the proof you need, but before deciding on anything, consult with your partner and ask her what she thinks should be done. If you can make it look like she is the one forcing him out, it will be better for all concerned. Good luck.

[geronimo]

4 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

It's unlikely she'll choose you over her nephew (quite rightly so - blood is thicker etc)

You could try getting him into a rehab program but, if that fails, you should cut your losses and move on.

Next time, choose a woman without dysfunctional family in the background and without kids from previous relationships

That's bit hard on the guy.

[geronimo]

8 minutes ago, tomwct said:

Time to kick his butt out after confronting him about the money. Also time for you to quit smoking, so you'll live long enough to take care of your child. This is Thai Style, no problem!

Since when did he ask for advice about smoking?

[tonray]

Welcome to Thai 'male' parenting 101. Thai males are coddled all thru life

[tomwct]

3 minutes ago, geronimo said:

Since when did he ask for advice about smoking?

He told us about his newborn, so I guess he was asking us advice about his future, too! My advice is excellent and I'm not a doctor.

[YeahSiam]

6 minutes ago, geronimo said:

That's bit hard on the guy.

I don't think it is

I think it's realistic advice

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, tomwct said:

He told us about his newborn, so I guess he was asking us advice about his future, too! My advice is excellent and I'm not a doctor.

I just read the OP again, and your guess was wrong.

 

[Gecko123]

OP:

 

Are you talking about the family homestead where your girlfriend along with all her siblings grew up? My experience is that those immediate family members (and their children) have an inalienable right to stay there pretty much whenever the need arises. Even middle-aged relatives can return to the family homestead after divorce, during spells of unemployment, to recuperate from accidents and injuries, whenever they have no place better to go, and no one has the power to deny them shelter.

 

If this is the case, just move out, and rent an apartment somewhere, possibly well away from Sisaket. The welfare of your family should be your highest priority, and allowing someone who is smoking yaa baa to be around your kids is obviously not a healthy situation. Moving in there just to save a few bucks on rent was probably kind of a retarded move in the first place. I can understand why you might of done that before when you were only here part of the year, but with a new born child in the picture, you need to get your own place. 

Edited October 1, 2016 by Gecko123

[KarenBravo]

Sorry, you handed your leash to your wife a long time ago.

There is nothing you can do about this except move out.

Your wife is the only one that can settle this problem...........and she won't.

[lopburi3]

Thai GF for 4 years with your son and her family member with known issues has access to remove money?  You might have more standing if married and you both need to take better security control of money access.  Yes it is complex as open house is a general Thai way of life for family members.   And he may not even think anything about borrowing the money if it is openly available.

 

She should ask him about the missing money - at least it puts him on notice that it has been noticed.  And it might solve matter.  But keeping close track of cash should be a priority even if you have to buy an inexpensive digital safe.

[Macthehat]

11 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

OP:

 

Are you living in the family homestead which your girlfriend along with every other member of her immediate family has an unstated right to stay at whenever the need arises? My experience is that that right is pretty much inalienable. Adult relatives return to the family homestead after divorces, between employments, to recuperate from accidents and injuries, basically whenever they have no place better to go, and no one has the power to deny them this right.

 

If this is the case, just move out, and rent an apartment somewhere, maybe well away from Sisaket. The welfare of your family should be your highest priority, and letting someone who is smoking yaa baa stay in the house is obviously not a healthy situation. Moving in there just to save a few bucks on rent was probably kind of a retarded move in the first place. 

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

[Macthehat]

17 minutes ago, KarenBravo said:

Sorry, you handed your leash to your wife a long time ago.

There is nothing you can do about this except move out.

Your wife is the only one that can settle this problem...........and she won't.

I agree that it can only be my GF who can settle this but to say I handed her my leash is a bit strong .... I am more than helpful to all her family .....to throw it all away over some crack head seems crazy .

[Hedghog]

I don't understand how the nephew can drink the beer,smoke ciggarettes of the OP.

Doesn't he have any spine,or a tongue in his head.

While the freeloader can do as he pleases he will.

Edited October 1, 2016 by Hedghog
spell check

[Macthehat]

Thanks for all the advise guys.. my GFs father (a monk ) has spoke today with him and give him a bollocking and asked him come drink water from the temple to prove if he stole or not .... apparently if he stole the water will kill him ... can't see this happening unless I get to the water first 555 

Ps. I'll try to give up the smokes :)

[chuang]

Tell your g/f either he moves out or you move out...

[Macthehat]

12 minutes ago, lopburi3 said:

Thai GF for 4 years with your son and her family member with known issues has access to remove money?  You might have more standing if married and you both need to take better security control of money access.  Yes it is complex as open house is a general Thai way of life for family members.   And he may not even think anything about borrowing the money if it is openly available.

 

She should ask him about the missing money - at least it puts him on notice that it has been noticed.  And it might solve matter.  But keeping close track of cash should be a priority even if you have to buy an inexpensive digital safe.

He has been asked on 2 occasions about missing money and both times he's denied it ..... both occasions he has been the only 1 with access so I'm no detective but I'm 100% sure it was him . But without actual evidence my claims are useless...Ive spoke with my GF and she thinks a safe or camera or both is the answer. Maybe I'm old fashioned but a swift kick in the nuts and eviction would be my solution. 

[Toknarok]

    This bloke is an adult, why are you continuing to let him sponge off and steal from you? Are you sure he's doing drugs? A quick visit to the local police station, a word in a 'friendly' coppers ear and one piss test later your problems will be solved (at least temporarily)

[Macthehat]

1 minute ago, chuang said:

Tell your g/f either he moves out or you move out...

I already have and this has her in tears ... she has even asked me did I need a holiday alone while she took care of our son , hoping I would feel better ...obviously this is not a solution to anything 

[zoza]

been down this road tell her it choice time, him or you go as the ya-ba trumps everything.

[lopburi3]

Your OP indicated GF had done nothing - now you say she has talked with him twice and monk has become involved and she supports tighter money control?  This all in the space of 1 hour?

[Macthehat]

4 minutes ago, Toknarok said:

    This bloke is an adult, why are you continuing to let him sponge off and steal from you? Are you sure he's doing drugs? A quick visit to the local police station, a word in a 'friendly' coppers ear and one piss test later your problems will be solved (at least temporarily)

I agree he's an adult and need to sort himself out .... as far as going to police .... if I could do discreetly I would but this is impossible as I can't speak Thai and would need my GF to help out ... she wouldn't even think of it 

[Macthehat]

She asked him after the first 500b went missing from her purse ... and just today again about the 1000b ... and her father has just got involved with the magic water solution... sorry for the misunderstanding in my original post 

[baboon]

24 minutes ago, Toknarok said:

    This bloke is an adult, why are you continuing to let him sponge off and steal from you? Are you sure he's doing drugs? A quick visit to the local police station, a word in a 'friendly' coppers ear and one piss test later your problems will be solved (at least temporarily)

As YeahSiam pointed out, blood is thicker than water. Such an action could well risk earning the enmity of the family even if the guy is guilty as sin.

[KarenBravo]

1 hour ago, Macthehat said:

 

I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.

 

Oh dear..........you just don't see things from his point of view.

He's owed these things and his behavior should remind you of this.

He has to suffer a foreigner living under the same roof, so, you owe him. 

[petermik]

7 hours ago, Macthehat said:

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

Mac

Tell the GF if he doesn,t go then you do...simple.

You lose this battle with her and you will be used as a doormat forever.

Plenty more cows grazing in nearby fields.

[tonray]

Easy solution. Move out of her family home and get your own house. He can stay with famaliy and you, wife and son can have your own lives.