Becoming a Father

Bantex · October 10, 2016

Age has a lot to do with a persons state of mind and lifestyle.

Its obvious from reading thousands of posts on TV that there are a lot of posters in Thailand who have aged mentally well beyond their years. How can anyone judge someone if you haven't lived their life & lifestyle.

My daughter was born when I was 48 and my son was born when I was 51 giving me a new lease of life. My energy levels and outlook are that of someone 10 years younger, directly because of our children who are healthy and well loved and well cared for.

Wether I live for another 40 years or die next week, my family will be well provided for.

NoshowJones · October 10, 2016

21 minutes ago, Tigger01 said:

If you were correct, why does nature allow males to father at that age but yet prevents women from mothering at a similar age, you are entitled to your opinion and beliefs but it is difficult to put a strong argument against nature!

It's just my opinion, and it seems a few other posters agree with me.

nontabury · October 10, 2016

A great deal of generalization on this topic. Some men are certainly still fit into their

70,s and even 80's. How old is old? 100 yrs ago the life expectancy of most men was 40 or 50. While now,many men live into their 80's and this includes male farangs here in Thailand. At the same time some men are old when they are 30 or 40, you only have to look around at the state of some Farang men here in Thailand.

From personnal experiance I can tell you that when my children where at their previous International school, the youngest Farang father there died at the age of 35yr,luckily his family back in Europe were able to step in and support his three children. Another Farang father aged 49 died leaving his wife to bring up their ten yr old child without any financial support. At this same time there were two Farang fathers well into their sixties,still very fit,doing all the things that a younger father could do. In both instances they were financially sound, so that in the unlikely event of their early death,their wives and children would have been taken care of.

Contrast these examples with many young Farang and Thai fathers who abanden their wives to look after Their offsprings.

One advantage for children with retired fathers is they will not have to share their fathers preciousness time with with work. This I believe is a very important fact. The father can devote all his time and energy to help take care both physically and mentally of his children.

Regarding health problems for children with older fathers, I know many here in Thailand, and not one of the children suffers from health problems, and that includes the three young children of a nearly 80 yr old financially sound Farang father.

hellohello123 · October 10, 2016

It astounds me the look of utter confusion i get when i say: (in any country or situation)

" you people that think having children is doing a favour to the world are deluded.

Having a child is completely selfish, ita no diffeeent to buying a cat or dog,

If you were truly selfless youd either adopt a starving child or fully fund a starving childs life in some country at the other end of the earth "

Im not saying being selfish is bad in this situation. But you are deluded if you think you are doing the world a favour

thaibeachlovers · October 10, 2016

6 hours ago, Deepinthailand said:

You keep going on about disabled child. What are these figures your basing this on I know plenty of 55+ year old new dad's and the kids are fine. If he only has 10 years with his child then in my eyes it's worth it.

The man in the OP is 65.

Ever heard of google?

Is Scientific American a good enough source for you?

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/children-with-older-dads-at-greater-mental-illness-risk/

Edited October 10, 2016 by thaibeachlovers

thaibeachlovers · October 10, 2016

3 hours ago, nontabury said:

A great deal of generalization on this topic. Some men are certainly still fit into their

70,s and even 80's. How old is old? 100 yrs ago the life expectancy of most men was 40 or 50. While now,many men live into their 80's and this includes male farangs here in Thailand. At the same time some men are old when they are 30 or 40, you only have to look around at the state of some Farang men here in Thailand.

From personnal experiance I can tell you that when my children where at their previous International school, the youngest Farang father there died at the age of 35yr,luckily his family back in Europe were able to step in and support his three children. Another Farang father aged 49 died leaving his wife to bring up their ten yr old child without any financial support. At this same time there were two Farang fathers well into their sixties,still very fit,doing all the things that a younger father could do. In both instances they were financially sound, so that in the unlikely event of their early death,their wives and children would have been taken care of.

Contrast these examples with many young Farang and Thai fathers who abanden their wives to look after Their offsprings.

One advantage for children with retired fathers is they will not have to share their fathers preciousness time with with work. This I believe is a very important fact. The father can devote all his time and energy to help take care both physically and mentally of his children.

Regarding health problems for children with older fathers, I know many here in Thailand, and not one of the children suffers from health problems, and that includes the three young children of a nearly 80 yr old financially sound Farang father.

It's nothing to do with the fitness of the father, all cells degrade as we get older, including DNA.

I guess you know lucky old fathers.

nontabury · October 10, 2016

29 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

It's nothing to do with the fitness of the father, all cells degrade as we get older, including DNA.

I guess you know lucky old fathers.

There may be some truth in what you state. The other day while attending the Dental department of a well known International hospital, I could not help but notice that the waiting area in the fertility department was crowded with younger couples, I automatically assumed correctly or incorrectly that in spite of their relatively young age, these couples were experiencing difficulty in reproducing. Perhaps their cells, degraded very early.

Edited October 10, 2016 by nontabury

Deepinthailand · October 10, 2016

15 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

The man in the OP is 65.

Ever heard of google?

Is Scientific American a good enough source for you?

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/children-with-older-dads-at-greater-mental-illness-risk/

Well I read it but the very first paragraph sort of defeats the whole article wich by the way is about Mental health issues.

"A mother's age is often considered a genetic risk factor for offspring, but research is now pointing the finger atfathers, too—particularly when it comes to the mental health of their progeny. Males may have the advantage of lifelong fertility, but as they grow older, the rate of genetic mutations passed on via their sperm cells increases significantly—putting their children at increased risk for psychiatric disorders, especially autism and schizophrenia. Two recent studies support this link at least associatively, but experts remain uncertain if age is the cause of these problems."

PS why would I want to Google something I don't belive to be true.

Edited October 10, 2016 by Deepinthailand

smotherb · October 10, 2016

5 hours ago, ghworker2010 said:

im a new dad in mid 40s and its a great experience. I keep saying though that 1 is enough.

the issue OP should think about is can the old guy afford it.

Last year I watched a 69 yo farang die from cancer. He had an 8 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. The mother is a nut case and thus the kids have been sent off to friends. I will not forget the daughter looking up at the area in that temple when her father was being cremated. I felt sorry for the poor kids. This is what op should be thinking abuot

Seems to me he should have thought about the nut case.

MyFriend You · October 10, 2016

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I see no inconsistencies. Adoption is indeed the way to go. No chance of bringing a disabled child into the world, and a child is a child is a child.

Plenty of orphans to adopt in LOS.

Which is exactly what my lady did - we agreed to adopt two beautiful children, boy 6 girl 7 at my age 65. She knew from the beginning 18 years ago, that I had a vasectomy at age 39, didn't want kids, not that I didn't like them, just felt there were too many kids growing up without fathers or mothers and didn't want to contribute to that. Selfish - Damned Right, but her adopting these children has changed both of us in ways we didn't realize it would. As for the d!ckheads that think we can't contribute to their upbringing - kiss my @ss.

Edited October 10, 2016 by TunnelRat69
mispelling

F4UCorsair · October 10, 2016

Tell your friend he's inconsiderate, selfish and egotistical.

The kid will not have a father for long, an effective one I mean.

He won't be inclined or able to run around, kick a football, go fishing, and do the many things required of a parent.

Besides that, he'll look absurd.

ericthai · October 10, 2016

16 hours ago, little mary sunshine said:

What's wrong with the crazy old geezers. Don't they think

about anyone other than themselves. Big ego trip to have

a child at 65. How about the child at age 8,10,or 15. Who

wil care for and teach the children in their adolescent years.

Well the child should still have a mother and hopefully the mother is good person to teach the child, allot of kids are raised with one parent and grow up to be good educated people. My dad died when I was 20 and my sister was only 8 years old. My mom had to raise my sister and she turned out to be a great girl. What it will come down to if the guy has enough money to take care of the child and his wife after he departs this world. If so then there is a good chance. As for the guy who knows what his life has been like. My brother was married for 15 years for a girl never had a child even though they tried. He got a divorce met a new girl and within 1 year of being married she was pregnant. My brother was so happy to finally have a child. Granted he's not 65, but he was 48. So maybe this guy always wanted a child and could have one for one reason or another. Now he is getting that chance. If he has things planned out with life insurance, finanical security for his family etc then I dont see a problem with that.

little mary sunshine · October 10, 2016

3 hours ago, ericthai said:

Well the child should still have a mother and hopefully the mother is good person to teach the child, allot of kids are raised with one parent and grow up to be good educated people. My dad died when I was 20 and my sister was only 8 years old. My mom had to raise my sister and she turned out to be a great girl. What it will come down to if the guy has enough money to take care of the child and his wife after he departs this world. If so then there is a good chance. As for the guy who knows what his life has been like. My brother was married for 15 years for a girl never had a child even though they tried. He got a divorce met a new girl and within 1 year of being married she was pregnant. My brother was so happy to finally have a child. Granted he's not 65, but he was 48. So maybe this guy always wanted a child and could have one for one reason or another. Now he is getting that chance. If he has things planned out with life insurance, finanical security for his family etc then I dont see a problem with that.

These selfish old men need to be aware of what a child goes

through without a father. Most of these men are not financially

secure, have lifetime pensions that stop when they die. They

need to think,of,the child and not themselves.

Rc2702 · October 11, 2016

Plenty of kids grow up without having had a father figure and do fine and lots of 2 parent children mess up also. So the only real concern I would have is the medical aspect of the increased risks to the child but I'm hoping whether your a parent at 35 or 65 you still going to be worried and have fears regardless of age although yes 60+ your knocking on a bit but is the kid seriously going to wish he was not born because his dad may not be around when he 18. I think not I think he will be thankful and not having had a father may not be a bad thing when you see some fathers actions or lack there of.

Edited October 11, 2016 by Rc2702

Kiwiken · October 11, 2016

65-70 why not. Who are we to judge. I am 61 and did think about it. If you are lucky you get 30-35 years with them. What guarantees are there in life. Plenty of my friends died in their 30,s and forties leaving young kids behind. And Yeah buy a Harley then you can guarantee you leave them behind. If its what your heart desires then do it. As to you down the over 50's crew DILLIGAF.

little mary sunshine · October 11, 2016

15 minutes ago, Kiwiken said:

65-70 why not. Who are we to judge. I am 61 and did think about it. If you are lucky you get 30-35 years with them. What guarantees are there in life. Plenty of my friends died in their 30,s and forties leaving young kids behind. And Yeah buy a Harley then you can guarantee you leave them behind. If its what your heart desires then do it. As to you down the over 50's crew DILLIGAF.

61 and you think you have 30-35 years ahead of you !!55555

life expenctancy in Thailand due to pollution, poor medical,

and social concerns is 72 for males...reality check!

overherebc · October 12, 2016

4 hours ago, little mary sunshine said:

61 and you think you have 30-35 years ahead of you !!55555

life expenctancy in Thailand due to pollution, poor medical,

and social concerns is 72 for males...reality check!

Stop scaring me !!!!!!!

Seriously though, you are correct. Wish I knew the date for going then I could calculate the daily budget and 'go' broke.

?

Kiwiken · October 12, 2016

4 hours ago, little mary sunshine said:

61 and you think you have 30-35 years ahead of you !!55555

life expenctancy in Thailand due to pollution, poor medical,

and social concerns is 72 for males...reality check!

And this is the statistic for Farangs too. With the Exception of course of those of us who get Bird syndrome and think we can fly out of Condos. Thais and Farangs do not have the same Life expectancy.

hellohello123 · October 12, 2016

4 hours ago, little mary sunshine said:

61 and you think you have 30-35 years ahead of you !!55555

life expenctancy in Thailand due to pollution, poor medical,

and social concerns is 72 for males...reality check!

and add to that most farangs (sorry for generalisatin) that ar ein thailand at that age havent lived the most healthy of lives either)

if you fit into that category and think you will be breaking longetivty records, you are deluded

stick to pets!

hellohello123 · October 12, 2016

here are two of my personal experiences,

1. childhood friend: mother asian 30, father late 50s white

he lost his father when he was 5, often would cry at school and picked on for his situation

2. one of my students, mother asian, father white and about 50 , but looked older

always had teachers/friends saying "andrew, your grandfather is here to pick you up

obviously only a few examples, but if you have kids for purely selfish reasons without consideration, you are selfihs

Rc2702 · October 12, 2016

1 hour ago, hellohello123 said:

here are two of my personal experiences,

1. childhood friend: mother asian 30, father late 50s white

he lost his father when he was 5, often would cry at school and picked on for his situation

2. one of my students, mother asian, father white and about 50 , but looked older

always had teachers/friends saying "andrew, your grandfather is here to pick you up

obviously only a few examples, but if you have kids for purely selfish reasons without consideration, you are selfihs

What a load of rubbish. A child can lose a parent through death and divorce at any age and it will likely have a negative impact. Kid cries at school and is mocked, sad but that kid had a father for 5 years, the first 5 years which are said to be most important. The teachers and other elders & children assumed the father was the grandfather, bloody hell it's the end of the world I never knew people were so presumptuous. Get a grip if they are your two damming reasons for why it is a bad idea then you have lived a very sheltered life and I'd be more concerned about you being tasked with educating a child than the age of a parent.

hellohello123 · October 12, 2016

4 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

What a load of rubbish. A child can lose a parent through death and divorce at any age and it will likely have a negative impact. Kid cries at school and is mocked, sad but that kid had a father for 5 years, the first 5 years which are said to be most important. The teachers and other elders & children assumed the father was the grandfather, bloody hell it's the end of the world I never knew people were so presumptuous. Get a grip if they are your two damming reasons for why it is a bad idea then you have lived a very sheltered life and I'd be more concerned about you being tasked with educating a child than the age of a parent.

you are funny, let me guess you are one of the 50-60s and had your first child thinking that you are doign the world a favour

the above are 2 examples on top of others as is just the start of a comprehensive list

and let me guess that you are one of those that says anything can happen so you selfishly do whatever you feel like

so if your doctor said your child was going to be 99% severly disabled and would require 24/7 care. you will say "stuff you, I want a child, I am HANSUM, even a young person could have a disabled baby too"?

dont make me laugh

Rc2702 · October 12, 2016

13 minutes ago, hellohello123 said:

you are funny, let me guess you are one of the 50-60s and had your first child thinking that you are doign the world a favour

the above are 2 examples on top of others as is just the start of a comprehensive list

and let me guess that you are one of those that says anything can happen so you selfishly do whatever you feel like

so if your doctor said your child was going to be 99% severly disabled and would require 24/7 care. you will say "stuff you, I want a child, I am HANSUM, even a young person could have a disabled baby too"?

dont make me laugh

No my dear I am 35 and my first child is due in March, a boy. I just have the ability to look at things from a different perspective and a father for 5 years will be very valuable v a father for no years (single mothers from birth) and let's be honest those two examples if picked from a "comprehensive" list were very poor but as you noted they are your experiences. Let me guess, your not really a teacher but perhaps as you have a TEFL 3 day armband you think you are!

I will say; planning to have a child at 65 seems a bit odd, accidents do happen and those chaps that plan at that type of age to have children, well I think they are a major minority at least I hope so but to those accidental parents and they are a majority, well I hope it pans out for all concerned but not having a father is very common around the world and thailand actually seems more set up than most countries to handle that situation such is the emphasis on family.

brewsterbudgen · October 12, 2016

No my dear I am 35 and my first child is due in March, a boy. I just have the ability to look at things from a different perspective and a father for 5 years will be very valuable v a father for no years (single mothers from birth) and let's be honest those two examples if picked from a "comprehensive" list were very poor but as you noted they are your experiences. Let me guess, your not really a teacher but perhaps as you have a TEFL 3 day armband you think you are!

I will say; planning to have a child at 65 seems a bit odd, accidents do happen and those chaps that plan at that type of age to have children, well I think they are a major minority at least I hope so but to those accidental parents and they are a majority, well I hope it pans out for all concerned but not having a father is very common around the world and thailand actually seems more set up than most countries to handle that situation such is the emphasis on family.

Excellent reasoned response to one of many ridiculous comments on this thread.

pigeonjake · October 12, 2016

14 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

No my dear I am 35 and my first child is due in March, a boy. I just have the ability to look at things from a different perspective and a father for 5 years will be very valuable v a father for no years (single mothers from birth) and let's be honest those two examples if picked from a "comprehensive" list were very poor but as you noted they are your experiences. Let me guess, your not really a teacher but perhaps as you have a TEFL 3 day armband you think you are!

I will say; planning to have a child at 65 seems a bit odd, accidents do happen and those chaps that plan at that type of age to have children, well I think they are a major minority at least I hope so but to those accidental parents and they are a majority, well I hope it pans out for all concerned but not having a father is very common around the world and thailand actually seems more set up than most countries to handle that situation such is the emphasis on family.

Great answer,

Couldn't be a teacher in his own country,

Found Thailand were the pussie is cheap and hay ho another teacher living from month to month

brewsterbudgen · October 13, 2016

Great answer,
Couldn't be a teacher in his own country,
Found Thailand were the pussie is cheap and hay ho another teacher living from month to month

To be fair, unlike in Thailand, TEFL jobs in the UK tend to be short-term seasonal contracts.

tartempion · October 13, 2016

My partner's idiot brother had a baby girl and the mother left him when the baby was 3 months young. To keep a long story short we took in the baby when she was 11 months. Unfortunately the idiot father is still around somewhere.
She is almost 6 years now and I am a very old fart.
But these are the most rewarding years of my life. I spend most of my time with her, she is so much fun, hyperactive, fluent in Thai and English, beginning to speak French and very intelligent.
She is attending a private school and doing a lot better than the average Thai child, she is very lucky to have caring parents, I see so much shit around us in the village, lack of education.

I know I am running out of time, but in my working days I could not be such a good father.
As for fathering a child age 60+, not intelligent at best, but it might turn out positive.

MalandLee · October 13, 2016

19 minutes ago, tartempion said:

My partner's idiot brother had a baby girl and the mother left him when the baby was 3 months young. To keep a long story short we took in the baby when she was 11 months. Unfortunately the idiot father is still around somewhere.
She is almost 6 years now and I am a very old fart.
But these are the most rewarding years of my life. I spend most of my time with her, she is so much fun, hyperactive, fluent in Thai and English, beginning to speak French and very intelligent.
She is attending a private school and doing a lot better than the average Thai child, she is very lucky to have caring parents, I see so much shit around us in the village, lack of education.

I know I am running out of time, but in my working days I could not be such a good father.
As for fathering a child age 60+, not intelligent at best, but it might turn out positive.

Good onya mate - you sound like a decent bloke...

Rc2702 · October 13, 2016

18 hours ago, pigeonjake said:

Great answer,

Couldn't be a teacher in his own country,

Found Thailand were the pussie is cheap and hay ho another teacher living from month to month

Something tells me that happy 123 is a female so I'm doubtful they are here for cheap pussie as you say. I could be wrong on both counts of course just seemed like a deluded feminine biassed comment.

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