Farang+ Thai partner choices.

[Elkski]

I am new here, I did look around and think this is the right place for this but a Relationship, love and romance section would have fit better.

 

I am a 56 yr old fit and healthy male from America. This past may started to consider Thailand as a place to retire and maybe even  place to find a long term partner.  This idea started innocently enough while researching for a scuba dive vacation in April 2016.  In America I don't think many people even know anyone who has retired, visited,  or chose a Thai woman for a relationship.  So this whole Thailand idea is a learning experience for me.  By training and career as well as personality I am a problem solver.  I guess my current problem that occupies lots of bandwidth in my brain is finding a partner for my next 35 years. I feel that 3 years after my divorce I am more than ready to know what I want and have my baggage properly stored in the closet.

So I'm  searching for dive sites and deals which led me to a discussion board where the OP asked if his salary offer as a teacher would support a decent lifestyle in BKK. Then on to  blogs and posts about some farangs good wife  and some farangs horror story and more info about costs to retire in Thailand.  Up next pops up a free Asian dating site. The timing of all of this was 3 years after my 30 year relationship with my EX ended and I was contemplating dropping out of the fast lane in USA and choosing a slower life style where I take time to smell each rose along the road. Why not combine scuba and a few dates and temples on my travels.

On to the meat of my rambling. no pun intended.

I have realized that there are many types of women in Thailand. They are as varied as the men who go there to seek them. 

I have never paid directly for a woman's love and don't plan to start now so I wont talk about bar girls. Yes I have made two trips for a total of 6 weeks and resisted the bar scene.  I did do Patong walking street one night and walked the beach road in Pattaya one evening after a dive trip but this was not for me.

As an american we are ok with dating a woman  5-6 years younger. but much younger than that and the stares and snide remarks begin.   I did not know that  women in SE Asia don't mind a man 15-20 years their senior, so I had focused my dating site attentions on 45-50 year old women prior to my two trips  with just a couple outliers down to 38 that I talked to. Yes, I admit  my fantasies ran a bit wild after getting 15-20 emails each day on the free dating site.. Of course I found out on this FREE dating site you had to pay to read the emails! So 85$ later  I had 3 months membership.  I think I am pretty good at sorting the wheat from the chaff and also I found stickmans site as well as other resources and warnings so I blocked the few that asked about my ability to care for them and family in the first or 2nd exchange. I also thing communication is important so IF I only got one work replies to my direct questions I politely said good bye.

I focused on non smoking, and not obese, not models attractive faces but something I wouldn't mind waking up to forever. Note here that I am sure some of the women I talked to or even ended up meeting on my trips would be considered out of shape by Asian standards and many of your farangs who have been in Thailand for more than 2 weeks..  I was unaware and still using 2016 American standards at this time. Not that I am ruling out a non model body in the future!  I am focusing on finding a  long term quality partner.  I think I weeded out all the bar girls/ sex workers but I am a trust but verify guy. Of course we all want innocent women with pro like skills so I don't mind past partners within limits.

So the groups of women I ended up finding and focusing on  consist of:.

 

1 &2) under 40 with and with out children at home.

3&4) Over 40 with and without children at home. children under 16 and over creates two groups.

5&6)   Those with great careers.   Either retired or really gung ho! and still needing many years to prove them selves in a career. "Stand on my own legs"

 common quote I hear.

 

Each group can be further divided by these distinctions.  College degree, or not,  decent,  good or very good English skills, Debt or pensions,  Job or no job while being mom, willing to dress in modern Western clothing or no way,

 

I guess I am asking about what groups I am missing and what groups I should be focusing on?

I have met some wonderful women and I am impressed. I am not dating American women these past 3 months since being back in the USA because they just dont interest me right now.  I am not currently on any dating sites.  I am more in a learning mode. I do keep in touch with some I met and some I didn't. I am closing out my affairs so I am free for long term travels and learning about visa's and many other things.

 

Edited November 2, 2016 by Elkski
a few typo's mostly

[ukrules]

Good luck with that, you're going to need it !

[nottocus]

Over analysing it.

[ScotBkk]

Good luck with that, you're going to need it !

Yeah I agree

If he doesn't bore the arse off them first !!

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[shadmo63]

What about 'falling in love'? I'd add 'integrity' to your list. I think you realise you have a big learning curve. I'd spend a year or two in Thailand first before making any big commitments. And I'd stay away from TV for advice, unless you want to rapidly become bitter and twisted.


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[Elkski]

Well considering my first wife and I were together for 30 years I think my thinking  can be fruitful.

I should add that I spent time in BKK, Ayutthaya, Pattaya, Rayong, Sriracha, pang gna, Koh Samui, Phuket, Hau Hin, Phitsanuluk, and koh Phi Phi.

I guess I am so new that I don't know what quality of women are within my reach.  So I guess I'm asking about who my target demographic should be considering my age and willingness to live part time in thailand and learn the culture. I have read enough forums to know that many of you are just trolls and sometimes I laugh.  I have thick skin. But please try to share your knowledge with me. 

Why do I need good luck?.. I don't believe Luck has much place in love and relationships. I do hope to fall in love but based on my past that occurs very slowly for me.  It seems that Thai women know so quickly.  I hope that didn't open up the flood gates of trolls? I hope to keep my  integrity.  Although sex is 30% of a successful relationship and  some just wont do! I am not into training from scratch or trying to change lazy habits.  With all the modern methods we now have for reaching vast numbers of partners online its a new and evolving game. I do think it best that I come to Thailand and live someplace and try to meet people in non bar settings. I know I should take my time to fit in some and that may bear the best fruit..  I have already poked my nose in it just on my initial visits.  I like the smell.

Edited November 2, 2016 by Elkski

[ScotBkk]

Well considering my first wife and I were together for 30 years I think my thinking  can be fruitful.
I should add that I spent time in BKK, Ayutthaya, Pattaya, Rayong, Sriracha, pang gna, Koh Samui, Phuket, Hau Hin, Phitsanuluk, and koh Phi Phi.
I guess I am so new that I don't know what quality of women are within my reach.  So I guess I'm asking about who my target demographic should be considering my age and willingness to live part time in thailand and learn the culture. I have read enough forums to know that many of you are just trolls and sometimes I laugh.  I have thick skin. But please try to share your knowledge with me. 
Why do I need good luck?.. I don't believe Luck has much place in love and relationships. I do hope to fall in love but based on my past that occurs very slowly for me.  It seems that Thai women know so quickly.  I hope that didn't open up the flood gates of trolls? I hope to keep my  integrity.  Although sex is 30% of a successful relationship and  some just wont do! I am not into training from scratch or trying to change lazy habits.  With all the modern methods we now have for reaching vast numbers of partners online its a new and evolving game. I do think it best that I come to Thailand and live someplace and try to meet people in non bar settings. I know I should take my time to fit in some and that may bear the best fruit..  I have already poked my nose in it just on my initial visits.  I like the smell.

At the end of the day your ability to connect with TV members comes down to how you make them feel. Knowing through experience your in for a rough ride I'm afraid.

Romantics seem to have crawled out the woodwork of late and truly suggest the responses you're gonna get will not be suffice for your needs. Man-up and go root a few Thai women and get the deadly deed sorted out.

Alcohol makes other people less tedious, and food less bland, and can help provide what the Greeks called entheos. Thai women fake orgasms and men fake finances.




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[Elkski]

and where is the useful info in that?  I think I can tell fake O's thanks very much.  I think I was respectable but still sampled some goods. All this internet talk of man up and dominate the women..   I think I can hang and not be a pushover.   I do  think i am going to have to bring many hops and brew my own IPA as the beers offered in LOS was dismal. I did find one little dive near the China hotel that had some nice beers.  I dont use beer goggles any longer and wont use alcohol to trick a woman.. I have passed up many wounded quarry.  I am an ethical bow hunter type.  

[theguyfromanotherforum]

I have one simple tip for anyone. After a bit of chatting ask for her Facebook account and check the pictures from her workplace. In Thailand, that will tell you more about the person than pictures with friends, family, etc...

[sirmud63]

4 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

I have one simple tip for anyone. After a bit of chatting ask for her Facebook account and check the pictures from her workplace. In Thailand, that will tell you more about the person than pictures with friends, family, etc...

most girls i know have 2 or more fb pages . and they change them regularly. you will not see anything on fb that they dont want you to know .  go for the ones that dont have fb , thats a step in the right direction . 

 

[Elkski]

I think I am used to top quality women ( mind included) and  may be aiming at a different demographic than most. I dont see anything but trouble as I go younger than 40.   Maybe the under 30 bug will kick in but I am done having kids. Dont plan to change another diaper in my life. Unless it's on my old partner...  lol  there seems to be many quality women who were tossed aside in their 40's by Thai husbands. Child support seems to be non existent but some of these women buckled down and did quite well with degrees and careers to be proud of.   SO I guess cal lme a sucker or something as I surf in the castaways. 

[ScotBkk]

and where is the useful info in that?  I think I can tell fake O's thanks very much.  I think I was respectable but still sampled some goods. All this internet talk of man up and dominate the women..   I think I can hang and not be a pushover.   I do  think i am going to have to bring many hops and brew my own IPA as the beers offered in LOS was dismal. I did find one little dive near the China hotel that had some nice beers.  I dont use beer goggles any longer and wont use alcohol to trick a woman.. I have passed up many wounded quarry.  I am an ethical bow hunter type.  

Thailand is a sexual Paradise a kind of Disney World on Heat.

The penis is “kind of a barometer of the sympathetic nervous system,” So the greeting, “How’s it hanging?” is more apt than you might have realised.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's 4,000 baht.

Personally I won't go to bed with a women unless I've met her for at least 2 minutes !!

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[Elkski]

I thought it was 1000 for short time and 2000 till her next shift.?? I am sorry but I am a germaphobe and may never use a hooker.. unless my future partner insists. 

[ScotBkk]

I thought it was 1000 for short time and 2000 till her next shift.?? I am sorry but I am a germaphobe and may never use a hooker.. unless my future partner insists. 

Naw I don't hump Dinosaurs my friend
I love those young 20' something's they've more zest and value for money telling me all night I'm velly hansum


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[theguyfromanotherforum]

1 hour ago, sirmud63 said:

 go for the ones that dont have fb 

 

 

Ahh... always wanted to use one of those.

 

 

Edited November 3, 2016 by theguyfromanotherforum

[villagefarang]

Just a couple observations.  I have never been a fan of hunting for a partner as I find it too goal oriented and takes away from enjoying the ride.  My preference was to live and interesting life which brought me into contact with people who enjoyed the same things I did and introduced me to new experiences.  My wife is twenty years younger and I cannot imagine having anything in common with a woman my age.  Learning the language and learning how to navigate life in Thailand without the help of a female guide is very helpful.  Throw out your lists and categories and be more open to experiencing new things and following new paths.

 

I realize things are different these days but I did spend a great 20 years as a single guy in Thailand before I got married and have now been happily married for nearly the same length of time.  Both lives have been great.  Why not try being the bait instead of the hunter and see who is attracted to you.

[Elkski]

2 hours ago, ScotBkk said:

Naw I don't hump Dinosaurs my friend
I love those young 20' something's they've more zest and value for money telling me all night I'm velly hansum

If 40 is a dinosaur to you then your young and can look forward to how a woman can improve with age.  I lived with a woman near half my life.  I like their company and to sleep next to a woman everyday.  It may sound boring compared to renting every few days but I think it's Safer for your health and more satisfying long term.   Once your both tested and monogamous everything goes el natural. 

 

[Berkshire]

4 hours ago, Elkski said:

 I do hope to fall in love but based on my past that occurs very slowly for me.  It seems that Thai women know so quickly. 

 

How do you arrive at the conclusion that Thai women fall in love quickly?  When it comes to relationships with foreigners, there are some Thai women who can "pretend" to fall in love very quickly.  The rest, not so much. 

[starky]

31 minutes ago, villagefarang said:

Just a couple observations.  I have never been a fan of hunting for a partner as I find it too goal oriented and takes away from enjoying the ride.  My preference was to live and interesting life which brought me into contact with people who enjoyed the same things I did and introduced me to new experiences.  My wife is twenty years younger and I cannot imagine having anything in common with a woman my age.  Learning the language and learning how to navigate life in Thailand without the help of a female guide is very helpful.  Throw out your lists and categories and be more open to experiencing new things and following new paths.

 

I realize things are different these days but I did spend a great 20 years as a single guy in Thailand before I got married and have now been happily married for nearly the same length of time.  Both lives have been great.  Why not try being the bait instead of the hunter and see who is attracted to you.

Look im hearing you and there is nothing like the exuberance of youth especially in a sexual partner but you are really extracting the urine when you say you would have nothing in common with a woman your own age. Not only is it insulting to a whole generation of women its a fallacy. I assume all your male friends are at least 20 years younger than you as well because what could you possibly have in common with someone your own age?

[villagefarang]

8 minutes ago, starky said:

Look im hearing you and there is nothing like the exuberance of youth especially in a sexual partner but you are really extracting the urine when you say you would have nothing in common with a woman your own age. Not only is it insulting to a whole generation of women its a fallacy. I assume all your male friends are at least 20 years younger than you as well because what could you possibly have in common with someone your own age?

To be honest I am not particularly fond of males my age either.  They are just too damn old.  Sorry if old people are insulted but that is how I feel.

[1FinickyOne]

Hi Elksi - 

 

It does sound as if you are analyzing too much and trying too hard... you do not need to catgorize and think in terms of groups as you will not be picking a group but an individual. You will not be choosing a demographic, but a person. What demographic or group that person will come from is not really important...

 

You should take the time to learn something about the culture too... there are so many things I could comment on in your postings that sound a bit out of touch w/the different realities here. You mention many women in their 40s who have been tossed off - there are even more who have been tossed off in their 20s after a kid or two... 

 

I live out in the countryside and the ladies here would far more be interested in qualities of kindness and calmness than appearances. After 30, many feel they do not have many choices, and they would just like a decent guy. Anyway, this is an expansive topic. Come on over, learn a few words here and there, learn something about the ladies and what they might value, and enjoy the adventure.... love is not so predictable and who you might fall in love with, well, they might not be the one who matches your plans... 

 

I think you need to relax and let it happen. 

[Elkski]

I am guilty of over analyzing things.  So have 20 single years then 20 married to a gal 20 yrs junior sounds ok.  So your 65 and she 45?   But I am done making kids and will think hard before I help raise more.  In fact why would I choose a woman 49-50 with teens when there are many who's children are grown and gone.  A woman of 38 may be a nice idea but they will have children or want some. I would like to have a positive impact in a teen but that thought passes quickly.   I do worry that they love me like a winning lottery ticket.  

I did develop quite a few relationships online before visiting.  I am getting pretty good at correlating online personas to real life.  There are so many women looking for a nice farang.  I feel I should narrow my search dowm.   

[Elkski]

I really think my choice to focus above 40 is firm as is no children unless something else is super special.  I have met some 50 yr old Thai women with very nice bodies.    I was just asking for help deciding tge merits of various gals, careers or not.   I am not the guy to just fall for the first needle in the hay.  I also don't like breaking hearts by spending a couple weeks with many women.  It's all confusing.   I have learned much about Thailand in the last 8-9 months.  But realize it's a very different culture.  I have met old fashioned types and westernized types.  They all seem like normal women in private.  

[villagefarang]

46 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I am guilty of over analyzing things.  So have 20 single years then 20 married to a gal 20 yrs junior sounds ok.  So your 65 and she 45?   But I am done making kids and will think hard before I help raise more.  In fact why would I choose a woman 49-50 with teens when there are many who's children are grown and gone.  A woman of 38 may be a nice idea but they will have children or want some. I would like to have a positive impact in a teen but that thought passes quickly.   I do worry that they love me like a winning lottery ticket.  

I did develop quite a few relationships online before visiting.  I am getting pretty good at correlating online personas to real life.  There are so many women looking for a nice farang.  I feel I should narrow my search dowm.   

Just to clarify, met at 23 and 43.  Married at 25 and 45 and we decided no kids.  We are now 42 and 62.  Pretty, sexy, intelligent, modern, adventurous and athletic all in one package.  You only need to find one and I never would have found her online.

[1FinickyOne]

27 minutes ago, Elkski said:

I am guilty of over analyzing things.  So have 20 single years then 20 married to a gal 20 yrs junior sounds ok.  So your 65 and she 45?   But I am done making kids and will think hard before I help raise more.  In fact why would I choose a woman 49-50 with teens when there are many who's children are grown and gone.  A woman of 38 may be a nice idea but they will have children or want some. I would like to have a positive impact in a teen but that thought passes quickly.   I do worry that they love me like a winning lottery ticket.  

I did develop quite a few relationships online before visiting.  I am getting pretty good at correlating online personas to real life.  There are so many women looking for a nice farang.  I feel I should narrow my search dowm.   

 

Love & compatibility is just not easy to fit into a linear, near mathematical equation... there is chemistry and pheromones involved too... it is not easy to predict by a list of character traits which lady might touch your heart. Each lady, each situation will be different. You can make your lists of criteria if you like to spend your time that way, but as most of us, you will find that there will or can be compromises. 

 

Ok, so, you meet a 38 yr old and she has a kid - - she is from Petchabun - you want to live in Phuket [though why I cannot imagine - but that's me] - - - she is happy to have a nice fellow and she will gladly move to Phuket to be with you and her parents will care for the kid as is very typical here. You don't want kids - - but if the kid visits you during school break, is that so bad? And then next year, you go spend a week in Petchabun  - - it is sort of an adventure - is that so bad... and after a couple of years, you come to real like the kid, - and the kid likes you - and you can help the kid have a better life - is that a problem, to have more love in your life? Even if not something you initially wanted or planned? Can you adjust for a positive in your life - of course you can, though it may not seem like it prior to its happening...

 

You can be a list maker and a planner and there is nothing wrong with it, but in life, things happen. 

 

I guess I was about your age when i decided to build a house in my wife's village. We had been together a couple of years. Sure, it was not my first choice of where to live - but I am flexible and it was her dream - her family is very nice and offered us some land too... Ok, I saw a home base... come and go as I please [and i do] but my wife saw a home, her home and before I knew it, we had dogs and were raising a niece. Nobody ever asked me, nor did they ask me to change a diaper or anything else. But my wife made it a lovely home and her family was glad to help out with absolutely anything to make life easier... my dogs are wonderful, my niece is a total delight and I pick her up at school near every day. And I am spending most of my time enjoying my life in a small village.. 

 

I could not have predicted any of this - often was not even my decision and nothing was asked of me - you make your choices as you go along and life is not always as we plan... I surely did not plan this, but surrounded by nice people, it might be better than a life i could have planned by myself... 

[Elkski]

Nice story!  Thanks.  Im not set on phuket as you can travel there easily.  I am not sure I could ever separate a mother and child like that.  I have talked to several who's children were being cared for far away by family.   

Part of the problem is I feel like a kid in a candy store.  Also hunting may have been a poor analogy.  But bait?

Thanks folks 

[1FinickyOne]

56 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Nice story!  Thanks.  Im not set on phuket as you can travel there easily.  I am not sure I could ever separate a mother and child like that.  I have talked to several who's children were being cared for far away by family.   

Part of the problem is I feel like a kid in a candy store.  Also hunting may have been a poor analogy.  But bait?

Thanks folks 

 

Well, I was just using examples... not that anyone would want to live in Phuket... but you raised a good example of cultural differences. You are being very kind and sensitive, [both are qualities that will be strongly in your favor here] in not wanting to separate a mother from her child, but that is extremely commonplace here... and just as likely that if you don't come along, she might leave Petchabun [or anywhere baan nork] and move to Phuket for a better job. So, a mother leaving her kids with her parent's and sisters and a bunch of relatives is really not a big deal for a Thai lady. 

 

lets say you meet 2 ladies... one fits all of your criteria and she is a lovely lady too... everything that adds up on paper... perfect score...

 

And there is another lady who has a decent score but not near the first one. She has flaws. She has a kid,  she is only 35, but she really loves you, needs you and you enjoy spending time with her and really love her too... 

 

Your list becomes meaningless and the choice obvious.

 

A long time ago, when I was in love with the wrong woman, as young folk will do, a friend said to me, "you can't help who you fall in love with"

[Elkski]

Your already helping me to understand this 20 yr younger concept.  It's so hard to grasp.  But of course most 38 yr olds attract me more than 50.   Compare this to the 59 yr old American women who reach out to me and are offended and get irate when I tell them I prefer younger as in 45-50.  Was just called a pervert yesterday by a 59 yr old.  

So I'm thinking how will a 38 yr old look in 15 years compared to a 59 yr old?   Hmm.  I may see the light. But is it a train??

Edited November 3, 2016 by Elkski
Spelling

[Fabricus]

1 hour ago, Elkski said:

Your already helping me to understand this 20 yr younger concept.  It's so hard to grasp.

 

Anyone can get a girl 15 or 20 years younger, but they're only in it for the green. If you're happy with that, go for it.

 

One thing I've found is that girls don't really mature until they hit 30 and have kids. 

 

A 30-year-old Thai girl without kids is just a girl; a 30-year-old mother is a woman. Here in Thailand there's a huge difference between girls and women.

 

I've been chatting to a very attractive girl in the deep south. She's 35 and well traveled, but has never had children. To me this is abnormal, and I doubt I'll waste time hooking up with her.

 

To be frank, the best advice is probably to ignore everyone else's advice (especially mine!) and discover things for yourself. I'm sure you'll be okay! 

 

Bonne chance.

 

 

[swissie]

 

"The plans of men and mice".

One can try to plan a career in business. Seems to me, OP is almost mathematically trying to plan his future love life. Good luck !

Love comes and love (may) go. A game of chance and emotion. Useless to bring "logic" and "planning" into the equation.

If it is essential for an individual to include any sort of "planning" concerning a long term relationship, then the fact that about 50% of marriages fail, is about the only thing within this "game of chance" that can mathematically be supported.
Cheers.