Move back after decades away from Thailand

[ThaisGood]

Hi. I spent some years in Thailand as a student, learned to speak Thai pretty well.  That was almost 30 years ago (!).  I was in Bangkok.  Married a Thai lady, she's been a good wife.  We raised three kids, two are in college.  I gave everything I had to raising the kids.  Really didn't spend much time in Thailand over the years, rarely visited.  

 

Now I am nearly 50 and see that I can get a visa to stay there.  Good timing, we own some property that is nearly paid for and rented out fetches decent income.  We could save a lot of money and not even work at all, in Muang Thai.

 

I wonder if marriages such as mine are likely to survive? I suppose a lot of contributors to this forum see farang/Thai couples moving back after years abroad.  Here in USA my wife is, well, let's say she is very Americanized.  That's fine because we live in this culture.  But she's not the shapely one I married, she became a good cook let's just say that.  If we stay here I can tolerate what I got.  

 

I can imagine going to Thailand, my wife ends up spending tons of time with her family and all the goofy fortune-teller nonsense, handing out money left and right.  Then I take on a younger woman and get scammed out of more cash.  Frankly I can't see us resettling in Thailand and living out our years in peace.  

 

What usually happens?  Maybe there is not a usual.

[NickJ]

Some of that fortune telling mumbo-jumbo must have rubbed off. Nail on the head.

[bubblewrap]

That was a hard read, OP.  You've also successfully managed to second guess this new life before you've even landed.

 

I suppose you might as well stay in the US then.

[Kwasaki]

Your question l would say it is anyone's guess what would happen.

[llso]

 Wow, Your last paragraph describes exactly what happened to a neighbor of mine in a similar situation as yours. After selling off everything and moving back to Thailand. She is remarried to a Thai and he after going off the deep end living with a young Thai girl wound up homeless on the streets after he was broke. He is now living back in his home country penniless. I am not suggesting this would happen to you, but this is not an uncommon occurrence.

 

LL

 

Any similarities to person living or dead is purely coincidental

Edited November 23, 2016 by llso

[dbrenn]

It sounds like the OP is bored with his wife, and is going back to Thailand with the intention of finding a new girlfriend.

[IMA_FARANG]

The "romance" and the "newness" wear off after some years don't they?

That is a common story.

That is just the reality of the situation.

We all get older and the Bloom on the flower fases away.

Either the couple learns to adapt and deal with it or both of them one of them can't deal with the reality of the situation.

 

 

 

[dotpoom]

 

 "But she's not the shapely one I married, she became a good cook let's just say that.  If we stay here I can tolerate what I got. "

I hope you might have taught your children to respect their spouses a little better than yourself. As for the rest of your post....might be good for the wife if you yourself went off to Thailand.

 

 

[mstevens]

You've been married 30 years so it would appear the two of you are solid together.

 

I cannot imagine how Thailand is changed in the time since you left so why not take a holiday and check the place out for a couple of weeks and see what you make of the changes.  It might be that you love all the changes to the country or it might be that you don't....but it would it not be sensible to check it out and see how it has changed before you planned any big move?

[daveAustin]

So you're saying being in the US with a big girl (?) is not an issue since she blends in (), whereas you might not trust yourself coming back here and being surrounded by slim lovelies? I think you'll find after the initial excitement, it won't be as you envisage. If you're woman is Americanized, she'll less likely be swayed by the mumbo-jumbo. If you do get frisky, may I suggest a visit to a discreet massage parlour as opposed to a bar. 

[catman20]

sounds to me like the wife's a fat old porker  and the OP wants, needs a bit more of what he once had in the wife. dont blame him you only live once. ENJOY 

[AlQaholic]

Come to Thailand and settle as far away from wife's relatives as possible, such as an Island. Go to Koh Tao and buy a small Guest House......

[ThaisGood]

32 minutes ago, daveAustin said:

So you're saying being in the US with a big girl (?) is not an issue since she blends in (), whereas you might not trust yourself coming back here and being surrounded by slim lovelies? I think you'll find after the initial excitement, it won't be as you envisage. If you're woman is Americanized, she'll less likely be swayed by the mumbo-jumbo. If you do get frisky, may I suggest a visit to a discreet massage parlour as opposed to a bar. 

Yes. Thank you all above for responding. 

 

To be specific my wife, who kept her Thai sense of humor (she had always been a good joker like her father was), came here and had three kids so I understand the weight issues.  She is a good 40 lbs heavier and it's not a pretty sight with the big mid section, but after all she and I came a long way. Actually our marriage is 22 years.  We could move south to a better climate here. I am just needing a change, recognize the so-called midlife crisis.  I guess it's hitting me.  I can't stand these winters, and I no longer need to be stuck here. 

 

We both worked hard on the finances.  She was never a money waster (Thai/Chinese).  But her weakness seems to be superstitions. I am like many of you here maybe, Thai wife has a superstitious explanation for everything.  She gets talked into anything on her trips back to stay with her mom. It's always fortune tellers, monk asks to sponsor a cow to stay alive, etc. Her brothers are pretty useless too. So I'd say this is her weakness, she could get hit up hard for money in Thailand.  I can almost sense she's afraid of it too 

 

As for me, I got involved with sports for our two boys. I really became somewhat of a health nut. Not overweight at all.  And let's face it, as men we do stupid things for beautiful women, and I find Thai to be just gorgeous. Here, I haven't a chance to have a relationship with a sexy Thai lady 20 years younger. Not a chance! It's almost funny to think about it.  No way.  I am basically 90% sure if I move there, I'll end up with something on the side. 

[Sharp]

I've have a couple of friends who have actually came back to Thailand with the long standing now larger than average Thai wife's and shall we say, occasionally 'play up' in a very discreet fashion, who both agree its saved their marriages , maybe wrong but they are still together and the wife's seem happy... Not sure it would be the case if they found out but due to the ease of doing it here they reckon there's no need to flaunt it and will definitely stay with the wife's...

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[Stevemercer]

I think you have a fair idea of what would happen if you move to Thailand. Yes, your wife will be caught in the middle between her family always needing money and her responsibilities to you. She will be kept busy with family and friends. You will be flattered by all the attention of the lovely Thai ladies and, sooner or later, will succumb. That is not necessarily a bad thing provided you can keep it discreet and not waste too much money..

 

One thing that hasn't changed in Thailand is gossip, gossip, gossip and the need to save face. Like other posters have suggested, why not come over for one or two months and see how it goes.

 

If you want to say you must have a plan about what you will do. That could be building a house, farming, keeping fit or whatever. Retirement in Thailand is the same as anywhere, make sure you have meaning in your life to keep you grounded and to avoid drifting around. 

[transam]

OP......Sounds like you just want to fool around.......

[samuibeachcomber]

the way america is going thailand might be a safe haven

[ChrisKC]

Interesting post. I think it would be an idea to have a couple of months holiday  and see if there are tendencies developing towards your fears.

If your relationship is strong and you both have continued faith in it, maybe all will be well. Arguably, why change a winning formula?

I am disappointed in one aspect in your post and that relates to the shape of your wife seemingly being the main tendency for YOU to stray.

Edited November 24, 2016 by ChrisKC
corrected typo

[Deepinthailand]

Can I ask what was the point in posting this drivel did you want to get a slap on the back for suggesting you become a buterflie or getting you wife slaved off for something she has not done. I would suggest you go see a shrink in the States you have some serious issues to sort out on your own personality. in my opinion of course

[Mousehound]

You clearly have it all worked out.   Have you considered that she might be better off without you?

[JHolmesJr]

Stay where you are….in the US you still have some semblance of control….in thailand you will be at the mercy of anyone in her family who wants to mess with you

[1FinickyOne]

Funny stuff - - you seemed to have covered enough bases that you might as well go back and sit on the bench... or step up to the plate with the option of "none of the above" taking into account that you are unique, a snowflake - [just like everyone else?]

 

You might want to break down some of your - what usually happens part... what usually happens to people who can't speak Thai is usually very different than what happens to people who can... 

 

what usually happens to people who are struggling financially is different than people who are more secure...

 

what usually happens to people who are angry by nature...

 

what usually happens to people who can find some love and respect for family members, helping out youngsters getting education and elderly parents, while not breaking the bank of course... 

 

what usually happens to people who are kindly and sharing rather than mean-spirited and stingy w/their good fortune... 

 

what happens to people who tend to be light-hearted and smiling as opposed to people who feel they got cheated out of 2 baht in the market... 

 

what happens to people who have an understanding that they are indeed moving to another culture and it is not going to be the same as home..

 

what happens to people who feel it is a privilege to be allowed to stay here as opposed to those who feel that their host country should feel privileged to have them here [yes, there are actually people on this forum that feel that way] and should change laws to accommodate them because they spend a few dollars here.... though it is not a raindrop in a thunderstorm...

 

ok, some things to consider... 

[Kabula]

Most women today are staring in their smart phones or Ipads looking for better deals on the Internet for security for their family members and friends.

 

The way I see your options are stay in the U.S. and expose yourself to all the Nazi demonstrators, pissed off people from the middle east who lost everything, Mexico, Central America and South America gangs, and drug cartel border jumpers who have an agenda and hungry laid off neighbors when SHTF.

 

or....

 

Bring the little lady home and watch her spend hours on the Internet and spreading your retirment money around to family and friends. 

 

Don't be surprised if an old friend calls and all of a sudden she alleges a family member is sick for a week and when she returns she is happy, wide eyed and has a pink glow to her face.

 

Thailand has changed dramatically, but life is what you make it.

 

Understand women hate the word retirement knowing you will be hanging around more, less money, less security so she will probably change her attitude towards you.

 

The best option is to come back, keep your options open with younger women, rent everything and always have backup!  You must control the situation or get eaten alive.  You probably know that already!

 

The less you have today, the better.

[Mansell]

Unless you eat healthy in the States most people put on weight. There is the possibility once back on a Thai diet she could lose weight. But people usually speak the truth about themselves when just talking....and it sounds like you want some younger boom boom. 

[smotherb]

Don't see a problem; re-enter Thai culture, allot a certain amount monthly for relatives; take on a mia noi. All perfectly Thai.

[smokie36]

This reads like a tin of Spam.

[lungnorm]

I am sure you will like this small piece of information. There is a Thai custom that Thai wives do not  mind their husbands having a bit on the side. However there are a couple of strict rules that apply. 1. Never use the same bit more than once or it may appear you are treating her like a real girlfriend. 2. Always use a condom. My ex wife used to make sure my pockets had plenty of condoms and in her words she was well aware I was going to the market. Its a bit like the Japanese custom. They think there is something wrong with their husbands if they do not have a mistress, and they say the husbands return home a much better lover. I would sound your wife out and see if she thinks along these lines.

[transam]

35 minutes ago, smokie36 said:

This reads like a tin of Spam.

 

[abrahamzvi]

22 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Your question l would say it is anyone's guess what would happen.

You should really know yourself and your wife. My wife, a Thai, and I got married in Europe, we met there, some 27 years ago and after living there for 15 years we decided to retire in Thailand over 10 years ago.Nothing of what you are afraid of has happened to us, and although it took some time for us to get used to the way life here in Thailand, I think both of us can say that we have been very happy living here the last years and intend staying here for good. We do travel overseas one or twice a year, but this is not a must for us. As long as we can afford it and enjoy it. we do it. We also have 2 grown up daughters, one is already married here in Thailand and the other is doing her Masters in the UK.

[abrahamzvi]

1 hour ago, lungnorm said:

I am sure you will like this small piece of information. There is a Thai custom that Thai wives do not  mind their husbands having a bit on the side. However there are a couple of strict rules that apply. 1. Never use the same bit more than once or it may appear you are treating her like a real girlfriend. 2. Always use a condom. My ex wife used to make sure my pockets had plenty of condoms and in her words she was well aware I was going to the market. Its a bit like the Japanese custom. They think there is something wrong with their husbands if they do not have a mistress, and they say the husbands return home a much better lover. I would sound your wife out and see if she thinks along these lines.

This is a lot of nonsense. It may have happened to you, but you can't apply your own experience to other Thai women.