Have you influenced the attitudes of your Thai gf?

[williamgeorgeallen]

4 minutes ago, lungnorm said:

My ex Thai wife was as sharp as a razor and very clever at everything but it used to amaze me she had never heard of Hitler or The Beatles. I just presumed that Thai's were not what we would call 'Worldly'.

have to wonder if it is the education system or the thais seeming dis interest in the outside world.

[Retiredandhappyhere]

I have lived in Thailand for 13 years and my girlfriend and I have been living together now for 18 just months. She has a degree in marketing and has had her own businesses in the past, but as I am an ex-accountant, perhaps the most important thing she has picked up from me is the need for careful budgeting, which seems to be something that Thais generally are not only not very good at but do not see the need for.  They start a business and it either works or it does not and if it does not, they often do not know why, except that "there were not enough customers". Not too surprising if they have opened a coffee shop in a small farming community.  She now budgets her money very carefully and, at age 50, realises for the first time the need to provide for the future, even though she will be fairly well off when I depart this mortal coil.

 

Other than that, she has learned to listen quietly to my diatribes about the day's news and politics in Thailand and in the UK, although I am trying to tone them down just a bit.  Nevertheless, she does now agree that things in her country are not quite as wonderful as many think and neither is it the centre of the Universe as the Junta leaders appear to believe.  I have learned to accept many things over here which went completely against the grain initially and, as a result my girlfriend and I live in relative peace and harmony.

[lungnorm]

1 hour ago, Shiver said:

I can't think of anything that has changed in her thinking.  She accommodates my weird requests (like having some meat in a meat based meal rather than the bone, nostrils and toenails), finds it's funny that dried squid is such a repellant to male farang, doesn't complain when I want to spend time with my friends (though she cannot fathom why I don't want to go village for even 10 minutes).  Did I change anything in her?  I'm coming up empty handed.

 

One thing that has been playing on my mind this week is that on the forum we see questions about "should I learn Thai?", and answers generally go along the lines of "why should I?" to "I did, but wish I didn't as I learned that ignorance is bliss".  I mentioned to my GF when someone complimented her on how good her English is despite never putting her mind to it in University "Do you remember when we met we agreed that I'd help you learn English if you help me learn Thai?  I've kept my side of the deal, but you never encourage me to speak Thai".  Many people would see this as a control/manipulation issue.  She said "Yes, but I don't teach you because I don't want you to hear all the things people say about you and all farang".  So I guess on some level she is now more aware of non Thai behaviour and in some cases supportive of it, but I have no chance of getting the village out of her, or her belief in 'luck' and other large influences in this country.

Don't waste too much time and energy on learning Thai as you will be so disappointed on what you hear the Thai women talk about. They can sit around all day yacking and its actually nothing interesting to put it mildly. And to make it worse they repeat the stuff every 30 mins or so. Just learn enough Thai to be independent when you catch a taxi and can give directions etc or when shopping, that's really all you need.

[1FinickyOne]

38 minutes ago, lungnorm said:

My ex Thai wife was as sharp as a razor and very clever at everything but it used to amaze me she had never heard of Hitler or The Beatles. I just presumed that Thai's were not what we would call 'Worldly'.

 

It is true, that poor Thais are not often worldly, but neither were people in several areas of USA where I have lived... and since you are living here, do you know who Hnga Caravan is? Just curious. 

 

Different people know different things - - I know Hnga but sometimes I have no idea who some people are in USA who achieved celebrity during periods when I was not living there... Sometimes I startle my friends back there w/my lack of knowledge... for example, I know there is a very famous person in the news often, Kim Kardashian, but I have no idea what her talent might be that brought her such fame... 

[lungnorm]

4 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

 

It is true, that poor Thais are not often worldly, but neither were people in several areas of USA where I have lived... and since you are living here, do you know who Hnga Caravan is? Just curious. 

 

Different people know different things - - I know Hnga but sometimes I have no idea who some people are in USA who achieved celebrity during periods when I was not living there... Sometimes I startle my friends back there w/my lack of knowledge... for example, I know there is a very famous person in the news often, Kim Kardashian, but I have no idea what her talent might be that brought her such fame... 

Not my style, I like Carabao

[hdkane]

6 hours ago, The manic said:

Presumably you have not cast a critical gaze on your own paradise and shared with her the faults in your own country.  

Of course...the perceived shortcomings of my own country were some of the reasons I came to Thailand...you offer a silly statement...every place has shortcomings, depending on the needs and wants of the individual, as well as reality...

[hdkane]

2 hours ago, Shiver said:

I can't think of anything that has changed in her thinking.  She accommodates my weird requests (like having some meat in a meat based meal rather than the bone, nostrils and toenails), finds it's funny that dried squid is such a repellant to male farang, doesn't complain when I want to spend time with my friends (though she cannot fathom why I don't want to go village for even 10 minutes).  Did I change anything in her?  I'm coming up empty handed.

 

One thing that has been playing on my mind this week is that on the forum we see questions about "should I learn Thai?", and answers generally go along the lines of "why should I?" to "I did, but wish I didn't as I learned that ignorance is bliss".  I mentioned to my GF when someone complimented her on how good her English is despite never putting her mind to it in University "Do you remember when we met we agreed that I'd help you learn English if you help me learn Thai?  I've kept my side of the deal, but you never encourage me to speak Thai".  Many people would see this as a control/manipulation issue.  She said "Yes, but I don't teach you because I don't want you to hear all the things people say about you and all farang".  So I guess on some level she is now more aware of non Thai behaviour and in some cases supportive of it, but I have no chance of getting the village out of her, or her belief in 'luck' and other large influences in this country.

you hit upon the biggest challenge i've encountered...learning thai...i see it as a necessity, but it's quite difficult for me...my gf teaches me enough to communicate with her, but i find my thai is not understood by most others...

[louse1953]

This is why they want us farangs out.Changing the natural order of things and giving poor girls a chance in life instead of kowtowing down to any rich twerp.

[hdkane]

55 minutes ago, lungnorm said:

My ex Thai wife was as sharp as a razor and very clever at everything but it used to amaze me she had never heard of Hitler or The Beatles. I just presumed that Thai's were not what we would call 'Worldly'.

mine has heard of hitler and the beatles, but doesn't know the importance of them...at least in the usa, i think most people under 40 lack this appreciation as well...people are so quick to call someone hitler if they hear something they don't like...it's almost like a curse word that lost its impact...as for the beatles, if you read some of the more recent critiques/reviews of their music by young people, it's almost hilarious at how they fail in their appreciation of how original beatles music is/was...

[hdkane]

2 minutes ago, louse1953 said:

This is why they want us farangs out.Changing the natural order of things and giving poor girls a chance in life instead of kowtowing down to any rich twerp.

i never thought of that...you might be on to something...

[louse1953]

5 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

would say this is a hard thing to do from what i have seen. i take my girl and our kids back to new zealand for xmas each year. she still believes we go to europe as that is where westerners come from. as it is cool there she still thinks it is winter there despite me telling her it is summer. all of it makes very little difference as she is completely devoted to our kids.

Haven't you shown her a map?

[hdkane]

42 minutes ago, Retiredandhappyhere said:

I have lived in Thailand for 13 years and my girlfriend and I have been living together now for 18 just months. She has a degree in marketing and has had her own businesses in the past, but as I am an ex-accountant, perhaps the most important thing she has picked up from me is the need for careful budgeting, which seems to be something that Thais generally are not only not very good at but do not see the need for.  They start a business and it either works or it does not and if it does not, they often do not know why, except that "there were not enough customers". Not too surprising if they have opened a coffee shop in a small farming community.  She now budgets her money very carefully and, at age 50, realises for the first time the need to provide for the future, even though she will be fairly well off when I depart this mortal coil.

 

Other than that, she has learned to listen quietly to my diatribes about the day's news and politics in Thailand and in the UK, although I am trying to tone them down just a bit.  Nevertheless, she does now agree that things in her country are not quite as wonderful as many think and neither is it the centre of the Universe as the Junta leaders appear to believe.  I have learned to accept many things over here which went completely against the grain initially and, as a result my girlfriend and I live in relative peace and harmony.

the notion of planning for a future (or the lack of planning, really) is something i've noticed too...i actually had to explain to my last gf how to determine if something was important...the more an event impacted your future life, the more important it was...she had not real idea of the concept...perhaps it's a bhuddist perspecitve?:  i don't know... 

[hdkane]

21 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

 

It is true, that poor Thais are not often worldly, but neither were people in several areas of USA where I have lived... and since you are living here, do you know who Hnga Caravan is? Just curious. 

 

Different people know different things - - I know Hnga but sometimes I have no idea who some people are in USA who achieved celebrity during periods when I was not living there... Sometimes I startle my friends back there w/my lack of knowledge... for example, I know there is a very famous person in the news often, Kim Kardashian, but I have no idea what her talent might be that brought her such fame... 

i have no idea who hnga is...i'll check it out...i must admit that i knew i was old when i could no longer keep up with celebrities...or actors...or singers...there are simply too many of them...and i will invariably fall into the thought, "this person is just a version of (fill in the blank with the name of an older personality)"...

[Retiredandhappyhere]

I knew a University student who was having trouble paying her tuition fees and living expenses.  She met a farang who helped her out a bit whilst he stayed briefly in Thailand.  When he went back home, he sent her 40000 bahts as a one off gift, which was intended to help her pay her fees etc for the  whole of the year.  Within one week of receiving the gift, she told me excitedly that she had bought a new lap-top for 22000 and replaced her phone with the remaining 18000.  So, one week later, she was broke again.  That seems to explain why so many people here, including teachers, one of which she intends to become when she has finished University, end up with such large debts. 

Edited November 26, 2016 by Retiredandhappyhere
Grammar correction

[A1Str8]

Yes all the time. The system they live in created sheeps out of them so I feel obligated to undo it. 

[williamgeorgeallen]

14 minutes ago, louse1953 said:

Haven't you shown her a map?

i bought our a son a ball which is a globe of the earth. i play a game with him pointing out the countries. on several occasions i tried to show his mum where nz, thailand and europe are. she showed no interest.

[1FinickyOne]

29 minutes ago, lungnorm said:

Not my style, I like Carabao

 

I like Carabou too... but Hnga has legend... and speaking Thai has been a great pleasure for me... it also gives me some insight into the culture, but mostly I love the humor and being able to speak with people and listen to them talk about things that are important to them... I enjoying knowing so many Tai people in my area... 

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Of course,my wife now wants to convert to judaism,Observe Mikva and become a good 'Sadie' She wants to listen to me sing "if i was a rich man"every day and makes me tuna sandwiches when i go to the synagogue and sit at the North wall and discuss Gods messages with other rabbi's.ARE YOU SERIOUS? My wife is Thai and always will be,and i wouldnt change he for the world.She would stop being her ,and i dont want that.She is a feisty, loving,woman of 45 who still drives me crazy with desire.She is her own woman and she dont take no shit from anybody.She is guaranteed my loyalty and  faithfulness. And i will love her until the day i die.We have owned 2 bars together and been through good and bad times,but they have always been together.i hope that all married felangs have the love that i have.And if they do,they know who they are.

[acid thunder]

56 minutes ago, Retiredandhappyhere said:

She has a degree in marketing and has had her own businesses in the past, but as I am an ex-accountant, perhaps the most important thing she has picked up from me is the need for careful budgeting, which seems to be something that Thais generally are not only not very good at but do not see the need for.  

 

Sorry, but that statement is complete nonsense as a sweeping statement.  My wife is far superior to me in the budgeting department.

[1FinickyOne]

18 minutes ago, hdkane said:

the notion of planning for a future (or the lack of planning, really) is something i've noticed too...i actually had to explain to my last gf how to determine if something was important...the more an event impacted your future life, the more important it was...she had not real idea of the concept...perhaps it's a bhuddist perspecitve?:  i don't know... 

 

My wife grew up poor and went to work at an early age - - from her small salary she saved money for her parents to be able to buy a small piece of land to farm for themselves. She knows well about saving and budgeting and planning for the future, not only her own, but the next generation of family. She too is Buddhist so, I do not think it is about that, but good for you for teaching the important things. I hope it got through. 

[thai3]

Bought a hoover, she never used it, bought a proper brush from UK, she insists on using those useless small fan like brushes. I gave up.

[elliss]

6 hours ago, onthesoi said:

"Especially regarding the poor treatment of women."

 

Wait until she goes to Falangland where she'll be generally regarded as a gold digging hooker.

 

 OH so true ,   LOS ladies reputation travels fast .

        I  am lucky , i have found a good one .555

[jacko45k]

15 hours ago, The manic said:

Presumably you have not cast a critical gaze on your own paradise and shared with her the faults in your own country.  

Let her spot those herself, she is perhaps better positioned to learn them.

[adhd]

thank god our home countries are invaded by a religion that lives in the year 800

 

that will teach everybody how to live again

 

 

right ?

 

 

[lungnorm]

4 minutes ago, adhd said:

thank god our home countries are invaded by a religion that lives in the year 800

 

that will teach everybody how to live again

 

 

right ?

 

 

What !!! are you MAD!!!! I think yes

[Shiver]

16 hours ago, lungnorm said:

Don't waste too much time and energy on learning Thai as you will be so disappointed on what you hear the Thai women talk about. They can sit around all day yacking and its actually nothing interesting to put it mildly. And to make it worse they repeat the stuff every 30 mins or so. Just learn enough Thai to be independent when you catch a taxi and can give directions etc or when shopping, that's really all you need.

 

Unless they're talking directly to me, I just zone out.  I have tried on occasion to follow along in the conversation, but typically it goes something like this:

"Did you eat yet?  Did you shower yet? Are you working today?" Then rinse and repeat.

[ICECOOL]

The keepers learn. I have had the same experience. It was helped by taking my gf to Australia so she could experience organised driving and a cleaner environment. She already had common sense and a good sense of value (of my money). She is now almost as critical as me of the driving here so I don't have to say too much. Thai education is certainly overrated in my opinion.  My friends all wish she had a sister. BUT as some have stated you do need to bite your tongue on issues you simply cannot change. 

[hdkane]

23 hours ago, kenk24 said:

well, interesting topic... I would never dwell on a negative as a "Thai issue"  - - and some of the things you mentioned, my wife made sure to teach me about so I would understand Thailand better... hopefully, we have learned some things together. 

 

I have been more concerned of her naïveté in understanding scams and bad business deals... but if I wanted to make a point, I would say "people" not "Thai people" - - as scams are surely not a Thai phenomenon alone. As she has more personal experience with things like driving and business, she is learning more of what to look out for...

 

I know that any expression that began with "Thai people are... 'this or that'" would raise the hackles of most Thai people and would rarely speak that way. And I am also open and appreciative of the positive things and approaches to life I have learned from her... to generalize, I find even poor Thai people to be happier than middle class people from my home country - that means I have much to learn from them too... 

there are so many things that i value about thailand, but so many of them are "surface" attributes that are overshadowed by the drawbacks...and the virtues seem to be diminishing each year, at least for me...

[hdkane]

7 hours ago, adhd said:

thank god our home countries are invaded by a religion that lives in the year 800

 

that will teach everybody how to live again

 

 

right ?

 

 

i'm sorry, but i don't understand your comment...

[hdkane]

19 hours ago, thai3 said:

Bought a hoover, she never used it, bought a proper brush from UK, she insists on using those useless small fan like brushes. I gave up.

with my old gf, i heard constantly from her family members about sore feet from walking and working, so i bought everyone nikes...they gave them away...when her mom had headaches, i gave aspirin...she preferred the village witch doctor who would just spray water...after a few more instances, i just stopped...and eventually we separated...