Words To Live By? Thoughts? - With 2nd Thoughts?

[pgrahmm]

The following are paraprosdokians. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:
 
*If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.  
*I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.  
*Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.  
*Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.  
*I'm great at multitasking; I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.   
*If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.  
*Take my advice — I'm not using it.  
*My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.  
*Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.  
*Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.  
*Ever stop to think and then forget to start again? 
*Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.  
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.  
*Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?  
*Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.  
*I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.  
*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.  
*I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.  
*If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.  
*Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.  
*If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?  
*Money is the root of all wealth.

 

 

[jerojero]

And what about the definition of supercalifagalisticexpialadosus. Big word too.

[Kwasaki]

Yep you can find lots of funny stuff surfing google. 

Edited November 27, 2016 by Kwasaki

[rijb]

Never pet a dog that's on fire.

[pgrahmm]

3 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Yep you can find lots of funny stuff surfing google. 

 

So - we're all  stuck here at #5 Kwa ?

[transam]

I've gone to the fridge...........

[Don Mega]

Here, hold my beer.

[sirineou]

The sooner you fall behind , the more time you have to catch up.

[sipi]

Jesus loves you. 

Everybody else thinks you're a c@#!

[JLCrab]

Words to live by? Ask Garbo

 

[Kwasaki]

19 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

So - we're all  stuck here at #5 Kwa ?

 

Nah l like what l call funny quotes can't pronounce what ya call em. 

There's all sorts like " Your cheeks are like petals, bicycle petals.

 

"How do you know someone is telling truth when you know you would lie if you were in there place."

 

There's a time and place for em that's all.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Kwasaki

[opalred]

just asked Thai wife

howth<deleted>wouldiknow

Edited November 29, 2016 by metisdead
Profanity edited out of post.

[faraday]

Jesus saves, but Moses invests.

[bannork]