Is it Thai etiquette for the farang to pay for everyones dinner?

[bark]

14 hours ago, louse1953 said:

What a snob.Me and the missus can go out anytime we like and i am poor.Not feeding the hanger ons.

As I said, your choice. It is OK to be poor. No one will judge you any differently. Let me know where to send you 100 baht.

You and your lady, can have a great night out on the town.

[soalbundy]

12 hours ago, Mitkof Island said:

And i wonder where he met her. yea sounds like she has been well trained from experiences with other foreign so called boyfriends.

In my younger days when i frequented girly bars i can only remember having good experiences with them. I would frequent only two bars on a regular basis and wouldn't take a girl home from them, just for fun and a laugh. I found them to be genuinely nice and also protective. Once i lost my ATM card and went to these bars to see if i had left it there, i had in the second one i visited it had fallen out of my wallet. In the first bar i went to i was given drinks by the girls for free after telling them my story and that i had no spare cash and one went out and bought me a roadside meal. The second bar handed me back my ATM card and i went and pulled some money and gave the girls in the first bar a 'party time'

[jadee]

In fairness to the guy who made the vlog on YouTube that inspired this thread, 'Thai' culture is so broad, there is hardly any middle ground, there's a huge variation between the culture in big cities and the culture in the countryside. The vlog guy is making a perfectly valid comment based on his experiences and everyone commenting here will have unique experiences. I see the video a little differently in that the guy clearly invited his friends out, so he picks up the tab. There are other threads on here where guys are moaning that a Thai person invited them to eat out but then didn't pay. So clearly there is some common ground here: if you invite friends, there's an assumption that it's on you unless otherwise stated, that seems to link Thai and Western culture. 

[Shawn0000]

14 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

I couldn't agree more, inviting a few peasants, as he calls them, in your village for a meal raises your status and popularity no end for a small outlay. I have found that they are willing to share what they have with you even if it is only time or advice but often it is work. I had no idea about laying water pipes in the garden or building a fish tank from concrete, all i did was ask for advice but they ended up doing everything for me without expecting payment.

 

Exactly, I have no end of people willing to help me and I have needed quite a lot, not that I am incapable of working, just things are quite different here and I don't always have the tool or knowledge needed, and they have always been surprised and all smiles if I want to buy them just a beer afterwards, never has anyone asked for anything for helping me out.  But then I am not calling anyone a peasant, I guess you reap what you sow.

[Kabula]

15 hours ago, elliss said:

 

       No  problem ,

 if uninvited  guests turn  up  for a freebie ,

  be  welcoming and polite ,  while they are munching  away

           slip to the john ,  and do a runner .

          

The Police will check security cameras, you will be identified and possibly arrested.  If you leave Thailand, and try to re-enter, you might get arrested.  It has happened before.  Bad advice.

[electric]

16 hours ago, seancbk said:

 

When I arrived in Bangkok a female friend invited me to dinner.   We went the The Face, which is considered pretty good.

Dinner for two, with a couple of vodkas and a bottle of wine came  to a quite reasonable 8000 baht.

She paid for dinner as she had invited me.

I can't imagine a restaurant where the meal is less than 150 baht per person!!!

 

 

I've heard about restaurants like that. Ones with walls I mean.   

 

We obviously move in different social circles, as I really don't know any lady that would treat me to such an expensive meal. Well done you. 

 

"quite reasonable 8000 baht" does seem a bit over the top to me. Pretty sure I've never spent that amount for 2 people eating one meal, even back in my previous life in a country far far away.

 

Up here in the Isaan boonies, for 8000 baht total,  my wife and I could eat out at a nice restaurant every night for 2-3 weeks.      Maybe it's just an Isaan thing, being generally a lot cheaper than "down south"

 

[smotherb]

16 hours ago, KarenBravo said:

 

Because they will all plead poverty and you will have to pay anyway.

Much better to teach them a lesson that they're not half as smart as they think they are.

then plead equal poverty

[KarenBravo]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

then plead equal poverty

 

You do it your way and I'll do it my way (in theory).

[smotherb]

Just now, KarenBravo said:

 

You do it your way and I'll do it my way (in theory).

Your way seems less than honest, at best.

[gemguy]

9 hours ago, jak2002003 said:

You are offering advise about dating Thai women and yet you say you have dated several hundred Thai women.. yet you still seem to be making the same mistakes over and over again?  Where are you meeting these women... on internet dating sites or picking them up form bars?

 

 

What mistakes exactly would that be.

I met them and befriended them where ever I went and still do.

On buses ...On the sky train, In offices,  In the malls, At trade shows, On the air plane, At a book store, In the bank, At the immigration office, In the hospitals ( nurses are great ones to meet ) At the hotel, In the market places, In the restaurants where they worked, While walking down the street......and of course at clubs and discos etc........and everywhere and any where as "they" are everywhere and anywhere

After I learned to speak Thai well enough and asked for their phone numbers I was surprised at just how many gave me their phone numbers without any hesitation.

Back in the day it was their home phone numbers or their work numbers...before cell phones.

There is no problem at all "befriending" Thai women from all walks of life ( Kaw Lroo-Jack Koon, Di My ?) when you learn to speak Thai language.

When you make a date to have dinner ( Bi Kin Kow Doo-Way Gahn, Di My? ) many of them will agree to a first date to go eat together as that is their favorite past time...correct? ..besides sleeping...lol

However, all too often they will show up for the dinner date with a friend or several friends and they are expecting you to pay the bill more often than not.

After that happens several times and or too often then you will be thinking you do not want to be paying for all the extra dead weight that comes along and interferes with your plan to have a nice 1 on 1 meal together so you can get to know the girl a little bit, hopefully, and practice your Thai language and find out more about her.

Often enough I would find out that the girl still lived at home with her parents and or relatives and basically has no time in her life for a Boyfriend because she works 6 days a week and spends all her spare time with her parents and relatives during the evenings and on her day(s) off.

Mind you, there was several times when I met a girl for lunch or dinner ...and her friends who came along....while 1 or more of the girl friends were even better looking then the girl I had asked out on a date.

Later, the girl I had asked out for a date, was telling me she is too busy and really does not have free time to date more often, but her girl friend said she liked me so you can meet my girl friend and go around with her if you want ( Poo-an Chan Wahng, Kow Bi Tee-Ow Gahn Di )

Well thank you very much.

The whole point is: Once you learn to speak Thai then befriending Thai women is not difficult at all and you can meet them where ever you go while many of them will agree to meet you for a first date, so to speak, while often enough they will meet you with a fiend or several friends and they all want to go eat while more often than not they are expecting you to pay the bill.

I learned to change it up by way of suggesting we meet and have coffee or tea or whatever they like to drink and I asked to meet her alone the first time or on the first official date as I wanted to "talk" with her privately.

If you can speak Thai well enough then you can explain .

If she says,  Can she bring one friend along then up to you if you except but still best to meet at a coffee shop rather than a specific lunch date or dinner date at some restaurant.

But up to you and how ever you want your first date with the girl to be.

Meantime you and all the other critics can date Thai women which ever way works best for you but I found my comforts zone a long time ago and avoid the dinner date as a first date until I knew the woman better.

Many of them are simply sizing you up as to how much money you make and how much you freely spend while they like their friends to come along and also make judgment on the Farang Man that is pursuing their girlfriend.

Cheers

Edited December 3, 2016 by gemguy

[KarenBravo]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Your way seems less than honest, at best.

 

Beating dishonesty (the free-loading diners) with dishonesty (fighting fire with fire).

Plus, it's more fun that way......

[smotherb]

Just now, KarenBravo said:

 

Beating dishonesty (the free-loading diners) with dishonesty (fighting fire with fire).

Plus, it's more fun that way......

Who is the dishonest diner? I think the ones who ate and did not pay . . .

[KarenBravo]

We are talking about free-loaders taking advantage. They started the ball rolling.

If they weren't dishonest in the first place, then, none of this would be necessary.

 

Seems obvious to me.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

What mistakes exactly would that be.
I met them and befriended them where ever I went and still do.
On buses ...On the sky train, In offices,  In the malls, At trade shows, On the air plane, At a book store, In the bank, At the immigration office, In the hospitals ( nurses are great ones to meet ) At the hotel, In the market places, In the restaurants where they worked, While walking down the street......and of course at clubs and discos etc........and everywhere and any where as "they" are everywhere and anywhere
After I learned to speak Thai well enough and asked for their phone numbers I was surprised at just how many gave me their phone numbers without any hesitation.
Back in the day it was their home phone numbers or their work numbers...before cell phones.
There is no problem at all "befriending" Thai women from all walks of life ( Kaw Lroo-Jack Koon, Di My ?) when you learn to speak Thai language.
When you make a date to have dinner ( Bi Kin Kow Doo-Way Gahn, Di My? ) many of them will agree to a first date to go eat together as that is their favorite past time...correct? ..besides sleeping...lol
However, all too often they will show up for the dinner date with a friend or several friends and they are expecting you to pay the bill more often than not.
After that happens several times and or too often then you will be thinking you do not want to be paying for all the extra dead weight that comes along and interferes with your plan to have a nice 1 on 1 meal together so you can get to know the girl a little bit, hopefully, and practice your Thai language and find out more about her.
Often enough I would find out that the girl still lived at home with her parents and or relatives and basically has no time in her life for a Boyfriend because she works 6 days a week and spends all her spare time with her parents and relatives during the evenings and on her day(s) off.
Mind you, there was several times when I met a girl for lunch or dinner ...and her friends who came along....while 1 or more of the girl friends were even better looking then the girl I had asked out on a date.
Later, the girl I had asked out for a date, was telling me she is too busy and really does not have free time to date more often, but her girl friend said she liked me so you can meet my girl friend and go around with her if you want ( Poo-an Chan Wahng, Kow Bi Tee-Ow Gahn Di )
Well thank you very much.
The whole point is: Once you learn to speak Thai then befriending Thai women is not difficult at all and you can meet them where ever you go while many of them will agree to meet you for a first date, so to speak, while often enough they will meet you with a fiend or several friends and they all want to go eat while more often than not they are expecting you to pay the bill.
I learned to change it up by way of suggesting we meet and have coffee or tea or whatever they like to drink and I asked to meet her alone the first time or on the first official date as I wanted to "talk" with her privately.
If you can speak Thai well enough then you can explain .
If she says,  Can she bring one friend along then up to you if you except but still best to meet at a coffee shop rather than a specific lunch date or dinner date at some restaurant.
But up to you and how ever you want your first date with the girl to be.
Meantime you and all the other critics can date Thai women which ever way works best for you but I found my comforts zone a long time ago and avoid the dinner date as a first date until I knew the woman better.
Many of them are simply sizing you up as to how much money you make and how much you freely spend while they like their friends to come along and also make judgment on the Farang Man that is pursuing their girlfriend.
Cheers

Good stuff....liked reading it. I'm pretty naive though, but I think things have changed.

[smotherb]

20 minutes ago, KarenBravo said:

We are talking about free-loaders taking advantage. They started the ball rolling.

If they weren't dishonest in the first place, then, none of this would be necessary.

 

Seems obvious to me.

And, you eating and not paying is not free-loading or being dishonest?

[KarenBravo]

Just now, smotherb said:

And, you eating and not paying is not free-loading or being dishonest?

 

The difference is the the free-loaders INTENDED to be dishonest.

My dishonesty is in REACTION to this.

 

I have no problem being dishonest to dishonest people.

I think I have made my position quite clear, so, not going to comment any more about this.

[gemguy]

1 minute ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Good stuff....liked reading it. I'm pretty naive though, but I think things have changed.

 

Another thing I would do is buy them a nice girl related fashion magazine, as a nice little gift of appreciation and when they asked why??....or even if they did not ask why,  I would tell them: "Because you are so pretty and amiable and you deserve it....lol

I know it sounds corny ..but they like it.

Also, with a few of them, on a first date, I took them to a Beauty salon and paid for what ever they wanted done.

"That"......will endear them to you near every time

A nice foot massage or body massage together is also a pleasant first date..lol

Cheers

[Stargeezr]

If you are married and this happens, take your next trip to

Thailand by your self, and let wify know that you are not

her or her family's sugar daddy.  It does wonders of how you

are treated the next time you and her go back to LOS.

  If you are single and want to be money bags then pay,

if not do just like, blueblue water did.

Smart guy..

Geezer

[lostinisaan]

10 hours ago, jak2002003 said:

You are offering advise about dating Thai women and yet you say you have dated several hundred Thai women.. yet you still seem to be making the same mistakes over and over again?  Where are you meeting these women... on internet dating sites or picking them up form bars? 

 

 

 

 

   Dating sites, or schools? Thai Love Shrink.com

[akirasan]

Had an old Thai-Chinese gf who used to 'let me' pay all the time.  That relationship didn't last long.

Now with my wife, it depends who brings their wallet/purse.  We dated for 6 years before we married and it was always the same.  It's split pretty evenly.  

The handful of times I've taken a group of Thais out for dinner or paid is to repay a favour.  The other day one of my wifes coworkers took everyone out for lunch and paid the bill.  I think it depends on the type of people you hang out with.  I live out in the sticks and all the villagers are really nice people aside from one guy who told me to go home to my country lol.    

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, gemguy said:

Many of them will try...women more so than men, especially if you invite them out then many (but not all of them of course ) will show up with at least 1 friend on a first date.

Many of them do not have money enough to be eating at a nice restaurant so getting a freebie meal out of a Farang is always a way to save a little money.

Of course many do have more than enough money...but..... the attitude is:

The man pays anyhow, if he asked the girl out ...so they bring along some friends to test the man to see how generous he is with his money.

That is how I more or less came to think about it when I ended up in the company of more than one girl that came with the girl that I asked out.

Or I would say let's go have coffee and talk and if they said let's go eat then I would say I am not hungry or I ate already but you go and eat and meet me again in 1 hour...OK........like that.

That way you test them to see if they are hoping to get a free meal when you are meeting for a first date and if they do meet you again in 1 hour it tells you something about them.

Now...if you meet them and you pay for a meal and pay for the girls friends also and later on, say that same night or in a relative short period of time, say one week, the girl is in your bed with you while you did not invite her rather she invited herself, in a manner of speaking, then the meal or meals paid for are considered worthwhile paying for as they "paid off"...is one way of thinking about it...lol

Cheers

 will show up with at least 1 friend on a first date.

Are you serious? Learn something about Asian culture. The friend or friends is/ are the chaperones.

Given that they probably earn sod all, and the farang is probably wanting to get into her pants, in that situation of course the farang should pay. Just be glad the parents, never mind the whole family, didn't turn up.

It's only a unwanted exploitation when the "friends" keep turning up once the farang is bonking the girl.

 

 

[Straight8]

18 hours ago, dotpoom said:

I never understand these stories....same happened me one time, made a date with a lady, she turned up with one friend. I asked her why she brought her friend along without asking me, got no answer, so I just left them in the restaurant and walked away....easy, no problem?

    Call it etiquette if you want... if your naive enough to go for that stuff...to me it's just..... "trying it on".

Got no answer?  Not surprising at all, as it seems thats how they react when they have lost face!!

 

Good on ya for not falling for this blatant, "hey, free meal on the dopey farang, who has access to unlimited funds"

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, jadee said:

In fairness to the guy who made the vlog on YouTube that inspired this thread, 'Thai' culture is so broad, there is hardly any middle ground, there's a huge variation between the culture in big cities and the culture in the countryside. The vlog guy is making a perfectly valid comment based on his experiences and everyone commenting here will have unique experiences. I see the video a little differently in that the guy clearly invited his friends out, so he picks up the tab. There are other threads on here where guys are moaning that a Thai person invited them to eat out but then didn't pay. So clearly there is some common ground here: if you invite friends, there's an assumption that it's on you unless otherwise stated, that seems to link Thai and Western culture. 

There are other threads on here where guys are moaning that a Thai person invited them to eat out but then didn't pay

LOL

I asked a farang female I was visiting if she wanted to go for lunch somewhere rather than her making lunch for us, and offered to pay, at a cheap restaurant. She agreed but wanted to go to an expensive place. Silly me assumed that as it was going to cost more than I could afford she was going to pay her own meal. Come time to pay, she made it very clear that I was expected to do so for her as well. Very embarrassing.

[thaibeachlovers]

11 minutes ago, Straight8 said:

Got no answer?  Not surprising at all, as it seems thats how they react when they have lost face!!

 

Good on ya for not falling for this blatant, "hey, free meal on the dopey farang, who has access to unlimited funds"

See my reply on post 203.

You need to learn something about Thai culture. She didn't reply because he was embarrassing her in front of her friend, the chaperone.

 

IMO it was dotpoom that lost face, but he probably didn't even realise that.

Edited December 3, 2016 by thaibeachlovers

[soalbundy]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

then plead equal poverty

Like a friend of mine a long time ago in the UK, got fined 10 pounds in court in December for a traffic offense to which he said to the judge, ''I cant afford to pay for my own Christmas dinner let alone yours'' he got fined another 5 pounds for contempt of court.

[Straight8]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

See my reply on post 203.

You need to learn something about Thai culture. She didn't reply because you were embarrassing her in front of her friend, the chaperone.

 

IMO it was you that lost face, but you didn't even realise that.

I dont need to do Jack, but feel free to be an ATM all you like, they love it.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, Straight8 said:

I dont need to do Jack, but feel free to be an ATM all you like, they love it.

I misunderstood your reply and have changed mine.

 

 

[elgenon]

When I am in Bangkok I always go out to eat with a Thai friend and her family. I have known her for 30 years. They always pick up the tab though I offer. I try to at least pay for desert somewhere. Sometimes they let me.

 

Same as I would do in my country.

[gemguy]

59 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 will show up with at least 1 friend on a first date.

Are you serious? Learn something about Asian culture. The friend or friends is/ are the chaperones.

Given that they probably earn sod all, and the farang is probably wanting to get into her pants, in that situation of course the farang should pay. Just be glad the parents, never mind the whole family, didn't turn up.

It's only a unwanted exploitation when the "friends" keep turning up once the farang is bonking the girl.

 

 

Not always...I had many show up alone and that is the way I prefer it and seemingly the way that other men would prefer it also.

You must be the exception...lol

If I invited the girl out for a first date then naturally I would pay and several times too many when 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 of their friends also showed up I still paid.

But after that happens several times or all too often then I simply invited the next girl or same girl to have coffee with me ( as in not a Meal,  but coffee.....if you can comprehend that??? )

When you learn to speak Thai well enough you can tell the girl you want to meet her and her only and if she does not like that then you are not obligated by any hard and fast rules of Thai etiquette or Thai decorum that says the person asking the girl out on a date has to accommodate the whole neighborhood...but, seemingly, you think you are obligated to pay for as many people ( chaperones ) as show up ...as that is what you clearly imply by way of what you have stated and for the record.

If you think you should pay for 10 people that show up then go right ahead while most people think more than 1 other person,  as a Chaperon supposedly,  is a little overwhelming when the girl you asked out on a first date brings more than just one friend and claims this is Thai Culture or the Thai Way.

Like I said before ....as I learned to speak Thai language I observed that the several extra people showing up as Chaperons happened far less, partly because most of the girls do not speak English at all or very little and they commonly will bring a friend or friends while one of the friends can speak English well enough to act as the interpreter for the lovey girl you invited on a first date and can not speak English....but if you speak Thai well enough then that really changes the dynamics.

You do what you want while others will do it the way they want while everyone learns from experiences...good or bad.

 

Cheers.

[cheapskatesam]

The ones that are on Tinder and Thaifriendly are the ones that have had about 10,000 white dicks inside them. Even if they're not prostitutes wanting money... They're farang players.. they've probably seen the inside of every hotel room in Sukhumvit 

 

There are some decent non-traditional ways to contact Thai girls these days.. even online.. where they are more than likely never had a foreign bf before or any "liaisons" with a white guy.