Is wanting to find a girlfriend/wife reason enough to move to Thailand?

[joeyg]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Considering our little conversation hasn't been about research per se I don't know why you keep on about it, but never mind.

I don't think I've been on a lot about Nana, so I don't get that either, but never mind.

I said I did my research based on my own observation, nothing about U Tube, other than beautiful girls with fat ugly men, though that's entertainment, not research, but never mind.

 

the common belief in Thai among middle class to high society is that if the farang moves for you then it is on you to support him to compromise on giving up such a comfortable life. That seems to be the general consensus i have heard and that is why that belief is told to my wife from many people in those class brackets.

In that case we should all be marrying hi so Chinese/ Thai girls. BTW, how many million baht was your sin sod?

 

My point, if you missed it, is that everyone has morals, even bargirls.

 

You might also have missed my opinion that marrying a Thai woman is a gamble, and better to just have girlfriends.

I see this thread has taken a somewhat more constructive direction since yesterday.  Gee maybe I'm the "bad apple"  I don't think so though?  What is important is I think  calbear/OP is getting way more information than he bargained for albeit in a somewhat convoluted manner but good info if he's able to extract it.

 

OK couple of things.  I taught first year Med students for almost 25 years in Southern California.  I always liked joking with the students and entertaining was important esp. when teaching a potentially boring/wrote-memorization  subject like Pathophysiology.  One day at the beginning of class I asked "where are all the white kids, doing crack?"

 

This was in a class that was typically Asian females, 80+%, 10+ - % Asian males with a few token white kids.  Mostly they giggled and we moved right along as I was always kidding with them.

 

The point is even in that "group", in my opinion I saw the most materialist, shallow, clueless about world events or environmental issues anywhere.  It gave a new meaning to "the me" generation.  There were always a couple of exceptions.  Bottom line is the Americanized Asian Females were a "frightening" group.

 

I would sometimes get on their case about being so far out of touch with reality.  After all they were going to be doctors.  On a few occasions, subsequently, I was called into the Academic Dean's office for my own little reality check.

 

And yes I married a "not so HiSO" gal from a wealthy Thai Chinese family who was as I said a CFO at Mercedes Benz of BKK.  The first 4 years were OK.  Witnessing her Americanization over the next 4 until our divorce in 2007 was disastrous and crushing, as I adored her.

 

"My point, if you missed it, is that everyone has morals, even bargirls."   - thaibeachlovers  It's true!

 

I have spent extended periods of time with some of these girls with their families in BKK as well as many places in Issan.  I was sad and shocked to see the mercenary attitude of most, not all, the families of these girls about delivering cash home. And the mostly unflinching desire/compulsion off these girls to almost unwaveringly think, "I have to take care."  While the family is buying new flat screens, sound systems, phones even trucks at times.  Not caring in the least about what their daughter did to get them. It's beyond me.

 

I have seen these girls break down crying because "mom" was berating her while demanding more cash.  Then there's the girls with the baby or two who has been dumped by their Thai boyfriend/husband (no consequences for the guy pretty cool huh?) Mom and grandma take care of the kid back home and the gal is forced to keep sending home the cash.

 

Of course there is that percentage of girls that gets too far into "the life", gambling, drinking, YABA then can't even take care of themselves.

 

Guy tries that in the states, when they catch up to him it's the slammer.  I wonder what percent of girls are single moms here not getting support, rather giving it.  Also domestic violence is off the charts, rarely consequence  to the guy.  You can Google the stats.

 

Marrying your childhood sweet heart back in the USA is a 50/50 shot.  Marrying a Thai dramatically stacks the odds against your success.  There are pretty good stats on this.

 

On a side note I though some law was passed now where the farang cannot own the land but has a share in the improvements, house, business other real property etc. that can force a sale or settlement.  Have to look that up though.  And try and fight it in a Thai court.  Good luck.  And you just could wind up in a klong first and never make it to court.

 

The OP is 30.  I understand wanting love and a family.  Hell I did and I got it.  Also got financially and emotionally devastated when it was over.

 

I still say, especially these days, "If it floats, flies or $$$$$, rent it. 

 

Merry Christmas!

 

[madusa]

On 23/12/2016 at 2:18 AM, TulipBulb said:

...and still they come, like lambs to the slaughter...

Ha, ha, good thinking.

"Youthful Foolish"- one of the tarot cards has these words on it - depicting a young man hanging by the leg upsidedown.

[joeyg]

32 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

So you married a hi so family but didn't have to pay sin sod, even though they gave you a house etc.

Pull the other one, it's got bells on. 

Our conversation is over. Bye bye.

I didn't pay sin sod.  In fact I was showered with gold and other gifts by my former mother in law.  We were also given a new custom, contemporary house on a great piece of land in Samut Sakorn.

 

But brother did I take it "in the shorts" on the way out during the divorce in California.  My anus is twiching just thinking about it! LOL!!!  Thank God I made a good comeback and retired at 62 

[Gary A]

Several years ago up here in the boonies, an old guy, probably about 80 years old married a stunning little girl. She was in her mid twenties. He built her a beautiful big house and bought a new pickup truck. After the house was finished, furnished and the dust had settled, she asked him to get out. We felt sorry for him and asked him what he was going to do. He smiled and answered that he was going to do nothing. He said that he still had a lot of money and being married to that beautiful creature for that couple of years was worth it.

[Anon999]

 

Like everywhere else there are pitfalls to avoid, however, if you're not into the bar girls scene that is one big one you will not have to worry about. If you're seriously looking for a permanent relationship then consider government  workers and civil servants, for instance. Those with a good income who will not forever be expecting you to pay for everything and subsidising their family as well. Many will have well paid occupations and are not looking for an 'ATM' because all farang are rich! Be careful and be selective remembering that Bangkok is not much different to New York, London or Paris, expensive, while avoiding Pattaya. Depends on what your scene is of course and if you're looking for the high life? Pollution, noise, traffic and personal safety are other considerations too.

 

Outside Bangkok looking at many of the Provincial cities would be good places to start, but not Phuket!!

 

Best of luck with your adventures in LoS.

 

Personally I've been living in an Isaan city for >10 years.

 

[joeyg]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Fair enough. I was thinking more along the lines of shingles, but I get it now.

Shingles, Herpes Zoster is actually "the same but different."   It's origin is the Varicella Zoster virus which is a different pathogen.  Rather than explaining the whole thing in my words here's a nice website I think makes it clear and simple.  http://www.antiherpes.com/archive/herpeszosterherpessimplexvirus.asp

 

Also, I was on staff at a clinic in So Cal that was and is considered the state of the art HIV/AIDS treatment and research center.  About 95% of my patients were gay males.

 

What we typically saw, for those that used condoms, was colonization of herpetic lesions around the base of the shaft of the penis where the condoms "protection" did not reach.  It was also common to see colonization of HPV warts in this same area.

 

And of interest HSV-1 although typically presents as oral or ophthalmic lesions.  HSV-1 can be transferred to genital or anal region easily.  In turn HSV-2 generally considered "genital herpes" can be transmitted to  eye, ear nose, throat etc.

 

Most unnerving is that the mortality rate of Herpes infection of the brain is aprx. 75%.  Think about it.  The virus travels in the same route as the "cold sores" on the lip, through the Trigeminal Nerve. Then possibly to the brain.  Makes ya wonder.

 

http://cid.oxfordjournals.org/content/35/3/254.long

 

There is some debate in the infectious disease journals as far as which STI is number one but the average is;

1 HPV/warts  (although many do not consider this a STI any longer because in theory everyone is +)

2 Chlamydia 

3 Herpes HSV-1 through 8

[calbear09]

On Friday, December 23, 2016 at 10:58 PM, lostinisaan said:

Hermann, the German was already 40 yrs. old and couldn’t find the woman of his life. So, he flew to Thailand and almost every girl he met told him how handsome he’d be and he finally met Noi at a café.

 

Noi had to buy a notebook to keep all her paying partners alive. When Roy from the States wanted to see her, but she’d already made an agreement to stay with Herbal Ed from the UK, she told him that her mom was so sick that she couldn’t see him and Ed postponed his holiday to see his big love Noi.

 

Noi knew that Hermann was constantly looking at her, her skirt wasn’t too short to make her look slutty, but it showed her well-formed legs to ignite a man’s imagination. But she gave him the smile that Hermann needed to have the balls to go to her table to invite her for a drink.

 

They spent all day and also the night together, but Hermann couldn’t score and Noi gave him a free Thai culture course that “good Thai women” don’t have sex on their first “date.”

 

It took Hermann three days until she gave him what he was looking for. He phoned his mom back in Germany to let her know that he finally found the right woman to marry.

 

Noi was never asking for any money, always paid her own food and drinks and when she came to Don Muang airport with Hermann to say goodbye she didn’t take the 20 K Hermann wanted to give her for the nice week he’d spent with her.

 

Hermann, back in Germany showed Noi’s photos to his colleagues, his mom was also very happy that her son actually found somebody. Hermann called Noi every day to a certain time Noi had given him.

 

All was planned to get married in Thailand, mom was excited to fly to Thailand to meet her new daughter in law. One day, in the middle of the night a phone call from Noi that scared the <deleted> out of Hermann. And finally also out of his mom. 

 

Noi told him that she’d be in police custody because a little girl ran into her car and got killed when she drove along the road at the beach in Phuket when she wanted to buy a phone card to call her future husband.

 

Noi then told him that she’d rather kill herself rather than staying in a Thai prison for 20 years without the chance to stay with Hermann, her beloved man, and soon husband.

 

Hermann was the one who raised the question if something like that couldn’t be solved with money. Noi, clever as she was started crying even louder than before and told him that she wouldn’t want him to pay so much money for her. “They want 6 million baht to release me” was her short answer.

 

Now Hermann was the one in tears, he woke his mom and told her about Noi’s misfortune. The next day they sold the house they had from aunt Lucy and both took a credit to get the needed money.

 

The 6 million baht were on Noi’s bank account that of course wasn’t under her real name.  “Men are really stupid when it comes to girls she said to herself when she sat outside at the café place when James the American from Chicago started to watch her.

 

Hermann never heard from Noi again and James went through a similar nightmare about 2 weeks after his first meeting with Noi. Noi had six paying customers who sent her between 17 and 30 K per month.

 

OP, I hope you get my point. You don’t find love when you’re looking for it. If I were you, I’d try a few dating websites and once you’ve got the e-mail address of her and you at least know each other, I’d give it a try.

 

Don’t be a Hermann now and please believe me that teaching without a degree here wouldn’t make you happy at all.  

 

You wrote that you don’t have good luck with women in your country? Thai women are pretty similar, even when they look so different. Best of luck and Merry Christmas. 

Teaching without a degree or teaching without a degree in education? I do have a degree..

[joeyg]

7 minutes ago, Anon999 said:

 

Like everywhere else there are pitfalls to avoid, however, if you're not into the bar girls scene that is one big one you will not have to worry about. If you're seriously looking for a permanent relationship then consider government  workers and civil servants, for instance. Those with a good income who will not forever be expecting you to pay for everything and subsidising their family as well. Many will have well paid occupations and are not looking for an 'ATM' because all farang are rich! Be careful and be selective remembering that Bangkok is not much different to New York, London or Paris, expensive, while avoiding Pattaya. Depends on what your scene is of course and if you're looking for the high life? Pollution, noise, traffic and personal safety are other considerations too.

 

Outside Bangkok looking at many of the Provincial cities would be good places to start, but not Phuket!!

 

Best of luck with your adventures in LoS.

 

Personally I've been living in an Isaan city for >10 years.

 

My X was a CFO for Mercedes Benz of BKK.  Guess I chose unwisely...  LOL!!!

[calbear09]

On Friday, December 23, 2016 at 11:23 PM, sanemax said:

 

   We need to face reality . Most educated girls with a job and future have no interest in relationships with felangs .

All falangs including those in their 20's and 30's? Not sure what the future holds for me but I do think my prospects with finding a solid relationship in Thailand is better today at 29 than if I were to migrate at say 40+...And yes a girl would not be my SOLE reason. If I loved my job here, I wouldn't want to leave..

[joeyg]

3 minutes ago, calbear09 said:

Teaching without a degree or teaching without a degree in education? I do have a degree..

I taught for 20 years at a University in So Cal.  Loved it and thought about teaching here but I think I'm done at 64.   I think private tutoring pays best if you can get it.  Uni is not bad.  Some of the better International schools are OK.

 

What level and subject did you teach?

[Anon999]

2 minutes ago, joeyg said:

My X was a CFO for Mercedes Benz of BKK.  Guess I chose unwisely...  LOL!!!

Not if you like big cities with their pollution, etc. Your wife certainly falls into the "well paid occupation", sector. Maybe it was not clear?

[joeyg]

Just now, Anon999 said:

Not if you like big cities with their pollution, etc. Your wife certainly falls into the "well paid occupation", sector. Maybe it was not clear?

Not sure what you mean "not clear"  I brought her to San Diego.  I think that was the big mistake.  We had beach front land in Sattahip I wanted to build and retire there.  She wanted to go to America... 

[Anon999]

1 minute ago, joeyg said:

Not sure what you mean "not clear"  I brought her to San Diego.  I think that was the big mistake.  We had beach front land in Sattahip I wanted to build and retire there.  She wanted to go to America... 

Conflict of desires but that's life unfortunately. 

[joeyg]

1 minute ago, Anon999 said:

Conflict of desires but that's life unfortunately. 

Indeed.  Some adore their spouses.  Some cheat on them...

[sanemax]

13 minutes ago, calbear09 said:

All falangs including those in their 20's and 30's? Not sure what the future holds for me but I do think my prospects with finding a solid relationship in Thailand is better today at 29 than if I were to migrate at say 40+...And yes a girl would not be my SOLE reason. If I loved my job here, I wouldn't want to leave..

 

   You would be better off going to somewhere else in Asia, where the females are of higher quality  like Japan or Korea

[Anon999]

2 minutes ago, joeyg said:

Indeed.  Some adore their spouses.  Some cheat on them...

Yes, whatever country you live in. Some have a mutually trusting relationship and do not have to worry about what the other one is doing. 

[Anon999]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

 

   You would be better off going to somewhere else in Asia, where the females are of higher quality  like Japan or Korea

What is your definition of quality?

[joeyg]

1 minute ago, Anon999 said:

What is your definition of quality?

Now that is an excellent question!

 

[joeyg]

3 minutes ago, Anon999 said:

Yes, whatever country you live in. Some have a mutually trusting relationship and do not have to worry about what the other one is doing. 

Yes but trust is one thing actions are another.  I trusted, she cheated...

[Anon999]

4 minutes ago, joeyg said:

Yes but trust is one thing actions are another.  I trusted, she cheated...

Sad to hear and hope you are subsequently more successful. Luckily I've not had that problem just others outside my/our control.

Edited December 25, 2016 by Anon999
missing word

[joeyg]

2 minutes ago, Anon999 said:

Sad to hear and hope you are subsequently more successful. Luckily I've not had that problem just others outside my/our control.

Thanks.  I did succeed at becoming a happily retired bachelor in Naklua... 

[lostinisaan]

22 hours ago, sanemax said:

And you may wonder what a dozen pretty girls are all doing hanging around a bar . They are all cashiers  , all twelve of them work as cashiers and they only started working there two days ago

 

 

 And they all drink unspiked lady drinks with orange juice in it. But not the real one. My friend was lucky that he found one who just arrived in Pattaya from Bangkok's Nana district. 

 

   He wanted to marry her after only one week. She's so shy that she always switches the light off before they go to bed. 

 

   Now they must have done something wrong and tell him that he can't marry a man?

 

What the heck's wrong here? Noinaha is such a pretty girl but the bureaucrats have messed all up with her birth certificate. 

 

 

 

      

        

[sanemax]

10 minutes ago, Anon999 said:

What is your definition of quality?

 

  Honest, Not lying , financially independent, got her own job , never worked in a bar , doesnt have a child in the village to support , her whole life doesnt revolve around eating, drinking and watching TV , has some ambition in life , thinks about the future, rather than just thinking about the next thing they have to do .

    That sort of thing .

Then you can build a relationship which can progress

[lostinisaan]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

 

  Honest, Not lying , financially independent, got her own job , never worked in a bar , doesnt have a child in the village to support , her whole life doesnt revolve around eating, drinking and watching TV , has some ambition in life , thinks about the future, rather than just thinking about the next thing they have to do .

    That sort of thing .

Then you can build a relationship which can progress

 

 

   But it can't progress if she's always updating her Farcebook page. Look what I had to eat today, oh, I feel lonely, hmm, I need more money, argh my boy -friend cheated on me, who can lend me some cash for a new nose and boobs, etc...pp. 

[xylophone]

43 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

  Honest, Not lying , financially independent, got her own job , never worked in a bar , doesnt have a child in the village to support , her whole life doesnt revolve around eating, drinking and watching TV , has some ambition in life , thinks about the future, rather than just thinking about the next thing they have to do .

    That sort of thing .

Then you can build a relationship which can progress

 

Well then, Thailand is the wrong place to be..........rare as rocking horse sh1t here.

[JackThompson]

31 minutes ago, sanemax said:

52 minutes ago, Anon999 said:

What is your definition of quality?

 

  Honest, Not lying , financially independent, got her own job , never worked in a bar , doesnt have a child in the village to support , her whole life doesnt revolve around eating, drinking and watching TV , has some ambition in life , thinks about the future, rather than just thinking about the next thing they have to do .

    That sort of thing .

Then you can build a relationship which can progress

 

That sounds like the description of a "Young Urban Professional" - maybe suitable if you want to be a "power couple"  - just be aware that her "ambition" may run right over your relationship like a steam-roller, at some point.

 

For those who just want a traditional wife role, maybe scale it down to, "Has a regular job (not in a bar), covers her family expenses with that job's income, wants to live where you do, and is not a drug-user or alcoholic."  The "ambition" and much of the "future" is up to the guy to handle.

 

Thailand has millions of ladies who match that description, many looking for a man to play a traditional man's role.

[JackThompson]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

No problem. Not having to buy them flowers cut down on the expenses.

 

My Thai GF has bought me flowers many times.  She is waaay more romantic than me.

 

1 hour ago, calbear09 said:

All falangs including those in their 20's and 30's? Not sure what the future holds for me but I do think my prospects with finding a solid relationship in Thailand is better today at 29 than if I were to migrate at say 40+...And yes a girl would not be my SOLE reason. If I loved my job here, I wouldn't want to leave..

 

I was mid 40s when I arrived in SE Asia, and wish I had come sooner.  If I had only known what was here, it would have been my life-goal from 18 on. 

 

The USA-time of my life - first 20+ years - was composed of not enjoying work, and not much after work to look forward to.  Even if I had to do a lousy-job here, at least I would have the time off-work to enjoy much more. 

 

But to each their own - you will have to come experience it and decide for yourself if the shoe fits.

[JAFO]

Lots of good debates going on in this thread. Good Read. I had a nice break browsing all 11 pages

 

One thing I take away from it is that clearly there are some extremely angry bitter western men that  seem to want to blame western society on their marriages that went bad. I guess it easier to blame people then take part responsibility for it failing 

 

Also a tremendous amount of stereotypes. There are many sections I was going to quote but decided naah. 

 

Clearly a great majority of men posting on this site are late 50 through 70. They either pay for sex or live out in the country and have a skewed view on things in most cases. Sometime back I used to be disgusted with old men that would pay a young girl for sex. It still doesn't sit well with me but I have let it go. They will do what they do. I read a post from one guy in this thread where he said he loves their body, and the talk and fun up to the sex part and soon as they are done he can't wait to have them leave. Weird dynamic to me. To each his own. There was also talk about STD's. I stand that I couldn't do it because the thought that the gal who that guy just hooked up with just took a nut from some other guy (or guys) a few hours earlier (maybe even minutes). Just wouldn't fly with me. I prefer a monogamous relationship and a companion where we share a balanced life but its just us. Sex is a just a part of it. Sex can't keep a man, the novelty wears off and its boring, even if a different gal, VJJ is VJJ and a Nut is a Nut, same same 555 

 

To the OP wanting to find a women, You user name is CalBear09 so I will go out on a limb and guess you are a Berkeley grad. Congrats. I know quite a few Berkeley, Davis, Stanford grads.

 

 For what it is worth, here is my take on the difference between women here in Thailand vs US. In the US women have much higher expectations(Especially California).  They are educated and independent. Typically they are looking for a man that has suitable characteristics, drive, education. The Asian women that go to the US do it for that reason as well. They want more out of life. I totally respect that. The men on this site that have an issue with it are the ones that could not handle that type of relationship.They prefer this world in Thailand where they can land any girl at any age and where they perceive there is no threat of their woman leaving them and they do not have to work at it much to make it work. Just grunt and open their wallet. I took my wife to the US (Silicon Valley) for 4 years and it did not change her one bit. But she is a college grad, older and had worked gainfully in Thailand. She enjoyed the experience in the US but was happy to leave and move back home. I could live in either place. Did not matter much to me I just prefer Thailand at this juncture in my life. I know quite a few guys years ago when I was in my late 30's early 40's that did the "Travel to SEAsia get a bride move back" deals. All failed in short time once back ( 1 guy did it twice). Here is why. In Thailand these younger girls will hook up with just about any westerner man. They turn a blind eye in hopes of a better life. If this said couple moves to the US, society pressures take there toll,. They are always being stared at, snide comments, laughs, pointing (especially if the age difference is significant). Then of course she starts to realize she is with some old guy and she sees that many other younger western guys are attracted to her. Soon she realizes this guy who was a good catch in Thailand is not a good catch at all in the states. They quickly leave the guy because they can. You being young would likely avoid that if you are a nice, clean cut, educated guy who is polite and has some manners. I do not think there is anything wrong with coming here to meet a women but you should live it here for awhile because if you move back it will have its own set of problems with her adapting. If she has a degree here it will not be applicable or recognized in the US. ( I know my wife struggled with that when we moved). There was another poster in this thread that had some good insight by saying that not all Thai women here are ignorant young uneducated peasants. Many are quite the opposite and I know this because I work in Thailand at a large company so a 30 to 35 year old Thai women working at nice job is going to be a hard sell to get her to want to move back to the US. She might be well set up here.  And it is an absolute load of shit that educated, well of Thai women have no interest in Westerner men. Sure maybe not that fat dumpy old coffin dodger guy but not the working business men type. In fact I find that quite the opposite. These gals want more and to become a bit more worldly. My point is come visit, get out and about. Stay away from the low rent scam areas. Do not internet date. Go live in area that suits your style and then just go sit in a coffee shop, walk a mall, go bowling, whatever. You will meet a gal and the journey begins.

 

Btw, I came here to Thailand exactly opposite  your intentions. I did not come here for a woman. I didn't care. I figured if I met one, I would meet one. I wasn't in a hurry, wasn't glazed over, wasn't trying to go back in time and shag anything on 2 legs. Sure I got hit on by many at the company I worked at but I just smiled and politely moved on.

 

Anyway Good Luck. There are good women in the US. You happen to live in a extremely competitive area. Yes they take more effort and work but you just haven't met the right one. Yes it harder to date and develop a relationship but it happens and they do work and many are very happy. Just keep in mind all women want security. Its their make up not matter what part of globe.

 

 

 

 

[Boon Mee]

The one overriding concern all women have regardless to race, religion or ethnicity is to be envied by other women.

How they achieve that end is a marvel to behold! 

[puukao]