How much do you give your wife/gf to spend for food and stuff

[JoeBloe]

4 hours ago, amykat said:

 Not really.  Often people are funding adult children in advanced education, and when we have step-children these things get complicated.  People do help their parents too.  Who shall we leave our money when we die?  Your 3rd wife would like it all to go to her  . ..but your children thinks she has only known you for 5 years and that doesn't seem quite right. 

 

But yes, this money issue becomes a topic, while you are dating here in Thailand.  Often before you have even met.  You start supporting "family" who isn't your family ..from day one.  Those people work and are often working age, and are not getting an education. We are not living in a war-torn country and you need to save them. It seems to be the center of everything and stays that way for your entire relationship. Not just for 4 years or while a parent has cancer or dementia.  You know that every Thai person you date, will be the same story, more or less.  I don't see that as family really  ..I see that a money issue.

 

I mean ..what I am saying, is that these people are not your family YET.  If you dated them and were with them and after 10 years your woman's Father got cancer and needed some help, then you have "family problem."  When you know a woman for 3 months and she says you have to send money to my parents because they are poorer than you are ..that is not a "family problem."

 

Even if they don't have family issues, they have money management issues. Some Western people also have these issue too but not in the same way. If two Thai people are together they tend to think the same about money so they are going to have a lot less conflict.  Many Western people don't think the same way about money, don't respect money in the same way and that is a big problem.  So my idea is that MONEY is the problem and keeping this area clean and clear can help your relationships.

 

The OP is obviously foggy with his idea about how to handle the money with his new lady. He doesn't want clean and clear lines. She will not want those either.  This will bite them both in the ass.

 

 

 

Which part of "I'll look after everything except food and household expenses (food, cleaning etc.) and you manage that with the 15K a month I give you and you can keep what you don't spend"

That sound pretty cut and dried to me.

[AGareth2]

maybe  she wants some dignity/independence

just give her the 15 k

and pick up the bills

[AlexRich]

1 hour ago, amykat said:

Alex, I wasn't restricting myself to a specific fact pattern ...we are using critical thinking skills here. What is the goal we are seeking?  The least conflict possible?  Those of us with experience can predict certain things.  Clear expectations, limits  and boundaries help people.  You are conflating issues that don't matter to our goals. If the man doesn't want to be constantly bothered with problems and discussing money all the time, and feeling that he is getting screwed left and right, then that are certain measures that he can take.

 

If he would like the woman to feel good about herself, and also know how much money she has to work with each month, then there are ways to accomplish that, they are rather simple.

 

Nobody knows exactly how much money they spend on food each month ..in advance.  Especially if you are not dirt poor.   If you insist and he insists, that he doesn't want to do the shopping with her, then have her do it, but expect that he won't get what he wants, there will be a lot of waste also, and some money will disappear.  He should still give her a defined allowance that is for her personal things.

 

I really would not feel valued if you gave me food money and told me to "just pick what I need for myself out of that, if there is anything left."  But she is not your wife/partner in life so there is no need to treat her as such.  Some of you guys are really all over the map and seem to suffer from a lack of clear thinking ..in my opinion.

 

What happens when you need to change a tire ..do you start F'ing around with the engine or do you just go straight to the tire???

Given the quantum of verbiage it takes for you to express your "clear thinking" I suspect that you fail to recognise how unclear your thinking actually is. 

 

The OP simply wants to allocate a sufficient sum of money to his G/F that she doesn't need any more from him to meet her needs. If she buys and cooks the food, that is unlikely to take a significant chunk out of the remaining sum ... an amount she can then use for her other needs, exactly as she would do if she were in work. The benefit is that she does not have to pay for accommodation, utilities ... a significant benefit. A simple solution to a simple question. 

[YeahSiam]

Does someone derive dignity from being paid to be around all the time?

Isn't she independent now?

[chiang mai]

Increasingly this thread is becoming more more what I imagine fifth grade must be like these days!

[AGareth2]

thinking financial

would hate to have to beg for money

[AlexRich]

11 minutes ago, localczar said:

a relationship based solely on the amount of monetary disbursement. Who would fall for this scam?? I would tell her to hit the trail...

It's not quite like that. The OP does not work (at least in the conventional sense) and wants to spend time with his G/F ... he wants this, she's not demanding it. So if he could cover her "lost salary" without putting any pressure on his finances, and she gets some benefit, then it's a win-win for both sides ... they can then focus on having a nice enjoyable life. It's seems quite straightforward to me ... and fair to both sides.

[YeahSiam]

Just now, AlexRich said:

It's not quite like that. The OP does not work (at least in the conventional sense) and wants to spend time with his G/F ... he wants this, she's not demanding it. So if he could cover her "lost salary" without putting any pressure on his finances, and she gets some benefit, then it's a win-win for both sides ... they can then focus on having a nice enjoyable life. It's seems quite straightforward to me ... and fair to both sides.

What lost salary?

She isn't working

[AGareth2]

lost opportunity

[Deepinthailand]

4 minutes ago, chiang mai said:

Increasingly this thread is becoming more more what I imagine fifth grade must be like these days!

Don't be jealous two more years and you'll be in the 5th grade don't wish your life away.?

[Deepinthailand]

40 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

Nerve struck yet again.

Yes o was correct you write some rubbish.

[localczar]

no funds....thai women "walk"....to the next sucker...Not always, but more often than not! They usually migrate to the highest bidder.

[amykat]

15 minutes ago, MichaelBates said:

Which part of "I'll look after everything except food and household expenses (food, cleaning etc.) and you manage that with the 15K a month I give you and you can keep what you don't spend"

That sound pretty cut and dried to me.

Because you don't know how much those expenses are (food, cleaning, etc.) Therefore you have no idea if you are giving her 1 baht or 50 baht or 5000 baht. In fact, what you will be giving her will fluctuate and that might not be fair.  What if your expenses are really 20K per month? How will you determine that you aren't giving her enough? This will cause problems.

 

Would you like to be paid this way at your job?  Or do you like knowing what you will earn each month?

[YeahSiam]

2 minutes ago, Deepinthailand said:

Yes o was correct you write some rubbish.

OK Deepindenial

[AlexRich]

2 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

What lost salary?

She isn't working

Yes, but if the OP does not help her out she will be forced to work. He does not want that, he would rather they spend time with each other enjoying life and has no issue with providing her with sufficient funds to cover her needs. The objective is that they focus on enjoying life, not working. She can't do that if he is not willing to support her ... and he appears happy to. 

 

If paying a live in girlfriend some money each month does not impact your finances and allows you both to spend time together enjoying life then why not?

 

 

 

[YeahSiam]

Just now, AlexRich said:

Yes, but if the OP does not help her out she will be forced to work. He does not want that, he would rather they spend time with each other enjoying life and has no issue with providing her with sufficient funds to cover her needs. The objective is that they focus on enjoying life, not working. She can't do that if he is not willing to support her ... and he appears happy to. 

 

If paying a live in girlfriend some money each month does not impact your finances and allows you both to spend time together enjoying life then why not?

 

 

 

But they do that already and she's not working.

 

He appears to be looking for a solution to a problem he actually doesn't have.

[AlexRich]

1 minute ago, YeahSiam said:

But they do that already and she's not working.

 

He appears to be looking for a solution to a problem he actually doesn't have.

The OP has the solution, and its a sensible one. Even if his G/F is currently not working that is not a sustainable position unless she receives an allowance ... the OPs proposal appears sensible to me. 

[USPatriot]

On 27/01/2017 at 10:26 PM, Ahab said:

If that makes me a kept man, then that is what I am and I am very happy with it. She controls the budget and paying of bills, that is the way I like it because I hate paying bills. I spend money as I want (as long as we have enough in checking) and I manage retirement funds and long term investment/savings. This arrangement started just after we got married and I was transferring to sea duty in the U.S, Navy. Being gone for 3-5 months at a time meant someone had to pay the bills. I have never had an issue, and when I retired from the Navy I saw no reason to change the arrangement (I still hate paying the bills).

It makes you lucky

[YeahSiam]

Just now, AlexRich said:

The OP has the solution, and its a sensible one. Even if his G/F is currently not working that is not a sustainable position unless she receives an allowance ... the OPs proposal appears sensible to me. 

As a proposal for engaging an employee, yes but the guy specifically said the girl is not from a bar/freelance situation.

He also specifically said he wanted to after a paid live-in maid/cook/sexual partner

 

I think this is much less about her "dignity" than it is about how he feels about what he's contemplating.

 

 

[AGareth2]

a mia noi doesn't have to cook

[CGW]

This thread is going to be Very helpful to the "original poster"

Only the facts have been discussed! concise and factual information given as requested!

Good luck deciding an amount!

[AlexRich]

4 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

As a proposal for engaging an employee, yes but the guy specifically said the girl is not from a bar/freelance situation.

He also specifically said he wanted to after a paid live-in maid/cook/sexual partner

 

I think this is much less about her "dignity" than it is about how he feels about what he's contemplating.

 

 

It's not that different from having a wife who does not work in the conventional sense, but who looks after the house and kids. The OPs giving his G/F the opportunity to have money that she can use for her own needs, giving her some independence. She willl have more spare cash than she would have if she had a job and was paying rent and bills to live somewhere else. If it works well for both, then it works.

[JoeBloe]

13 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

....

 

He also specifically said he wanted to after a paid live-in maid/cook/sexual partner

 

 

 

????

[amykat]

28 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

Given the quantum of verbiage it takes for you to express your "clear thinking" I suspect that you fail to recognise how unclear your thinking actually is. 

 

The OP simply wants to allocate a sufficient sum of money to his G/F that she doesn't need any more from him to meet her needs. If she buys and cooks the food, that is unlikely to take a significant chunk out of the remaining sum ... an amount she can then use for her other needs, exactly as she would do if she were in work. The benefit is that she does not have to pay for accommodation, utilities ... a significant benefit. A simple solution to a simple question. 

 Alex ..be a good boy ..I don't want to get into personal attacks.  What I have written is very clear, you might need a dictionary?  You and the OP,  are not necessarily even arguing the same thing, but I am not sure you realize it. I won't bother explaining to you what you are arguing, as I hope you understand yourself.

 

The OP has simply tried to come with a budget for things we all buy at stores like Tesco.  He doesn't go to those stores himself and he seems to be new here. He has no idea what he would spend even for himself alone, much less for a second person.  Now he wants to give this made-up number, to a new woman, who also has no experience living with him, and make it her responsibility to make the numbers work out and whatever is left over will be her personal money.

 

This has nothing to do with her work experience or what she could earn at a potential job, or what things she might need or want in her life.  He is not asking what would make her feel good about herself.  He is not asking what would reduce conflict and work well with Thai culture.  He thinks this will be easy for him.  Does she know what cheese the OP likes?  She never eats cheese. 

 

When you are setting up a household, you often spend a lot more money at first or at certain times.  Some months I spend double my norm.  This will be convenient for the OP to have a nice steady budget but not for his girlfriend.  What should she do?  I don't have those problems, I just spend what I want ...I don't have to ask my Daddy or make him mad, or do without because we needed extra spices that month and I wanted to bake something special and needed new cake pans and special chocolate.  We also ran out of cleaning supplies, etc.  So do you think that is her fault and she can't have make-up or shampoo or get her haircut ..or you would rather never have a nice cake or what??

 

What if next month he wants to have a big party with plenty of wine and it is Xmas and now she also can't stay within budget??  These are not her issues and she should have some dependable funds that are hers!!  You seem to be saying that at one point, but not to realize that the OP is not offering that to his girlfriend.

[YeahSiam]

16 minutes ago, MichaelBates said:

????

Sorry mate - that was supposed to read "avoid having a paid live-in......"

[farmerjo]

Buy a monopoly board and start from there,you have plenty of time to play.

See what she's buying,Whitechapel or Park Lane.

Make her keep a pen and paper there to write figures down,it will be fun.

You have time to make the right choice on funds,no need to rush. 

[AGareth2]

think the op needs to do his own homework

none of us know what he consumes per week

let alone the GF

[YeahSiam]

23 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

It's not that different from having a wife who does not work in the conventional sense, but who looks after the house and kids. The OPs giving his G/F the opportunity to have money that she can use for her own needs, giving her some independence. She willl have more spare cash than she would have if she had a job and was paying rent and bills to live somewhere else. If it works well for both, then it works.

So basically, Alex ............he's fixing to offer her a JOB.

She already has a modicum of independence because one assumes she has her own living arrangements and she's fully fed and clothed.

The situation is analogous to whether a payment to a call girl is for the sex or for her "taxi home".

He might not want to label the arrangement a "live-in maid/cook/f*** buddy" but that's precisely what it is because otherwise, he'd just ask her to move in and live together.

Chances are, that alone would represent a big improvement over whatever living arrangements she has right now and, of course, she'd have the joy of the OP's continual company.

 

Why does the deal need to be sweetened with a stipend?

Because he wants her there all the time for one or more fairly obvious reasons.

Nothing at all wrong with that but he shouldn't feel perturbed by the nature of what he's contemplating.

He's hiring a live-in - plain and simple.

Giving her "responsibility" for shopping and other trivial nonsense is a way of ensuring he doesn't feel like he's paying for a live-in

 

 

[JoeBloe]

7 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

So basically, Alex ............he's fixing to offer her a JOB.

She already has a modicum of independence because one assumes she has her own living arrangements and she's fully fed and clothed.

The situation is analogous to whether a payment to a call girl is for the sex or for her "taxi home".

He might not want to label the arrangement a "live-in maid/cook/f*** buddy" but that's precisely what it is because otherwise, he'd just ask her to move in and live together.

Chances are, that alone would represent a big improvement over whatever living arrangements she has right now and, of course, she'd have the joy of the OP's continual company.

 

Why does the deal need to be sweetened with a stipend?

Because he wants her there all the time for one or more fairly obvious reasons.

Nothing at all wrong with that but he shouldn't feel perturbed by the nature of what he's contemplating.

He's hiring a live-in - plain and simple.

Giving her "responsibility" for shopping and other trivial nonsense is a way of ensuring he doesn't feel like he's paying for a live-in

 

 

Hmmm.

 

I didn't meet her last week, we have been together quite a while - this is the "next move" in a normal course of courtship. She is not a child, though younger than I am - we are both adults.

 

I am in a position where I do not need to work ever again if I manage my money correctly and she is between jobs. Seems a good time to start cohabiting which we now do.

 

I do not need to count pennies, but I am not a Russian Oligarch with a wedge of $100 bills in my pocket. I don't want to micro-manage the household either.

 

This thread is nothing if not entertaining.

[localczar]

9 minutes ago, MichaelBates said:

Hmmm.

 

I didn't meet her last week, we have been together quite a while - this is the "next move" in a normal course of courtship. She is not a child, though younger than I am - we are both adults.

 

I am in a position where I do not need to work ever again if I manage my money correctly and she is between jobs. Seems a good time to start cohabiting which we now do.

 

I do not need to count pennies, but I am not a Russian Oligarch with a wedge of $100 bills in my pocket. I don't want to micro-manage the household either.

 

This thread is nothing if not entertaining.

seems like you have difficulty with decision making....