How much do you give your wife/gf to spend for food and stuff

[JoeBloe]

1 minute ago, localczar said:

seems like you have difficulty with decision making....

What leads you to that conclusion - specifically

[AlexRich]

42 minutes ago, amykat said:

 Alex ..be a good boy ..I don't want to get into personal attacks.  What I have written is very clear, you might need a dictionary?  You and the OP,  are not necessarily even arguing the same thing, but I am not sure you realize it. I won't bother explaining to you what you are arguing, as I hope you understand yourself.

 

The OP has simply tried to come with a budget for things we all buy at stores like Tesco.  He doesn't go to those stores himself and he seems to be new here. He has no idea what he would spend even for himself alone, much less for a second person.  Now he wants to give this made-up number, to a new woman, who also has no experience living with him, and make it her responsibility to make the numbers work out and whatever is left over will be her personal money.

 

This has nothing to do with her work experience or what she could earn at a potential job, or what things she might need or want in her life.  He is not asking what would make her feel good about herself.  He is not asking what would reduce conflict and work well with Thai culture.  He thinks this will be easy for him.  Does she know what cheese the OP likes?  She never eats cheese. 

 

When you are setting up a household, you often spend a lot more money at first or at certain times.  Some months I spend double my norm.  This will be convenient for the OP to have a nice steady budget but not for his girlfriend.  What should she do?  I don't have those problems, I just spend what I want ...I don't have to ask my Daddy or make him mad, or do without because we needed extra spices that month and I wanted to bake something special and needed new cake pans and special chocolate.  We also ran out of cleaning supplies, etc.  So do you think that is her fault and she can't have make-up or shampoo or get her haircut ..or you would rather never have a nice cake or what??

 

What if next month he wants to have a big party with plenty of wine and it is Xmas and now she also can't stay within budget??  These are not her issues and she should have some dependable funds that are hers!!  You seem to be saying that at one point, but not to realize that the OP is not offering that to his girlfriend.

There you go again! You claim to be "clear" but then go on to write in a length that would embarrass Tolstoy. Why on earth would I need a dictionary? 

 

I don't need any explanation from you about what my argument is ... it's quite simple and elegant. You would be better served attempting to unravel you're own meandering, confusing and assumption laden prose.

 

The solution is simple. She buys the food and keeps the rest. If that works out better financially for her than getting a job then both sides to the relationship win. That is the position that the OP wants to get to, it really is that simple.

 

As for parties, cake tins, champagne and caviar, etc ... I guess the OP will pick up the tab for non-srtandard purchases, that arise from time to time. Again, simple solution.

 

Simple, elegant, and drama free. 

[AlexRich]

37 minutes ago, YeahSiam said:

So basically, Alex ............he's fixing to offer her a JOB.

She already has a modicum of independence because one assumes she has her own living arrangements and she's fully fed and clothed.

The situation is analogous to whether a payment to a call girl is for the sex or for her "taxi home".

He might not want to label the arrangement a "live-in maid/cook/f*** buddy" but that's precisely what it is because otherwise, he'd just ask her to move in and live together.

Chances are, that alone would represent a big improvement over whatever living arrangements she has right now and, of course, she'd have the joy of the OP's continual company.

 

Why does the deal need to be sweetened with a stipend?

Because he wants her there all the time for one or more fairly obvious reasons.

Nothing at all wrong with that but he shouldn't feel perturbed by the nature of what he's contemplating.

He's hiring a live-in - plain and simple.

Giving her "responsibility" for shopping and other trivial nonsense is a way of ensuring he doesn't feel like he's paying for a live-in

 

 

No, he is not. Their situation is no different to a husband and wife, neither of whom work but live off the husband or wife's pension. In this situation, money goes from one to the other, for food, necessities, and savings. Is the one receiving the money a hooker or gigalo? Of course not!

 

The two of them can hang out, relax, and enjoy life. If they can afford it, why not? Makes perfect sense to me. 

[JoeBloe]

10 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

 

Simple, elegant, and drama free. 

Yes, that is (or was) my plan.

[Falcon]

On 1/27/2017 at 9:59 PM, Ahab said:

I don't give her anything. My wife of 24 years runs the budget, she spends whatever she needs and saves the rest. She has been paying the bills and making sure everything is taken care of for about twenty two and a half years.

Exactly the same as my wife and I. We've been married now for almost 12 yrs and she has always made sure that the bills and everything are paid in time, enough food in the house for the three of us and there's never a problem. If you find a good one (lady, whether wife or gf) I think having things this way is a lot easier and no arguments about who pays what and what's been spent, etc.

[AlexRich]

57 minutes ago, MichaelBates said:

Yes, that is (or was) my plan.

Unfortunately ... 

 

"The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men, Gang aft agley", to quote Robert Burns ... the best laid plans often go awry.

[Naam]

306 postings (including this one) to answer the question "how long is a piece of string?"

[Scooby and Puppy]

On 28/01/2017 at 5:59 AM, Don Mega said:

I dont give my missus any cash, she has the cards to my credit and savings accounts and she spends what needs to be spent.

Me too...

[AlexRich]

42 minutes ago, Scooby and Puppy said:

Me too...

Money comes in several forms, not just cash. So when you're wife makes use of your credit and debit cards you are effectively giving her 'money' ... no different from handing her cash, like the OP is proposing. 

 

 

[AlexRich]

1 hour ago, Naam said:

306 postings (including this one) to answer the question "how long is a piece of string?"

It's 10-15k Baht per month long.

[sandrabbit]

43 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

It's 10-15k Baht per month long.

It seems to me there are 3 people in this relationship and one of the most important parts of it doesn't post on TV.

[AlexRich]

30 minutes ago, sandrabbit said:

It seems to me there are 3 people in this relationship and one of the most important parts of it doesn't post on TV.

yawn ... will it be fourth time lucky?

[Naam]

2 hours ago, Scooby and Puppy said:

On 1/28/2017 at 5:59 AM, Don Mega said:

I dont give my missus any cash, she has the cards to my credit and savings accounts and she spends what needs to be spent.

Me too...

i get my cash from the Missus...

[Naam]

2 hours ago, AlexRich said:

Money comes in several forms, not just cash. So when you're wife makes use of your credit and debit cards you are effectively giving her 'money' ... no different from handing her cash, like the OP is proposing. 

 

my wife does not use my cards, she uses her cards. all our accounts in four countries are joint accounts. but most of our comments are academic as the OP asked a question pertaining to his live-in girlfriend, not wife. that applies especially to some of us old farts who carry the heavy yoke of marriage since 20, 30 and 40 years.

[YeahSiam]

16 hours ago, MichaelBates said:

Hmmm.

 

I didn't meet her last week, we have been together quite a while - this is the "next move" in a normal course of courtship. She is not a child, though younger than I am - we are both adults.

 

I am in a position where I do not need to work ever again if I manage my money correctly and she is between jobs. Seems a good time to start cohabiting which we now do.

 

I do not need to count pennies, but I am not a Russian Oligarch with a wedge of $100 bills in my pocket. I don't want to micro-manage the household either.

 

This thread is nothing if not entertaining.

She's in-between jobs so you think the solution is to offer her a stipend for being with you at your condo.

That may not be how it plays in your mind because you're not being objective. but it is the sum of what you're proposing

 

Why don't you just ask her to move in instead of offering her an inducement to do so and see how far that gets you.

Turning her from a normal, middle-class woman with no bar or freelance history into a paid concubine seems demeaning

.............unless she actually wants that

[muffy]

Anything she asks for .

[Ahab]

On ‎1‎/‎28‎/‎2017 at 7:59 AM, jak2002003 said:

I am sure she told you that.

I'm am equally sure that after 23 years of marriage that what she is telling me is the truth. If not I would likely not be married to her.

[petermik]

7 hours ago, muffy said:

Anything she asks for .

And anything she doesn,t ask for

[JoeBloe]

5 hours ago, YeahSiam said:

She's in-between jobs so you think the solution is to offer her a stipend for being with you at your condo.

That may not be how it plays in your mind because you're not being objective. but it is the sum of what you're proposing

 

Why don't you just ask her to move in instead of offering her an inducement to do so and see how far that gets you.

Turning her from a normal, middle-class woman with no bar or freelance history into a paid concubine seems demeaning

.............unless she actually wants that

She already lives with me - not sure why that has been unclear.

 

I am just trying to lower the hassle level about money and who pays for what. Our relationship is financially  asymmetric, as are all relationships so taking money issues off the table makes some sense.

 

Not everybody wants a career and to go to work every day. I retired the second that I did not need more money - not working was a goal for me, and I loved my work.

[jacko711]

Mate no dout she has some kind of family to take care of, if she is young it's her job to take care of parents and any kids she has living with her parents, so you need to give her 5000 a month for that maybe a little less, if you want her to be happy then I would say that is a necessity and then house hold items food and purchasing different items you need there is another 3500-5000 so 7500-10000 Tb a month should do the trick, and maybe you want her to be happy and smile all the time then o guess you need to get her nails and hair done and buy some new cloths and shit like that every now and then so there is another 2000-5000 a month. My Mrs personally hates shopping buying thing or spending any money, so I get away with a lot less in saying that though if she wants something I buy it no questions asked,but that happens rarely its more me wanting to spend money and her telling me we don't need that lol, anyway hope that helps I been living back and forth in different parts of Asia for 10 years and have good idea of the drill in Asia hope that helps

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

[YeahSiam]

28 minutes ago, MichaelBates said:

She already lives with me - not sure why that has been unclear.

 

I am just trying to lower the hassle level about money and who pays for what. Our relationship is financially  asymmetric, as are all relationships so taking money issues off the table makes some sense.

 

Not everybody wants a career and to go to work every day. I retired the second that I did not need more money - not working was a goal for me, and I loved my work.

Not sure why that has been unclear???

Maybe something to do with the first sentence of the first post, mate

 

Quote

OK Guys. Probably a bad question, but if my gf moves in (small Bangkok condo), she will reasonably expect cash to buy food and run the household (like wives) and pocket money for clothes, coffee etc.

Sort of implies she's not moved in yet, doesn't it?

 

What hassle level?

You've not said there are any hassles.

All this yap about bills and household crap is a smokescreen.

What you're really looking for is the going rate for a woman to stop work and tend to you and your needs all day.

In other words a maid/cook/f***buddy

Just give her 10 large a month and be done.

[aircooledflat4]

1 hour ago, MichaelBates said:

I am just trying to lower the hassle level about money and who pays for what.

Ummm, she ain't working so that would be you dude.

 

/thread

[AGareth2]

seems like the line in the sand keeps changing

[AGareth2]

maybe we could start a poll?

I opt for 12k/month

[janejira]

First of all, my husband and I both work, so I am not speaking from experienve. I also didn't read through the 14 pages of posts.

 

In my opinion, no less than 10k per month in Bkk. If she spends under that, let her save it and spend on whatever she wants. If that doesn't seem to be enough, go up to 12k or 15k.

 

If there is something more expensive that comes up for the room like an air purifier, tv, furniture etc. then you can go shopping together or give her a budget to buy whatever is needed.

 

I would feel offended if my husband asked me for receipts for everyday purchases. I would also feel lousy (and perhaps like I was being controlled) if my husband didn't want me to go back to work but made me ask him for money everytime I wanted to buy something.

 

Also, you might want to check with her about any financial obligations she may have like credit card balances, loans, or large purchases on a payment plan. Those should be taken into consideration before deciding to live on one income or what an appropriate budget would be.

 

 

 

[JWNY]

I honestly think there is such a thing as the "right amount" but it should be something that allows the housewife to buy basic necessities and let her have her own keep. Women need security, to those that stay home - it's no means easy just staring at four walls.

 

But i agree with some here that you should openly discuss this with her. Give too little and you're a scrooge, give too much and you're screwed. 

 

there's also a previous topic on this - 

 

[Jeffrey346]

I don't get you guys.. If you married a woman in your home country would you be having this conversation?

[Odin Norway]

36 minutes ago, Jeffrey346 said:

I don't get you guys.. If you married a woman in your home country would you be having this conversation?

If you marry in youre own country would you have a wife at home doing F... all if you dont have kids?

[Jeffrey346]

1 minute ago, Odin Norway said:

If you marry in youre own country would you have a wife at home doing F... all if you dont have kids?

What the hell does that mean.. Do you think all Thai girls stay at home all day?

[Odin Norway]

1 minute ago, Jeffrey346 said:

What the hell does that mean.. Do you think all Thai girls stay at home all day?

Who was talking about Thai-girls?

It was Thai wifes with a foreign man was it not?

And for them yes.90% of them do not have a job.