Brief Quotes

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her

sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car." Author Unknown.

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan

Rivers.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that

money can buy." Steve Martin.

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night 'you're a pervert'. I

said, 'that's a big word for a girl of fifteen'." Emo Philips.

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." Woody Allen.

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five,

it's fantastic." Woody Allen.

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal,

particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L

convertible." Unknown.

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"

Marilyn Pittman.

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and

the law is the law!" Jerry Seinfeld.

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar

Wilde.

"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,

do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away

from children." A Mum.

In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't

think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured

and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was a classic; Schwartzkopf said, "I believe that forgiving

them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting.