thai mother's and son's

[steven100]

4 minutes ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

its your life and your money so spend both how you want. guys in thailand seem to like to complicate their lives for no reason. unless you are having kids with a thai it is better just to keep to your own kind who you can understand and relate to. i have a couple kids with a thai girl. she has 4 brothers who i have nothing to do with. they get up to all sorts of crazy things. one is married to a western woman and has a thai wife as well. i stay out of it at all costs. keep it fun and simple will be my rule when i retire back to thailand.

exactly ....  in family in Thailand just take care of the partner and a bit for mama & papa and uck the rest ... just enjoy, laugh and drink and don't care what other members of the extended family get up to ... it's not my business and why would I bother to complicate my daily routine.  Don't go giving funds to relatives... even if asked by the partner ... just use common sense and stand your ground.

Some farang make their lives difficult.

[bbi1]

9 minutes ago, steven100 said:

 Don't go giving funds to relatives... even if asked by the partner ... just use common sense and stand your ground.

Some farang make their lives difficult.

The unfortunate thing is "common sense" isn't too common :)

[sanemax]

11 minutes ago, OmarZaid said:

Me too ... but I'm making the best of what's left of it ... My wife was traditional thai dance instructor ... very few can do that anymore  -- a dying breed --- a dying culture -- a dying nation -- but enjoy what's left

Although there still are traditional Thai dance teachers , teaching traditional Thai dance . 

  Its not quite yet the end of the world

[NoshowJones]

13 hours ago, Swiss1960 said:

You seem to have money to throw away. Can I give you my account number?

You are the stupid one in the family...

Sent from my HTC 10 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

You are wrong to call the OP stupid, though you have probably not read a previous OP from him yesterday.

 

Good luck with your health OP, and I hope everything works out for you.

[Stevemercer]

I think a lot of blokes on TV forget what it is like to fall in love and make a commitment. If you really love your Thai woman, then you have to find some way of coping with all this sort of shit. It is not a matter or 'growing a pair', you have to work out some compromise you and your wife can live with.

 

Most relationships I know of, including my own, have problems with sponging Thai relatives/children. Thai mums want to set up their kids for life and they can do no wrong. Having some one to always bail them out, and give them money, means that the kids don't have to accept responsibility for their own lives and actions. 

 

In the west we call it 'tough love' - your kids are expected to move out of home by the time they are 21 and take responsibility for their own lives.

 

I hope we have sorted out my Thai wife's son - he is in Australia 'studying' and working. He says he has never had to work so hard, but he also says he is happy because he is finally 100% responsible for his own life. He is saving his money so he can extend his study visa for a few more years. Hopefully, when he comes back to Thailand, he will have saved enough money to start his own business.

 

My wife said the same thing when she first went to Australia - it was tough because she had no family to back her up and had to learn to be independent and make her own life.

 

I'm not saying this is a solution for everyone, but continuing to support someone who is drifting through life isn't going to help anyone.

[Moonlover]

14 hours ago, lovelomsak said:

 

 

 

 

there are different definitions of stupid. 

Some may think giving him the money is stupid. I see it as baiting the self destruction trap.

 His gf's parents are prepared to set him up for life.They own 2 hospitals. He will graduate as a medical technician. they are prepared to set him up in practice and hospital connections their hospitals. His wife will be pharmacist.They will be wannabe High So or maybe lower High So. But if he keeps going the way he is with the money he gets he will in all likely hood be found out and lose it all. So who loses the most.?

?

Dream on!

[Odysseus123]

8 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

I think a lot of blokes on TV forget what it is like to fall in love and make a commitment. If you really love your Thai woman, then you have to find some way of coping with all this sort of shit. It is not a matter or 'growing a pair', you have to work out some compromise you and your wife can live with.

 

Most relationships I know of, including my own, have problems with sponging Thai relatives/children. Thai mums want to set up their kids for life and they can do no wrong. Having some one to always bail them out, and give them money, means that the kids don't have to accept responsibility for their own lives and actions. 

 

In the west we call it 'tough love' - your kids are expected to move out of home by the time they are 21 and take responsibility for their own lives.

 

I hope we have sorted out my Thai wife's son - he is in Australia 'studying' and working. He says he has never had to work so hard, but he also says he is happy because he is finally 100% responsible for his own life. He is saving his money so he can extend his study visa for a few more years. Hopefully, when he comes back to Thailand, he will have saved enough money to start his own business.

 

My wife said the same thing when she first went to Australia - it was tough because she had no family to back her up and had to learn to be independent and make her own life.

 

I'm not saying this is a solution for everyone, but continuing to support someone who is drifting through life isn't going to help anyone.

Yes.A very good comment.

 

Part of the problem is that relationships often vary over time and the "goals" of one partner may diverge from the other.

 

Six years ago I was quite happy to assist a stepson and stepdaughter to achieve educational and technical training goals but now it is just one big (Issan) farce as their only real objective in life is to sponge off others.

 

They are now well aware that I am just about to sever the Gordian knot forever.

 

Message for the OP-I can now understand some of your dilemma which you outlined on another topic.

[ujayujay]

Kick this Tick out your Home. May a Baseballbat helps. Then try to arrange with your Wife. If you dont be consequent, this Bastard will life the next 20 Years on your cost.

[lovelomsak]

Well certainly appears many people see it differently.

The son yes I feel has taken me for maybe 100000 or 200000 during his university time. But that happens the world over university kids are known for those actions. The last 55000 was the last money I will give him and I told the wife that.He said it was for his final semester so I said final is final no more money. I stand firm on that. If he lied to us and needs more money in the future for real expenses he is out of luck. I can be very mean. If he asks for more it will not be there  and because I do not give it to him he cannot finish his education that is what will happen. I will let 4 years of funding his education go down the sewer to make my point and all the opportunities that were there shall disappear into thin air. No education,probably hi so gf gone etc. Back to catching frogs at night.Sum num na

  The money is not the issue. It is the Thai mother's not providing proper life skills for their children. I am not a saint or a philantropist.. Some one does not give me respect they pay the price. I will take their cheap shots to get the knock out punch.

 The son has no idea who he is dealing with. He thinks every one cherishs the ground he walks on same as his mother.

Edited June 9, 2017 by lovelomsak

[jeab1980]

6 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

Well certainly appears many people see it differently.

The son yes I feel has taken me for maybe 100000 or 200000 during his university time. But that happens the world over university kids are known for those actions. The last 55000 was the last money I will give him and I told the wife that.He said it was for his final semester so I said final is final no more money. I stand firm on that. If he lied to us and needs more money in the future for real expenses he is out of luck. I can be very mean. If he asks for more it will not be there  and because I do not give it to him he cannot finish his education that is what will happen. I will let 4 years of funding his education go down the sewer to make my point and all the opportunities that were there shall disappear into thin air. No education,probably hi so gf gone etc. Back to catching frogs at night.Sum num na

Time will tell. If he wants noney he will get it from you via wife. You know it i know it so dont set yourself up for a fall. Plus his G/F family im sure after the sob story. Falang refuses to help me. They will. As for His life style it has nothing whatever to do with you. Keep your nose out or it will bite you in the arse. I expect his G/F is quite aware of him being a butterfly and i would expect she is getting extras as well.

[bbi1]

20 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

The son yes I feel has taken me for maybe 100000 or 200000 during his university time. But that happens the world over university kids are known for those actions. The last 55000 was the last money I will give him and I told the wife that.He said it was for his final semester so I said final is final no more money. I stand firm on that. If he lied to us and needs more money in the future for real expenses he is out of luck. I can be very mean. If he asks for more it will not be there  and because I do not give it to him he cannot finish his education that is what will happen. I will let 4 years of funding his education go down the sewer to make my point and all the opportunities that were there shall disappear into thin air. No education,probably hi so gf gone etc. Back to catching frogs at night.Sum num na

You said the kid and his mum have no money and you are paying for everything. How the hell did he get a "rich hi-so gf" if he's and the family has no money? I thought hi-so Thais will associate with their own kind, not bums who have no money.

Edited June 9, 2017 by bbi1

[lovelomsak]

Just now, bbi1 said:

You said the kid and his mum have no money and you are paying for everything. How the hell did he get a rich gf if he's and the family seems to be a poor? I thought hi-so Thais will associate with their own kind, not bums who have no money.

Gee not hard math man. he is going to Rangsit university with cash in his pockets. good looking and charming.Young girls fall for sweet talk and money being spent. all the time. 

 the wife's family was and is extremely poor. With out me he would have not even had the opportunity to go to technical college.He would have been farm labour same as the rest of the family.

[bbi1]

9 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

Gee not hard math man. he is going to Rangsit university with cash in his pockets. good looking and charming.Young girls fall for sweet talk and money being spent. all the time. 

 the wife's family was and is extremely poor. With out me he would have not even had the opportunity to go to technical college.He would have been farm labour same as the rest of the family.

Ah yes, if he's got handsome looks and moolah provided by the step-father for him to spend, then it's possible to break into the hi-so circle. The only thing is if the moolah by the step-father stops, the rich hi-so gf will probably disappear and they would have no interest for having a poor bf.

[sanemax]

16 hours ago, lovelomsak said:

he has a good gf who is rich and her parents own the Mc Cormack hospital and the Overbrook. hospitals in Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai.

Are you sure about that ?

The McCormack hospital is owned by "After the war in 1949, American Presbyterian missionaries gave McCormick Hospital to the Church of Christ in Thailand Foundation to continue their mission."

[lovelomsak]

Just now, sanemax said:

Are you sure about that ?

The McCormack hospital is owned by "After the war in 1949, American Presbyterian missionaries gave McCormick Hospital to the Church of Christ in Thailand Foundation to continue their mission."

I was of the same opinion as you but since have found out the church no longer owns either one the gf's mother got them some how.

[lovelomsak]

18 minutes ago, bbi1 said:

Ah yes, if he's got handsome looks and moolah provided by the step-father for him to spend, then it's possible to break into the hi-so circle. The only thing is if the moolah by the step-father stops, the rich hi-so gf will probably disappear and they would have no interest for having a poor bf.

Exactly he is now skating on very thin ice especially since he brought his gik home to meet mom. He already gets my money through his mom so I can comtrol what he gets from my end easy. And if hi so gf is gone what other door can he open? All opportunity is lost. As I said sum num na

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

He already gets my money through his mom so I can comtrol what he gets from my end easy. 

If it came down to it .

Who would she choose ?

You or the son ?

[lovelomsak]

Just now, sanemax said:

If it came down to it .

Who would she choose ?

You or the son ?

no brainer her son

[pmarlin]

My wife and her three sisters were giving their mother money each month for living expenses until they found out she was giving it all to her son,  The money has stopped and they just buy hat she needs. Made the son very unhappy but they didn't care. One  of the sisters told her mother that she always knew she lover her son more than them.

[sanemax]

24 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

I was of the same opinion as you but since have found out the church no longer owns either one the gf's mother got them some how.

Their website says otherwise "McCormick Hospital  under the directorship of the Church of Christ in Thailand, "

[Gracas]

52 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

Gee not hard math man. he is going to Rangsit university with cash in his pockets. good looking and charming.Young girls fall for sweet talk and money being spent. all the time. 

 the wife's family was and is extremely poor. With out me he would have not even had the opportunity to go to technical college.He would have been farm labour same as the rest of the family.

Sounds like the last 55K you gave him is not enough, also maybe some work as farm labour would not hurt him in the least. He may think he is becoming a successful con-man, at least as far as you are concerned as he always has his mum obtain the money needed. As far as the rich GF goes, if her family are smart enough to own two hospitals I am sure they are smart enough to see through your step-son, a time will come when he will be sent on his way. If you hold true to your word about not giving anymore money on the next request, good this is maybe what he needs. Don't worry about the mum/wife if her priority is the son then so be it.

[sanemax]

37 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

I was of the same opinion as you but since have found out the church no longer owns either one the gf's mother got them some how.

What evidence do you have of this ?

[lovelomsak]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

What evidence do you have of this ?

Non it was all word of mouth. I searched it but could find nothing also. But the family is adament they own it. One source for me also was a christian  volunteer worker told me the church no longer owned them. I found it odd when I was told the first time for the gf's family is buddhist not christian. I have been able to find the history of the hospitals but cannot find anything on line about change of ownership. Basicaly, can find nothing but the history and services they provide.

[lovelomsak]

14 minutes ago, Gracas said:

Sounds like the last 55K you gave him is not enough, also maybe some work as farm labour would not hurt him in the least. He may think he is becoming a successful con-man, at least as far as you are concerned as he always has his mum obtain the money needed. As far as the rich GF goes, if her family are smart enough to own two hospitals I am sure they are smart enough to see through your step-son, a time will come when he will be sent on his way. If you hold true to your word about not giving anymore money on the next request, good this is maybe what he needs. Don't worry about the mum/wife if her priority is the son then so be it.

You got it right . 

 That's exactly how I see it too.

[KenKadz]

A casual observation is that Thai sons are worthless, while thinking they are entitled.

Thai daughters are the ones who do "whatever is necessary" to help the family prosper and take care of the parents.

Thainess!!!

[Odysseus123]

4 minutes ago, KenKadz said:

A casual observation is that Thai sons are worthless, while thinking they are entitled.

Thai daughters are the ones who do "whatever is necessary" to help the family prosper and take care of the parents.

Thainess!!!

Indeed.

 

I used to give my MIL a thousand baht every time she asked for it (for she is a tough old gal) until I realized....

 

that I could stand on my balcony and time her alcoholic son (only 50 years of age) to the second as he charged around to collect the dosh..

 

6 minutes and 33 seconds from one village to the next is the record.

 

Of course..say..2000 baht... would make him go a  little faster.

[oldhippy]

1 hour ago, lovelomsak said:

Non it was all word of mouth. I searched it but could find nothing also. But the family is adament they own it. One source for me also was a christian  volunteer worker told me the church no longer owned them. I found it odd when I was told the first time for the gf's family is buddhist not christian. I have been able to find the history of the hospitals but cannot find anything on line about change of ownership. Basicaly, can find nothing but the history and services they provide.

Have you considered the possibility that perhaps your step son learns his con tricks from his gf's "hiso"parents?

[bazza73]

3 hours ago, lovelomsak said:

 It is the Thai mother's not providing proper life skills for their children. I am not a saint or a philantropist.. Some one does not give me respect they pay the price. I will take their cheap shots to get the knock out punch.

 

It sounds to me you haven't provided much in the way of life skills either.

I set limits with my Thai GF early. She knows not to breach those limits. She can spend whatever she likes on her family out of what I give her each month, but there are no extras.

You say you love your wife. Maybe so. However, she does not love you. You are just an ATM for her and the son. Maybe one day the scales will fall from your eyes and you'll wake up to reality. Respect? You lost that long ago.

[jeab1980]

18 minutes ago, KenKadz said:

A casual observation is that Thai sons are worthless, while thinking they are entitled.

Thai daughters are the ones who do "whatever is necessary" to help the family prosper and take care of the parents.

Thainess!!!

Very generalised observation not all though.

Maybe beacuse our son has been brought up half and half and by that i mean he has lived in Thailand all his life. Schooled in thai and English customs. He is a typical teenager and has his dont talk to me im 14 you know but i think im 34 moments. As we all did. But by enlarge he is a good kid always helpful and not at all greedy or i want i want. He probably does have a bit more than other kids in village for obvious reasons. Which could explain why we end up feeding a dozen of them every other night. All homework tends to be done at ours. Plus they get free English lessons.

But i digress my point is very few are like the one being described in this thread. I can only assume that he is as he is as mother has pampered him and step dad throws money at him. So whos fault id it?

[oldhippy]

5 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

It sounds to me you haven't provided much in the way of life skills either.

I set limits with my Thai GF early. She knows not to breach those limits. She can spend whatever she likes on her family out of what I give her each month, but there are no extras.

You say you love your wife. Maybe so. However, she does not love you. You are just an ATM for her and the son. Maybe one day the scales will fall from your eyes and you'll wake up to reality. Respect? You lost that long ago.

Setting limits

 

Easy to say, difficult to do.

What if somebody in the family genuinely needs money?

You may be the only one with savings, because you were lucky enough to be born in Falangland and / or you always handled your money wisely.