The poisonous Brother in Law

[The Dark Lord]

4 minutes ago, rhodie said:

Just get out of there mate. A downward spiral if ever I saw one. You will soon smell the roses and realise that there is a life. Good luck and it would be good if you could start your own thread on "The road to recovery". :)

You know rhode old son I might just do that once I escape the poisonous web I am entrapped in.

[oldhippy]

1 minute ago, NanLaew said:

How has this anything at all to do with your current situation?

It illustrates that The Black One is not a loser who ows all his misfortunes to himself.

[NanLaew]

Just now, The Dark Lord said:

Just trying to show that my former stressed up high pressure life and its demise was happier than the  anticipated but never achieved stress free hasstle free drift along the river of peace to the end life existence I planned for out here. 

 

Was my post not clear or are you just you just trying to piss me off?

No. This discourse is obviously therapeutic for yourself and others similarly challenged. Sorry if it came across any other way.

[The Dark Lord]

Just now, NanLaew said:

No. This discourse is obviously therapeutic for yourself and others similarly challenged. Sorry if it came across any other way.

No no nanliew old chum, it was entirely my bad. Probably being a little bit sensitive right now. Pride taken a hit, emotions all at cross purposes. It is like  what was said a little earlier on this thread, still love the woman but basically cannot live with her. I know she will suffer badly once I withdraw my support but should I feel guilty?

[The Dark Lord]

4 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

It illustrates that The Black One is not a loser who ows all his misfortunes to himself.

Thanks old hippy dude, nanliew was not being manevolent it is his writing style which is fantastic but can occasionally be misread. 

 

Certainly no meanness intended i am sure. 

[oldhippy]

2 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

No no nanliew old chum, it was entirely my bad. Probably being a little bit sensitive right now. Pride taken a hit, emotions all at cross purposes. It is like  what was said a little earlier on this thread, still love the woman but basically cannot live with her. I know she will suffer badly once I withdraw my support but should I feel guilty?

Feeling guilty for the suffering that others bring on to themselves is possibly the result of our christian upbringing.

I am 100% atheist, (raised in a christian country), but feel the same towards my wife.

 

[owl sees all]

A couple of years ago we were in the pick-up driving near Phon Phasai. Not a busy road but concreted and with electricity. A guy on a motorbike was towing a blue cart full of pineapples. I was about 50 metres behind him when the cart got into a wobble, turned over, and sent the pineapples flying. I stopped the pick-up and went to help him sort out his wares.

 

After a minute or so a lady - who I guess was working in the field - also came to help.

 

Five minutes later he was back on his way. I didn't ask for anything. I just wanted to help the guy.

 

When I got back into the pick-up the wife went absolutely bananas.

 

Why did you do that? He was drunk!? You saw the lady and you were butterfly eye?

 

We got home and I still kept up my stance of not responding. I just couldn't understand the problem. Anyway that night I slept at the farm in the pick up just to get away from the agro'.

[The Dark Lord]

2 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Feeling guilty for the suffering that others bring on to themselves is possibly the result of our christian upbringing.

I am 100% atheist, (raised in a christian country), but feel the same towards my wife.

 

Hey old hippy dude, this religion crapola really is a downer eh?

 

why should I feel so much potential guilt even though I am the victim and she brought this on herself? I mean it is not as if I had not told her repeatedly in the past  and it is her making the somewhat less than polite requests for me to vacate the premesis. 

[NanLaew]

5 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Feeling guilty for the suffering that others bring on to themselves is possibly the result of our christian upbringing.

I am 100% atheist, (raised in a christian country), but feel the same towards my wife.

 

As The Dark Lord admits...

 

12 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

... still love the woman but basically cannot live with her ...

As long as there's still love, there will be despair. Horrible situation to be in but if there's no obvious medical or mental condition that is preventing one's partner from seeing your love AND your pain, then one must do what is right for you. 

 

I find listening to Alex Lester on the radio to be very soothing.

[The Dark Lord]

11 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

A couple of years ago we were in the pick-up driving near Phon Phasai. Not a busy road but concreted and with electricity. A guy on a motorbike was towing a blue cart full of pineapples. I was about 50 metres behind him when the cart got into a wobble, turned over, and sent the pineapples flying. I stopped the pick-up and went to help him sort out his wares.

 

After a minute or so a lady - who I guess was working in the field - also came to help.

 

Five minutes later he was back on his way. I didn't ask for anything. I just wanted to help the guy.

 

When I got back into the pick-up the wife went absolutely bananas.

 

Why did you do that? He was drunk!? You saw the lady and you were butterfly eye?

 

We got home and I still kept up my stance of not responding. I just couldn't understand the problem. Anyway that night I slept at the farm in the pick up just to get away from the agro'.

Hi Wise Owl, I read your anecdote and am sorry I let out an involuntary chuckle. 

 

Why do they do it? 

 

I have discussed numerous times with the soon to be former mrs DL the stupidity if using terror to obtain compliance.

 

We have discussed sensibly and calmly  the ch 3 "girl fancies other girls boyfriend, creates temper tantrum and fails scenario" several times but it did not go in and stay in. 

 

It seems the thai man who beats his wife then, in utter frustration buggers off leaving her with spawn and no money may just be as much a victim of the "Issan crazy" as we are. 

 

Obviously the beatings don't work but by the same token neither do the kind ways. 

 

They seem to be be hell bent on self destruction and very slowly I am adjusting to a position of acceptance that she can go ahead and self destruct and I will do my utmost not to feel in anyway guilty or sorry. 

 

I am appalled that I just wrote that but let's face facts we are actually suffering from abuse by them ..

 

yes i I said the word!

 

teansfer the behaviour when "the Issan crazy" takes over and apply it to a kid, another woman, an animal and most posters would state ABUSE! 

 

Why not here?

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by The Dark Lord

[owl sees all]

10 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

I am 100% atheist, (raised in a christian country), but feel the same towards my wife.

Yes! Me too. 

 

A have a 7 year old daughter and I am trying to bridge the gap between the wife's version of Buddhism and my atheism.

 

I consistently tell her; 'do unto others as you would like done to you,' (not always in those words).

 

She is gradually understanding what I'm talking about and I can see in her actions that she is growing into a beautiful, loving person. It fills me with pride to see it.

[transam]

I am not in anyway religious except one belief that has followed me. That is..

"What goes around, comes around"....Have instilled that into Mrs.Trans and when she tells me about family and other stuff l then motion two circles with my hand...She now actually believes it, which is good for me.. 

 

I am sort of lucky her family are not nice people, because l do not now entertain them in any way..

Mrs.Trans often says she cannot believe they are her family...

[oldhippy]

1 minute ago, owl sees all said:

Yes! Me too. 

 

A have a 7 year old daughter and I am trying to bridge the gap between the wife's version of Buddhism and my atheism.

 

I consistently tell her; 'do unto others as you would like done to you,' (not always in those words).

 

She is gradually understanding what I'm talking about and I can see in her actions that she is growing into a beautiful, loving person. It fills me with pride to see it.

Yes about time that we farangs start to teach Thais some basic buddhist principles 555.

PS. I'm only joking, or maybe I am not.

 

Inspite of all her thainess, my wife recently said: "buddha is in the heart, not in the wat" and - "I believe what I see".

She seldom goes to the wat, yet spent 160.000 + 70.000 (envelopes) on our son's funeral (a large part of it went to the monks of course).

 

There is hope, but still a loooooooooong way to go.

For Europeans too, it was a struggle to leave the 19th century behind...

 

 

 

 

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

To be honest; the more I read up the further away from Buddhism Issan seems to be.

You think Isaan's bad? Better stay the <deleted> away from Buriram then.

[The Dark Lord]

14 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Yes about time that we farangs start to teach Thais some basic buddhist principles 555.

PS. I'm only joking, or maybe I am not.

 

Inspite of all her thainess, my wife recently said: "buddha is in the heart, not in the wat" and - "I believe what I see".

She seldom goes to the wat, yet spent 160.000 + 70.000 (envelopes) on our son's funeral (a large part of it went to the monks of course).

 

There is hope, but still a loooooooooong way to go.

For Europeans too, it was a struggle to leave the 19th century behind...

 

 

 

 

Old hippy dude, 

 

So sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It is not right that a parent buries their child, ever

 

my current wife lost her eldest just before I met her, her then husband did not even come to the funeral, she was in such a state that all the donations ( envelopes) and insurance payouts were stolen by an aunt and it was estimated to be several millions. But they are thai so she was forgiven.....

 

i believe you, Trans and the wise Owl to name but a few have got not only the patience of a Job ( some biblical reference)  but have a special gift. 

 

I struggled to leave the 20th century but that was purely due to me hitting 40!

 

 

I was often highlighted at my apparent patience in explaining matters with my staff who were mostly non English speakers as a first language.  I am pretty sure I got the message across eventually but all that legendary patience faded rapidly in the face of "the Issan crazy" 

 

Try as hard as I can to ignore it, my guilt at what lies ahead for her is trying very hard to overwhelm me. If it wins then I am back in this cycle again and that thought spurs me on to grow a backbone. 

 

 

BTW the expression Issan Crazy is not referring to the current Mrs DL but to a condition prevalent in Issan women. 

Edited July 5, 2017 by The Dark Lord

[marko kok prong]

On 7/4/2017 at 10:29 AM, owl sees all said:

The US Ambassador to Thailand spent 17 years in Thailand back in the 1960s and 1970s. In his telex (remember those)  reports he constantly referred to Thailand as the "Land of secrets and half-truths". (Source Wikileaks). That was at the higher levels of Thai society.

 

It's little wonder some are struggling with the problems in the villages. Understanding what is really going on and trying to decipher the truth within families is very difficult, and stressful, at times.

 

A similar way of thinking from top to bottom. Just look at the nonsense put out by governments and the smoke screens on the news.

I seem to remember a story about a British delegation coming to Siam as it was then known, not long after the conquest of Burma,when they returned to Burma or maybe Calcutta he was asked in a de brief what was disscussed,he could only answer he did not really know as he could not ever get a straight answer about anything,and they were in his opinion the most expert liars and prevaricators he had ever met.

[NanLaew]

12 minutes ago, transam said:

I am not in anyway religious except one belief that has followed me. That is..

"What goes around, comes around"....Have instilled that into Mrs.Trans and when she tells me about family and other stuff l then motion two circles with my hand...She now actually believes it, which is good for me.. 

 

I am sort of lucky her family are not nice people, because l do not now entertain them in any way..

Mrs.Trans often says she cannot believe they are her family...

And there was me thinking that the "motion two circles with my hand" means that she needed to check the tire pressures.

 

Sounds like you have either steered a safe course and weathered the storm of basically inserting yourself between spouse and family or, as I think my (second) wife has done, Mrs trans has possibly found a way to accommodate the huge burden and expectation of 'family' and still keep the farang hubby from being totally disenfranchised... or worse, disenfranchising himself from everything. Either way, it is a blessing when one does find that one's wife, apart from being a perpetually stunning "aw-aw" (in my eyes anyway), amazing cook and wonderful mother, also manages to be your bestest friend. It is a work in progress at Casa Nan and probably always will be. But the fine art of keeping relationships alive isn't unique to Thailand, it's just there's tiger traps here.

 

As for my first wife (that bItch... but I'm not bitter), as the Lao-born adopted daughter of a Thai army captain and his Lao mia noi in Vientiane 'way back then', she had way, way too much emotional baggage to fit in any overhead locker so I was quite glad when she took it all with her on a flight to see her (100% Lao) step-sister in Germany. This after yet another meat cleaver and glass-topped rattan coffee table attack. Of course I was much, much younger then and undoubtedly played a major part in making the messy bed that I found myself struggling to leave. My own infamous "40 days and 40 nights" followed (she was gone for a couple of months) which after I had sobered up, enabled me to see a way out that didn't involve digging tunnels and avoiding searchlights.

[NanLaew]

16 minutes ago, marko kok prong said:

I seem to remember a story about a British delegation coming to Siam as it was then known, not long after the conquest of Burma,when they returned to Burma or maybe Calcutta he was asked in a de brief what was disscussed,he could only answer he did not really know as he could not ever get a straight answer about anything,and they were in his opinion the most expert liars and prevaricators he had ever met.

Assuming that they had either their own interpreters or interpreters provided by their hosts, it sort of confirms what I said earlier about Thai being a language where context is inferred rather than implicitly stated.

[GarryP]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

Yes! Me too. 

 

A have a 7 year old daughter and I am trying to bridge the gap between the wife's version of Buddhism and my atheism.

 

I consistently tell her; 'do unto others as you would like done to you,' (not always in those words).

 

She is gradually understanding what I'm talking about and I can see in her actions that she is growing into a beautiful, loving person. It fills me with pride to see it.

Wouldn't it be better if you took your daughter out of that situation? You say your wife is jealous of your love for your daughter. I would be concerned about that. 

[Patong2]

My commiserations to The Dark Lord, Owl Sees All, Odysseus and Zoza.

 

This has been one of saddest yet most interesting threads I have ever followed. Man, how some of you have suffered and with such patience.

 

Thank you for your frankness in sharing and I wish all of you the best for a great life. Please return to this thread occasionally and update us?

[Odysseus123]

27 minutes ago, Patong2 said:

My commiserations to The Dark Lord, Owl Sees All, Odysseus and Zoza.

 

This has been one of saddest yet most interesting threads I have ever followed. Man, how some of you have suffered and with such patience.

 

Thank you for your frankness in sharing and I wish all of you the best for a great life. Please return to this thread occasionally and update us?

Hello Patong..

 

Well..I wasn't going to post today and just try to read the  replies-because,to be frank,my ticker is on its last legs which is why my Aussie doctors keep telling me to come home.

 

I have tried to cultivate a certain sense of detachment from this lunatic family but that failed miserably about an hour ago..

 

Please indulge me in this,if you can.

The family restaurant failed mainly because the entire family ate the profits.

The karaoke bar failed because the BiL drank the profits.

The chicken farm failed because the lazy stepson would not get out of bed.

Nevermind..I could cope with all that..

But the Pitbull venture has me buggered.Lazy stepson borrowed 20,000 baht to buy male/female pitbulls to breed them.

When they turned up I pointed out that they needed lots of work,socializing and a secure enclosure to house them.The villagers started to complain (who wouldn't?)Lazy bastard has np money so I paid 5,000 to get an enclosure done.Lazy son then demands 5,000 so that he can get a job in the local hardware depot.Goes for two days and then collapses.Does nothing about the pitbulls.

 

Meanwhile the Pitbulls are growing..they see all the activity outside and realize that their master doesn't give a shit about them.

 

Dogs break out this morning..and attack a female dog..and get it in a death grip..small children are running around because the lazy BiL is still MIA.

 

Useless stepson is down the road drinking Hong Thong, "The Drink Of Isaan Champions".

 

Women running around screaming but not one of them would ever say anything about the neuron deprived cretin or any other  cretinish relatives either.

 

My heart rate went thru the roof,I locked my own dog in (the original and only dog on the property) and felt my pulse soaring..

 

I only hope that I get out of here before the dogs take out a small child and I have to front up the compensation,because,naturally,no-one will have any money.

Edited July 5, 2017 by Odysseus123
spelling

[owl sees all]

40 minutes ago, GarryP said:

Wouldn't it be better if you took your daughter out of that situation? You say your wife is jealous of your love for your daughter. I would be concerned about that.

I hear you Gary loud and clear.

 

During calm pensive moments i do get the impression that my wife was shown very little love when she herself was young. Scolding, conflict, arguments and sometimes violence was the norm for her. When I tell my daughter, as I do every night before she goes to sleep, "I love you" I often hear the tut tuts of disapproval.

 

A lot of these people are very backward (from our standpoint) emotionally. I constantly give my wife freedom to burn-herself-out on some things. I feel often that my disinterest only makes things worse.

 

If you are a chess player Gary; you would understand the word 'zungwang'. I sometimes think I'm in that position.

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by owl sees all
spelling error

[Odysseus123]

14 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

I hear you Gary loud and clear.

 

During calm pensive moments i do get the impression that my wife was shown very little love when she herself was young. Scolding, conflict, arguments and sometimes violence was the norm for her. When I tell my daughter, as I do every night before she goes to sleep, "I love you" I often hear the tut tuts of disapproval.

 

A lot of these people are very backward (from our standpoint) emotionally. I constantly give my wife freedom to burn-herself-out on some things. I feel often that my disinterest only makes things worse.

 

If you are a chess player Gary; you would understand the word 'zungwang'. I sometimes think I'm in that position.

 

"Zugswang"-gosh I haven't heard that term in years.But,yes,bang on.

 

Where any move you make will only weaken or degrade your position.

 

At my university club there was a young Russian who was always zugswanging me-and now it has come back to bite me in the posterior.

 

14 days to go,

[manarak]

OP's post is the reason why in hindsight, a victorian approach to marriage is probably the best strategy.

[GarryP]

30 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Hello Patong..

 

Well..I wasn't going to post today and just try to read the  replies-because,to be frank,my ticker is on its last legs which is why my Aussie doctors keep telling me to come home.

 

I have tried to cultivate a certain sense of detachment from this lunatic family but that failed miserably about an hour ago..

 

Please indulge me in this,if you can.

The family restaurant failed mainly because the entire family ate the profits.

The karaoke bar failed because the BiL drank the profits.

The chicken farm failed because the lazy stepson would not get out of bed.

Nevermind..I could cope with all that..

But the Pitbull venture has me buggered.Lazy stepson borrowed 20,000 baht to buy male/female pitbulls to breed them.

When they turned up I pointed out that they needed lots of work,socializing and a secure enclosure to house them.The villagers started to complain (who wouldn't?)Lazy bastard has np money so I paid 5,000 to get an enclosure done.Lazy son then demands 5,000 so that he can get a job in the local hardware depot.Goes for two days and then collapses.Does nothing about the pitbulls.

 

Meanwhile the Pitbulls are growing..they see all the activity outside and realize that their master doesn't give a shit about them.

 

Dogs break out this morning..and attack a female dog..and get it in a death grip..small children are running around because the lazy BiL is still MIA.

 

Useless stepson is down the road drinking Hong Thong, "The Drink Of Isaan Champions".

 

Women running around screaming but not one of them would ever say anything about the neuron deprived cretin or any other  cretinish relatives either.

 

My heart rate went thru the roof,I locked my own dog in (the original and only dog on the property) and felt my pulse soaring..

 

I only hope that I get out of here before the dogs take out a small child and I have to front up the compensation,because,naturally,no-one will have any money.

You need to get out. The stress (which is unavoidable no matter how much your try to detach yourself) cannot be good for someone heart issues. 

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, NanLaew said:

You think Isaan's bad? Better stay the <deleted> away from Buriram then.

I reckon Burriram and Surin just about qualify for Issan. They are the most southerly parts of the Khorat plain so maybe!?

 

My brother married a Burriram lady and she took him to the cleaners (so to speak) after two kids and 15 years of marriage.. Never been down there. My wife told me once that the reason why Burriram and Surin ladies are so bad is that they don't believe in the right type of Buddhism. Jeez... Coming from her!!!!!!!!!!

 

As the song goes;

If you want to stay happy all of your life,

Don't make a Burriram lady your wife.

Something like that.

[NanLaew]

16 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

I reckon Burriram and Surin just about qualify for Issan. They are the most southerly parts of the Khorat plain so maybe!?

 

My brother married a Burriram lady and she took him to the cleaners (so to speak) after two kids and 15 years of marriage.. Never been down there. My wife told me once that the reason why Burriram and Surin ladies are so bad is that they don't believe in the right type of Buddhism. Jeez... Coming from her!!!!!!!!!!

 

As the song goes;

If you want to stay happy all of your life,

Don't make a Burriram lady your wife.

Something like that.

Yes. My Buriram diatribe was based on the less Buddhist, more Shaman, black monk, black magic, jiggery pokery that pervades the eastern periphery of this blighted land. Probably more of Cambodian origin than anything.

 

Having said that, I have had a couple of Buriram lasses that were absolute rip snorters in the hammock. Between wives that is.

[Andrew Dwyer]

O senhor das Trevas

I fled a similar existence ( married 20 years to a Brazilian) and seek solace here in Thailand.
After reading your ( and others ) stories it all seems too familiar [emoji20].
I am living the dream right now of a 2 year relationship but am fully aware of the "( insert appropriate number ) year itch ". Am looking for signs of any irrational behaviour arising from purely innocent daily occurrences usually connected with family involvement !!

I wish you all well in your plans for the future, whether they are " The great escape " or " head down and put up with it "

[owl sees all]

These post are quite supportive of each other. A sort of 'all in the same boat' syndrome. 

 

It's easy to accentuate the negative aspect of the farang/Thai relationship. I have a good life here. I'm OK for money (that helps) the BinL - as in OP - has not been in the village for over a year (still owes me 50k Baht though.) Life's generally good. I have a daughter that I'm proud of and have a couple of farang friends visit from time to time.

 

So when I reflect I only really get this nastiness/jealously/ranting about 10 days a month.

 

I guess one has to take the 'rough with the smooth' in life and as the saying goes "you make your bed etc.." 

[owl sees all]

3 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Yes. My Buriram diatribe was based on the less Buddhist, more Shaman, black monk, black magic, jiggery pokery that pervades the eastern periphery of this blighted land. Probably more of Cambodian origin than anything.

 

Having said that, I have had a couple of Buriram lasses that were absolute rip snorters in the hammock. Between wives that is.

It is the Lao influence up here. Cambodian down there. Probably the Burmese influence the other side. Just makes you wonder what 'Thainess' is really all about. Is it just a mix of other people's stuff they discarded and left behind?

 

I have heard that the Burriram ladies are special that way. I think that is where the 'Surin spin' originates from. Well not Burriram but that area.