Bar 'lady drink' etiquette?

[Adbro1]

So,i like drinking in bars and inevitably some of those bars will be girly bars.

I'm a fairly generous bloke,maybe a bit of a pushover and certainly can have a lack of judgement when the beers are necked.

This all leads to regular nights out where i have a bar bill for 3000 baht and i think to myself "I've only had 6 Leo's? How did this happen?"

 

I've discussed this with a friend who travels to Thailand regularly and he says if I buy a girl a drink,I should ask for 'bar price'.

Is this accepted? Seems to me the girl would pretty pissed off if shes not making any money from the drink.

This same guy told me when he stayed in Chiang Mai for 3 months he would have a bottle of whiskey he bought from 7-11 kept behind the bar.So he'd go and drink from that every night.

I don't know if this is actually true and i would imagine he'd be extremely unpopular with the bar owner and staff.

 

I've also noticed some ex-pats that live in Chiang Mai and are regulars in some of the bars i frequent rarely buy the girls a drink(understandable,as it would be a severe drain on resources to do so if you're out drinking almost every night)

I suppose ex-pats have to watch the purse strings more because they are living a 'normal' day to day life in Thailand,whereas holidaymakers like myself are there for a good time and blowing a load of money every night is almost expected.

 

So,what is the best way of approaching the 'lady drink' situation without offending anyone or looking like a cheapskate?

I was thinking perhaps i could make it clear in the bars that i would buy no more than 1 lady drink for each bar i visit(sometimes i'll spend the whole night in 1 bar so would be a fairly cheap night  ) 

Buying just 1 lady drink in each bar i would be saving quite a lot of money compared to my last trip.

 

On a side note,the first time i went to Chiang Mai i had no idea the 'lady drink' was a thing.I thought i was buying as drink for a girl to be sociable,as i would in the UK.(i really should have researched Thai culture a little more before arriving )

It was only when i got home and did a little internet research that i discovered the concept of the 'Lady Drink'

No wonder i spent £2000 in  3 weeks 

 

Edited July 26, 2017 by Adbro1

[Chou Anou]

If a woman sits with and spends time with you, you can always tip her directly before you leave.  She'll get all the money (not a "split with the bar"), and be fairly compensated for her time.  You won't be helping her meet whatever "lady drink quota" the bar might have set for her, but that's not your problem.

[orang37]

You are way out beyond the shallow zone near the beach where etiquette means something more than "nothing left to lose: " you have been ensorcelled by the sirens, washed up on Circe's Island where you are well on your way to virtual swinehood.

 

And, when your moolah ceases to flow, you will not see the Amazing Smiles.

 

You are being conned, duped, played for a patsy.

 

Time to sober up, and grow up.

 

~o:37;

[grumbleweed]

3000 baht bar bill?

I'd need therapy for the rest of my life

 

You need to get the tattoo from your forehead removed

[dotpoom]

I gave up the drink before coming to Thailand. When I first came though I frequented various establishments to get a grip of the Pattaya scene. When a lady came over to me and planked herself down beside me I quickly made it clear to her I was not interested. The reason being that I did not want her wasting her time with me when she could be much better off spending her time finding a prospective punter.

    My point is....why spend time with a lady buying her drinks if you do not intend doing the business with her. Of course it could be for the stimulating conversation, hadn't thought of that?

Edited July 27, 2017 by dotpoom

[elektrified]

In 31 years of visiting/living in Thailand, I think I've bought three "lady drinks". What a waste of money.

[catman20]

9 minutes ago, grumbleweed said:

3000 baht bar bill?

I'd need therapy for the rest of my life

 

You need to get the tattoo from your forehead removed

spoken like a real expat

[catman20]

7 minutes ago, elektrified said:

In 31 years of visiting/living in Thailand, I think I've bought three "lady drinks". What a waste of money.

another man after my own heart

[DGS1244]

If you live here and visit a few bars then you must set your own guidelines, as they say been there, done it and hopefully learnt. Now I refuse to buy a 'lady drink' if it is the usual cold tea or coke, instead I will buy a normal drink, Sang Som, beer etc. on a one to one ratio i.e. one lady drink for every one I have, and strictly no 'shots'. Then give the lady a direct tip at the end of the evening. Also check the 'bin' for each order and if not sure of the bar then initial it. At the end only pay for those initialed, I have frequently, particularly in certain Bangkok areas, had to remove a few that had been slipped in, not unusual. Once the 'lady' / bar understand what you will and won't agree to then they normally accept it and there and few problems. 

[Juan B Tong]

Simple.  Just pay as your served.

 

Etiquette?  Ha Ha

 

 

 

 

[stephenterry]

It's very easy to spend a lot of money on lady drinks, especially if you're having a good time, which should be the aim for a night out, and it will cost. Accept it. And it depends on the girl. Ones that try and guzzle as many as possible while with you are to be avoided. I have a rule (sometimes broken) that if a girl you don't know drags you in and asks for a drink I move on to another bar. 

 

It's really getting to know the rip offs and the ones that don't. In Chiang Mai often it depends on the mamasan, two I know would buy me a drink on a one for one basis if I was spending a couple of hours there. And their bar girls rarely ask for another until I offer.  At others, the girls I know will accept one drink and make it last while talking with you for an hour or so. That's rare, BTW, and I'm not divulging the bar names. 

 

BTW, a 3000 baht bill for a tourist holiday night out is about average, maybe on the low side, if you're having a good time with the ladies. For local ex-pats, most would have their own bars they prefer. Depends what you're looking for, really. A quiet drink with eye-candy to look at, maybe a bit of banter - or a girl for the night?

 

 

[JHolmesJr]

never buy a horde of girls drinks.

 

i only buy drink for a ho I'm zeroing in on…max 2 and then we barfine.

[Roger Harris]

I will not buy lady drinks, its a scam by the owners of the bar. I regrudge sitting at a table where a bar girl plonks herself watching you drink waiting for a hand out. Thats intimidation which they are taught in the bars

[212Roger]

My largest bar bill was 6,420 Baht at Rabbit Bar in Chiang Mai.  Wasn't worth it.  I asked and got a copy of the receipt as a souvenir...  Should I get it framed?

[Foxy52]

These gals are paid bugger all mind

[hobobo]

2 hours ago, dotpoom said:

I gave up the drink before coming to Thailand. When I first came though I frequented various establishments to get a grip of the Pattaya scene. When a lady came over to me and planked herself down beside me I quickly made it clear to her I was not interested. The reason being that I did not want her wasting her time with me when she could be much better off spending her time finding a prospective punter.

    My point is....why spend time with a lady buying her drinks if you do not intend doing the business with her. Of course it could be for the stimulating conversation, hadn't thought of that?

That's right, don't forget the stimulating conversation: "What your name?", "Where you come from?", "How long stay Pattaya?" and lastly "I want go with you" - vocabulary exhausted!

[ICECOOL]

I have been here 6 years and have gf so never take bargirl  but if they are entertaining and don't ask I will often buy them a drink. Might have a game of pool with them. 

 

Remember these girls are just working making a buck so I give them respect for that but tell the pushy ones where to go. Its not offensive to ask the girl drink price and I would recommend it if your planning on a long stay. I tend to bar hop.

[petermik]

7 hours ago, Foxy52 said:

These gals are paid bugger all mind

Maybe its because they can sit on their asses and play around on their phones..........nothing to stop them going working on the farm for 300 baht a day

[Pilotman]

On business trips over the years, as we transited thorugh LOS,  my colleagues and I would spend time in the bars, mainly playing pool and watching sport.  Once the grils realised that as married men (happily married that is) we were there to drink and relax and not look for girls, they relaxed their attention. Knowing the deal that they were on with the bar, if they spent time with us, socialising, we would buy them maybe two drinks each girl, over a one hour period,  no more than that and only for a max of two girls, if there were two of us.   This was merely an aknowldgment that they were expected to make their quota and if we were  using up their time, then we needed to know that and respond to it. We would not respond to crowds of them, only one to one and only if they truely were spending time to talk, chat, play pool (betting as they went along) and have a bit of a laugh. Not sure that answers your querstion, but its just my experience.      

[Pilotman]

40 minutes ago, hobobo said:

That's right, don't forget the stimulating conversation: "What your name?", "Where you come from?", "How long stay Pattaya?" and lastly "I want go with you" - vocabulary exhausted!

How is your Thai?  Can you carry on a long conversation in their language?  Often, they just want to practice their English and helping them is hardly a chore is it.  Leaving school at 12 and leaving home to work in a bar rather than on a farm, is hardly a good grounding for leaning other's languages,  so it does no harm to give them a bit of a break.

[ChangMaiSausage]

Your friend who told you he takes his own bottle into the bar sounds full of shit (unless he owns the bar, or he is paying in other ways)  Many people buy a large bottle of Sang Som, if its not finished at the end of the night it will normally be put back on the shelf waiting your return.

 

I personally can not stand girls who hang around for a drink, if she is interested and your are interested in her then buy her a drink the rest will come naturally (don't continue with the drinks all night, take out of the bar to another then you wont get roped in buying other working friends drink)  You pick the bar.

 

At the end of the day you don't sound too pissed, if you having a good time who cares enjoy yourself your not harming anyone else (the girls will just think all farang will buy them loads of drinks.  They know residents when they see them LOL. 

[ChangMaiSausage]

1 minute ago, Pilotman said:

How is your Thai?  Can you carry on a long conversation in their language?  Often, they just want to practice their English and helping them is hardly a chore is it.  Leaving school at 12 and leaving home to work in a bar rather than on a farm, is hardly a good grounding for leaning other's languages,  so it does no harm to give them a bit of a break.

Seriously do people still think this!

 

More likely they see friends who returns home with lots of nice things and money in their pockets and thinks......... I can do that.

[chilli42]

5 hours ago, Chou Anou said:

If a woman sits with and spends time with you, you can always tip her directly before you leave.  She'll get all the money (not a "split with the bar"), and be fairly compensated for her time.  You won't be helping her meet whatever "lady drink quota" the bar might have set for her, but that's not your problem.

I did that for some time as well.  Eventually found out that some of the bar owners set a drink minimum per girl for the month.  Fail to meet minimum and they get money docked from the monthly salary.  Smart owner, sucks for the girl.  

[Blueboy88]

I think you have missed something pretty basic:

 

You are not the benefactor, you are the victim.

 

 

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, Adbro1 said:

So,what is the best way of approaching the 'lady drink' situation without offending anyone or looking like a cheapskate?

I was thinking perhaps i could make it clear in the bars that i would buy no more than 1 lady drink for each bar i visit(sometimes i'll spend the whole night in 1 bar so would be a fairly cheap night  ) 

Buying just 1 lady drink in each bar i would be saving quite a lot of money compared to my last trip.

I never buy a girl working in a bar a drink unless I am going to take her back to the hotel with me for some R & R.

 

You are not obligated to buy any girls a drink, if you buy one girl a drink, you will soon be opening the flood gate to others, i.e. unless she is with you exclusively, however the others will try you.

 

If you don;t feel like taking the girl back and just want to shoot pool, or play some other games, i.e. be entertained in that way, sure buy her drinks, as she is entertaining you.

 

Always have a limit of what you are prepared to spend per night, and always check that piece of white paper going into the cup as they will add drinks to it, happens to me still after 10 years, and even at bars that they know me.

 

Welcome to Thailand, suggest you do some further researching and don;t be a soft C--k when it comes to these pretty petite looking females, they are Medusa's.

[chilli42]

I don't think you need worry what the girls think about you (e.g. cheap). The drink is the cost of their company.  The girls are in a volume game.  If you are not buying they need to move on to the next prospect.  They have a right to make a living after all.  If I see a girl that looks interesting I ask them to join me for a drink.  Never feel compelled to say yes.  It's mainly the unattractive ones gat do this and they are just trying ramp he intensity on the volume strategy ... a bit like the being the life insurance agents of the night entertainment world.  If I enjoy the company of a girl I have asked to join me, I buy more.  If not I politely ask them to move on.  On many occasions you will be solicited for a drink.   If I don't want company or don't see anyone I am keen on I just don't buy a drink ... and it's on to the next bar.  Don't feel compelled to buy a drink in a bar just to avoid looking cheap or feel shamed into buying a drink for a girl you are not keen on.  If you follow this plan you may not spend less that B3,000. You certainly will have a more fun time.  BTW, if a girl you are sitting with invites another girl (always her "sister") to join for drinks there is no issue with a polite "no".  Nobody will be put out.  Again, they have to make a living and this is just one more tactic to increase their chances of success.  Of course if the "sister" is smokin hot you should ask her to join and ask the original to fins greener pastures.

[4MyEgo]

2 minutes ago, chilli42 said:

I don't think you need worry what the girls think about you (e.g. cheap). The drink is the cost of their company.  The girls are in a volume game.  If you are not buying they need to move on to the next prospect.  They have a right to make a living after all.  If I see a girl that looks interesting I ask them to join me for a drink.  Never feel compelled to say yes.  It's mainly the unattractive ones gat do this and they are just trying ramp he intensity on the volume strategy ... a bit like the being the life insurance agents of the night entertainment world.  If I enjoy the company of a girl I have asked to join me, I buy more.  If not I politely ask them to move on.  On many occasions you will be solicited for a drink.   If I don't want company or don't see anyone I am keen on I just don't buy a drink ... and it's on to the next bar.  Don't feel compelled to buy a drink in a bar just to avoid looking cheap or feel shamed into buying a drink for a girl you are not keen on.  If you follow this plan you may not spend less that B3,000. You certainly will have a more fun time.  BTW, if a girl you are sitting with invites another girl (always her "sister") to join for drinks there is no issue with a polite "no".  Nobody will be put out.  Again, they have to make a living and this is just one more tactic to increase their chances of success.  Of course if the "sister" is smokin hot you should ask her to join and ask the original to fins greener pastures.

Or take them both back for some R & R

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, Chou Anou said:

If a woman sits with and spends time with you, you can always tip her directly before you leave.  She'll get all the money (not a "split with the bar"), and be fairly compensated for her time.  You won't be helping her meet whatever "lady drink quota" the bar might have set for her, but that's not your problem.

I usually do both, i.e. buy her a couple of drinks so the bar stops breaking her balls, and then slip her about 200 baht, sometimes more depending if I had a really good night, last time was 1,000 baht, was a bit over the top, but hey, it all depends on your situation, a cheap Charlie I ain't 555

[KNJ]

Play pool for entertainment, some of those girls can hustle you on the pool table earning more than the "lady drinks" They can be sharks.

As for a certain pub off Patpong the ladies on the dart board could play against Bristow.....many an afternoon  spent there.

"Lady Drinks" Cheap in comarisson

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, grumbleweed said:

3000 baht bar bill?

I'd need therapy for the rest of my life

 

You need to get the tattoo from your forehead removed

You certainly have a cheap therapy threshold. Some people regularly have B3000 bar bills--have you ever been to any of the nicer bars or clubs around?

 

Now a B3k bill from a rat-warren girly bar may mean you had quite a few and bought several ladies drinks, but still not impossible to imagine.