Teenage daughter.. issues.. please help

[Swiss1960]

Of course, not for me but a friend... Teenage girl, 14y old. One day the sweetest girl your can imagine, next day a lying b**ch disrespecting her mother over and over again, telling untrue stories in school about family life.

 

Now the girls father is looking about either

• family therapy: Anybody knows about really good / successful family therapy, as the main issue is about the girl and the mother (with her own issues about the girls father), so that they might come together one day?
• Boarding Schools: Anybody with information about boarding schools where you can place your child and see her only on holidays? 

 

Thanks for any information

[dabhand]

For boarding schools, really depends on your/his budget. The Regents School in Pattaya does boarding but, as you will know, is not exactly cheap.

[jerojero]

Most teens rebel, some worse than others. Therapy at that age likely will not help much. Ride it out, hopefully it will pass in a mere 2 or 3 years.

[i claudius]

Assumption in Sri Racha far cheaper and better than Regents

Sent from my SM-A720F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[tonray]

There is a boyfriend believe me. I taught high school here several years and I saw the change in many sweet kids. Find the boyfriend and you will find the trouble.

[Jonathan Fairfield]

off topic post removed

[cooked]

Boarding school? NO.

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

Sending her away will solve the problem ? Or is the parent part of the problem and should seek help for their relationship and not the childs actions.

[aussiandrew]

Get the daughter drug and pregience tested for a base line. Plan a holiday with only Mother daughter and yourself. While your at it also get the Mother tested for drugs so the daughter has to go along with it. All teenagers can be a handful while all the hormones are bouncing around. Good luck

[NancyL]

Where do "your friends" live?  I look back at myself at age 13 and wonder that my parents didn't drown me -- and they weren't an inter-cultural marriage.  It took many, many years to repair the damage between my mother and me.  Thank God my father was an advocate for me, although he was very perplexed about my behavior and had no special wisdom about how to handle young teenage girls.

 

All he knew was that his special princess had suddenly turned into something very different and in the pre-internet age he spent the money to talk with doctors.   He never could convince my mother to go into "family counseling" with all of us.

 

Somehow we outgrew it, perhaps because the rebellious boyfriend I had made an effort to charm my mother while my father knew what he was. Anyway by age 16 I was on my way to being a nice young adult.

 

As I said, there are many good family counselors at the upper end hospitals in Thailand.  Sending a child off to boarding school isn't a solution.  In fact, the entire family could benefit from a discussion of what are their core values, and what's important to them.  This is some of the discussion I had with my father while my boyfriend was trying to lay my mother.  (it didn't work out for him) 

[ChrisKC]

23 minutes ago, SOUTHERNSTAR said:

Sending her away will solve the problem ? Or is the parent part of the problem and should seek help for their relationship and not the childs actions.

Hear, hear!

[Rc2702]

26 minutes ago, NancyL said:

Where do "your friends" live?  I look back at myself at age 13 and wonder that my parents didn't drown me -- and they weren't an inter-cultural marriage.  It took many, many years to repair the damage between my mother and me.  Thank God my father was an advocate for me, although he was very perplexed about my behavior and had no special wisdom about how to handle young teenage girls.

 

All he knew was that his special princess had suddenly turned into something very different and in the pre-internet age he spent the money to talk with doctors.   He never could convince my mother to go into "family counseling" with all of us.

 

Somehow we outgrew it, perhaps because the rebellious boyfriend I had made an effort to charm my mother while my father knew what he was. Anyway by age 16 I was on my way to being a nice young adult.

 

As I said, there are many good family counselors at the upper end hospitals in Thailand.  Sending a child off to boarding school isn't a solution.  In fact, the entire family could benefit from a discussion of what are their core values, and what's important to them.  This is some of the discussion I had with my father while my boyfriend was trying to lay my mother.  (it didn't work out for him) 

Your boyfriend was trying to get your mother into bed? 

[Foozool]

Perhaps not getting much attention from boys if she is not good looking or not nice body shape. I see my friend's daughter who behaves weird as well. I could see the problem since her mom mentioned a little thing while ago. 

But of course not everyone's case.

 

Edited August 24, 2017 by Foozool

[Baerboxer]

5 hours ago, i claudius said:

Assumption in Sri Racha far cheaper and better than Regents

Sent from my SM-A720F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

 

Agree that Assumption is better than Regents. But would a student/family need to be Catholic?

 

I know a Thai family who have two children there. Their mum told me they were Catholic. I asked where she went to mass - obviously question too hard!

[HHTel]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

[roo860]

 
Agree that Assumption is better than Regents. But would a student/family need to be Catholic?
 
I know a Thai family who have two children there. Their mum told me they were Catholic. I asked where she went to mass - obviously question too hard!

That wasn't a problem in Bangkok, daughter went to Sacred Heart Convent School, not being a Catholic was never a problem.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[calexapic]

It's hard believe me... but they do come out the other side. Best advice I can give... united front from parents. No swaying of rules, stick tobthose boundaries. Do not enter into an argument, instead say things like... it's up to you but these will be the consequences. Stick to the consequences. Monitor internet use, if they refuse, remove internet.  Keep an open and honest discourse going with school.

 

Use any opportunity to show love (even when you want to strangle them).

 

All these are things i wish id done more... really hard time with teenage boy. But he is coming round when at one time I actually thought he'd be dead or in prison by 18, no other outcome.

 

IMHO the worst thing for this girl would be boarding school... they won't let on but they need to know they are wanted. Mother and daughter may fall out now or even barely speak for years but the rift will heal... I'm not sure you could come back from being "sent away" as I think the daughter may see it.

 

I am a parent of teenagers and work with troubled young people for a living... happy to PM.

[eddie61]

Which city are you in?

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

3 hours ago, calexapic said:

It's hard believe me... but they do come out the other side. Best advice I can give... united front from parents. No swaying of rules, stick tobthose boundaries. Do not enter into an argument, instead say things like... it's up to you but these will be the consequences. Stick to the consequences. Monitor internet use, if they refuse, remove internet.  Keep an open and honest discourse going with school.

 

Use any opportunity to show love (even when you want to strangle them).

 

All these are things i wish id done more... really hard time with teenage boy. But he is coming round when at one time I actually thought he'd be dead or in prison by 18, no other outcome.

 

IMHO the worst thing for this girl would be boarding school... they won't let on but they need to know they are wanted. Mother and daughter may fall out now or even barely speak for years but the rift will heal... I'm not sure you could come back from being "sent away" as I think the daughter may see it.

 

I am a parent of teenagers and work with troubled young people for a living... happy to PM.

Good advice. Too late for boarding school, likely make things worse. Teen-angers are difficult to deal with.

We think changing nappies was unpleasant until they pass puberty.

I think 3-4 years of trouble is ahead, shrinks might help but don't expect a miracle.

 

 

 

Edited August 24, 2017 by George FmplesdaCosteedback

[samsensam]

4 hours ago, Baerboxer said:

 

Agree that Assumption is better than Regents. But would a student/family need to be Catholic?

 

I know a Thai family who have two children there. Their mum told me they were Catholic. I asked where she went to mass - obviously question too hard!

 

haha, wrong question, should have asked how much 'contribution' to the school did she pay?!

[Swiss1960]

Thank you all for your mostly helpful comments. Here some info to questions:

 

• linving in Amphoe Banglamung, so family therapy information in that area would be helpful.
• no drugs, as school tests regularly
• no boyfriend, all her communication is under surveillance by parental control SW and boyfriends would show in there. Believe me, I am an IT specialist and know how to set up such things.
• as you see in my OP, family therapy would be preferred, as the mother has her own issues that she does not really deal with. Boarding school would only be second or third priority. 
• thanks for the Assumption link, will check it out. Regency's definitely out of my budget. 

[Rc2702]

Just now, Swiss1960 said:

Thank you all for your mostly helpful comments. Here some info to questions:

 

• linving in Amphoe Banglamung, so family therapy information in that area would be helpful.
• no drugs, as school tests regularly
• no boyfriend, all her communication is under surveillance by parental control SW and boyfriends would show in there. Believe me, I am an IT specialist and know how to set up such things.
• as you see in my OP, family therapy would be preferred, as the mother has her own issues that she does not really deal with. Boarding school would only be second or third priority. 
• thanks for the Assumption link, will check it out. Regency's definitely out of my budget. 

When did she get her period?

 

What's the general idea of her schooling including socially with friends and of course any grades falling?

 

What examples can you provide of instances which have led to this behaviour emerging?

 

Any new teachers on the scene? Young male teachers being 1 example

 

Do you know her friends and what are they like?

 

You say you have her comms under surveillance, you mean remote monitoring or are you knowingly checking her phone etc?

 

How long has this out of character behaviour been on the scene?

 

Did she suffer any type of loss or other issues which may help explain the behaviour?

 

The bio father, good guy or are matters flaky in that respect is there a divide?

 

 

 

 

[Swiss1960]

5 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

When did she get her period?

 

What's the general idea of her schooling including socially with friends and of course any grades falling?

 

What examples can you provide of instances which have led to this behaviour emerging?

 

Any new teachers on the scene? Young male teachers being 1 example

 

Do you know her friends and what are they like?

 

You say you have her comms under surveillance, you mean remote monitoring or are you knowingly checking her phone etc?

 

How long has this out of character behaviour been on the scene?

 

Did she suffer any type of loss or other issues which may help explain the behaviour?

 

The bio father, good guy or are matters flaky in that respect is there a divide?

 

 

Lot of good questions, thanks. You will understand that I am not going to answer them publicly, just one about the monitoring: It is remote monitoring (no chance to delete or hide anything) and of course, my daughter knows about it. 

[ALFREDO]

Can you check all 24 hours of her life - also outside - after school - or one day she just not went to school,

would you find out?

 

Have here now the niece, of my Gf,

boobs, with 11?

Period with 11-12?

Looked with 12 same 16+, slept with Grandmother,

now 13, started to sleep at her Gf place? Sometime without giving notice to family before

beginning of the year, so with 13, -  had her first intercourse with 15 year young boy, in the boys home,

my Gf found out, parents working in Rayong

 

Family was at Police and Clinic to check - it happened 

- 50.000 Baht paid by boys family to girls family - or the young boy, would be chargeable otherwise with Youth Crime!

 

Now, I wait until she gets pregnant 

 

My solution would have been now - give her Birth control pills or 3 month depot syringe - what ever is better suitable for youngster this age.

She did it,

she seemed to have liked it,

she likes the boy

and it will happen again

and my idea better then a pregnancy! BUT - Thai style - they wait until she is pregnant   lol 

[Rc2702]

Just now, Swiss1960 said:

 

Lot of good questions, thanks. You will understand that I am not going to answer them publicly, just one about the monitoring: It is remote monitoring (no chance to delete or hide anything) and of course, my daughter knows about it. 

Ok so this monitoring, you sure you have not just had an eye opener on her life and this has led to your new found conclusions?

 

I'd be very upset to be knowingly monitored like that regardless of age. I always felt that level of monitoring should be done covertly to avoid any backlash by I agree monitoring is important nowadays especially.

 

 

 

[Rc2702]

Just now, ALFREDO said:

Can you check all 24 hours of her life - also outside - after school - or one day she just not went to school,

would you find out?

 

Have here now the niece, of my Gf,

boobs, with 11?

Period with 11-12?

Looked with 12 same 16+, slept with Grandmother,

now 13, started to sleep at her Gf place? Sometime without giving notice to family before

beginning of the year, so with 13, -  had her first intercourse with 15 year young boy, in the boys home,

my Gf found out, parents working in Rayong

 

Family was at Police and Clinic to check - it happened 

- 50.000 Baht paid by boys family to girls family - or the young boy, would be chargeable otherwise with Youth Crime!

 

Now, I wait until she gets pregnant 

 

My solution would have been now - give her Birth control pills or 3 month depot syringe - what ever is better suitable for youngster this age.

She did it,

she seemed to have liked it,

she likes the boy

and it will happen again

and my idea better then a pregnancy! BUT - Thai style - they wait until she is pregnant   lol 

Oh well at least you find it amusing. !

[Swiss1960]

7 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Ok so this monitoring, you sure you have not just had an eye opener on her life and this has led to your new found conclusions?

 

I'd be very upset to be knowingly monitored like that regardless of age. I always felt that level of monitoring should be done covertly to avoid any backlash by I agree monitoring is important nowadays especially.

 

 

 

Monitoring only revealed what we already knew... too much time spent on games and watching youtube and other cartoon apps... which i have limited now, (number of hours per day on devices, blocked times in night, blocked websites etc.). Telling the kid that her social behaviour is monitored is actually positive... she has to come and ask me for websites she wants to visit (because they might not be classified or suspicious) or I can see what she is googling for (and ask why she is googling for something). 

 

No, issues are between mother and daughter (and of course affecting me also as part of the new family) and that is why I am asking for a: family therapy options and b: boarding schools if a: fails

 

[Rc2702]

Just now, Swiss1960 said:

Monitoring only revealed what we already knew... too much time spent on games and watching youtube and other cartoon apps... which i have limited now, (number of hours per day on devices, blocked times in night, blocked websites etc.). Telling the kid that her social behaviour is monitored is actually positive... she has to come and ask me for websites she wants to visit (because they might not be classified or suspicious) or I can see what she is googling for (and ask why she is googling for something). 

 

No, issues are between mother and daughter (and of course affecting me also as part of the new family) and that is why I am asking for a: family therapy options and b: boarding schools if a: fails

 

Well it all seems a bit vague I mean how long you been in the new family and when did this all start happening?

 

Without honing in on clear examples you are not going to yield enough responses from people who have experienced this behaviour and without that you could be over reacting with discussions like boarding schools and family therapy.

 

The girl does not sound like a hell raiser I mean she's watching cartoons, her phone is monitored you do not indicate anything to suggest she is a trouble maker at school.

 

Why do you think she us acting up? You mention new family so all these new things/lifestyle may be a bit of a shock to her system. You provide little time line too so perhaps you could be a bit clearer as at present your options look like knee jerk reactions and without examples it's hard to understand how these have become options. This forum is anonymous and your experiences mat help others in the future including yourself.

 

 

 

 

[Swiss1960]

16 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Well it all seems a bit vague I mean how long you been in the new family and when did this all start happening?

 

Without honing in on clear examples you are not going to yield enough responses from people who have experienced this behaviour and without that you could be over reacting with discussions like boarding schools and family therapy.

 

The girl does not sound like a hell raiser I mean she's watching cartoons, her phone is monitored you do not indicate anything to suggest she is a trouble maker at school.

 

Why do you think she us acting up? You mention new family so all these new things/lifestyle may be a bit of a shock to her system. You provide little time line too so perhaps you could be a bit clearer as at present your options look like knee jerk reactions and without examples it's hard to understand how these have become options. This forum is anonymous and your experiences mat help others in the future including yourself.

 

 

First, thank you for your serious questions and your intent to provide help. However, I am going to stay vague in my posts, as I do not believe in counseling through anonymous online forums. Counseling must include all parties affected and the questionable behaviour is not something I will outline here. 

 

That is why I do come back to my original question: Can anybody suggest good family therapy places in the Banglamung  / Chonburi area?

[bberrythailand]

Nothing wrong with her if she is Thai ! Just normal !